• Published 31st May 2012
  • 7,940 Views, 334 Comments

Equestria Noire - PonyManne215



Detective Cole Phelps sacrificed himself, being carried away by a flood. Where did it lead him?

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Like A Moth to A Flame

‘So this is how it ends, huh? I fight through Japan during that goddamn war. I go from a rookie cop to a great detective. I stop serial killers like the Black Dahlia. I prevent robberies, rape, murder, everything. I come back to my wife and kid, get left when they find out I had a thing with the German singer, Elsa, and then she gets kidnapped. Then, I stop the guy killing my old unit, save my former-best friend, Jack Kelso and Elsa, just to get swept away by some flood. It’s ironic really. All of this, only to be taken out by some shit water from LA’s finest. Maybe God wanted me to die this way instead of in the war or the times I got shot on duty. Maybe this, is how Cole Phelps is supposed to die.’

Cole Phelps thought deeply and thoroughly on his life and it’s experiences before accepting his fate. He had deserved this. Killing and burning a cave full of injured civilians, children included, was not forgivable even in the eyes of God. The water was bouncing all over the rusty pipe-covered walls. They were sloshing around, making the detective’s finest suit dirtier than it had been when it was stained with blood.

He didn’t even feel the need to vomit. No, that feeling was long gone. Seeing the charred barely-living children reach out to him from back in Japan, begging for help, scarred him for life. Every time he had put down another public menace, the memory of it flooded his mind, much like the one carrying him was. It reminded him that he had sins to do penance for. Sins that he needed absolved with the blood of the evil.

This was why he became interested in being a detective in the first place. To put bad guys behind bars and keeping kids off the streets. Little did he know, it was much harder than it seemed. Maybe that’s why he did not even try to resist the current, why he didn’t reach his hand out to grab Kelso’s which would save him. That’s why he wanted to die.

He could feel himself in a large room now. It was a giant swirling vortex in which all of the water seemed to be drowning into. He had always heard the rumors that that was how the sewer system emptied itself. He never questioned it though, because no one had ever explained where the water ended up. Some thought it just evaporated, others thought it was flowed back into the ocean. Hell, even the crazies thought something; they believed that it led to another world.

Maybe that was where he was going, another world, an afterlife. Phelps couldn’t help but laugh at the thought, getting sucked into a suction cup hole and get dropped into another world. His laugh was cut short though, as water quickly filled his lungs from his mouth being wide open. He couldn’t breathe, gurgling on the disgusting sewage waste in his trachea.

He felt a large force pull him in before he lost consciousness.


Rainbow Dash was reading yet another ‘Daring Do’ book inside of Twilight’s library. It was probably the seventh one in the series. “This is so rad, Twilight! Do you know when the next one’s coming out?” An enthusiastic Rainbow Dash exclaimed.

“Relax, Rainbow. The next one is not coming out until next month.” Twilight was a bit annoyed as Rainbow Dash had been speaking aloud for the whole time. The unicorn herself couldn’t enjoy the ‘Manelock Holmes’ book she was reading.

Twilight Sparkle loved to read mystery novels. They were her favorite kind of fiction. She really liked no other, and sometimes even pretended to be an inspector. She cherished the moment on the train with the MMM cake. That was probably the one and only time she would be able to use her deductive skills and reasoning to solve a real mystery.

If she ever had the chance, she would pursue a career in solving crimes. Too bad that not many had occurred in all of Equestria. She let out a loud, content sigh when she read the final page of the newest mystery book Canterlot had to offer. “So what now?” She asked. For once in her life, Twilight didn’t have any planned schedules for that day and that day only. Princess Celestia had raised the sun earlier, giving everypony an extra day.

“I dunno. Wanna go and see what Applejack’s doing?” A bored Rainbow Dash replied. She too had finished her favorite book.

“Sure. Spike! Keep an eye on the library, okay?” Twilight said while moving towards the door.

“You got it, boss!” Spike answered from upstairs. He was too busy reading as well. Albeit, the book was very different from the ones that the two mares had been reading. Spike was reading ‘How to Confess Your Love and Get the Pony of Your Dreams for Dummies’. He thought to himself ‘Try saying that ten times fast.’

The two friends made their way towards Sweet Apple Acres. Some rough housing could be heard off in the distance. “Oh Applejack..” Twilight said while nodding her head at her farm pony friend’s antics.

“Get off of mah apples, ya varmints!” Applejack was bucking all the apples she could while an armada of worms was trying to eat her hard work.

“Applejack, chillax! These fun guys are just a little hungry, is all!” Pinkie Pie said while carrying ten worms on each hoof. She gave a gleeful smile at the farm pony who was not as happy as she was.

"Well you can take yer friends and get movin" She said annoyed. Pinkie nodded and carried every worm on her back. She trotted towards Ponyville once again, leaving her friends to stare at her in pure confusion.

“That pony is so random.” Rainbow whispered.

“It is Pinkie.” Twilight added. They looked back at the distraught farmer who was fussing over another thing now.

“Some darned pony or some other critter came here and took mah farmin’ equipment! Can one of ya kindly go look for it?”

Twilight let out a happy squeak. “Yay!..I mean yes, I’ll do it.” She then put on an inspector hat from nowhere and gave a less impressive hat to Rainbow Dash. “Let’s go, my dear Watson.” She said in a sophisticated manner.

“What’s a ‘Watson’?”


(Backdrop for story. Sets the mood for the rest of the chapter.)

Cole Phelps had experienced many things. But never, had he ever such an enormous, painful headache before in his life. He rubbed his head excitedly, trying to ease the pain, which was to no avail. He had not opened his eyes since he was unconscious. He could feel a cool breeze in the air though. He opened his eyes and the beams of the bright sun made him blind for a few seconds. “Ah hell!” He said while raising his arm to block the incoming sunlight.

He got up off of his back and dusted off his coat and pants. He then knelt down to pick up his silver, white lined, fedora. He moved it around a little, readjusting it so that it fit perfectly on his head. After it touched the imaginary comfort line he designed on his head, he exhaled pleasingly. Now he had to see where he was.

“Well would you look at that. Those crazy junkies were right. I’m dead!” He said while laughing. The world around him seemed to colorful and peaceful for it to be Earth. Earth had always been a large cesspool full of bad people. The bad people outnumbered the good. This place didn’t have an inch of war on it. Not even crime. He smiled disbelievingly and walked down the cobblestone road that he stood in the middle of.

Little calling birds chirped through the air, calling for a mate. “Hell ,this place looks like some coloring book for a kid.” He muttered to himself. He checked his person while still moving. Caressing and flattening out any folds or wrinkles in his expensive suit, he felt his possessions still on him. He took notice in his mind of the lack of smell from being drowned in sewer water. His clothes were dry for the most part, also. The only soak in it was that of his own now-gone sweat.

He was walking for what seemed like minutes. The road looked like it stretched for eternity. ‘Maybe this is my punishment, walking forever down a never-ending road.’ He mused. Something stood out in his twenty-twenty vision. His eyes were like that of an eagle. After all, he needed good eyes to be a good soldier. It looked to be some kind of sign or direction post.

The fit and decorated veteran rushed ahead to get a closer look at the sign. He checked his items once more after looking at the sign. It said a town named ‘Ponyville’ was to the left and the ‘Everfree Forest’ was to the right. “Ponyville? Everfree Forest? Who names these places, pre-school teachers?” He laughed whole-heartedly.

On his person, was his nickel-plated Colt. It still had a full magazine and a few spares. He cleaned it with his cloth for a minute. In the war, a soldier had to maintain his weapon or else it would jam up on him. After finishing and pocketing the cleansing handkerchief, he opened up his notebook. It still had plenty of pages. He flipped through all of the previous ones and looked at his drawings of certain suspects of witnesses. One page seemed to magically flip itself.

Hugo Moller. That son of a bitch. He remembered him from that case not too long ago. It was before he reached the Arson desk. He sighed and closed the book. He put the pencil inside to mark the newest page and continued walking once more.

‘This place. It’s not as grimy as the cesspool of a world I lived in. Maybe I am in heaven..or some sick part of hell that wants me to feel secure before doing something. All I know is that the world was dying and LA was the place that had a welcome sign for the worst and seediest characters around. City of Angels? Ha! More like City of Demons. Maybe anywhere but there is better for me.’

He could see the top of buildings in the far off distance. Wherever he was going, it was towards civilization. To him, the roofs looked like they were made of straw, or thatch, like back in the Medieval Times. Maybe he was just in a third world country or something. He whipped out his notebook and began to sketch the top of the buildings he could make out. With every ten steps, more of the town named ‘Ponyville’ was revealed.

After a long, relaxing walk, he got to the center of the town. Horses seemed to be walking freely in this town. They were also really colorful, just like the world, and had really different manes. ‘Those are some weird looking hairs..wait what are they called? Manes!’ He thought. The horses all seemed to be staring at him in shock. He took notice of tattoos that laid bare on the horses’ read ends. He scribbled down every pattern that he could notice.

‘So that one’s carrots. That one looks like one of those old guitars in the Middle Ages. Those over there don’t even have any..interesting. Must inquire with stable owners on use of dye and tattoo artists.’ He wrote in a section of a page. He heard someone talking and spoke out. “Man, you guys have a lot of horses if you don’t mind me saying. Shouldn’t you have a leash or something?” He said without looking.

“Hey, we’re ponies. Not horses!” He looked up and saw a flying rainbow-maned pony with wings flying. It, she, he, whatever, was talking to him. Once he noticed the wings, and the fact that he spoke, his mouth dropped right to the floor and the notebook and pencil fell out of his hands.


“Twilight, where are we going?!” Rainbow Dash said in a whiny tone.

“We’ve only been walking for five minutes! We need to go to the center of town, I have a list of possible suspects.” Twilight retorted in an aggravated manner.

Rainbow Dash seemed to perk up at this. “Suspects, really?! Who?!” She said while flying around Twilight.

“Stop it, you’re making me dizzy. Anyway, I can’t tell you yet. It’s a surprise.”

“Man, you guys have a lot of horses if you don’t mind me saying. Shouldn’t you have a leash or something?” A mature, adult voice said behind them. Twilight assumed he was another creature, a gryphon perhaps. Maybe even another dragon that was civilized like Spike. She spun around along with Rainbow Dash who answered the voice without a body.

“Hey, we’re ponies. Not horses!” Everything grew silent. Twilight could hear the dropping sound of a book and pencil. That did not move her attention however, as the tall being before her seemed to captivate all senses. The thing before her looked like an ape or monkey yet it was hairless. It stood on it’s hind legs, and was wearing clothes. “Clothes!? And it can speak?!” These thoughts echoed throughout her mind.

Everypony stood still in the entire town, staring disbelievingly at the foreign creature before them. “What..what are you?” Twilight finally found the courage to ask. This creature, was not too different from them. It was able to display a vast range of emotions. The look on it’s face told Twilight that it was not only shocked, but baffled. It opened it’s mouth and began to mouth words.

“I-I’m..what are you?!” He said raising his voice. He then proceeded to point an accusing finger at the two friends.

“Why..we’re ponies.”


‘Ponies? The small talking horses are way too cartoony for me. NO thanks, I’ll stick to steam-boat Willy and Betty Boop.’ Cole silenty thought. The flying ‘pony’ then flew over to him and picked up his hat. “Neat lookin’ hat!” She said. Well he assumed she was female due to the voice and extra curves compared to the male ponies he had seen.

“Rainbow Dash! Sorry about that..Mr..” Rainbow Dash returned his fedora and Twilight lingered, waiting for a name.

Cole readjusted his fedora, stopping when it was in place, and then hesitantly answered. “…Phelps..Cole Phelps.”

“Nice to meet you, Mr. Phelps. May I ask if you are friendly, which you seem to be.” Phelps nodded his head slowly, followed by Twilight making a weird happy noise. “Excellent. Now may I ask what you are?” He knelt down and picked up his notebook and pencil.

“I’m a man. More precisely a human.” She took note of this in her mind, then asked another question.

“Why are you here?”

He was confused as how to answer. He wasn’t sure himself after all. He just scratched his chin, trying to think of a logical explanation. “I just ended up here, I guess. I don’t really know exactly how, but I got here. That’s for sure.” He said calmly.

“Sorry to hear that..it must be so sad to leave your home like that..” Twilight said while she hung her head down.

Cole waved his hands. “No its alright. It’s not too bad.” Twilight perked up, then realizing that all of the citizens around them were still scared.

“Everypony, it’s okay! This man, Cole Phelps, means no harm. Please just continue on with your regular day, I’ll hold a meeting later to formally introduce our new visitor here.” The ponies seemed to hold Twilight in high esteem, as they followed her advice and went about. They still gave Phelps a long cautious stare though.

Twilight was laughing nervously, causing the still lingering ponies to slowly depart. “So what are you? I noticed that besides the regular ‘ponies’, there are ones with horns and others with wings. Are you guys unicorns and pegasuses?” He questioned.

“Yes, we are. Oh and it’s pegasi.” Twilight corrected. Her grammatical attentiveness made him chuckle. She reminded him of his wife, who always corrected him when doing something wrong.

“You know you sound just like my w-“ He stopped, gazing at the two ponies before him. Up until now, he had not noticed that they were wearing clothes. More specifically, inspector clothes. Like that of Sherlock Holmes and his dear friend, Mr. Watson. “What’s with the get-up?” Twilight blushed, embarrassed by what she was going to say, but said it anyway.

“We’re investigating a mystery.” Twilight finally said.

“A mystery?” Phelps asked. Twilight shook her head in confirmation.

“I think I can help you with that.”

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