Sometimes a crash that destroys can create so much more.
Written as a Pi Day special.
Inspired by the four words for love in Greek: Philía, Éros, Agápe, and Storgē
Also inspired by Bantha's art
Chapters (3)
314
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Nice start, but I wish we had gotten to see Rainbow's recovery.
Commence read.
Seems like a cute story.
The time skip leaves a bit out, but only to see what the other chapters have in store.
5737314 5737544 The thing with the time skip is that detailing those three weeks is pretty much a story by itself and not what I wanted to write about for this. I might do it in he future though
5737550
Makes sense, especially if each day was an interaction like the first day.
okay i am interessted, but i need to know, if there are going to be more chapters than just three or four?
I just prefer it, if the story doesn´t end to soon.
5737672 Right now, I've planned for there to be four chapters. Each one would cover a specific moment in Twilight and Rainbow's relationship. So instead of being a long thing showing every bit from start to finish, it'll just show some parts.
Interesting.
all my daw
At what, exactly? My toes? The floorboards? That piece of paper? State it. Either that, or put that em dash there before my brow twitches to infinity.
Hopefully she'll find that em dash...
Overall, not a bad TwiDash, but the lack of detail in Rainbow's recovery really left out a lot in this first chapter.
5737559
I have never seen an interaction like that...
Honestly, leading into the emotions that Rainbow and Twilight feels would help explain why Dash just randomly kisses Twilight on her forehead. Simply stating that she's been kissed there for weeks seems kinda bland.
Trackin' like the Kraken.
aww cute :) i'll be watchn for more
I suppose them already going on a date is acceptable. After all, Twilight did help Rainbow recover for three weeks. That is an acceptable time for a mutual crush to develop.
5740231 >.> I swear I put an em dash in there when I was typing it. Stupid Word. Now I'm paranoid about all my other em dashes XD Thanks for pointing it out!
Pretention Maximus
This was very sweet. But I missed how they got closer to each other. I presume you will get to that in the next chapters?
Please update it soon
Though early, I thought I'd try to give you an honest critique. I realize that you want the story to be a "snapshot" type according to your blog, so I wont try to make it more than you have planned for it.
First, the good: For the most part you have good characterization (emotions and actions appear to be mixed well) and pacing. I can hear the characters by their dialogue alone, which is a much higher compliment than it appears.
What needs work: Even in the case of a snapshot work, it is a little jarring to go immediately from friendship to romance without any indication or foreshadowing. It's possible that the comments wishing to see Rainbow's recovery are not actually a wish to see a rehabilitation story, but rather to gain an understanding of how the relationship actually began (ie. where the "more-than-friends" feeling blossomed for them). Ultimately, the story has good potential, and the fact that the major complaint is "write more of it" should be telling you that your work is appreciated. Just be cautious with the next chapters. Surprises are all well and good, but they should make sense in context.
My last comment is to do your best to remember that the base-point of these characters (I.e. what everyone knows coming in to your piece of fiction) is their relationship as friends, and so a major change to romance should never really occur "offscreen" unless there is a point to it. I trust that you have one.
Hope this helps, and keep up the good work.
5741694 I know that is a complaint of several, and I do appreciate the time it took for you to give me that feedback.
Hopefully I'll have addressed that in the second chapter that I just posted. The journal entries (you'll know what I'm talking about after reading) weren't there before, but I hope they show how their relationship evolved without writing out all the details.
Dropped her down a hill. Oh god I was laughing so hard at how awkward that was.
This is so weird... I keep nit-picking your sentences, but I love your writing on the paragraph level and up. Overall, though, an enjoyable read!
I love the touch of world building about how healing magic gives diminishing returns. I wonder if a unicorn's healing spell would "stack" with Zecora's alchemical concoctions...? The time-skip was a surprise but not a problem, though I would have preferred it if they'd been a little more tentative and cautious about their final conversation. Instead,they just flat-out say it, and Boom. Clap! It's a done deal. But then again, Dash is just the sort of pony to just skip the formalities and go straight for the finish line, without caring what anyone else says.
One thing sticks in my brain: This story seems to portray same-gender relationships as being perfectly ordinary in Equestria. It's came as a surprise, but it's also a bit refreshing to read a story without any super-depressing drama about taboo or forbidden romance. Was this a conscious choice on your part, or do you just like to keep things light in general?
While I do hate this pairing, it's written very well. And you pretty much had me at this anyways:
Being of the Greek Orthodox faith, and having heard an officiator of my cousins wedding speak of these words, I basically had to read this.
And I'm thankful that I did
.
5742332 That was literally my favorite part to write :D
5742335 I think the matter of same-sex relationships is just part of my world building. Going all the way back to the days of old, I don't think there was that gender discrimination in the first place. And because of that, homosexuality in ponies wasn't scorned or looked down upon because the sexes were equal. Truly equal. Does Equestria have some other problems? Sure. Just not with equality.
And on the matter of zebra potions, I think that they would speed up the natural healing process, but it would still take about a week.
5742341 Have I converted someone to the magic of TwiDash? :
5742397
stream1.gifsoup.com/view4/3205798/home-alone-never-o.gif
NEVAHHHH!
5742464 Soon. Very, very soon.
Keep going! This story is really well written! And the romance between the two is spot on!
5742721
Do not end up as the weakest link, Ten...
Omg I loved it!!!
Keep up the good work! 
TWO THINGS!
1. that should be give you up
2. This remind you of something?
I would dearly love to see the missing three weeks... sounds like they bonded quite closely!
Oh god, she dropped Twilight down a hill.
I'd be worrying about how that half-minute or so until Dash reached her must be the worst in Twilight's life if I wasn't laughing so hard.
i.imgur.com/rifD0Qn.jpg
That's the first thing that came to my head when she dropped Twi XD
D'awwwwww....
Lovely, moar please.
5742464 Lol... I love that movie. 314 was the one who converted me to TwiDash, though I still like other ships that aren't TwiDash
5743810 I haven't actually head that song in full... ever :P But thanks for pointing out the error!
5744844 YUSH I love that movie. And I might write those three weeks sometime! I dunno yet.
5745190 Moar is coming. Hopefully Wednesday. Gotta keep you all on your toes ^.^
I loved the story so far, and I've marked it for "tell me when there are more chapters"
I love the "Italian" restaurant Cavallino. If I ever in one of my stories should have the need for an Italian restaurant in Ponyville, I'll reuse that name (unless you veto it, of course). I'm sure they serve a good Spaghetti Neighpoletana...
I'm also pleased that you've obviously taken care to proofread the story - something too many people in here forget. It has a nice and smooth flow, and I want to read more. I wouldn't have minded some more details about the first date, but perhaps that would show up in a spinoff? -Not to mention what happened during some of the bathing sessions...mrrrr
I have written a review of the first two chapters of this story; it can be found here.
On one hand, the story has proper characterization; Twilight and Rainbow are in character, and yet they have a touch of author's interpretation that feels unique.
On the other--and this is more personal bias than anything--it's a rushed romance. The first chapter just leaves a 3-week gap that reduces character build-up time. We don't get to see anything in that time skip. It gets worse, because the second chapter skips another ~50 weeks. A romance takes either build-up or backstory, and we get neither of those.
5751177 I am going to apologize ahead of time for this, as I am about to rant. Probably.
With this story, I'm not focusing on the creation of a relationship all the way through from start to x date. This story is not about that. This story is in no way trying to show how a relationship between the two of them happens. Rather, it shows the effects. A broken wing and a busted hoof combined with three weeks together leads to a date. The date leads to a relationship, which leads to a proposal. I'm not trying to tell the story of what happened between the two of them, why it happened, or how it happened. No. I'm simply taking pieces out and showing them. Everyone wants to see the three weeks instead of the time skip. They want to see the fifty-ish weeks I skipped. Well I can't bloody well do that. I cannot write a story that shows a time span of two and a half years by taking it one day at a time. Nope. There has to be time skips if I want to write about what I want to write about: specifically, how each love appears in their relationship. I can't write about familial love between two ponies when they're only in a relationship for a month. It doesn't work like that. If such a storytelling method bothers you, pass it up and move on.
Again, sorry for ranting, it's just been something that's frustrated me since I released this.
5751832
First, you don't need to apologize for ranting. You're frustrated, and expressing it in a way that reveals your thoughts and perspective. I prefer that over other reactions.
Second, I understand you don't want to focus on the development--even though that's my favorite part--and instead focus on the effects. However, you misunderstand; it's not the fact that there is a gap in time. It's that there's nothing to fill in that gap. Not a glimpse of the routine of those three weeks, not a single, close moment. We just barely see one event outside of what the story directly narrates, which is Dash giving her feather to Twilight. It's the lack of anything that can justify the relationship. It's like the explosions in the movie World War Z; effect without a cause (except for the one grenade on a plane).
It's fine to have time gaps, even long ones, so long as they don't make the reader feel as if they're missing important details (like Twilight's harbored feelings). There needs to be evidence of a relationship, or it just seems tenuous at best, more likely to appear forced.
We (well, I) don't need or ask for a full account of an entire year, just enough bits and pieces for it to picture a relationship.
5753457
I guess I can't say I feel the same way. Don't get me wrong, I would enjoy having more of the gaps filled in (because I like Twidash and would gladly read pages and pages of it given the chance) but at the same time I don't really have any problem reading this for what it is. Heck I would say the lack of context actually makes it hard to feel forced since we're given so little we accept what the story tells us is true and fill in the blanks ourselves (though the story doesn't leave the basics blank so much as it gives one scene of each as an example). We don't have anything else around it to cause us to question it.
We have a journal entry about Twilight's pre-relationship feelings for Dash, one can assume there are others like it. We see Dash's first night with Twilight caring for her. Since we see no others we're left to assume the others went by similarly (and some of the talk suggests they did). We see Twilight ask Dash on a Date then an entry in her journal saying it went well. Again since we have nothing else we assume they had other dates that went similarly. Finally we see two acts of what the story tells us are massive acts of love (Dash's Feather and Twilight's memory journey/proposal). Nothing in the story seems out of place or inconsistent. More pages talking about the love wouldn't necessarily make it any more/less true. How many scenes are required before it's enough?
Just because we didn't see much of Tom Hank's character's stay on his island in Castaway, that doesn't mean we couldn't understand or appreciate his character's feelings/that things felt forced. There was a big time skip and a big change in his character from before/after but we could imagine for ourselves how things went. It didn't need to be spelled out.
5764895
There's just so very little that the story tells, and then it just says "Oh and accept all of this retroactively." I understand that reading a story involves accepting the perspective of the author, but am I not permitted to point out that it doesn't seem rational?
And with your Castaways example, you still see bits and pieces of his life on the island. It was, likely, less footage than would cover an entire day of his life there, but enough to show two things. Initially, how difficult it was to adapt to life alone on the island, and eventually, how his life had changed over the years.
The main difference here is that you see one piece of it, and then it's over. For you, that's enough, and that's fine for you. I personally have trouble with a romance story that avoids adding details, even small ones, that could give the reader understanding.
Two chapters, and we've gone from a friend helping a friend to a marriage proposal, with less than 10k total words. Yes, it's about the effects rather than the journey--as odd as that is in any story--but we don't even see the effects of the relationship on these characters. It just happens, and the reader is supposed to accept it.
It's not just the character buildup that's swept under the rug; the entire relationship is taken for granted, despite the fact that the reason to read this story is for the relationship--or the effects of it, according to the author.
5766062
Of course you're allowed to comment on the story and state how you feel (and you explain why you feel that way). I was simply saying how I feel (and why I feel that way). I think this story shows roughly as much as Castaway did (well obviously not quite as much given it was a whole movie, then again this story is only half done, but still many of the same aspects) which is why I made that comparison (that and it was the first movie with alot of time skipped events to come to mind).
5766644
And I was saying that while the comparison is similar, the difference is that it does show just enough that you understand what happened and how it affected things.
There's no need to watch every day of the training the soldiers in Mulan undertook, but the short montage that shows before and after who knows how many weeks or months it was gives a good idea of what happened during that time.
I'm pretty sure Groundhog Day doesn't go through every single loop of Phil's life on that day, but it shows as many as are necessary to give the viewer an idea of how he used that time.
Fullmetal Alchemist shows it when it tells you about their 30 days on the island. You see the first day and the last day, and maybe two scenes in between, but you get enough information that you understand how and why it affected Al and Ed.
Three different stories, three different mediums, all of them using varying degrees of time skips, but they all do one thing that this story doesn't: inform the audience. We don't know what happened every day, but we know what happened on important days, and we can compare the shift in character.
5768042
Indeed the story shows the highlights of what we expect them to be doing (Their bath time during her intensive care, their Date... kinda), what it doesn't show is their day to day in between... That said what did you want the author to show that you couldn't expect to begin with? They spend some time together, maybe reading, maybe just hanging out, whatever (heck we see that in the actual show)... Or they spend time with their friends. It doesn't spell out Dash's day to day while she was in Twilight's house but we know what Dash is like when stuck in bed injured.
Maybe that's the difference? In all of those stories you mention, they have nothing else to go with them. This story also has the actual show to give us the character's general life and activities/common reactions to certain events.
5768102
It shows the bath, a conversation, and it implies a date happened. That could be enough, done right. However, that's all the story tells. It doesn't tell how any of that affected them.
Okay, not entirely true. There's one part I loved; when Twilight shows Rainbow how bad her injuries are, it actually changes the way she acts.
The story is supposed to be about the effects of a relationship, rather than the journey. More bits like that--how it affects them individually and together--would be fantastic. Even if I personally love a romantic journey more, a story that focuses on the effects can still be solid, so long as it actually affects the characters.
There are bits and pieces of effects on the characters, but it's just not quite enough. I can't think of a single relationship--real or fictional--where the only thing that changed was the fact that the two individuals became a couple.
>///w///<This has to be one of the cutest TwiDash stories I've read yet ^^ brought tears to my eyes :)
>///w///<This has to be one of the cutest TwiDash stories I've read yet ^^ brought tears to my eyes :)
Pretty good so far.
I pressed 'Home' button on the keyboard so I could add this fic to the favorites and 'Love It', but then I realised I can't do it twice TvT
s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/originals/b2/a6/ed/b2a6edaaa229a5307e746ceb560dcafe.jpg