• Published 31st May 2012
  • 7,940 Views, 334 Comments

Equestria Noire - PonyManne215



Detective Cole Phelps sacrificed himself, being carried away by a flood. Where did it lead him?

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Back on Duty, Detective

‘All of my partners told me things. They told me about my characteristics, thoughts, knowledge. Some insulted me, some complimented me. Patrol, Traffic, Homicide, Vice, Arson. It’s all the same. These were just different jobs with different people. When it came down to it, no matter if they liked me or not, my partners wouldn’t hesitate to cover my back in any situation. My first partner from when I was just a uniform, Ralph Dunn, told me that I knew odd things. He said that in my mind, there was the Phelps’ Encyclopedia of Thin Air. When he asked me about the war, I told him “Friends who want to stay friends don’t discuss religion or politics. In my case, you can add the war to that.” I probably shouldn’t have been so blunt but he didn’t know the horrors of that living nightmare. Stefan Bekowski, my first partner as a detective told me that I was “educated, hardworking, and straight-as-an-arrow. You’d never make it in Central.” He was right. Politics seems to slither it’s way into everything.. That was the reason why the department was so corrupt. As long as there was a politician involved, everything went to hell. That’s why I hate politics.’

“That’s nice of you to offer, Cole. But I’m not sure how you can help exactly…” Twilight said in the gentlest voice she could muster. What she didn’t know, was that Cole Phelps was one of the best detectives in all of Los Angeles. Perhaps the entire United States, even.


“Trust me; I have solved plenty of cases and street crimes in my time. I’m a professional detective for the LAPD.” Phelps said reassuringly. He pulled out his badge, which shined brightly in the radiant sun. The clean surface gleamed proudly. The badge displayed the symbol of the Los Angeles Police Department. Also, Cole Phelps’ badge number was strewn across the bottom. “Phelps. Twelve-Forty Seven.” He said, reading off his identification number.


“That’s awesome! Hey, what’s an ‘LAPD’ anyway?” Rainbow Dash said while admiring the golden badge.


“It’s the Los Angeles Police Department. I’ve been working for..what? Almost three of four years now?” He said while trying to remember. “Patrol, Traffic, Homicide, Vice, Arson. I’ve worked them all and I can easily say that I worked hard. What prides me most is that I was able to keep the streets clean.”


“Those are a lot of commendations, Detective. So it seems that I was quick to judge. Would you care to help us then?” Twilight said while giving a cute, convincing smile to the human.


“With a face like that, how can I turn down a lady?” Phelps mused.


Besides the sounds of Twilight Sparkle asking questions about Cole Phelps nonstop, the pattering of his black Italian loafers could be heard while he was walking on the cobblestone road. He could smell the air and enjoy it for once. Back in LA, the smells of gasoline, smoke, gun residue, and drugs polluted the air. In here though, it smelled of candy and other innocent smells. These were smells that Cole would get used to.


He took notice of the rustic looking village around him. It was quiet, apart from the idle chats from it’s citizens nearby. ‘Maybe there’s no murder here?’ Phelps thought to himself. He thought that the day of him forgetting the smell of blood and death would never come. Maybe this was something that could prove otherwise. He had stopped listening to the inquisitive unicorn’s inquiries when she asked him about technology. He wasn’t sure if they had anything developed as much as Earth had. The only signs of electricity he could find were the street lamps that occupied the corners.


Even those looked like something from the time of the renowned writer and poet, Edgar Allen Poe. Then, he remembered something; something crucial to the current investigation. “Who is the suspect, and what’s the crime?” He said nonchalantly.


“It’s not really a crime, we just want to know who borrowed Applejack’s farming tools. That’s all.” Twilight replied calmly.


‘Applejack? These names are going to take a while to get used to. I’ll just keep this to myself. Maybe I can find another human being here.’ He then rubbed his chin at the thought. The presence of another human being in this world was highly improbable. He wondered if there had ever been any humans in this world called ‘Equestria’.


“Here we are, the tracks end here.” Twilight said while tapping Cole.


“Interesting..the mud trail ends here, but the tools aren’t around. You two stay here while I have a look around.” Cole said as he walked away. By the time that the two distraught ponies could open their mouths to speak, the detective was out of hearing range. Cole was walking around a home now. He could see the small, yet distinct markings of a tool being scraped against a wall.


He followed it until it ended abruptly. He moved his hands against the end, feeling discrepancies between this part of the wall and the rest. ‘Maybe if I push here..’ *Click* The sound of the clicking was replaced by a fake wall sliding open, revealing a long and dark hallway that stretched for a few feet. Phelps pulled out his flashlight and proceeded into the dark abyss.


The dripping sounds of water echoed across the chasm. Something was leaking in there. He followed the sound to it’s source, which led to a large, open room. The room, was laden with makeshift furniture thrown about in a disorderly fashion. It seemed as though some creature rampaged through the room, searching for something. In the corner, an irregular color caught his eye. He walked up to it, and knelt down to examine it.


“Hmm…what’s a pink lollipop doing here?” He said while twisting and turning it in different directions. It looked to be new and barely licked. Only small strands of saliva could be felt as he traced his hand along the edges. “What’s this?” There was a trowel not too far away from where the confection was. He took out his notebook and wrote down his findings. ‘Barely eaten candy, and discarded trowel.’


He put the items down after sketching them. He closed his notebook and got back up. He made his way outside and turned off the flashlight. A voice called up from behind him “Where’d ya go?” Rainbow Dash asked. Right behind her, was Twilight Sparkle, who was thinking the same thing. He brushed off his pants from the dirt that got on it from inside the hidden room and spoke up.


“I found some things that might help us later on.” He then took his hat off and scratched his head. The two ponies looked at the hair on his head and became confused.


“Wait, so is that all the hair you have?” Rainbow asked curiously.


Phelps thought about it for a moment, unsure to tell them about the other hairs. He shrugged his shoulders and thought ‘Why not?’


“No, this just covers my head. I can grow a mustache or beard when I don’t shave. There’s also some…other locations..” He informed, although hesitantly.


“A moustache and beard? I think Spike would be pretty excited to meet you.” Twilight stated matter-of-factly.


‘Spike? Great, another pony.’ He thought but said “That sounds good.”


They just kicked around at the dirt before Phelps spoke up again. “So where to next?”


Twilight then realized they had to organize a meeting. “We have to introduce you! Oh, I’m so silly for forgetting. How could I have forgotten something so important?!” Twilight ran up to Cole and then nudged him towards a large building.


“We have to hold it at City Hall. Rainbow, go get the others.” She said while pointing a hoof in all different directions.


“You got it, boss!” Rainbow said as she whizzed away.


Cole still needed to get used to that. “So you’re still going to wear the get-up during this meeting?”


Twilight shook her head for also forgetting to take it off, which she did by using magic. “There, all gone.”


The detective froze in amazement, never witnessing anything of the sort before. “How did you do that?”


“Why, it’s just magic. Can’t you do it?” She asked casually.


“No. It’s just a myth where I’m from. A fantasy that can never be achieved. WE just use technology back on Earth.”


“That’s weird. Everything relies on magic, flight, and willpower here. So how do you get anything done?”


“With our hands. We use them for just about everything.” He said while moving his fingers to present his point.


“That’s really special. Can you come back to my place later so I can write this all down?”


Phelps nodded, which made Twilight jump in joy. “Yesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyes!” She repeated excitingly while still jumping. This put Cole in a rather awkward situation. He coughed to snap her out of her trance.


“Ahem.”


“Oh sorry.” Twilight blushed and gave him a nervous smile. They walked for a few more minutes before reaching the main building of Ponyville. It was large, but the doors seemed a little on the small side. Since the land was occupied for ponies, everything was made to their size. The five-almost six-foot human had to bend his knees a little to get inside the door.


“So where’s the party at?” Phelps asked.


Suddenly, a large cheering sound could be heard right behind him. It was booming and high on volume. Behind him, there was literally a party. A one-pony party, more specifically. A pink pony with a curly, dark pink mane was dancing around with a cart that seemed to be making noise and shooting confetti.


“Ohwhatareyou? Doyoulikeparties? Ilikeparties. Let’sbefriends,okay?” She said without pausing to breathe.


Phelps, trying to comprehend it, was just nodding his head along. The pink pony seemed to make a springing noise whenever jumped up and down. He wasn’t sure what to make of this.


“Sorry about that, this is Pinkie Pie and she’s just being herself.” Twilight rushed in front the party girl and held her down.


“Who is he, Twilight? What is he?” Pinkie asked while still bouncing around.


“I’ll explain at the meeting that’s going to take place in a few minutes. Just calm down until then.”


“Okie dokie lokie!”


Pinkie vanished out of thin air, causing Phelps to furrow his brows in search of the previously-present mare.


“Where’d she go?” He said while searching the borders of the large hall.


“Ignore her; I’ve learned not to question her. It’s done wonders and kept me from going insane trying to figure it all out.” Twilight replied blankly.


Phelps decided not to question the matter any further…yet, anyhow. He went over to a chair and sat down, waiting for the time to pass already. He pulled out his wallet from his light grey linen suit pants and opened it. He still had about sixty dollars and some change lying about. Also, his driver’s license along with various business cards was placed randomly. He checked to see if he still had his own business cards which he gave to people to contact him.


Cole checked the back compartment of his wallet, checking to see if his most possession was still in his wallet. He pulled on the small corner of an object. Slowly, the picture came out of the container. The picture of his wife and two daughters was still clean, with a few wrinkles here and there. They seemed so happy back then, before he started the affair. He wasn’t sure what caused him to do that, to cheat on his loving wife.


Looking back, the only reason that could be made was that with the kids at home, Cole and his wife Marie didn’t have the chance to love. To embrace in the unity of marriage. With caring for the children, and Cole’s long work hours, when would they get a chance to love? Was this why he had an affair? Or maybe it was something subconscious or just pure lust?


“Hey, what is that you have there?” Twilight broke his long and deep concentration by levitating the wallet out of his hand. She looked at the different items inside. “What are these green bills and coins? Are they your monetary system? Also what’s with the pieces of paper with names and numbers on them? I can see this is an identification card of some sort because it has your face on it.”


She searched all throughout the wallet, checking every single nook and cranny. Finally, she reached the picture. She stopped her inquisitive attitude and replaced it with a more somber and gentle one.


“Is this your family?” She softly asked.


“Yeah..” Phelps blankly replied.


“You miss them, don’t you?”


“You got it.”


“Why can’t you go back?”


“……Beats me.”


Phelps seemed to slouch in the chair, the thought of never seeing his family again was hitting him hard. It was hard enough that a separation was coming. He could handle seeing the kids and his wife every once in a while, but never seeing them again was brutal. He had no one to keep him motivated, no one to fight for.


Sure, taking the criminals away to save the innocent people of LA was a good cause. But he wasn’t in LA anymore. He probably wasn’t even on Earth anymore. He was in a land full of talking ponies and mythical creatures, probably having no crime whatsoever.


“They’re here, Cole. Let’s not keep them waiting.” Twilight nodded her head towards a door to the right, indicating a direction for the detective to go.


Beyond the large door, Phelps could make out some conversations and whispers ongoing in the next room. Presumably, all about him. After this entire time, Cole had forgotten that he had his fedora gripped tightly in his hand. He put it back on, readjusting it, yet again.


“Is that necessary, Cole?” Twilight asked a bit annoyed.


“It is if I want to keep a clear head.”


Twilight simply accepted his remark and opened the door. Flashes of light and snapping noises meant only one thing to Cole Phelps; the paparazzi were in town. If there was one thing that Cole Phelps and perhaps all police officers hated, it was a reporter. Most of these ruthless newshounds had no regard for the meaning of life.


Many news reporters and journalist treated murder like a headliner. They took photos of indecency and did not even think for a moment on whether or not to publish the stories. They just wanted money and fame.


Cole covered his eyes with his hands while walking blindly forward. He had no idea where he was going until a bump abruptly halted his advance. He looked down and saw that he was in front of a podium. On it, laid a microphone that he was to use to speak and address the crowd.


Twilight moved him aside to speak first.


“Everypony, this is Detective Cole Phelps. He is a new creature that has come here and he isn’t sure how. He’s a nice guy, despite his size and looks so please, treat him like you would everyone else.” Twilight stepped away, gesturing to Cole that it was his turn.


“……Like she said, I’m Detective Cole Phelps. I…don’t know how I got here, but I know that I want to get back home. I’m a human, or a man and I can speak as you see here. All I do know is that I can investigate any crimes or mysteries any of you may have. If you need me, please call me at….disregard that last part. Find me at..wherever. Also before I go, just know not to commit any crimes. I’ll get you sooner that you think.”


With that, Cole stepped down. He thought that he did terrible. He almost forgot that they didn’t have telephones here, or television for that matter. Cars and planes, he would have to investigate if they were created yet. Twilight smiled at him. She was accompanied by five other ponies.


They each stepped forward to introduce themselves, all except Rainbow Dash and Twilight, who already introduced themselves earlier.


“Hey there, mah name is Applejack, pleasure to meet yer acquaintance.” The orange pony with a hat said as she extended her hoof, which was met by Phelps’ hand.


“Hi there, you met me already, but I just wanna say that my name is Pinkie Pie and I am going to throw you a huge welcome party later, okay?” Pinkie suddenly appeared behind Phelps and rubbed his face. “Wow, your face is like really soft. It feels like cotton candy!” She then appeared back with the others.


‘How the hell?’ Phelps had to keep an eye on her.


“Hi..my name is…Flutter-”


“I can’t hear you, miss.” Phelps knelt down to meet her, which caused her to back away in fear.


“Sorry about that, Fluttershy is a just what her name is, shy. Anyway, I am charmed to meet such a fashionable fellow. My name is Rarity, and might I add that the clothes and hat absolutely fit you.”


“Thanks..it ran me about a hundred bucks.” Phelps took a notice of Applejack and Rarity’s voice. The former sounded like a Southerner, and the latter sounded like one of those high and mighty drama-queen actresses.


“Ya had to buck a hundred trees just ta get that there hoity-toity suit? Musta been hard doin’ that.” Applejack stated in disbelief. What she didn’t know was that a buck was another term for dollars back in the United States.


“Right……where will you be staying Mr. Phelps? I hope that you do have some sort of place to stay.” Fluttershy whispered from behind Applejack.


“I honestly don’t know…..is there a hotel around that I can stay at?” Cole had not thought about the matter of a house or apartment. He was used to staying at Elsa’s house ever since he was kicked out of his own home by his wife.


“Well, he could stay with me. There’s plenty of room back at the library.” Twilight suggested.


Rarity gasped in horror. “Absolutely not, Twilight. Do you not see the genius and elegance of this man’s fine clothing. I shan’t even mention the probable cost of it! He shall stay with me. Perhaps he can tell me of the fashions back where he is from.”


The whole group nodded in agreement and went to the stand to speak again. After answering some tedious and repetitive questions, listening to speeches from the mayor, and waving goodbye, the meeting was concluded. Now, most ponies would know who he was and that he meant no harm. Surprisingly, not much time had passed as it was late morning now. The sun still up high and the sky was still that baby blue, meaning that it was either ten or eleven o’ clock.


Twilight pleaded with Phelps and the others to go back to the library, to which they reluctantly agreed. The walk there was not quiet, but very interesting. The girls were arguing over what kind of crimes that the detective solved. The man in question was remaining silent for the time being.


Twilight’s Home/Library
11:45 AM

They opened the door and went inside of Twilight’s home. Twilight levitated some chairs over for them all to sit on.


“So what kind of crimes did you solve detective? You told me your departments but most of them aren’t familiar to me.” Twilight inquired while having a quill and parchment at the ready.


“I did some patrolling here and there, mostly stopping some mugging and helping old ladies across the street. It wasn’t too glamorous. Then I got to the Traffic desk. I handled speeding crimes and things of that sort.”


“Speeding’s a crime? What the hay is going on here?!” A confused Rainbow Dash interrupted.


“Let him continue, Rainbow. Everypony, let him finish before sharing your thoughts.” Twilight put bluntly. She wasn’t going to miss this chance for new information on mysteries and crimes.


“It got interesting for sure, which got me promoted to Homicide.”


“What’s ‘homicide’?”Fluttershy asked.


“You know, murder. Killing another person.”


All of the girls gasped, followed by Rarity and Fluttershy fainting. No such violence existed in Equestria. Sure animals ate each other for survival but this was a whole other thing. Deliberately taking someone else’s life was appalling to them.


“….I’m guessing, you don’t have that here. I’ll just skip the more gruesome details. After that, I got promoted to Vice, which handled drug trafficking..I guess you don’t have that either, huh?”


The ponies responded by shaking their heads no.


“Alright..well it’s just things that aren’t supposed to be abused and only used for the right reasons. Criminals use them for their own gain and for pleasure. Well after an…..occurence..I got transferred to Arson.” Phelps wasn’t keen on talking about the affair, the media, and the backlash that happened when light was shed on it. He just continued on. “Arson had me dealing with fires, which is something that is definitely here..right?”


They nodded in confirmation. “Well, that just about sums up my career in law enforcement.”


Twilight, who was almost shredding through the ink-engrossed parchment, stopped and looked up at him. “How many cases did you solve, Cole?”


“I think twenty five cases and around forty or so street crimes. The number doesn’t matter to me, just the lives that I saved.”


The girls looked at him and felt the need to congratulate him. They haven’t met a person, or pony, that did so many amazing feats and managed to stay on top of it all. Twilight still had one remaining question. “What did you do before all of this?”


The once grinning look on Cole’s face completely vanished. It was masked by a look of grimace and self-loathing. There was no way that he could speak about the horrors of Japan’s jungles; the horrors of Okinawa. He kept his mouth shut on this question.


“Nothing. I did nothing. So are we finished here?”


Disappointed, and feeling something was amiss, Twilight decided to press the matter further later. For now, she had to write a letter to the Princess. So she let the girls and the human out of her home and went to her bedroom. Spike was oversleeping, which was good because the things that Cole had spoken of were not meant for the ears of children.


“Well, wanna go to Sugar Cube Corner?” Pinkie asked.


“Sure.” Rainbow answered for the others.


Sugar Cube Corner
1:26 PM

“What in God’s name?” Phelps was baffled at the sight of the place called ‘Sugar Cube Corner’. He had seen many otherworldly and childish sights, but this was just ridiculous to him.


‘An actual building made out of gum drops, gingerbread, candy canes, and mints. Well slap me on the ass and call me a donkey, I think I’m in Candy Land.’


“Well, welcome to my place. How do you like it Cole-y Woley?” Pinkie had made up a nickname for Cole Phelps. As with the others, she made their names less formal and more informal. Phelps tried to argue with her about it but she would not change her mind. He decided to leave her at it.


Pinkie pulled out some candy and handed them all a piece. She gave a lollipop to Cole after licking it once. “Here you go, it’s my favorite kind. I only like to lick it once though.”


A spark clicked in the detective’s mind as he took the lollipop from the mare. It was licked barely and was the same as the one from before. ‘The same lollipop…I’ve got the perpetrator right in front of me. Just need a little more evidence.’


“Hey, could you just hold this for me? I want to check around for something.”


“Okie dokie lokie!” She said while bouncing with a spring in each one.


Phelps looked behind him to see if any of them were following him. ‘Good, now to see if there are any tools around.’ He looked around the building, only seeing more ridiculous sweets used as part of the structure. He spotted a freshly dug hole in the ground nearby. He went over and examined it. He pulled out his notebook and wrote down some things of it.


‘Freshly dug hole. Made from using tools. Possibly for storing something.’ He closed his notebook and inspected the hole further, using his hand to move the dirt around. He managed to feel the wooden hilt of something dug deeply in it. He strongly tugged at it. The hole widened and more of the hilt was revealed, albeit covered in dirt.


It wasn’t long before the hilt was not coming out anymore and in it’s place was the end of a shovel. This shovel was used to dig the hole, and then buried. Also, a small strand of cake frosting was on the end of it. He wrote down the shovel into the notebook. “I think this case is closed.” He said aloud.


He went back around to the front of the store where the girls were waiting. “What were ya doin’, Cole?” Applejack said while chewing gum.


“I think I’ve found your tools, and the pony who took them.” Phelps said while flipping through the pages of his notebook.

Pinkie started choking on her taffy but swallowed it after hitting her throat.

“Ya did!? That’s mighty resourceful of ya! Who was it?” Applejack spat out her gum and tipped her hat in respect to the studious detective.


“Why don’t you tell us, Miss Pinkie?” He said while turning to her.


“What are you talking about? I have nothing to do with that.” Pinkie said while not looking at the accusing detective.


“What did you do with the tools, Miss Pie?” Phelps said in raised voice.


“Tools? What tools? All I know is that some meanie took Applejack’s tools.” She was quaking in her hide.


“Don’t lie to me, I know you took them.”


“You don’t have any proof.”


After reviewing his evidence, he looked back up at her. “Yes I do. The lollipop you handed me is the same as the one I found in an abandoned house. Next to the discarded lollipop, which was licked only once, was a trowel. One that you used.”


Pinkie started to tear up. “Okay, maybe I found her trowel and borrowed it for a few seconds.”


“That’s not true, you took her shovel as well.”


“You can’t prove that I did.”


“There was cake frosting on the end of it. It’s in the back of the building. Also, there was a hole dug as well. And don’t you work in a pastry store?”


Pinkie finally broke out into an all out cry of lament. “Okay, okay! It was me, it was all me. I took the tools. I wanted to make a home for the worms.”

(Backdrop that fits the rest of the scene)

Phelps smiled, not because he solved the crime, but because it was just some mere child’s play. If he had to take cases like these, then his life from now on would be easy. He would never have to chase anyone or anypony again.


“I think this is all over, how about we wrap this up and call it a night.”


Pinkie, along with Applejack and Rainbow Dash went inside the store. Rarity and Cole walked to the Carousel Boutique to get the gruff and stiff detective settled down.


The Carousel Boutique
2:17 PM


The walk to the detective’s temporary home was enjoyable. It was somewhat quiet and peaceful. Sometimes Rarity would ask about his designer clothes or shoes but other than that it was just the chirping of the birds. Phelps couldn't complain. This was probably one of the best moments of his life. Some time to actually listen the nature express itself in it's beautiful ways.


They reached a large, somewhat cosmopolitan building that seemed to be based on French architecture. Cole took notice of the elaborate colors and support structures. It was brilliant. Rarity tiled her head, telling him to follow her inside. She opened the abnormally large doors and went inside. Cole followed not too far behind.


The inside smelled like a woman's department shop. The various smells of perfume was spread across the room. The smells ranged from lilac, lavender, and chrysanthemum to more intricate and complex smells. Cole couldn't help but pinch his nose. He didn't like the overwhelming stench of perfume. He preferred the decaying snell of a dead body than to this, and that was saying something.


"Well darling, make yourself at home. Do you want something to eat?"


All throughout this day, Cole forgot that he was starving. He had not eaten since...before he even entered the sewer that brought him to this world. He looked down at his stomach and heard loud grumbling.


"I'll take whatever you have."


"I think I still have some eggs lying around somewhere...Aha! Do you like them medium, or sunny-side up?" She asked while levitating the eggs to the kitchen.


"Whatever's convenient for you."


"Excellent, I shall have a perfect late-breakfast ready in a few minutes."


Phelps was alone in the foyer now. He walked around, marveling at the fashionable designs strewn about. They all looked to be by some talented dress maker. He looked at one in specific. It's fabrics, along with design and color resembled a costume from one of his favorite works by William Shakespeare.


He couldn't help himself when he fell into a moment of remembrance.


"Alas, Poor Yorick! I knew him, Horatio." He raised a hand up into the air, pretending to have a skull in it.


He heard clapping of some sorts emulating from behind him.


"That sounds like a marvelous piece if literature. Please continue." Rarity complimented while bringing her front hooves together repeatedly.


Phelps grinned. He was in a pretty decent home and he had someone who could cook for him. Best of all, he had someone who was interested in the arts of poetry as much as he was.


"With pleasure."

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