Pinkie is just your average pastel coloured, fourth wall breaking high school girl. That is until a new girl shows up who needs her help to track down the Changling that is calling Canterlot High its home.
Chapters (2)
- Member Since 4th Mar, 2015
- offline last seen Nov 19th, 2015
Jefph
Sometimes I write things about horses. They're usually poems. Set to music. Sometimes they're not.
Jefph
Joined 4th Mar, 2015 ·
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How the fuck did this end up in my favorites? I hadn't even read the first chapter!
Must have clicked it by accident.
Anyway, a nice premise - I want to say it's a little overdone, but there are surprisingly few stories about Pinkie in any scenario like this - but just acknowledging that there is bad writing in your story doesn't make it not bad writing.
And the fourth wall breakage does little to endear me to Pinkie. Fourth-wall breakage (or even leaning) will, by its very nature, inevitably take a reader out of a story because it reminds the reader that this IS just a story, so do that only when it's actually conductive to your story to de-immerse your reader.
In fact, Pinkie as she's been presented is so completely separated from Pinkie in the show that I'd say this is just your little OC; she's too aloof, too level headed.
Once you get Pinkie's characterization right (even if you're deliberately making Pinkie not-Pinkie, for some reason, stop making her and Marie Sue lean on the fourth wall and for fuck's sake think realistic), start working on being descriptive (you don't have to be verbose, just learn how to create imagery at all) and build up to the changeling conflict.
...
Alright, I'm not the best at criticism, so I'll just make a recommendation:
Go to a group that has a prompt-story. Chrylight and Twilestia are the most active ones, I think, though I prefer the former. Doesn't matter if you don't ship, just do it.
Pick a currently active prompt.
Write at least three hundred words and post them.
Ask for criticism.
So long as you ask, you'll probably get it. You'll get practice, learn what not to do, and become part of a mini-community of authors that'll help you out. When your one shot comes out on the story proper, even more people will help out.
Get better at writing.
Learn what constitutes dramatic, and comedic, and learn what didn't make people laugh or be sad. Read the shorts of people whose stories you exceptionally enjoyed, and read carefully people's criticisms of others' stories as well as your own. Keep a close eye at the dislikes and likes.
When you think you've got the hang of things, THEN work on this. By that point, someone on the group will have followed you and can give you criticism; and if you're a friendly, active member of their community, they won't begrudge you much for advertising a little bit.
well jeez i'm hooked