Ponyville confessions

by Lunaexcelsior

Applejack

So I am sitting there, tending bar, when in comes somepony I didn’t expect to see, Applejack.

Now, Applejack is a hard working mare and, aside from a few apple deliveries, I haven’t seen her much around these parts.

So she sits down and I noticed how tired she looks.

If you thought she looked too tired when she made that stupid bet with Big Mac then you would have dropped down if you had seen her like this. I mean she was absolutely exhausted.

I thought she was going to fall asleep right there at the bar.

So I ask “Ms. Applejack, are you feeling alright’”

“Not even a lil’, barskey”, she replied.

“Well what happened?” I asked her.

“How’s ‘bout yall give me a glass full of moonshine and I’ll tell yall. And don’t yall be givin’ me those fancy schmancy tiny glasses. I wanted the biggest glass of moonshine yall can find!” she yelled.

I looked at her with surprise as I poured in her drink into the biggest glass I could find.

“Pardon my rudeness, barskey”, she said, “But ah been a lil’ on the edge lately. What with the Riches moving in and whatnot” she said.

“Oh yeah, I heard about”, I said to her, “How are things going with yall”.

“Well Mr. and Ms. Rich have been going along with us like a pig in a mudbath”, she said, “but that little vermin they call their kin is bein’ a real
pain in the keester if yall know what ah mean” she said to me and chugged down her moonshine.

Needless to say, I agreed with her.

I tell ya that little snot nosed bugger of their daughter is the most annoying thing I have ever seen. And I’ve seen Trixie!

She’s always running around the bar, causing all sorts of shenanigans with that stuck up friend of hers and she’s just the devil’s spawn to me, always kicking me in the shins and being an annoying little twat.

“I know what you mean”, I tell her.

“Do yall even know what that heck spawn did to poor ol’ Granny Smith?” she asked me.

“No, I don’t”, I said to her, refilling her drink, “What did she do?”

“She took ol’ Granny’s cane right out of her hooves!” Applejack said.

“Right out of her hooves?!” I asked in shock.

“Right out of her hooves!” she repeated in outrage “Ah mean can you believe that?! There’s disrespect for your elderly and then there is this”, AJ said, “And not to mention what that demon has been making us do all day and night. I’d rather buck thorn apples then have to listen to ‘er complainin’ about tea temperature ever again”.

“I feel your pain”, I said to her, “but you can’t really do much here. You know what they say about life and lemons”.

“Oh that’s what yall think”, AJ said smugly, “Ah am not gonna let that filly escape unpunished. She needs to be taught respect for her elders!” she said and slammed her hoof against the bar.

“What do you mean?”I ask.

“Ah’m gonna give ‘er the apple delivery duties”, AJ said smugly.

“Delivery duties?” I said in surprise, “But doesn’t that go through –“

“The Chimera teritory?”, she finished my sentence, “Oh, yall can bet yer sweet moustache it does!”

I felt a bit flattered, but more horrified.

“That’s diabolical!” I said.

“Relax, ah’m not gonna let ‘er get eaten”, AJ said, “Ah just wanna give that disrespectful filly a bit of a scare, so she’d learn some respect!”

“How do you know Mr. Rich will agree?” I asked.

She raised one eyebrow at me.

“Yall do know the he ain’t opposed to child labor, right? Even if it’s his own flesh and blood”, she said, “He respects the hard work more than anypony ah met so far”.

“Still”, I said to her, “Don’t you think you’re going a little bit too far?”

She gulped down the rest of her drink, looked at me straight in the eyes and said, “Look me in the eyes and tell me you wouldn’t do the same thing”.

Celestia only knows I couldn’t do that, so I just stayed silent.

She paid me for the drink and was off on her way.

You see a lot of weird things as a bartender. You see a lot of weird things at the Hay Palace. So, I see a lot of weird things as a bartender at the Hay Palace. And that’s no lie. Swear on me mum.