Princess Cadance (Mi Amore Cadenza) Is Actually a Lot Better at Differential Calculus (and Other Assorted Fairly Complex Topics in Mathematics) than Anyone Would Have Reasonably Expected

by Lazauya

The Chapter in Which Cadance is Classic Cadance. Oh Cadance, You Card!

Okay, here I am. Okay, so, it started, really, when I was a small filly. You know how I came from a small little farming village and the thing with Prisma and stuff, you’ve heard that before. Okay, so, I moved to Canterlot when I was about seven, you know. I was always shy at first, and I even though I really wanted the toys the other fillies had I never wanted to impose on Auntie or anypony. And so I mostly kept my mouth shut until one day I got a pretty doll for a present. Auntie saw how much I enjoyed it so she got me more. My earth pony parents never really had the money to buy me anything, so they would always tell me that wanting things was bad. Which, you know, I wish that Auntie Celestia had made me stick to. Anyway, after a while the feeling that I was being too greedy wore off. And so I became a lot less humble and, I’m kinda embarrassed to admit it, shallow. I never really cared about school and instead just wanted to have fun. I think Auntie Celly never really noticed or she just thought that it was good that I was beginning to accept Canterlot. I really do wish that I would have just stuck with what my earth pony parents taught me, and like what you did, Twilight.

Anyway, so in the fifth grade we had a bunch of placement tests, you know, for the unicorn school. No, wait, I don’t think I’m there yet.

Okay, so, in the second grade, we had were starting stuff like multiplication at the end of the year. There was a little test that was supposed to see how much we knew. I saw the test and of course I was confused, you know. When I asked the teachers about it afterward, they told me that I shouldn’t worry about it and that I would learn it with the rest of the class.

Really, Cadance, you’re going to blame it on the school system? If I had a bit for every time I’ve heard that, I’d be a millionaire.

Hey! I never claimed there was some deep reason behind it! And for your information, if I had a bit every time I heard that “if I had a bit” thing, I’d have even more money!

Whatever.

Well, interruptions aside…. Okay, where was I…? Right! So, after that, honestly, I kinda just stopped caring about anything but pleasing Auntie as far as grades went. I wasn’t an exemplary student or anything, I mean, I got good grades, but that’s honestly where it stopped. I didn’t try to do anything more because I always thought it was pointless. Which, yeah, I know is dumb now, but… I don’t know. I just wish that I had started sooner….

Cadance, it’s not that unrealistic. You’re a princess! You don’t have to be super good at everything. You’re already smart as is.

I guess, but…. I don’t know. It’s just frustrating to think about how everyone had all these advantages in the competitions from stuff that I couldn’t control… Whatever. I shouldn’t think about it, it just makes me more frustrated than I should be. Okay, so, I guess it really started to turn around in the fifth grade. In the fifth grade, we had a seating arrangement, of course, but we would change it up every moon or so. And so two moons into the year, the seating chart was changed so that there was an open seat right next to me. So one day, Ms. Jeer announced that we’d have a new student. He was from the same school, but he was going up a grade.

I remember him nervously standing in front of the class, saying his name with a kinda jittery voice: “Starlight Shine.” He had a greyish coat with a straight, black main; there were speckles of white in it, and I guess that’s where he got his name.
Come to think of it, where did Starlight Glimmer get her name?

I… that’s a good question. But that’s getting off topic. Come on, Twilight, I’m on a roll here.
Sorry.

It’s okay. So, okay, when he sat down beside me, I glanced over at him at few times. He could only focus on the teacher. I would look back over at him every few minutes to see what he was doing, but he never looked away from the front of the class. His leg had this nervous twitch and it was obvious he was scared.

But honestly there wasn’t anything notable about him. He was just a smart colt that managed to skip a grade.

How did he do it in the middle of the year?

He told me that his parents insisted on him taking a placement test, and so he was able to skip up. At least that’s what I heard. I’m not entirely sure though, probably some bad magic at work there honestly.

Anyway, yeah, there wasn’t really anything else about him that stood out a lot. He was quiet, and never really said anything too profound. He was a pony that everyone knew about, but that nopony really knew about, you know? I mean, like, yeah… nopony asked him where he was from, or what his hobbies were. He didn’t really have any friends. I wasn’t one of those nonexistent friends, well, not for a while.

But the fact that he skipped a grade was really shocking to me. I mean, I had heard that was possible, but I thought those ponies were ponies that were super smart and weren’t anyone I’d ever meet. I always knew Canterlot was high society, but that made it even more impressive that he was able to skip. I was kinda infatuated with the idea, for a while, and I was pretty jealous that he was able to do it. But… whatever, I don’t know. Eventually, I got desensitized to the idea. I just, like, I don’t know, accepted that there were ponies that were way smarter than me.

And yeah, that just how it was for, like, a year and a half. I never really tried, or cared about trying, and I just kinda, like, I don’t know… gave up. I accepted that I’d never be good at school, and that was okay. I mean, it’s not like it really matters for me. I’m a princess, and I told myself that.

So, yeah, I guess my mindset started changing in sixth grade. There was this really smart girl who joined my class at the beginning of the year. She didn’t skip any grades or anything, but it seemed like she was just naturally gifted at everything she did. And she was popular. Now, me, being the shallow young mare I was, I wanted it too. She seemed to get along with everyone, and she was never made fun of or talked about behind her back.

See, I was always popular for the sole reason that I was a princess. I wasn’t popular in that I had a lot of friends or that I hung out with a lot of people, it was an “untouchable” kind of popularity. Ponies watched me from afar, knowing that I was in cahoots with Princess Celestia. I had friends, but they weren’t so much friends as they were… loiterers, I guess. They just flocked to me because I was royalty, and they came from wealthy backgrounds. Star Beam, Dazzle, and Knives Chau.

Knives Chau?

Joking. Her name was Kuiper Belt. But they were from the upper crust. Our reasons for hanging out with each other were basically mutually shallow. I was always a social outcast in that sense, never really understanding where I fit in. Being the only alicorn at a school is pretty awkward, as you can imagine.

So anyway I was really jealous. Here was this girl who was really smart, charismatic, and funny. I wasn’t any one of those, and it made me feel so inadequate.

Wait, what was her name?

Oh, sorry. It was Prism. Everyone liked her, and everyone feared me. It just did wonders with my ego. I mean the freudian ego.

I don’t think you’re using that right.

Oh. I don’t know. Whatever. So anyway, I walked up to her one day and I found myself talking to her. I had talked to her in the past about stuff, mostly light, but that time was different. The other times were just nothings; I might be interested in what she was doing or something, and ask her about it, and then she’d tell me. We were friendly but not much more. She knew I was interested in sciency stuff, but I think that she just assumed I was only into “pop” science. And that was basically it. We didn’t know eachother that well. So, anyway, that day I wanted to talk to her about something cool that I had learned the previous night.

“Oh, Prism,” I said. I remember saying with a whisper almost because I think that I didn’t really want to say it.

“Yes, Cadance?”

“Well, uhm, last night, I was reading about attractors and stuff about Chaos theory.”

“Really?” She was surprised.

“Do you know anything about that?” I was really awkward.

“Yeah, I took the proficiency test for it a few months ago.”

Why are you giving her a weird voice? She sounds like a stallion trying to be a mare. Or like… a mare trying to be a stallion trying to be a mare. I guess. It’s not right.
I don’t criticize your performances!

When did this become a performance? I thought you were just telling a story. Not to mention that you're telling it really weird.
Well…!

I mean… should I be writing this down? It sounds like a manuscript. Like, a bad one, but a manuscript.

No! Do not write this down!

Okay….

Anyway! As I was saying, she was all like “I took the test for it.”

At that time I felt really dumb. I said something like: “You can do that?”

And then she said, “Well yeah, you take the SE’s.”

“I thought those were for highschoolers.”

“No, anyone can take them. So… what did you want to talk about again?”

“...Nothing…” I felt really dumb after talking to her. She was so far ahead of me that I kinda felt ashamed. And remembering what I said that day makes me want to cringe. Gosh, it’s so awful!

It doesn’t seem that bad from you… acting it out.

Well it was. Ugh, why did we have to bring that up?

You did.

Ugh, I know. Well, anyway.

Wait, this is from you being in sixth grade?
No, okay, sorry. I was in seventh grade when this happened, like half way through the year. I really wanted to impress Prism because I thought that if I did she might want to be my friend or something. Ughhhhhhhhhhhh. I hate that memory so much.

And what about the placement tests? You said something about those earlier.

Well, I mean, I didn’t do well on them. I did average, and so I was put into average classes. I didn’t care at first. It was just expected, you know? So later it was really hard for me to get ahead.

Okay, wait, you said that your mindset started to change in sixth grade. What do you mean?

Well, okay, so… in sixth grade, I listened to a part of this lecture by this professor, forgot his name, on magic. I didn’t really understand a lot of what he was talking about, but I remember some really amazing things that he said were possible with unicorn magic. I was really hooked. At first, you know, I was really interested in the science but I found the math to be even more cool. And so, yeah, I don’t know. I didn’t really know any proper math, but I knew some cool facts and stuff from reading fun books.

Oh. Okay…. That probably would have been easier to interject earlier. Just saying.

Whatever.
Also, why are you telling this story in such a disjointed and wordy manner. I feel like this could be simplified.
W-well…. Whatever. Do you want to hear the rest or not?

I’m not quite so sure, to be honest. Will this cover highschool too?
Maybe. You’ll just have to hear if you want to find out.

Oh. Okay, then. I’ll just go read a book or do something else constructive.

Why are you being so mean, Twily? You’re not usually so grumpy.
Cadance, I’ll concede that you're good at linear algebra, but you're not good at telling stories. Like, jeez, did you win the award in high school for talking the most but saying the least?

I don’t feel like that’s relevant.

Oh my gosh, you did, didn’t you?

I’m not answering that!

Cadance, I love you, but come on. You won the award.

This is a loaded question!

A loaded statement. Because it’s a fact. With a period.

Shut up…. Let me just finish my story….

Okay. Fine, I’ll listen. For you. Sorry.

Yay. Okay.

Author's Note:

Cadance is such a character, isn't she? Twilight wishes she had this much personality. Probably.

Comments

[Libronot]

I like it so far.

[Dan]

Is this story taking the Alice in Numberland/Annotated Alice route?

[MLai]

How did it even not physically hurt you to write that? And you're a mathematician!