Force of Will

This story has been marked as having adult content. Please click below to confirm you are of legal age to view adult material in your country.

Confirm

Comments ( 8 )

Viewing 1 - 50 of 8
- Newest First
- Oldest First

The odd one

The odd one #1 · Mar 9th, 2015 · · · Chapter 1 The Awakening ·

I am new to writing and would love help. So any comments and criticism I can get would be appreciated. My goal is to write a story that everyone can enjoy. Thank you for spending your time to read my story!

Sipioc

Sipioc #2 · Mar 10th, 2015 · · · Chapter 1 The Awakening ·

Hey there, new to the writing scene myself.

One thing I will say is evident is your pacing of the story. It's really rushed! You need to slow down, paint the scene, where are we? Who are we, what are we seeing, is it night, is it day, temp. These are all things that movies can do with visuals but you need to set us up with that stuff. Slow down.

This story has potential, but it needs better pacing.

Just my opinion.

The odd one

The odd one #3 · Mar 10th, 2015 · · · Chapter 1 The Awakening ·

Thank you for taking your time for reading my story. I was so worried about grammar, that I did not think of setting up the scene well enough. Thank you again for letting me know, and I will do a better job of that in the future.

Vinyl Nexus Scratch

Vinyl Nexus Scratch #4 · Mar 18th, 2015 · · · Chapter 2 The game & powers gained ·

Good. The writing is strong in you! A powerful author you will be! I enjoy the interactions so far and the idea of Discord teaming up with a Jedi is very funny. I do hope for more

ironwar