22 - Jingle Bells
We found a nice little place that Sweet thought was more than enough. After settling her beetle friends in and seeing to their feeding, she walked with me towards the central plaza with a smile on her face and a spring in her hooves. "I still can't believe this. After all this time, here I am, in outer space, with a house of my own..." She leaned towards me. "That brave pony that came up before had a rough time, but those were early Crystal Ponies. The ones now mostly like me. I think I'll like it here, especially during the 'night' time when the sun goes away."
I nodded supportingly. "You'll do great, I'm sure of it. If you keep paying attention, you'll be clicking with the best of them shortly too."
She looked up towards Trixie's hat on her head. "It'd be nice to be able to really talk to them. I bet they have their own world that I know nothing of. I almost feel bad for eating them before, but they were delicious." She paused and raised a hoof. "And that's the last one, I promise."
I chuckled a bit at her eagerness. "I'm sure it is. They trust you, and you like them. Maybe you can find another use for them that doesn't involve hurting them."
"Another use?" She tilted her head as she walked. "That's a good idea. We should all feel helpful. Maybe they'd really like it if they had something to do that'd make crystal ponies like them too."
Trixie was right beside the water fountain. She smiled at us and waved us closer when she spotted us. Beside her was a large sleigh that looked quite out of place in the warm interior of the city. "There you two are. Trixie trusts everything is taken care of?" We both nodded and she rapped a hoof on the sleigh. "Help Trixie carry this out to the snow, and we'll be on our way. It shouldn't be too tough a trip with this."
A pony wandered past with a large ornate hat in a style I hadn't seen before. Curiously, I saw another with the same hat? "Hey." I waved down one of the passing mares. "Does the hat mean something?"
She tilted her head. "Cadance is going to hold the festival early this year, to keep us safe from the shadow. Everypony's in a hurry getting it ready. Haven't you heard?"
Trixie raised a brow. "Entirely unrequired. Trixie and her familiar will have the situation handled before she can even hold it. We're already halfway done without a hitch."
Sweet hopped up onto the sleigh suddenly and looked around curiously before sitting on it. "This will make us go faster?"
I shook my head at her, resisting the urge to laugh at her naivety. "Not here it won't. In the snow, it can slide instead of sinking in, and it's easy to push. We have to get it to the snow first."
Trixie waved off the sled. "Come off of there and help Trixie carry it. You'll get to ride it once we're back out of the city."
Sweet hopped free and joined me behind the sleigh. We hefted up the back end together as Trixie's magic held the front aloft. "Away we go. Next time we come back, it should be as heroes." She turned away from the fountain and began trotting slowly, giving us time to keep up with her with our large ride.
We got it out of the city without incident and it began to grow colder. "Ah, familiar, it is time to reveal Trixie's Great and Wonderful present." She turned towards us with a smile. "Trixie can't help but notice you don't have a fur coat. It's not your fault, so Trixie is not angry, in fact." With a pop, a jacket appeared beside her. "Here!" She floated it over to me. "Try it on."
I took the jacket from its magic field and turned it around. It was striped, like my shirt. It kinda looked exactly like my shirt, but thicker and made to afford warmth in the snowy wasteland we were entering. I thrust a hand through a sleeve and soon had it on. It fit perfectly. I wondered how much of that was Trixie's thoughtfulness, or the same thing that let me find a human-shaped suit of armor in a booth of pony armor. "Thanks, mom. It's a lot warmer." It really was, and I felt more confident about things. Something brushed against me and I noticed a pair of mitts were attached to a sleeve. I pulled them free and got them on. The only thing I was missing was extra thick pants, but I felt warm enough with what I had. "Ready!"
Trixie nodded. "She hopes you both are. Everypony in the sled." She hopped up and looked around as she settled on her haunches with all the look of a captain ready to set sail.
Sweet and I clambered up and took our spots beside her. Her magic grabbed the back of the sled and pulled us forward. We went over the edge of an incline and began sliding briskly through the packed snow. "Here, ring these." Trixie handed me a collection of bells on a cloth strap.
I gave them a little shake and they jingled merrily. "Why am I doing this?"
Trixie smiled deviously. "Besides being part of the song?" My flat expression made her laugh. "There is a purpose. Trixie enchanted these bells to be unpleasant to shadows to hear." She turned to Sweet. "It's not bothering you, is it? Trixie just thought of that, though you aren't an umbrum."
Sweet perked an ear at me a moment as I jingled. "Sounds normal to me, but it does make my back itch a little. Do you think it could scare away the last of the tar and make me a normal pony?"
Trixie shook her head. "She doubts this. You have already clearly demonstrated that true change must come from within." She pointed a hoof at Sweet. "You're already a normal pony. When you finish realizing that, you will overcome this little problem."
Sweet tilted her head slowly. "Already?" She leaned in towards Trixie. "I'll never be a really normal pony, not by your standards. I'm so dark."
I snorted at that. "Black pony, blue pony, all ponies."
Trixie nodded. "My familiar is correct. You are normal in Trixie's eyes. You have also been a valuable assistant for her work." She smiled at Sweet. "She thanks you for that."
Sweet blushed in her ears as she looked away. "Oh, I'm just trying to do what's right... You're welcome." She peeked back up at the onrushing scenery around ourselves. "This is a lot faster than walking! Is there no end to outer space? Every time I think we get close to it, more opens up in front of us." She adjusted her pink glasses as she peered into the distance. "The snow is even brighter..."
It was bright enough to give even me, a not-dark pony, a hard time. I stared less and shook the bells more, until we passed through a wide copse of trees that blocked the sun and brought sight back to me for a moment, but when we emerged, there was a new presence. I turned to the front of the sleigh where a figure like a satyr perched, staring at us with a doleful face. "I don't suppose," he said in a sullen sort of voice, "that I could get you to turn around?" He was covered in black fur from the hips down, and black skin from there up. He had big pony ears and a pony tail that was smooth and long, all black without a stripe like Sweet's.
Sweet squealed in surprise, recoiling from the figure. Trixie just frowned. "Are you a shadow pony, or a dark pony?"
He looked confused. "I don't know the difference. You really should turn around though. I don't want to fight you. Aren't there better things to do? Are you lost?"
Unsure of what else to do, I gave my bells a little shake. He shook his head. "That's annoying, please stop that."
Trixie snorted. "Last time Trixie trusts a spell in a book for folk remedies... Do you have a name?"
He looked perplexed at the question. "Do I?"
"That is what Trixie asked."
"I don't know."
Sweet suddenly put her forehooves on the top of the sleigh, leaning towards the satyr. "Oh you poor thing! You're just like me. I couldn't remember my name either."
His attention slid towards her in a slow pivot of his head. "How did you get it back?"
She pointed at him. "First, you have to stop hurting ponies. Whatever you think you should be doing is a big terrible lie." She moved the hoof to her chest. "What you really need to be doing is in here."
"I can't do that." He suddenly pushed off the sled and came down in front of us. He grabbed the sleigh as it came at him and hefted us up suddenly. We all pitched forward to the front of it as it reared up from the momentum. "I really must stop you. I'm very sorry." Tension exploded in my chest. The conflict had begun properly. It was a bit of a shame I couldn't see him from beneath Trixie.
Sweet pitched over the top of the sleigh, having already been half-over it and went flying into the snow with a panicked squeal that was snuffed with her sudden vanishing into the snow.
Trixie scrambled off of me with an annoyed grunt. "Brute! You unhand Trixie's sleigh this very instant. We have very important business to attend to, and Trixie will not accept delays." She hopped down as I clambered to my feet and hurried after her, only to see the satyr had grown.
He was about eight feet in height, with dark trails of shadow leaking from his eyes and mouth. Speaking of his eyes, they were shrouded in sickly purple light that struggled to be seen against the shadow. He dropped the sled and sighed with deep melancholy. "I told you to turn around. This is your fault. It will hurt, but only for a moment."
I studied him intently, and the information flowed into me. Long Night was his name, a dark pony fallen to shadow. His defense looked extremely high, and he was sad about everything? Well, I could figure that part without any magic examining ability.
Trixie took a step forward, only to suddenly sink into the snow, lost to sight.
Long looked to me. "I'm sorry..." He reared a hand back in a fist and looked ready to pound me.
"You don't want to do that, Long Night."
His fist wavered in the air. "W-what did you just call me? How could you know?" Rather than calming down, he seemed to be growing more agitated by the moment. "They were right. You really are a monster..."
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Stay Determined Frisk O3O.
Greta chapter, I admittedly thought there was going to be a lot more about Sweet getting a house, but I'm guessing there wasn't a whole lot you could do with the idea? Regardless the plot continues to flow smoothly, it's good to see the gang running into another Shadow Pony. Admittedly Long Night's description of being sad about everything puts me in mind of Napstablook, only he seems to be even more hopeless. Can't wait to see how Frisk resolves this conflict ^w^
6674078 I'm sure I could have spent chapters seeking out the perfect neighbors and setting up the room for the beetles and everything else, but how much character development would be happening?
6673753
Yep. One thing I've noticed that makes me like this story better than some others I've seen is the conservation of detail - too much detail, especially in written works, just feels unnecessary.
came
Jingle Bells, Glimmer smells. Gilda laid an egg. The Pink-Mobile lost its wheels, and Sombra got away. Hey!
6674106 Ah that's quite true. I can't see you getting in much development finding Sweet a home. I suppose you could've had Frisk encountering more background characters, but I think you made the smarter move to just focus on the main storyline. Plus you gave Frisk an adorable coat
.
6674138 Darn those typos! Fixed and lectured.
Wonder how this one will be resolved. Make em laugh, make em cry, make emso depressed they lay down and dont get in the way?
Oh, yay. More updates.
The sight of these rapid high quality updates fills me with determination.
6675390 We're only halfway!
There is only one solution. POSE DRAMATICALLY!
orig07.deviantart.net/4c30/f/2015/311/5/a/a_confident_pose_by_dragonwhisperer15-d9fujp9.png
pardon?
i thought he was a pony
6676384 I described him as a satyr with pony ears and pony tail, making him pretty bipedal.
6676535
i completely overlooked that, wow
only when you referenced it directly did i notice
welp
Uh...
6676766 Darn time skips. Fixed!
6664155 This. My two bits say this is exactly how the spicy beetles will be used: to allow the Dark Ponies to come live on the surface once they're cured of shadow. Much better than a cloak.
Since I've been stuck on this chapter for a while and I'm not sure I can work up the motivation to continue, I'll instead give the feedback you asked for here: I think that so far, this is strangely formulaic in a way I don't altogether like. Do you know Tatsurou? His entire shtick is "a young X is sent to game/movie/series world Y and raised by Z" stories and they always go down exactly the same. It always ends up being a lot like a walkthrough or summary of whatever he's drawing on, with only very slight changes to the plot.
I feel like I'm reading the same thing here, except done in reverse. The behaviour of the protagonist character is very one-note. I'm feeling less like I'm reading about a person, stuck as video game character, dealing with all of these situations as I'm reading simply about a video game character, straight out. There is very little variation in how everyone behaves and pretty much no interaction with the world or the characters outside of what is strictly necessary for the quest they're on. It has honestly been somewhat unengaging.
7619108 Never heard of/read that person. Curious that we share a tone there. I'd say the character unfolds the farther he gets, but that is, in some ways, an unsatisfying answer.
He does start to gather bits of information about his 'old' self and they do have to face that.
I think there's a certain irony in that so many people say 'Frisk isn't Frisk!', as if there was a persona for Frisk to be or not be (there isn't.). He/She/It is the very definition of faceless/voiceless protagonist and they never ever do anything without the player making them, ensuring they have zero personality that the player didn't force on them.
'I pulled them free and got them free' its a funny sentence but does it make sense?
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8393732
Fixed!
9265479
https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/copse