The Nightmare that Came to Ponyville

Everything was looking up for Twilight, she had great friends, an astounding collection of books, a nice town to call home, and on top of all that she was an alicorn! But life is cruel... and she lost it all, when the Nightmare came to Ponyville.

Ps, I don't have a good cover art sooo, I'm going to be using this until i find a good one.

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 6 )

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Lady Lorelei

Lady Lorelei #1 · Feb 23rd, 2015 · · · The Nightmare Begins ·

Well that escalated quickly.

What to say, what to say.-

The story so far is interesting, I spotted a few spelling errors etc though to me doesn't matter.-might to other ponies.

The Pace is kinda odd to me- shifting around near the middle made me feel jummbled like watching a movie of a movie watching a movie lol.

The detail at the start and eerie calm of twilights morning was well done I enjoyed it.

The party scene instead of being a bit rushed could have had it's own chapter- gone into detail about the party as well as The FS/Twily part.

All in all I say this is a very interesting read, I'll continue to follow this for a bit as well.- a first chapter pacing can be hard at times but overall it still feels good.

Oi one last thing the fic could use a bit more spacing between sentences- this only feels needed at the start though- the rest of the fic I read felt smooth and in touch.

Keep up the great work!

Fav'd!

Limelight02

Limelight02 #2 · Feb 23rd, 2015 · · · The Nightmare Begins ·

Good story.

Fabled Architect

Fabled Architect #3 · Feb 24th, 2015 · · · The Nightmare Begins ·

5660654
Thanks for reading, glad you enjoyed it.

Yeah, I've never been the best at picking out spelling error and the like, might be because of my partial ADD, but that's not really an excuse, lol. There had been a lot more before i proof read it twice. So only a few problems is good to hear.

I can see how the memory sequence shift could through you off. I wanted give a direct recollection from Twilight's memory, (you know how when you remember something you don't really remember the whole of it, you just remember the important parts? that's what i was going for anyway) or, instead of just having her talk it out with Spike, in a timely fashion. It could have used a better transition but i couldn't really think of a good way to explain what was happening to the read, FROM Twilight's perspective.

Fav'd? Yay

Lady Lorelei

Lady Lorelei #4 · Feb 24th, 2015 · · · The Nightmare Begins ·

5663356

Oh! Ok.

I felt kinda thrown off when reading it the first time through, it was early morning so I may have just been a little in and out of it lol.

Still a good story overall it ended with a hook to bring the reader back next chapter.

And yes Fav'd- the fic overall seems promising expect a review every chappie from me plus a Rainbow Dash Final Review when you are finished.- It will consist of a 1 through ten rating overall, a judement and a small joke at the end