It hides in plain sight
Grimliss had brought with him four of his own guards. These bulky behemoths were only so from their armor, for within resided something that only Grimliss knew, and it wasn't a pretty bit of information. For others, the deer just looked like the guards of Anglacite, but with armor that fully covered their bodies and rusted edges. The group was walking through the city towards one of the enormous gates guarding its interior, and something piqued the God-King's interest.
"Where are your companions?" Grimliss wondered.
"Oh, they're waiting outside. They preferred to put up camp while waiting for me," Flame Arrow answered.
"Camp? What for? They could have just entered the city."
"Well, the reindeer here aren't really..." she trailed off.
"Affectionate towards ponies?" Stelimus added.
The pony's ears perked and she looked at Stelimus with a wide grin. "Yes! Oh, I didn't think there was a deer here who understood...Who is he again?"
Grimliss just looked at her in disbelief. "He's my nephew: Stelimus, Son of Anglacite."
"...Oh..."
Flame shrunk down in fear and embarrassment and hurried forward towards the enormous gates ahead of the path.
"What's wrong with her?" Stelimus asked.
"Well, your father isn't exactly...well, you know."
"And is there anything new you want to share with me or are you just trying to remember what you ate last night?"
Grimliss gave a glare at his nephew. "Are you calling me old?"
The young stag just rolled his eyes. "You ARE old. You, Barfella, and my 'dad' all surpass this civilization's own age by quite a bit, and you look like a skeleton! Good grief, I bet you're even a lich."
Grimliss' eyes darted around nervously and he added to the peculiarity by laughing suspiciously. "Right. I'm a lich. Of course."
Stelimus narrowed his eyes, but they didn't remain so or long as his head smacked into Flame Arrow's rear.
"Ow!" the deer shouted.
Flame Arrow turned around to face Grimliss. "They won't open the DOORS!" she yelled.
Grimliss shook his head and smiled a little at her eccentricities. "Open the doors! Your God-King commands it!" he yelled at the deer standing atop the barbican.
"Hey wait, I've never been to the walls before. Dear God they're enormously tall."
The walls were so tall that there was no way to actually estimate their height. Worse still was how they looked like frozen, black iron. It was perhaps from the frost magic the deer used that kept it from shattering, but so far, for Gregary, it seemed that these were definitely not made from any kind of metal he had seen before.
"Say, uncle, what are these walls made of?"
"That's...Well, if you think they're made of metal, you're wrong."
"Then what are they made of?"
"I can't tell you in front of the ponies, but..." he leaned in close to the stag's ear and whispered. "They're made from the essence of dark spirits. Some of the toughest and most difficult materials to acquire and shape."
"They're so long and they're made of nothing but that?"
Grimliss nodded.
"Good grief."
Violently deafening screeches interrupted the thoughts of any around as the doors had started to open and were none too keen to be removed from their resting spot. Outside, there were two crystal guards waiting for the group. The blizzard from before was no longer raging and the tundra appeared to be calm for the moment, allowing Stelimus to see a faint, orange glow on the horizon. The two guards bowed.
"Your lordship, we have come to take you and your Nephew to the Crystal Kingdom. We hope that--"
Grimliss and his guards moved forward without hesitation while the stag just waved the ponies off. "Yeah yeah. 'We hope you appreciate all this effort' and blah blah blah. Enough with the formalities."
The two guards stuttered as they didn't know how to respond to such a thing.
"Come on you two, let's go,' Flame said.
The group moved through the twilight covered tundra without much problems aside from the height of the snow and quickly reached the campsite further away. It was just an assortment of tents and a fireplace. The whole thing jittered something in Stelimus' mind, bringing him back to when he was just a boy on a camping trip with his father. Everything about what they were doing was starting to come back.
"S'MORES!"
The thing is, there were weird, almost draconic little creatures wearing thin clothes dead all around the camp, and it looked like everyone was packing up.
"What are those things?" Flame Arrow wondered as she poked one face-planted into the snow.
"Kobolds," a purple crystal guard said. "Not that much of a threat, but I'm surprised they would be up here in the frozen wastes. They're usually satisfied in hot climates."
"Why are they so shiny and she isn't?" Stelimus asked his uncle.
"She's from Equestria, so she has a similar appearance to us. The crystal ponies are sitting on a heart of crystal which emits tremendous amounts of crystal energy, hence their appearance having changed over the generations. Of course, rather ironically, their ruler cut out the heart and carved it into a crystal heart."
"That seems...redundant."
"We need to go. The thing that has been lurking around the tundra was said to have been sighted around here," the purple pony said.
He was breathing fast and moving about as erratically as his comrades.
"Giant...thing?" Stelimus asked.
The guard wrapped up a tent and tossed it towards a unicorn who floated it into a box. This continued for some time until Grimliss grew tired and started walking away with his four guards and nephew. Flame Arrow jumped in front of him to halt his progress.
"You can't leave! We need to escort you! It's our duty!"
The God-King had a look of boredom covering his face. "I can assure you that I am more than capable of defending myself."
"I won't have it. I'm staying with you."
"Fine by me."
"No! I won't sta-Really?"
"Yes," Grimliss groaned in exasperation. "Are we going to keep doing this or are you going to let me pass."
"I...I guess I can."
Flame stepped aside, letting the deer go through. He snorted and continued.
"Say, how am I supposed to learn frost magic and anything about the spirits if I'm gone from the school after the first day?" Stelimus asked.
Grimliss huffed. "We've already taken care of that little issue."
"Hmmm. I'm curious as to why no one said anything to the 'teacher' about who I am. Was it to prevent favoritism?"
Grimliss chuckled. "Oh, I heard from your father that they did tell your teacher, but she really didn't care. When he chastised her for dishonoring his lineage, she looked out of a window and phased through it, ignoring him."
"Wow. That's...something...wait, did you say phased?" Flame interrupted.
"Yeah. She's a...spirit..." Stelimus shrugged.
The deer looked back and forth at the two then rolled her eyes and looked away. "You reindeer can be so weird sometimes."
"Oh, and I will teach you how to properly bring out your frost energies," Grimliss added.
"Really?!" The young stag was really excited, but a thought crossed his mind. "Wait, I thought you lost your affinity to ice."
"I did, but that doesn't mean that my magic functions on a different core nor that I forgot how frost magic works. It's just...different."
A few minutes had passed after that conversation, leaving only the cold wind to shout its presence and freezing Flame Arrow who was starting to shake and tremble. The sound of baggage shaking also came from behind and became louder and louder until the group of crystal guards came around the group and formed a protective circle. The purple stallion cast a heating spell on Flame who sighed in relief.
"I thought you learned that spell before coming here," he growled.
She twiddled with her hooves. "I did. I'm just not...good with magic."
"Ho. HO HOOOoo. A unicorn who is bad with magic. That's new," the stallion mocked with a large grin on his face.
"Hey, it's not my fault. Magic was never my thing!"
The stallion raised a brow. "Is that a way to talk to your superior officer?"
"N...No sir," she dropped her head in anger.
"Then I expect you to refrain from doing so again or you'll get to suffer through some rather...mmm...demanding duties."
She threw her head up in horror. "Not--"
"Oh yes." He leaned in closer and grinned. "Climbing Potato Mountain."
Grimliss and Stelimus both shook their heads in disappointment. A few hours had passed and the sound of Stelimus stomach was disturbing his uncle's peaceful thoughts.
"I'm hungry, I'm tired, I'm thirsty, and I need to pee," the young stag complained.
"Just...pee in the snow!" the God-King growled.
"This is getting to you too, huh?" Grimliss asked.
"Yes. I don't remember the travels in the tundra being long and tedious."
A low, rumbling sound echoed throughout the tundra, prompting everyone to stop and look around in search of the source. They couldn't seem to find it, but something caught the sight of both Grimliss and the Purple stallion. There was a weird color transition off in the distance. A large line that seemed darker than everything around it, then the purple stallion gulped in fear.
"Oh no. Is it the thing that everypony has been talking about?!" he gasped quietly.
"Everypony?" Gregary thought to himself.
(ignore the link if you want a pure, literary piece. I couldn't resist even though I'm not supposed to put links like that in stories)
Three yellow dots appeared in the distance, opening like eyes. Stelimus followed everyone's converging gazes and looked on in horror. It was the giant from so long ago, and it was getting closer! Its steps somehow reverberated through the snow and violently shook the tundra as if it were a mighty god.
"Run. RUN!" Grimliss shouted.
Everyone started galloping away, but Stelimus was still too small to follow their speeds and was being left behind. Another memory ran through Gregary's mind, reminding him of the day after his father's funeral when he was so young. Barely even a child at that point, and he started to have nightmares of his father purposely abandoning him even though he knew that wasn't true deep down but didn't understand what had happened. The giant was getting taller and taller with every step, showing just how colossal it was, and each one started to scare and jostle Gregary's memories and emotions from the time.
"DADDY!" he unintentionally cried.
A low, reverberating noise filled everyone's ears when they saw the creature looking down at tiny Stelimus and approaching him dangerously. Each step started tossing everyone into the air. Grimliss was the only one to hear his nephew's cries in the snow, and he screamed as well.
"STELIMUS!"
The disguise of his body faded to show his true appearance, terrifying the guards around him even more. The God-King's body turned into a black wreath of fire and spirits while he moved with the group. A weird pressure pushed down upon everyone's hearts and reality seemed to snap into pieces for a brief moment. Stelimus was suddenly on his uncle's horns, crying.
"How did you..." Flame tried to form a sentence but failed.
"It's getting closer!" one of the crystal guards shouted.
A gigantic shape appeared in the darkness above the group. It was large enough to flatten at least ten other groups of their size.
"If we reach the Crystal Kingdom, the barriers erected by the prince and princess will fend it off!" the purple guard shouted. "We're almost there! Keep hope! To the left!"
The whole group sprinted to the left, narrowly escaping the enormous hand by the space between what appeared to be its thumb.
"By the Creator! What abomination is it? It's...It couldn't be...A hecatonchires class?!" one of the guards shouted in terror.
"Stow that talk, soldier. No hecatonchires class has been seen outside the Cotton Alpines and the Nyubet! To the right!"
They all dodged, but one guard wasn't so fortunate and was completely flattened.
"We're not gonna make it!" one of the stallions cried.
"Yes we are!" Flame shouted. "Look! The giant crystals on the outskirts of the kingdom are just up ahead. A few more steps and we're there!"
The sound of air being cast aside permeated into the air and started to pressurize the group. Two massive, black shapes were closing in on them from the sides, ready to meet each other in a great collision.
"We won't be able to get out of this one! Those limbs are too big!" the purple pony shouted.
Grimliss growled in response. "Fine. I'll transport us all above and in front of the hands when they meet so the shock wave will throw us into the barrier."
His reformed body started to crackle with purple sparks in anticipation of the strike. The guards were annoying him, asking if it was 'now' that they would be transported, but the deer would not respond. It was when the giant walls were about to meet that the group was teleported in front of the hands through a black mist. The clap was so loud and powerful that everyone but Grimliss were knocked out and thrown, along with several tons of snow, forward. They flew quite a distance and landed far into the grassy barrier of the Crystal Kingdom, their landing being softened by Grimliss' magic. He quickly looked around to make sure no one was hurt and checked for his nephew on his antlers and nodded to himself when he saw Stelimus sleeping, his coat soaked in tears. The situation wasn't over yet, however, and the stag quickly turned to face the giant who was smashing its fists onto the barrier, quite literally creating loud echos and making some of the smaller crystals dotted around the landscape shatter from the shock waves.
After a while, it gave up and casually walked away into the embrace of a hail storm, letting Grimliss exhale loudly in relief and drop onto his back, letting his dark magic dissipate from under everyone.
"If I still had a heart right now, I would be having a heart attack. What in the Abyss was that thing?"
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Hmm, another interesting chapter. Well done. I look forward to seeing what you have in store for the characters immediate future.
I had trouble this chapter keeping track of who was talking.
There isn't any clue as to whom is speaking those last two lines... is it two of the guards? The purple pony? The son? Grimless? Who?
Nothing like running for your Life while having a elder abomination napping at your heels to get the blood flowing.
Thank 4 updating I like the new chapter good work
6564644 Woops. I'll fix that right away.
Ok. I've read through the chapter a second time and it is better.... but I've realized there was another reason I was confused.
https://www.fimfiction.net/writing-guide#Lavender-Unicorn-Syndrome
The only one referred to as the God King before was Anglacite, but only Grimliss is mentioned in this chapter. Making this even more confusing is...
Which makes it sound like Grimliss is Stelimus's father. (Either that or Anthracite's physical description has radically changed)
Should be changed to either Grimless or Anthracite.
I would recommend dropping the use of God-King and just use Grimless, Anglacite or God-King Grimless, God-King Anglacite...
Remember, it is a title, not a name. Especially since there are more than one God-King... and both of them are nearby.
PS:
I love the story.
Remember.... we point out problems because we care.
6565871 In previous chapters it is mentioned that Anglacite and his siblings are all god-kings, but when Anglacite is present, only he is referred to as a God-King as he's the only one who accepts the title. I'll do a little comedy act in the future concerning the title when all three are present.
When only one is present, I'll utilize that title for generalization but will separate when more than one is in place to avoid confusion.
6565964
Yeah. I don't mind it being used as a title.. when people are talking to him.("Greeetings, God-King!"), but using it a name, (God-King said "Hello brother!") is confusing as I had no clue (until I re-read it a couple times) that it was only Grimliss on the trip and that the daddy wasn't there. (and I'm still not sure if that is the case).
---------------------
EDIT:
Added some solutions:
The God-King -> He. The subject didn't change so there isn't a need to re-use his name or title.
Simplifies the sentence quite a bit.
https://www.fimfiction.net/writing-guide#Lavender-Unicorn-Syndrome
6566044 Implemented and changed a line. Also, no. It's not lavender unicorn syndrome. Lavender unicorn syndrome is when you use too many subject qualifiers. I usually use only two and rarely three.
They don't belong to me, they're just a twist on a standard fantasy mook that's been given a bit more brains.
6571194 *fixed
6585649 Well. You have lots to read now.
6588993 Even the deer don't know, and the god-kings have no true perception of time, so I purposely made it blank.
It's for you to fill in the gaps.
6589022...For some reason I am not receiving any alerts about your replies.
6589799 Are you still on the pages of this story when you're supposed to receive them?
6599315
...
...
...
MYLIFEISALIIIIIIIIEEEEEE!......
6599920 *points at you* Ha ha!
6599920
6599930
Most would now say troll face *holds up troll's severed head* Troll head.
So he comes in soon?
6602058 He?
6603006 Clyde of Dale
6603481 Oh him. No. He'll appear later on in the Tundra when Stelimus is given his first task in the Tundra Hunting Party to learn about basic combat techniques
they were only so from their armor... huh? That sentence doesn't make sense.
Good grief, this is how I want to be able to write
Oh well, greatly done, honestly. It's so refreshing from what I usually read.
In reality Grimliss was just really fond of alchemy that's all. Oh wait, that's a GRIM way of making soldiers too I suppose. Ehehehe
Or maybe he is just a gamer who got stuck in this world as a sorceror of some sorts. A Sorceror King if you would perfer even. *wink wink nudge nudge*
You'd think so but then you'd have to take into account that Cadence was an honorary member of Departmenet of Redundancy Department.
You know Stelimus really couldn't hve for a better teacher if he wanted to escape favoritism. i mean the Windigo didn't even care if the lived or died so why should she bother herself with a lowly oxygen breather like Anglomaniac. It's also nice to see him get a taste of his own medicine when a creature above him treats him with disdain.
OH NO! THE POTATOES ARE COMING! WE ARE ALL FUCKED!
mypokecard.com/my/galery/J5jtgBhld5wU.jpg
*clicks link*
Strap in folks. We're heading in for a battle scene!
*post reading*
And on that note we end the citation portion of this comment. Now onto the final thoughts. Overall this was a really nice chapter. It was a bit slow until we got to the giant and the fight that ensued, but it did give nice characterization to Grimliss whom, even though he is a "god king", I find much more tolerable and likeable than Anglacite. He seems to have quite a lot of disdain for the pony song, but he isn't as overt or brazen as his brother. More reserved and cuninng which is always a big plus in my book. Stelimus also seems to have a lot of issues from back when he was still Gregary and it is really surprising how one traumatic event can awaken another. Overall good job mate. Keep it up.
Ain't nobody gettin' in to see the wizard; no way, no how.
Damn... Not a singel chapter that isn't punishment for the main character...