• Member Since 13th Jun, 2015
  • offline last seen Aug 30th, 2015

DementedReader


T

Doctor "Time Turner" Hooves excited for his creation tried it out, only to have disastrous results as he is sent to a place he has no idea of. A place which is ruled by humans. A place called Earth.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 2 )

Slipping between past and present tense made this really hard to understand. Then the loads and loads of OC's came in and I stopped trying.

Like the other commenter said before me, you keep switching tenses. You also say things like "note" instead of "not", and "reveling" instead of "revealing". Commas are also placed weirdly. The story itself isn't bad, but I find it really odd that you made Scootaloo as his roommate. I'm not sure what to think about that.

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