Ponyville confessions

by Lunaexcelsior

Rainbow Dash

So I’m sitting there, tending bar, when in comes a very popular pony, Rainbow Dash.

Now Rainbow Dash is usually very energetic and very confident and not to mention very recognizable. I mean she has a mane like no other pony, so she would be rather hard to miss.

As she walks in, I can see a lot of ponies whisper to themselves and giggle in her general direction.

“What are you laughing at punks?!” Rainbow yelled to the curious eyes as they immediately averted their gaze from the agitated mare.

She sat down by the bar and sighed.

“What’ll it be, Ms. Dash?” I asked her.

“Apple Cider, please”, she said, “And make sure to spike it as much as you can”.

I nodded my head and poured her the drink.

“Ms. Dash”, I said o her as I handed the drink; “pardon me for asking, but why were those ponies laughing at you?”

“It’s these stupid rumors”, she said, “Apparently somepony has been spreading stupid stories that I am somehow romantically connected to every mare and colt in town”.

“Really?” I said in shock “Well how so?”

She pulled out a newspaper called the ‘Diamond gossip’.

“I wonder who wrote this?” I said sarcastically.

“I know”, Rainbow scoffed, “She’s just been so subtle about it”.

I looked at the picture on the front cover which displayed Applejack biting down on Rainbow’s tail. Above it was a headline ‘Tug of war or tug
of love? Read all about it!’

I couldn’t help but chuckle.

“Hey! Rainbow exclaimed “It’s not funny”.

“I’m sorry Ms. Dash”, I said, wiping the tears of laughter, “but this is clearly a work of a child’s imagination. I don’t think anypony could
actually take it seriously”.

“Oh yeah”, Rainbow said, “Well, how’s about you look at this?”

She said and pulled out another newspaper which showed her carrying Fluttershy in her hooves. Above it was a title ‘Rainbow’s true embrace’.

“Oh I see”, I said, “yeah this could be taken out of context”.

“And that’s not even the half of it”, she said, “There are at least twenty more numbers, saying similar things”.

“Well, haven’t you tried taking some actions against her?”I asked “I mean this is clear defamation of character”.

“You think I didn’t try?” she said “I took the matter to court, but they pretty much told me I can go home and suck on my hooves, because there is nothing untrue about the pictures. And every article was formulated in a ‘speculative’ and ‘suggestive’ manner without any ‘harmful implications’ “, she said with heavy quotation marks, “I don’t know what to do anymore”.

As she said that she started gulping down her drink. I felt bad for the poor gal, so I had to do something.

“I have a sneaky idea”, I said, “but it will involve some heinous things”.

“What do you mean?” Rainbow Dash asked me.

“Well I have certain customers here that could use some heavy persuasion techniques”, I winked at her, “If you want I can make your
problems disappear”.

“I don’t want you to hurt her!” Rainbow protested.

“What?” I said in surprise “No, no, they would just scare the little bugger so she stops bugging you anymore. Don’t worry they won’t hurt her”.

“Okay”, she said, “but can I know who this pony is or…?”

“Don’t worry your pretty little head”, I said, “You just say the word and let them do their thing”.

Rainbow thought for a long time.

“Alright”, she said, “But remember: Don’t hurt her!”

“You have my word”, I said.

From that point on the ‘Diamond gossip’ stopped its print. In the last issue it published a lengthy public apology to Rainbow Dash and then pulled from business.

I guess the lesson here is, if you are writing gossip about somepony, at least make sure that somepony doesn’t come across Tirek’s bartender.

You see a lot of weird things as a bartender. You see a lot of weird things at the Hay Palace. So, I see a lot of weird things as a bartender at the Hay Palace. And that’s no lie. Swear on me mum.

Comments

[kratosarar]

the two chapters were great as ever how bout berry punch I mean we can't have a drinking related fic without her appearing now can we?

[Lunaexcelsior]

6251180 I don't know that much about her character, but I'll give it a shot

[Lunaexcelsior]

6252774 Still even if his actions werent 'illegal' they are very immoral and highly ethically questionable.