Éros is the love of passion, usually involving romance or sex. In all cases, it is intimate.
The cool, crisp, and clean air nipped at Rainbow’s coat as she stood at the doorstep to her house. Her wing twitched with an old pain when she ruffled it to try to muster a bit more warmth. She glanced at the letter in her hoof again to make sure she had the time right, then tossed the scrap back into her cloud house and shut the door.
”I wonder why Twi was so insistent I stay in my house until now.” Then, as she trotted out to where the clouds dropped off, she looked out and saw why. Down below her, a flame burned brightly against the falling night. A full moon shone overhead, but the fire was still clearly seen against the ground. It hadn’t been there hours earlier after she had seen Twilight, so she must have done something. It didn’t take a genius to know it was for her.
Rainbow spread her wings and gave them a test flap, judging how the wind would affect her flight. “Alright then, let’s go see what my marefriend has in store for me tonight.” Taking a step forward, the pegasus let her body tip over the edge and go into free fall. She hurtled to the ground below, speeding up with each passing second as she let out a whoop of happiness from the thrill shooting through her. Too soon, she had to flare her wings and slow her body down just enough to land without incident. The flame flickered, but stayed lit.
Stepping forward to take a better look at what exactly she had before her, she saw a long piece of wood stuck into the ground, with a bundle just above her head topping it off. That was on fire, providing the illumination of the area around her. Unlike what she might have expected, it was a very real fire, not just some magical image. The light it cast reflected off a pane of glass laying at the base of the torch, flashing into Rainbow’s vision.
She knelt down to look closer, only to find it was a picture frame with a scroll rolled up beside it. And the picture captured inside was one she knew very well. She rubbed her left hoof unconsciously as she saw herself in a bathtub with Twilight, both of them laughing and soaked with an equally wet floor all around them. Her wing and front hoof were bandaged in a cast, but the ugly bruising that had covered her body had all but disappeared. Their last bath together when she was injured.
“I wonder what this has to do with anything,” she wondered aloud, eyes flicking over the ground around her to try and find the alicorn. She failed to spot any sight of another pony, so she looked at the scroll instead, hoping it would give her clues. Her hooves carefully opened it, only to notice that it was one of Twilight's journal entries. Dated about a year ago.
What is love? That question has been spiraling around my head for the past week. I've read almost every book on it in the library by now, but even working through the romances doesn't give me much to go on. And yet everypony talks about it. My parents love me, and so does my brother and my friends. But this... this feels different. Rainbow doesn't feel quite like a friend anymore. I look to the future and see that, in a few short hours, she'll be back to her house and we won't see each other every day. I can barely stand the thought of it. Some might call her brash or uncaring, but there's no denying how happy she makes me. And when she goes, I don't know if I can cling onto that happiness. The obvious solution is for her to not go, but how could I do that? Which brings me back to love. I've always heard the old adage "If you love something, let it go. If it comes back, it's yours." But what if I'm letting something go before I know if I love it? Do I love Rainbow Dash, or am I just confused in my feelings? I don't even know what to think.
Wow, the Princess was quick on that letter. I decided to ask her opinion and all she said was three words. Go for it. So I've made up my mind. I hope Rainbow likes Cavallino.
Rainbow sat down on her rear, staring at the piece of parchment she had just read. She had read several of Twilight's journal entries, but never this one. If only she had known then what was going through that brilliant mind of hers. "Well at least I said yes." Rainbow shifted on her hooves, trying to decide what to do with the objects. "Should I fly them up to my house?" she wondered, only to have her problem resolved for her. Another flame sprung up in the distance, no doubt containing similar artifacts. Glancing up again at the orange fire, she left the journal and photo, assuming that whoever extinguished the torch would collect it. She took to the sky once again and flew to the next area, this time lit by a strange green fire.
“Come on out Spike, I know you’re here somewhere,” she called. She didn’t expect a response and she didn’t get one. Odds are the little dragon was already running to light the next torch, wherever that was. ”Alright Twi, I have no idea where you’re taking me, but I trust you.” Instead, she looked down to see what was waiting for her. Instead of a single picture, there were two, both instantly recognizable scenes. Each had a scroll loosely taped to it.
The first was of the two of them once again laughing with each other, only in a different setting. The pasta in front of them and the sauce smearing Rainbow’s cheek told her it was their first “date” at the restaurant. They still got the same table whenever they went. Rainbow had even carved their initials under the table one night. It was a place full of good times. She had a sneaking suspicion of what the letter would contain, but she still opened it and carefully read every word within.
A DATE! I HAD AN ACTUAL DATE!I can't remember all that just happened, but all I need to know is that I am happy. Rainbow said yes and loved the restaurant (note that). The food wasn't even important, though it was quite delicious. What mattered is that I got to spend a few more hours with Rainbow. She's actually asleep behind me. I should tell the princess about this!Congrats. What kind of princess just writes congrats? Maybe I should send her a message when it isn't two in the morning. But how can I sleep when Rainbow said yes! We're dating! I get to be around her as much as I want. Wait, am I supposed to do that? I think so? To the dating section of the library!
Upon finishing the significantly shorter entry, Rainbow laughed to herself. She had actually read this one already, as it had been laying on Twilight's desk when she woke up. The owner of said desk had been downstairs, passed out among so many books on dating. She hadn't even woken when Rainbow carried her to bed and left for work.
Dash refocused on the present and looked down at the other photo and journal, remembering that event just as fondly. A Pinkie Pie party. Not just any party, because there were too many to remember. But this one was the one she had insisted on throwing after finding out Rainbow and Twilight were now a couple. There hadn’t been much they could have done do to dissuade her, but it was nice to just be able to talk about such things freely among friends. Now she was eager to read what Twilight had written about the party, hastily unrolling the scroll and causing a tiny tear in it.
Why are all of these journals written late at night? And they tend to be written with a slumbering pegasus behind me as of late. Not that I'm complaining; every second with Rainbow is a second of
awesomenesswonderfulnessawesomeness. That party was a crazy one, even if there were only six of us. Seven, counting Spike. Honestly, I was scared at first. I didn't know what they would think of me being a... fillyfooler. I hate that word, but it works. Rarity and Applejack were the ones I was most concerned about, but, as Princess Celestia always tells me, my worries were unfounded. Which makes me glad. Pinkie just leapt at the opportunity to throw the party. Fluttershy gave us some chocolates and a smile. Applejack simply had a laugh with Rainbow, happy for the both of us. And it should come to no surprise to anyone that reads this that Rarity was dramatic. There wasn't a fainting couch this time. But they all accepted us in their own way. I'm happy I don't have to loose my four closest friends in exchange for one marefriend. Because I don't know who I'd choose.
A smile touched Rainbow's lips as she set down the journal entry. Getting these tiny glimpses into the life of a mare she knew so well already was something special. it sent her on a path of nostalgia too, though not quite as in depth. "I wonder if I should start a journal." Rainbow gave a chuckle at the thought, then searched the plain in front of her. She wasn’t surprised to see the next torch ahead flare up with flame. Green again, evidence of a frantic dragon running along the path. Rainbow took pity on him and Twilight and walked towards the next location. ”If I outrun him, Twi will never let me hear the end of it.”
Even with the slower pace, she was moving faster than usual in an attempt to figure out the mystery of the night. The walk turned into a jog as she tried to reach the torch as fast as she could. It almost felt like a Daring Do book, travelling from torch to torch to find a hidden treasure. In short time, the area around her was lit by the torch in front of her. She tried to find the picture at this place, but there wasn’t one to be found. Instead, a feather lay on the ground. A blue feather, shimmering with a special lacquer, and hung onto a silver link chain.
”What? What? Twilight, what is this leading me to?” She lifted the necklace with a hoof and ran the tip of her other one along the ridges and crests of the feather. The day she plucked the primary out of her wing to give to Twilight was fresher than all the other memories, partially due to the pain, but mostly because she still couldn’t think of any greater thing to show her love for Twilight. And in return, the alicorn hadn’t taken it off since, not to shower, not to exercise, not even to attend a meeting of Canterlot nobility. And yet it lay in her hoof right now, and Twilight Sparkle was nowhere to be found.
She bit her lip, trying to decide what to do. She took a step forward, then felt a slight crunch underhoof from crushing parchment. Wincing, she realized that she had forgotten to even check for anything more. She opened the coiled paper, hoping for something, anything that might ease her racing heart. The writing inside was messier, not Twilight's usual tight and neat writing. Ink spots dotted the paper as well, more numerous than before.
Rainbow Dash gave me one of her primary feathers. I don't even know what to say right now. When she had given it to me, i didn't quite know how special it was, but a quick bit of research and a letter to Princess Celestia remedied that. I could barely breathe when I read what it meant. I already committed it to heart, but writing it down will just help me remember it better.
Pegasi gifting their primaries to one another is a practice that stretches all the way back to the time of Commander Hurricane. If a soldier wearing the primary of someone they loved died, then they could identify the body and return it to the family. When the warfare was over, the practice continued with a slightly altered meaning. Because soldiers were no longer dying, it was given as a token that meant the giver always wanted the recipient to return to them. It was meant as a token of undying love, particularly when given its past use. Another aspect is the pain the giver goes through in order to give the feather. Plucking a primary is excruciatingly painful, due to the nerves that run along the wing. And even after that, the missing primary makes flight slightly more difficult.
As a test, I tried to pluck one from my wing. The pain that shot through me forced tears from my eyes before I could even get a decent grip on it. While it might have been the place I pulled, I cannot imagine someone willing to go through that for me. Rainbow did it for me. She purposely put herself in pain so that I could have a special gift. I don't even know how to say thank you.
"And I still don't regret it," Rainbow added as her own afterthought.
A flicker of light in the corner of her vision made her turn to see the new torch. It was off to her right and at a higher elevation, almost as if it was on the side of a hill. She slipped the chain over her neck, tucked the scroll under a wing, and dashed off, more determined than before to run the path she had been set.
She skidded to a stop in front of the glowing green flame, and looked down. Again, there was no picture. Not even a scroll this time. Instead a simply flower greeted her. A white lily to be precise, the same one she had given Twilight earlier that day when they parted. Her favorite. It was perfectly preserved, not a single blemish on the gentle petals. Without a second thought, Rainbow scooped it up and tucked it into her hair, just behind her ear.
Eyes scanned the landscape around her, looking for the next location to be revealed to her. ”Wait, I was going forward in time. And this flower was only from today, so Twi’s gotta be around here somewhere.” She opened her mouth to yell, only to stop short when, above her on the hillside, four torches lit up with orangey fire. From their light, she could see the unmistakable shape of Twilight sitting in between them. The sight of her made Rainbow leap into the sky and fly as fast as she could, sliding to a halt just in front of the pony.
“Well hiya Twi. Lovely night out here.” Then, without giving her a chance to respond, Rainbow ducked down and gave her a quick smooch on the cheek. “I’ve got something of yours.” She slipped the feather from her neck and gave it back to her marefriend, Rainbow tickling her under the ear as she put it on. She giggled, losing the calm demeanor she had maintained all through her wait.
“Glad to see you finally showed up. Care to join me?” Rainbow raised an eyebrow at how nervous her voice sounded, but the other joined it at seeing the old-fashioned phonograph, complete with elegant brass bell.
“Only if you tell me why you dragged that thing all the way out here,” she gestured with her head at the music player, her mind still completely stumped as to why Twilight was acting the way she was. A path reminding her of past memories together? A night under the stars and full moon? A phonograph for doing Celestia-knows what?
“I thought we might dance!” she chirped, a stronger smile crossing her face and the nervousness changing into eagerness for a moment.
”There’s the Twilight I know.” Rainbow walked over to the device, tilting her head at it. “Dance? What kind of dancing?”
“Um, partner dancing. I can’t really do it by myself.”
“Well duh, it’s called partner dancing for a reason.” She flicked the needle down onto the record and gave it a spin. Classical music started to come out of the device, violins, harps, and a number of other instruments filling the quiet night. “Reminds me of when I couldn’t take a bath by myself. Now I don’t mind.”
Twilight let out a giggle, a bit more forced than normal. Or at least that was how it seemed to Rainbow. “I guess it does. Do you want to get started?”
Dash dismissed her marefriend’s odd attitude for the moment, focusing on just having a fun time. She swept over to Twilight’s side, and gave her a rather large—and slightly too-tight—hug. “Mmm,” she hummed, burying her nose into the mane in front of her. It smelled different, like Twilights had used a fancier and scented shampoo. Lavender, if her nose could be trusted. “I suppose partner dancing will involve me holding on to you?”
Carefully pulling herself out of the pegasus’s grasp, Twilight backed up a few steps. “Yes,” she replied, smiling at the thought. “The first thing we have to do is get on our hindlegs.”
“Like Scootaloo does for ballet!” With that, Rainbow focused and pulled herself off the ground, standing up almost completely stable. She started to walk around a little, moving in little arcs and circles as she did so. “She taught me a few things about it.”
“Well I never learned how to ballet, so I’m afraid you’ll have to help me.”
“Aww, an excuse to help a damsel in distress? How could I resist!” Laughing, she walked back over to Twilight and pulled her up on her hindlegs. As she did so, she couldn’t help but notice that something was once again amiss with Twilight: her legs were shaking and had a tiny, tiny layer of sweat on them. ”What is she hiding?”
Soon, the pair stood facing each other, one leaning against the other more than standing on her own. The music played sweetly behind them as they tried to figure out what they were even doing. But in the close proximity, a certain mischievous pegasus took the opportunity to kiss Twilight on the nose, laughing as she went cross-eyed to stare at it. “So, Twi, teach me how to dance.”
“The first thing is to wrap our hooves around each other so it’s harder to fall over.” A simple twist of their hooves and that was done, entwined in each other’s embrace even more. “We have to step in perfect harmony or we’ll stumble and fall over.”
“Step how?” Twilight blushed at the question, bringing another smile to Rainbow’s face.
“Um, you just kind of step. Like this.” She demonstrated by half-sliding a hoof along the ground, then moving the other so that she was in the same position. The movement was awkward and stiff, as if she wasn’t used to doing it. Rainbow completed the motion with her, then looked up to meet those perfect purple eyes.
“You have absolutely no idea how to dance, do you?”
It took all her strength to not burst out laughing at how red Twilight’s cheeks turned. She opened her mouth to argue, then simply closed it and shook her head. A tear started to form in the corner of her eye and panic shot through Rainbow at the sight. ”Oh no. Don’t freak out Twilight don’t freak out Twilight don’t freak out Twilight.”
“I just wanted to make tonight special! I did my best and I had this dancing idea and then I was going to—” A hoof at her lips shushed her.
“Tonight’s already special. I get to spend it with you. As for dancing, well, if you haven’t learned how to dance on four hooves, I doubt you’ve figured out how to do it on two wings.” Leaving Twilight mystified, she stepped back, dropped down to four legs again, and scampered over to the phonograph. “Jazz, jazz, there has to be some jazz here,” she muttered under her breath. Finally, the pegasus found what she was looking for and held it up triumphantly. “Jazz!”
“Jazz?”
“Yup! And it’s even one I know! Moondance was one of my dad’s favorite songs. And I know just the mare to share it with,” she added, giving Twilight a wink. “There couldn’t be a better night for it.”
“But what does jazz have to do with dancing?” she asked, still uncertain of the turn the night had taken.
“We dance to it. Duh.” She set the record on the phonograph, hit the needle to play it, then flew over and dragged Twilight into the sky. She let out an eep, then remembered to flap her wings. The first notes of a piano began to play as they looked at each other in the starry night.
Well, it's a marvelous night for a moondance
With the stars up above in your eyes
“What do I do?” she asked, still confused as to what Rainbow was doing. Her plans had been messed up and she had no earthly idea of what was going on.
“Just relax and feel the music. Jazz isn’t about being all flowy or elegant; it’s about having fun.”
Spotting that Twilight was still just flapping her wings in confusion, Rainbow grabbed her by the shoulders, hooked onto her front legs, and spun the two of them around in the air. She started to sing along with the song, not caring who heard her.
A fantabulous night to make romance
'Neath the cover of October skies
The sound of that sweet, totally Dash voice made Twilight smile and she began to lose track of time, only focusing on her marefriend, the music, and a little gift she had tucked away behind the phonograph.
All too soon, the music disappeared and she found herself back in Rainbow’s hooves, not even flapping her wings. She looked up to meet that gaze, those magenta pools of love staring back at her.
“Have fun?” she asked, chuckling as she did so.
“Can we do that again?”
“Any time you want. But you’re probably a bit tired right now with how much you had been dancing. Looks like you knew all along.” Rainbow gave Twilight a little kiss on her forehead, despite it slightly glistening with sweat. The sight reminded her of how nervous she been acting earlier, even back to how she had arrived. It was too odd for Twilight. Something was off still, but she couldn’t place what it was.
“Heh, I guess I did.” Twilight’s gaze dropped from Rainbow as she glanced back over to the sound device. ”Is now the right time?” she wondered, biting her lip as she struggled over the choice.
Meanwhile, Rainbow was content to just be holding her marefriend in her arms, slowly flapping up and down in the refreshing air of the night. It had been a while since she had gotten to just cut loose and dance, but it was definitely something she would have to do again soon. Her eyes unfocused and she looked up at the stars above, marveling at how beautiful they looked tonight. She couldn’t remember a more perfect night: completely cloudless, a gentle night breeze, a sparkling full moon, and a beautiful mare in her hooves.
A faint tingling noise and a tickling against her skin caused her to look back from where her gaze had wandered. Twilight’s horn had lit up with magic, levitating something up to them. She turned to look at the alicorn, a question on her lips, but she was beaten to the punch.
“So I know you’re probably wondering why I set all of this up. The torches and the memories and the dancing and, well, everything.” Twilight chewed the inside of her cheek in thought, but Rainbow was content to let her take her time, knowing that whatever she was going to say would be important. “I just wanted to make tonight really, really special so that you would remember it forever.” She took a deep breath, then continued.
“Rainbow Dash, the past year that we’ve been together has been without a doubt the best year of my life. Through the ups and the downs, the Pinkie Parties and the evil villains, and the lonely nights and lazy summer days. Nowhere was too far for you. And you wanted nothing more than to have me at your side every step of the way.
“And just you Dash! How do I even start? You can be a little brash at times, perhaps a little headstrong—”
“That’s a tiny bit of an understatement.” They shared a laugh, then Twilight continued.
“Okay, perhaps a lot headstrong, but you’re also an incredibly caring pony. I’ve never seen a better leader among ponies when it comes to you and your weather team.”
“You’re biased.”
“Probably. But it doesn’t change my opinion. When you had that crash last year... well, the moment I saw you injured I realized I'd do anything to stop it from happening again. Maybe that was just being a good friend. But then when you stayed with me for those three weeks, I didn't have a single down moment. I was happy the entire time, and I didn't want that to stop. I didn't want to give you up. I can’t even put it into words how awesome you are. I feel like the luckiest pony alive to be in a relationship with you. And, well, you’re also rather hot.”
They both laughed, though both of them also had blushes visible from miles away. “What I’m really trying to say is that I love you Rainbow. I absolutely love you. With all my heart. I can’t even fathom not loving you anymore and I don’t want to go on through my life without you.”
“Twilight?” Rainbow asked, having a suspicion of where it was going, but still not certain.
“Rainbow Dash,” she said, levitating out the small box she had levitated up to them. She snapped it open, revealing a shimmering golden band designed to go just above a hoof. “Will you marry me?”
Not one thing made a peep in that moment. At least, not until Rainbow’s arms wobbled and weakened too much to hold up who she was carrying. With a squeak, Twilight fell out of her grasp and hit the ground, then began to roll down the side of the hill before she could stop herself. Rainbow fluttered gently to the ground with wings working on instinct and eyes off into the distance and focusing on nothing.
“Yes,” came the whispered response, then she blinked and looked around. “Twilight! Where’d you go?!” Knocked out of her reverie, Dash flew up in the air again, only to spot the figure of her marefriend—no, fiancée—at the bottom of the hill near the torch. “I’m coming!”
She reached her in seconds, opting not to pick her up like she had already done. A slightly achy Twilight looked up at her, nerves returned in full force. “Was that a no?”
Not caring about how shell-shocked she was still, Rainbow scooped up the alicorn into her arms and spun into the air with her. One set of lips met another in a passionate, no-holds-barred kiss. They broke it after a few moments, the biggest smiles of their life plastered on their face. “No Twilight, it was a yes. An absolute yes.”
5741694 I know that is a complaint of several, and I do appreciate the time it took for you to give me that feedback.
Hopefully I'll have addressed that in the second chapter that I just posted. The journal entries (you'll know what I'm talking about after reading) weren't there before, but I hope they show how their relationship evolved without writing out all the details.
Dropped her down a hill. Oh god I was laughing so hard at how awkward that was.
This is so weird... I keep nit-picking your sentences, but I love your writing on the paragraph level and up. Overall, though, an enjoyable read!
I love the touch of world building about how healing magic gives diminishing returns. I wonder if a unicorn's healing spell would "stack" with Zecora's alchemical concoctions...? The time-skip was a surprise but not a problem, though I would have preferred it if they'd been a little more tentative and cautious about their final conversation. Instead,they just flat-out say it, and Boom. Clap! It's a done deal. But then again, Dash is just the sort of pony to just skip the formalities and go straight for the finish line, without caring what anyone else says.
One thing sticks in my brain: This story seems to portray same-gender relationships as being perfectly ordinary in Equestria. It's came as a surprise, but it's also a bit refreshing to read a story without any super-depressing drama about taboo or forbidden romance. Was this a conscious choice on your part, or do you just like to keep things light in general?
While I do hate this pairing, it's written very well. And you pretty much had me at this anyways:
Being of the Greek Orthodox faith, and having heard an officiator of my cousins wedding speak of these words, I basically had to read this.
And I'm thankful that I did .
5742332 That was literally my favorite part to write :D
5742335 I think the matter of same-sex relationships is just part of my world building. Going all the way back to the days of old, I don't think there was that gender discrimination in the first place. And because of that, homosexuality in ponies wasn't scorned or looked down upon because the sexes were equal. Truly equal. Does Equestria have some other problems? Sure. Just not with equality.
And on the matter of zebra potions, I think that they would speed up the natural healing process, but it would still take about a week.
5742341 Have I converted someone to the magic of TwiDash? :
5742397
stream1.gifsoup.com/view4/3205798/home-alone-never-o.gif
NEVAHHHH!
5742464 Soon. Very, very soon.
Keep going! This story is really well written! And the romance between the two is spot on!
5742721
Do not end up as the weakest link, Ten...
Omg I loved it!!! Keep up the good work!
TWO THINGS!
1. that should be give you up
2. This remind you of something?
Oh god, she dropped Twilight down a hill.
I'd be worrying about how that half-minute or so until Dash reached her must be the worst in Twilight's life if I wasn't laughing so hard.
i.imgur.com/rifD0Qn.jpg
That's the first thing that came to my head when she dropped Twi XD
D'awwwwww....
Lovely, moar please.
5742464 Lol... I love that movie. 314 was the one who converted me to TwiDash, though I still like other ships that aren't TwiDash
5743810 I haven't actually head that song in full... ever :P But thanks for pointing out the error!
5744844 YUSH I love that movie. And I might write those three weeks sometime! I dunno yet.
5745190 Moar is coming. Hopefully Wednesday. Gotta keep you all on your toes ^.^
I loved the story so far, and I've marked it for "tell me when there are more chapters"
I love the "Italian" restaurant Cavallino. If I ever in one of my stories should have the need for an Italian restaurant in Ponyville, I'll reuse that name (unless you veto it, of course). I'm sure they serve a good Spaghetti Neighpoletana...
I'm also pleased that you've obviously taken care to proofread the story - something too many people in here forget. It has a nice and smooth flow, and I want to read more. I wouldn't have minded some more details about the first date, but perhaps that would show up in a spinoff? -Not to mention what happened during some of the bathing sessions...mrrrr
I have written a review of the first two chapters of this story; it can be found here.
On one hand, the story has proper characterization; Twilight and Rainbow are in character, and yet they have a touch of author's interpretation that feels unique.
On the other--and this is more personal bias than anything--it's a rushed romance. The first chapter just leaves a 3-week gap that reduces character build-up time. We don't get to see anything in that time skip. It gets worse, because the second chapter skips another ~50 weeks. A romance takes either build-up or backstory, and we get neither of those.
5751177 I am going to apologize ahead of time for this, as I am about to rant. Probably.
With this story, I'm not focusing on the creation of a relationship all the way through from start to x date. This story is not about that. This story is in no way trying to show how a relationship between the two of them happens. Rather, it shows the effects. A broken wing and a busted hoof combined with three weeks together leads to a date. The date leads to a relationship, which leads to a proposal. I'm not trying to tell the story of what happened between the two of them, why it happened, or how it happened. No. I'm simply taking pieces out and showing them. Everyone wants to see the three weeks instead of the time skip. They want to see the fifty-ish weeks I skipped. Well I can't bloody well do that. I cannot write a story that shows a time span of two and a half years by taking it one day at a time. Nope. There has to be time skips if I want to write about what I want to write about: specifically, how each love appears in their relationship. I can't write about familial love between two ponies when they're only in a relationship for a month. It doesn't work like that. If such a storytelling method bothers you, pass it up and move on.
Again, sorry for ranting, it's just been something that's frustrated me since I released this.
5751832
First, you don't need to apologize for ranting. You're frustrated, and expressing it in a way that reveals your thoughts and perspective. I prefer that over other reactions.
Second, I understand you don't want to focus on the development--even though that's my favorite part--and instead focus on the effects. However, you misunderstand; it's not the fact that there is a gap in time. It's that there's nothing to fill in that gap. Not a glimpse of the routine of those three weeks, not a single, close moment. We just barely see one event outside of what the story directly narrates, which is Dash giving her feather to Twilight. It's the lack of anything that can justify the relationship. It's like the explosions in the movie World War Z; effect without a cause (except for the one grenade on a plane).
It's fine to have time gaps, even long ones, so long as they don't make the reader feel as if they're missing important details (like Twilight's harbored feelings). There needs to be evidence of a relationship, or it just seems tenuous at best, more likely to appear forced.
We (well, I) don't need or ask for a full account of an entire year, just enough bits and pieces for it to picture a relationship.
5753457
I guess I can't say I feel the same way. Don't get me wrong, I would enjoy having more of the gaps filled in (because I like Twidash and would gladly read pages and pages of it given the chance) but at the same time I don't really have any problem reading this for what it is. Heck I would say the lack of context actually makes it hard to feel forced since we're given so little we accept what the story tells us is true and fill in the blanks ourselves (though the story doesn't leave the basics blank so much as it gives one scene of each as an example). We don't have anything else around it to cause us to question it.
We have a journal entry about Twilight's pre-relationship feelings for Dash, one can assume there are others like it. We see Dash's first night with Twilight caring for her. Since we see no others we're left to assume the others went by similarly (and some of the talk suggests they did). We see Twilight ask Dash on a Date then an entry in her journal saying it went well. Again since we have nothing else we assume they had other dates that went similarly. Finally we see two acts of what the story tells us are massive acts of love (Dash's Feather and Twilight's memory journey/proposal). Nothing in the story seems out of place or inconsistent. More pages talking about the love wouldn't necessarily make it any more/less true. How many scenes are required before it's enough?
Just because we didn't see much of Tom Hank's character's stay on his island in Castaway, that doesn't mean we couldn't understand or appreciate his character's feelings/that things felt forced. There was a big time skip and a big change in his character from before/after but we could imagine for ourselves how things went. It didn't need to be spelled out.
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There's just so very little that the story tells, and then it just says "Oh and accept all of this retroactively." I understand that reading a story involves accepting the perspective of the author, but am I not permitted to point out that it doesn't seem rational?
And with your Castaways example, you still see bits and pieces of his life on the island. It was, likely, less footage than would cover an entire day of his life there, but enough to show two things. Initially, how difficult it was to adapt to life alone on the island, and eventually, how his life had changed over the years.
The main difference here is that you see one piece of it, and then it's over. For you, that's enough, and that's fine for you. I personally have trouble with a romance story that avoids adding details, even small ones, that could give the reader understanding.
Two chapters, and we've gone from a friend helping a friend to a marriage proposal, with less than 10k total words. Yes, it's about the effects rather than the journey--as odd as that is in any story--but we don't even see the effects of the relationship on these characters. It just happens, and the reader is supposed to accept it.
It's not just the character buildup that's swept under the rug; the entire relationship is taken for granted, despite the fact that the reason to read this story is for the relationship--or the effects of it, according to the author.
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Of course you're allowed to comment on the story and state how you feel (and you explain why you feel that way). I was simply saying how I feel (and why I feel that way). I think this story shows roughly as much as Castaway did (well obviously not quite as much given it was a whole movie, then again this story is only half done, but still many of the same aspects) which is why I made that comparison (that and it was the first movie with alot of time skipped events to come to mind).
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And I was saying that while the comparison is similar, the difference is that it does show just enough that you understand what happened and how it affected things.
There's no need to watch every day of the training the soldiers in Mulan undertook, but the short montage that shows before and after who knows how many weeks or months it was gives a good idea of what happened during that time.
I'm pretty sure Groundhog Day doesn't go through every single loop of Phil's life on that day, but it shows as many as are necessary to give the viewer an idea of how he used that time.
Fullmetal Alchemist shows it when it tells you about their 30 days on the island. You see the first day and the last day, and maybe two scenes in between, but you get enough information that you understand how and why it affected Al and Ed.
Three different stories, three different mediums, all of them using varying degrees of time skips, but they all do one thing that this story doesn't: inform the audience. We don't know what happened every day, but we know what happened on important days, and we can compare the shift in character.
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Indeed the story shows the highlights of what we expect them to be doing (Their bath time during her intensive care, their Date... kinda), what it doesn't show is their day to day in between... That said what did you want the author to show that you couldn't expect to begin with? They spend some time together, maybe reading, maybe just hanging out, whatever (heck we see that in the actual show)... Or they spend time with their friends. It doesn't spell out Dash's day to day while she was in Twilight's house but we know what Dash is like when stuck in bed injured.
Maybe that's the difference? In all of those stories you mention, they have nothing else to go with them. This story also has the actual show to give us the character's general life and activities/common reactions to certain events.
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It shows the bath, a conversation, and it implies a date happened. That could be enough, done right. However, that's all the story tells. It doesn't tell how any of that affected them.
Okay, not entirely true. There's one part I loved; when Twilight shows Rainbow how bad her injuries are, it actually changes the way she acts.
The story is supposed to be about the effects of a relationship, rather than the journey. More bits like that--how it affects them individually and together--would be fantastic. Even if I personally love a romantic journey more, a story that focuses on the effects can still be solid, so long as it actually affects the characters.
There are bits and pieces of effects on the characters, but it's just not quite enough. I can't think of a single relationship--real or fictional--where the only thing that changed was the fact that the two individuals became a couple.
>///w///<This has to be one of the cutest TwiDash stories I've read yet ^^ brought tears to my eyes :)
>///w///<This has to be one of the cutest TwiDash stories I've read yet ^^ brought tears to my eyes :)
Pretty good so far.
I pressed 'Home' button on the keyboard so I could add this fic to the favorites and 'Love It', but then I realised I can't do it twice TvT
Please make another chapter! I really wanna see the mane six at the twidash wedding
As soon as you mentioned Twilight was looking nervous I knew where it was going. I also get the feeling there's going to be Changelings at their wedding. Why? Because love.
6210461 I address that I think. I actually can't remember XD It might have been in a draft that I deleted. I genuinely remember writing something about changelings somewhere as well as having some sort of plot device involving them... but my mind's actually blank at the moment So I guess it'll be a surprise to us both when I pull up the chapter
because I'm a terrible author who forgot about this and the fact that I have a half-finished chapter already typed up6210767 Ah, don't worry. I've done that. Speaking of half finished chapters...
I'll be writing if you need me! Bye!
6210767 so do you plan on continuing this? I hope so, its really good
6259606 I do! I'm a bad author. I have much of the draft of the next chapter sitting already written, but I consistently forget I have it. I'm (hopefully) going to be writing the next couple of days, so hopefully I'll finish it up!
Pi... Please tell me you're going to Finnish this!
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Okay... You said that a week ago. Hallelujah!?
6292632 I was thinking the same thing. Thank goodness this one hasn't been abandoned
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I'd go nuts... Especially how Éros ended! It's one hell of a cliffhanger.
Plz continue you this. It is turning out to be one of my fave twidash stories.
Ugh!.. Just play the darn song
"Never gonna give you up,
Never gonna let you down,
Never gonna run around and desert you!"
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