This is how my own Undertale began.
It was hardly that simple, but the similarities were hard to argue. I was falling. Something screamed piercingly, and with a jolt of fear, I realized it was me. Since when had my voice been so high? I flailed short arms before my fall was abruptly broken. I crashed with a ripple of pain that ran through my spine. I could still feel it, so I figured I wasn't entirely broken. I could feel some flowers pressing into my face. Had I fallen into flowers? I heard a squeal of surprise near me, but I wasn't quite ready to look in that direction yet, or any other.
"What is it?" asked some voice, shrill with what I assumed was surprise. They ran away, I thought? Was that them? Why did they sound like they were clip-clopping like some kind of horse?
I cracked open an eye, but it felt like my eyes didn't want to do much more than a squint. The sky was high above, bright and blue and very uncavelike to the extreme. Wasn't I inside a moment ago?
I sat up and almost fell over as I scrambled backwards in surprise. There were buildings around me, but they didn't look right, not at all! They had jutting bits of crystal where they weren't made of huge sheets of the stuff. While a few sparkled red and green, various hues of purple and blue overwhelmed all the other colors.
Through the crystal, I could see murky shapes move about. The houses weren't abandoned. The shapes… they looked like horses? No... They were monsters. They had to be. Some part of me insisted they had to be monsters, to be defeated or befriended or avoided, but monsters all the same. They lived in the houses, walked around. One was even running away from me in a wild gallop. This was a whole city of horse monsters.
Wait... That's not right... I'm not... I put a hand to my head and noticed it looked different. I held it out and tried to imagine the hand I had that morning. It was... Darn it... My roommate was going to be so angry! Why did I remember him more clearly than what I was doing just a few minutes ago?
I struggled to make sense of the situation, and a hazy memory came to me:
I nudged through the crowd. Making my wig so long might have been a mistake, as I could barely see. I took a moment to brush it out of the way and the vendor hall of the convention became clear to me. I was standing in front of a booth with a variety of kitschy buttons and things. The man seated behind the table was... Asian or something? I waved at him. "Hi."
"Nice outfit, but you're missing something." He reached under his table and pulled out this big mercy button. It had a black background, a brown border, and brown text that read 'Mercy' with an x to the left. He put it where I could reach it. "Eh?"
It looked perfect! Right out of the game. I reached out and gave it a poke, and it made the sound of scrolling text I'd heard so many times before. "Awesome, how much?"
He gave me this calculating look. "Five bucks."
Five bucks? I could afford that for something that size, and it made sounds too! Totally worth it. I fished out a five dollar bill as my hair fell back in the way, but that didn't stop me from slapping it into his ready hand. With the button paid for, I picked up the button, and I was gone.
I heard the flapping of wings. A horse in golden armor landed in front of me, a spear in its mouth, though it didn't seem to stop it from speaking. "Stop right there." Was my heart going to be exposed? No... I guess that was just videogame logic. I still felt like I was entering a conflict.
Looking over the horse, I could see a few words dimly floating beside him. 'Acquiesce' 'Challenge' 'Compliment' 'Fight' 'Check' 'Mercy' What, where was the item option? Oh yeah. I didn't have any, and if I did, I could just reach out and use them like a normal person.
I reached for the word 'check' floating there, but that seemed to worry the horse. "Please stand still. Identify yourself."
Okay, reaching was bad. Things didn't pause while I picked things. Maybe they were just suggestions? I tried looking over the horse closely, and I felt I knew it better. It was a guard of the kingdom, and took pride in protecting other horses from troublemakers. I didn't have anything to compare its offense or defense to, so I didn't pay much attention to those. Besides, I didn't want to fight the local police if I didn't have to!
"Can you understand me?" He tilted his head a little.
I put up my hands slowly. "I give up. I don't want to fight you." I saw the 'Mercy' option glow softly a moment. My voice sounded different, but from what... I couldn't quite remember.
The guard smiled gently and tucked his spear under one of his legs, propped up. "If you're not here to cause trouble, you have nothing to fear from me. You scared the gardener, and you're still standing in the flowers. Could you please step off of them?"
I looked down to see broken stems and crushed petals. Shoot. I carefully stepped out of the flowers without causing more damage and the guard directed me to the nearest sidewalk. He nodded towards me. "I mean no offense, but what are you?"
I looked down at myself. I was some kind of pudgy, maybe teenaged thing? I wasn't sure. I wasn't quite human either. I was... Frisk, I guess. "I'm a child. I didn't mean to drop in." 'Acquiesce' glimmered briefly. He began to glow a soft yellow like a gentle nimbus around his body. He didn't seem to notice.
"That's quite alright. Are you lost, child?" He sounded concerned. "We should find your parents."
Feeling the need to test where basic conversation ended and the mechanics began, I waved a hand lightly. "I can find my own way. Thank you!"
The yellow aura faded to grey and he nodded at me. "Good day then, but if you need anything, simply call. We're here to help." He spread his wings wide and flapped as the 'Mercy' label flashed, then they all faded away. I wasn't in a conflict anymore.
I felt something jingle in my pocket and checked to find a handful of coins. Well! That worked out well. Wait... Were these his? Was he going to get upset when he noticed them missing? That could wait. First question, what was this city of horses?
Another horse came softly clip-clopping down the same sidewalk. She was bright blue, and had a cocky smile on her snout. She looked distinct enough to maybe be someone important? I couldn't quite put a finger on it, but she stood out from a sea of what I could easily label as NPCs. She wasn't watching where she was going and bumped right into me rather than go around. I felt conflict rise, and words 'Praise' and 'Criticize' appeared as new options besides the basics.
"Who is it that bumps into the Great and Powerful Trixie?" She looked down and saw me. Why were all the horses bigger than me anyway? She quirked her ears at me and her eyes narrowed a little as she seemed to consider me. "The wise and learned Trixie has never seen your kind before."
I took a quick guess. Anyone that spoke third person like that, and had those options? She had to have a big ego. Maybe stroking it a little bit would ease things. "Great and Powerful Trixie, I'm so glad to run into you."
I saw the 'Praise' option flash and Trixie smiled. "You are wise to seek the counsel of Trixie! But she does not work for anypony, and you don't even seem to be a pony?"
I fished out a few coins and offered them to her and a yellow aura flashed around her as she took them quickly. "Well, Trixie may have a few minutes to spare for you. What would you ask of her?"
I looked her over, her triangular hat, her cape, and her silver mane and tail. She was kinda cute! "I'm lost, Trixie. Could you help me? I fell from the sky."
Trixie tilted her head one way before slowly canting it the other, looking thoughtful. "Poor creature. Trixie is not without any compassion, and you have paid her well. You don't seem to be a crystal pony, like the natives... No, Trixie feels there is a powerful magic in you." She raised a hoof to tap at her chin. "In fact, Trixie wishes to know more. Will you accompany Trixie? She will take care of you."
This was a yes or no question. I felt it would influence my future. Did I trust her? I took a little breath and smiled at her. "Thank you, Trixie." She smiled brightly. I suddenly shuffled in place. "Can I call you... mom? For now."
Trixie went a vibrant red in her cheeks, showing right through her fur as if it weren't there at all. "M-mom?! Trixie... has never been called this before..." She glanced away a moment. "This... This pleases Trixie. You may."
Her aura faded to a cool grey with the conflict ending. "Come along now. I have an appointment with some very important ponies, and you shall come along."
She spoke first person? Was she trusting me? I nodded at her quickly, and she began leading the way to this huge castle in the middle of the city. Even with buildings in the way, it jutted up far past them, like a pointer to the sky.
She looked over her shoulder as she walked. "Have you been to many pony cities before?" I shook my head back and forth quickly. She got a little smirk. "We thought not. Trixie has been all across Equestria." Is that where I was? "This is the Crystal Empire, land of Crystal Ponies, snow, and, best of all, arcane mysteries." She turned to face forwards as she trotted along, her tail bobbing with every step. "Do you know any magic?"
Sort of? I stared at Trixie and felt the knowledge of her come to me. She was a show pony, and enjoyed tricks of illusions and wild tales to amuse ponies. She also liked researching magic, and proving she was as good as she claimed to be. I nodded to the knowledge before answering her, "Of a sort."
That caught her interest. One of her big ears swiveled towards me. "What sort might that be? Tell mother."
I giggled a little at that. Well, I had asked her... "I can look at people and learn about them, for one."
Trixie gave a soft mmm. "What does your magic say about Trixie?"
I counted on my pudgy fingers. "You're a magician, and do illusions and you're a storyteller."
Trixie stopped in her tracks and slowly turned towards me. "How can you tell this so easily?"
I continued counting. "You research magic, and you have something to prove."
She colored brightly. "Trixie has nothing to prove! You take that back!"
Uh oh. I went too far there. I nodded quickly. "I didn't mean anything by it. I meant, uh, you like proving theories. You know, like any good scientist."
She blinked and relaxed. "Oh. Oh yes, of course. Trixie understands." She turned away. "That is a dangerous magic. Trixie suggests not to tell other ponies you are reading them like books. You will scare them. Not everypony has the vast mind of Trixie, to understand and accept."
"Of course, mom." That got a little smile out of her as I scrambled to keep up with her. Darn these ponies for all being bigger than me.
Trixie pointed to the tall building as we came closer to it. "That is where we are going. Before we enter, are you hungry, or thirsty? We should take care of such trifles before seeing royalty."
Royalty? I swallowed softly. My tale was getting started in a hurry.
Heck no, Pacifist Run for the win.
Will you not submit this story to the Displaced group? I'd be more than happy to review it.
Alright, you have my interest here.
Now THIS, has potential! Looking forward to the next chapter.
Frisk? This is a reference I know nothing of. Intrestested and confused at the same time. Seriously, I don't want to google "frisk child character", so could you tell me the reference. My ignorance is great and powerful.
6610364 I had to look it up. If you lookup "frisk" the first link under the definition is the Undertale Wiki. So, it's Undertale. Don't click the link though... spoilers.
Edit: Ah hell, it's in the title.
6610169 Would you say that you had a bone to pick with it?
6610437 Ah, thank you.
6610364
Undertale, I presume. I mean, that's what the title suggests. And Undertale is All The Rage nowadays.
Edit: Oops, you already got the answer from someone else.
Why am I not surprised to see you trying out a Displaced tale, Mister Silver?
6610454 First I've heard of it. Just looked it up. It's one of those games made to look like games back when I wasn't an old bastard. I'm an old bastard. I know nothing of what is "trending".
6610467 it's Good. The less you know of it before playing the better... Just remember to approach it with an open mind and the reminder that there are always consequences to your actions
6610454 It was requested of me about... 8 months ago?
6610169 Submitted!
6610527
I suggest you read the pinned thread about getting approved - you have to ask two approvers to review it, which are basically all the Admins and Contributiors.
Don't send it to me - I'm too biased about Undertale (Game of the Decade for me) and I will accept it nonetheless.
Personal tip: don't send it to TGM or Jsyrin or Trombone.
finalyl someone writes undertale story
...and of course it is that lohav shit again
6610561 Has the protagonist struck you as a No Mercy runner?
6610561
>implying the lohav is not dead
shiggy diggy
6610561 I think they're all reclassified as Displaced now, since so many of the LOHAV stories had characters who actually acted heroic, rather than villainous. And I agree that this fic could have worked just as well with Frisk falling into Equestria, rather than the underground world of the monsters, instead of a cosplayer. Still it's not fair to lump this story as a bad one yet, I'm gonna wait for the next few chapters, before deciding whether to follow or un-fave this fic. But so far, the story seems to be working out okay. I wonder who the stand-ins will be for Sans, Papyrus, Undyne etc. =3
6610594 Sure, I could have replaced the no-description character with... the no-description character. The protagonist of Undertale has no information, other than a name, and they like falling down holes. Are they a boy or a girl? Maybe. Do they have parents? Maybe. Do they live closeby or were on a trip of some kind? Maybe. Do they prefer pizza, hamburger, or broccoli? Maybe.
They are a blank slate for the player to influence the world through. Nothing was lost in replacing them. You could argue nothing was gained in tossing in the cosplayer, but that just leaves us where we started.
Me? I don't like many stories. Says the person with 307 in her library. But the stories I do like are like this. Have a fav!
6610716 Thanks for the thumbs up! Any favorite part so far?
I like it so far. I hope it doesn't die.
EWW! DISPLACED FIC! WHY! roundstable.com/forums/images/smilies/noooo.png
~Crystalline Electrostatic~
11:34_7/11/2015
6610726
I really like how you solved the problem of conflict. That was clever. I think the change though between a cosplayer and actually being Frisk could be made more clear. I had to re-read that several times before I got it. But other than that I like it!
6610751 Dude or Ma'am. Give it a chance. It's not like most displaced stories from the start since they are displaced as an almost defenseless child. Besides, this is the first chapter.
In fact, I wish more displaced stories started off with the characters being weak instead of "OMG unstoppable powerful". I mean, I prefer displaced stories that are more realistic. yes, say that when most displaced are sent to a world of colorful ponies.
You should get exp points for being a dick, like not lower the seat on the toilet, or touching things when people tell you not to.
You woke up and ate breakfast. There was no more cocoa puffs, just the simple bran cereal. You are filled with determination.
You stub your toe on the door. You're filled with determination.
6610779 Displaced fics are a good sign of what not to do when writing a fanfic... I admit that there are a few decent ones that don't have 11 billion displaced-fic crossovers or shitty writing, but for the most part, displaced is synonymous with terrible. I wouldn't even want to associate with the 'genre'.
~Crystalline Electrostatic~
12:20_7/11/2015
6610561 well, that's rude. Anyway, if you want an undertale story which isn't Displaced, search he word undertale in the search bar. There's a good one with asriel appearing in equestria.
6610850 If you haven't noticed, the group is actually starting to pull itself together and actually has a system in place to review the stories before they are accepted.
But you know what. I won't bother fighting with you over this since you've already made your decision to associate Displaced with bad writing. So go ahead and throw hate around. Because that's what My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic is all about.
Swiggity Swooty, the Displaced are comin for your booty.
6610909 I never said all displaced fics were bad, just that they have a bad reputation that makes most people afraid to associate with them.
~Crystalline Electrostatic~
12:59_7/11/2015
And D. Silver, thank you for writing this. Now I can have more undertale in my life
6611010 You're quite welcome! I'm writing the second chapter right now. A pleasure bringing horse words to everyone!
The Check magic is both incredibly powerful and dangerous. Even if it doesn't give much more than what we were shown. Actually, the entire Interaction Conflict magic has the potential of being a force to be reckoned with if applied properly.
The story seems good so far. And where it might go is up in the air, but so far it's nice.
Great! Now you have the power to rese-
......
......
Oh no......
Chara....please...do-
I am strangely amused by the concept of Trixie taking in a lost child.
6611050
6611095 Fortunately, Frisk is not being controlled by a jerk of a player, so hopefully we're engaging on a pacifist run.
That doesn't mean an uneventful one, mind.
Just found this: http://papyrusandsanspiano.corgiorgy.com/
http://www.corgiorgy.com/ < Original
If you don't keep up on these typos...
YOU'RE GONNA HAVE A BAD TIME.
Spoilers in the comments.
6611360 Well we don't want that. We'll make friends with the typos instead.
Playing the ruins theme to this as I am reading lol
6611825 A workable choice to be sure. Have you beaten it yet?
Well I guess since the Merchant thing, it can´t happened otherwise anymore. I´m only a little bit dissapointed, that it didn´t happened otherwise, but in the same old manner.
It is interessting, but at the same time it seems that you don´t need this.
I understand, that he probably knows about the game, but it is weird that he actually thinks that he has the money from that Pegasus in his pocket.
hhhmmm a litte bit to fast for Trixie I guess, but since he was rather polite to her I think it could happen that way, and well it was funny.
I would like it if you could make this type of story last many chapters long, maybe even do a sequel after that, I just started to enjoy it more than I thought I would, probably because I loved that Game.
Is he a ....how was it called....ah yes, Displaced? However to answer your question, I rather wait longer for longer, and good chapters, but honestly I would like more of this story, at the moment I don´t get many updates for anything.
6614524 One update a day, 2k chapters, until it's done! I promise nothing more than that, and even that pace is wild and uncontrolled and I might slip up with how many other stories I'm typing up every single day. I have one story looking at me sadly, but I didn't feel well and fell asleep instead of continuing to type.
I need more Determination.
6610751 I agree why the heck did this have to be displaced fanfic :(
6615819 If I make a mistake in the actual writing, let me know.
I love it. Trixie is just like Papyrus
6618918 Trixie would have many words for you if she heard you comparing her to Papyrus.
MORE FLOWEY LIKE CHARACTERS that is all
6619295 I have a pretty good idea where one can and should turn up.
6610169 while i love you sans ima just..... well ive run out of ideas for fuck ppl with..... RANDOM MEME! thingy WHAT EVER!