One thousand years ago, Nightmare Moon triumphed over Celestia and plunged Equestria into an era of darkness.
On the outskirts of the great city of Cloudsdale, Rainbow Dash struggles to provide for herself and her only friend, Fluttershy. Her mundane if uncomfortable existence, however, is thrown into chaos when she finds herself arrested for theft and treason.
When Nightmare Moon sends her personal student, Twilight Sparkle, to aid the investigation, things rapidly spiral out of control as events that will change the fate of Equestria unfurl.
Chapters (9)
You messed up how to italicize. You use [ and ] . Other than that, Brilliant. Quite a captivating read. Hope there is more
Ooooh, this seems really interesting. I like it so far, and can't wait for more. I like how you have Twilight as still good, but oblivious to the situation, which really makes sense considering she used to be so absorbed in her studies. And Rainbow being a thief to take care of Fluttershy makes sense too - I see a kind of sisterly thing between them. Keep up the awesome work
663617Thanks for letting me know. On deviantART, where I first uploaded it, the proper format for italics is < and >. I've corrected it now and, thanks to you, I won't make the same mistake in the future.
As for more, yes, there definitely will be. I'll try to add more as often as I can while keeping the quality up.
(I sigh and check the time. <i>Good, at least I'm still on schedule. I still have half an our before I need to start my observations on the potential applications of long-range extra-equinal teleportation in a system of low-). Only place that I see another Italicization. other than that, you've nailed it. Also, I wonder if Fluttershy did actually sell her out.
668303Again, I need to thank you. From now on, I'll just know to use the find and replace function in the actual document I'm working on. As for Fluttershy, you'll be able to find out when I'm done with the next chapter.
This is an excellent story, and a very nice AU. I'm looking forward to the chapters that show what happened with Applejack, Pinkie Pie, and Rarity.
And of course, to the inevitable team-up and expulsion of Nightmare Moon.
Question: Has FIMFiction been screwing up for you as well? Because it's been really fritzy for me.
Anyway, I enjoyed this chapter, as Twilight inevitably makes the decision to rebel. I knew it was coming, of course. Now, all they need to do is fllee to Ponyville to meet up with the rest of the Mane 6.
744413Last night when I was uploading this, it probably took me around thirty minutes because pages weren't loading, things weren't saving, etc. So far at least, I haven't had any problems today, so I guess they were just having temporary issues with the server.
Ah, cool. They're finally going to Ponyville.
Please try to update moar.
891030Yes, we are finally getting there. I really am sorry that it took me so long, I've just been really busy and I haven't been feeling too well lately. But believe me, I want more of this written more quickly, too.
I really like the concept of this story. I can't wait to see how they survive with the guards after them. I also look forward to them meeting the others and how they changed. Now that I think about it Twilight might know more combat spells now that see was taught by Nightmare instead of Celestia. Looking forward to the next one.
892359I'm glad you're enjoying it. The ways the characters would be different if Nightmare had defeated Celestia was really what made me want to write this in the first place. And, yes, Twilight's education, both magical and non-magical, is very different from how Celestia teaches her students.
Aw... Poor AJ. Torn away from everything she knows and loves by circumstance.
On another note, glad to see this finally updated! I look forward to more!
Captain Nightstrike seems to be a rather interesting character. A bit mysterious, someone with a clear head for a change, and apparently a bit obsess with cards it seems. And, how he handled Shadowmoon make me curious on how he will play out later onward in the story...
C&C:
The pegasi would need to carry them if the did that...
> Replace the second ‘the’ with ‘they’.
2826210Thanks for the correction, it's fixed now.
Are there any plans to continue this story? I ask because I am going to favorite this because the plot behind it sounds interesting. HOWEVER, until it is completed, I am going to give it a thumbs down. Because while I may approve of the plot behind the story, I DO NOT approve of the fact that it has been 1 year, 5 months, 4 weeks, and 8 days since the last update. I mean, I understand that greatness can't be rushed, but needing 554 days in order to update the next chapter means one of three things: A: You've given up on the book (this is the most likely scenario). B: You're too busy to write any more (which is understandable, even if it is also extremely annoying, as this looks like a good book). Or C: You're dead (this is a scenario with a 50% probability chance, seeing as how people die every day.) If option C makes you feel uncomfortable than that means two things. You are obviously not dead, and I am sorry for having that be one of the three possibilities. Also, don’t give up! Your fans deserve better! I, of course, meant that in the best and most encouraging possible way.
I like it. Seems realistic. I'll give it a like for now but what I want to see is Nightmare Moon's personality.
It seem things are heating up for our gang, as well as for poor Captain Nightstrike. I can't wait to see more when it is ready. In any case, nice to see you again and great job with the new chapters. As for C&Cs, I will post one for this and last chapter at the same time here.
Ch. 8 C&Cs:
Other than us and the sleeping guards, the twon seems empty.
> Correction: ‘town’.
Besides, if Applejack is with you then, based on her reputation...
> Move ‘then’ to after the comma.
Gems are just his favorite, and tI imagine that would be quite an expensive meal.
> Correction: ‘I’.
“Don’t youthink this whole thing is suspicious?”
> Normally, I would tell you to separate ‘youthink’, but if this was done intentionally, I think it is fine.
I this was some plan to get ya, it’s the most elaborate one I’ve ever heard of.
> Correction: ‘If’.
I take a deep breath to regain my composure and open the door.”How may I help you, sir?” I try to smile.
> Separate the two paragraphs.
Ch. 9 C&Cs:
...that Captain Nightstrike isn’t just you’re average guard from some random backwater!
> Replace “you’re” with “your”.
He’s the captain of the Royal Guard in Cloudsdale...
> Capitalize ‘captain’ in this case.
Nightstrike gives Rarity a murderous glare.”You’re going to pay for that.”
> Separate the two paragraph.
The first hoof my have gone in your favor, Twilight, but not this one.
> Correction: ‘may’.
...I see an unnmistakable pegasus streaking through the air back in our direction...
> Correction: ‘unmistakable’.
I turn to look at the Earth pony stallion, the captain of the Ponyville Royal Guard.
> Capitalize ‘captain’ in this case.
this story wouldn't get more than 10 readers if it wasn't for nightmare moon