The mare, Starlight Glimmer, and the dragon, Spike, sat down at the table outside. The both considered what they wanted. “I wonder if they have gems to sprinkle on top,” Spike pondered.
“I doubt it. They never do. It’s a real shame.”
“Hey, I’ll ask anyway. It’s like Ponscal’s Wager, you know? If I don’t ask and they did have gems, then I’ll have to suffer an eternity knowing that I never got gems that one time. Because I’m a dragon. And dragons are immortal.”
“That’s reasonable… I guess. It’s also a little depressing, but... I think I’ll get cookies and cream cone.”
“Really? That’s a little boring.”
“Spike, if I’m paying then I will get cookies and cream if I want cookies and cream.”
“Okay, sheesh, I was just joking.”
“You don’t joke about ice cream,” Starlight glared.
Spike laughed.
The two sat whilst Spike picked over his menu, announcing his satisfaction at some of the items and confusion on which one to get. Eventually, he decided.
Pinkie Pie came over and took the couple’s order.
“Woah, woah, we aren’t a couple. Stop.”
It’s just a phrase to spice up the language in the story. It’s a figure of speech.
“Yeah, well, I don’t like it.”
“I don’t like it either. It’s a little creepy. And by a little I mean that it’s a lot creepy. I’m a mare and he’s a child. Like really.”
God, fine. This fourth wall break is going to be really awkward and is going to make people stop reading the story. See what you did? This is your fault. There, right there, we already lost ten people.
Pinkie Pie came over and took the duo’s order. Starlight ordered her cookies and cream and Spike ordered a chocolate sundae, remembering to ask for gems.
The two ate in silence for a while before Starlight simply became too curious. “Okay, I know I’m going to regret this.”
“Regret what?”
“What did you mean when you said ‘I’ve already seen it’?”
“What?”
“...Earlier… in the castle…” Starlight said, trying to remain as vague as possible.
“You mean…?”
“Yes! I probably do mean what you’re thinking!”
“Well.”
“Well what?”
“Most ponies don’t wear clothes.”
Starlight stared at him in awe, as if the messiah were sitting in front of her eating a chocolate sundae.
“What?”
“I… I don’t know what to say.”
“You know, most dragons think it’s pretty gross.”
“Think what’s—You know what, I’m eating. I don’t want to hear about this.”
“But it’s just—”
“Ahah! Yeah, I don’t want to hear about it. Please.”
“Fine.”
It seems to be canon that the average pony's grasp of mathematics is far superior to that of the average human.
Let me preface this by saying that this is a good idea. The idea of Twilight unintentionally dismissing Cadence's intelligence only for her to turn around and surprise her with unexpected depths. I think it holds a good message about never judging a book by it's cover, and appreciating the people around not for how you see them, but for who they really are.
That said the execution is a little... eh. I'll come out and say it, you make Cadence sound like a ditz. Admittedly, according to this story she started out as one, but you're having Cadence in the present talk like a ditz. She skips around, misses important details, and the unironic beginning jokes didn't exactly help with that image either.
Then there's this... thing in the background, I hesitate to call it a side story, of Spike walking in on Starlight Glimmer masturbating and they go out and have ice cream. I can feel my brain stretching trying to wrap my head around that little subplot. All in all I think that this is a good idea for a story, the execution just needs a little work.
Congrats on the feature!
Dat title though
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Thanks!
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Thank you.
To be honest, I was really conflicted with how to execute this. I wasn't really sure how I wanted to tell the story, and I finally decided to just have Cadance herself tell it.
The impression that I always got from Cadance was that of a "Valley Girl." Reading the beginning jokes now does make it clear that those two images clash, so thank you for pointing that out. However, I did want to portray that Cadance is seemingly shallow with the way she conveys ideas and conveys her own personality, but the way she thinks is actually deeper. I was going for a "ditz", but I did fail. I won't lie that most of my own speech patterns went into Cadance's and that really showed itself when it wasn't just short phrases. But I also feel like that redeems the concept, in that she has more time to think about what she's going to say instead of just juxtaposing in "okay" and "like" to fill
the word counttime. In any case, I will probably revise.Thank you for the criticism, though.
But... dragons don't wear clothes, either?
Longest... Title EVER!!!
Drive-by faves are not that much more meaningful than drive-by downvotes, however:
I don't know a damned thing about math beyond algebra. I watch Numberphile videos on YouTube in the hopes that it will make me smarter. So far, mixed results.
But damn, this title just speaks to me because I love the idea of a character having some vast knowledge of a topic that you'd never expect them to have (and in fact that's kind of a background joke in one of my long-runners [and also in fact the pony in question is doing calculus and then dynamic systems and chaos]), and for that alone you got the drive-by upvote and fav,
Also I will admit that I love long titles that pretty much tell you what you're about to read.
Also also I don't know yet if when I start to read I'll laugh, cringe, or just hear the whooshing sound as a math joke rushes right over my head, but I'm cool with however it goes.
I'm here because of this title. It is a mouthful, and I love it.
7276930 This will be addressed later
7277843 This comment really made my day. I will make sure to add this to my collection of horse puns.
7278342 I deny all accusations of witchcraft. This cannot be proven mathematically (because of it's circular nature).
7279527 Thank you. I hope all three of those things happen.
Assuming f represents y: y = 3*e^((1/2)(x^2 - 1))... which is in the comments to the first chapter, but since it's in the chapter title...
The technique of the two-sentence chapter is interesting.
However, I read part of the first 3 chapters and skimmed the rest: enough to tell that I'm not going to be sure what I'm reading... Might have to set aside some time for this one.
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Then I ask you to carefully reread the quote, and to especially consider
as to why I might find it cringeworthy.
The meh description of the Big Bang is just trite in comparison.
Isn't Spike just a few years younger than Twilight?
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12 is just a few years younger than 18.
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This is a comedy piece, so I don't know why you seem to be harping so hard on the throwaway aesop. Cadance being a mathematician who talks like a valley girl, is the joke.
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No it's not; mathematics isn't "deep".
But then, really, what is "deep" anyways? I'm getting the sense that we humans ascribe whatever discipline which serves no immediate practical purpose as "deep". Like art, or philosophy. But what we really mean is just that it serves no immediate practical purpose; it's just thinking for its own sake. So the question should be, is it valuable?
I would contend that it is. And that defending how it is valuable, is more valuable than defending whether it is deep.