If I Could Catch Fuzz In a Bottle

by shortskirtsandexplosions

Abort! Abort!

Outside, a decidedly panicked Rainbow Dash was flitting about in every direction. The moment she scaled a gold-thatched rooftop, there was one pony or another waiting there for her, having climbed the summit in a blink so that they could greet her with limbs outstretched.

"Be mine! Now and forever!" a mare shouted.

"Guhhh!" Rainbow twirled about and zoomed in the opposite direction. She braked in mid-air before a jittery stallion and two drooling mares.

"Just let me touch your mane!"

"All we wanna do is snuggle your feathers! Right Bon Bon?"

"Eat a boat, Lyra. I want the whole package!" The earth pony leapt. "Zoop!"

Rainbow vaulted over her like a hoofball player and soared towards the sky—only to be intercepted by two pegasi. "Ooomf! Oh come onnnn!""

"Heeee!" Blossomforth nuzzled her cheek against Rainbow's blue belly. "Fuzzy wuzzy wuzzy!"

"I am interfaced!" Thunderlane squee'd, hugging Rainbow from behind.

"Grrrrghhh!" Rainbow snarled, batting and kicking at the equine weight on her body. "For Pete's sake! 'No' means 'No!'"

Swisssssssssssh—POW! A gray figure sailed down from the stratosphere, slamming Rainbow so that the two plowed a deep trench through the dirt roads of Ponyville.

"Muffin baggggggggg!" Derpy squealed as she rubbed cheeks with Rainbow.

"Mmmmmmm..." Rainbow winced hard. "N-no?" Her pupils shrank as she saw an entire herd of citizens galloping straight forward. There was an effeminate shriek before she disappeared beneath a veritable pile of squirming, hugging, nuzzling bodies. As Applejack, Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, and Rarity leapt in, the fuzzball grew taller and larger, gaining critical mass and threatening to form an inescapable singularity of fluffy cuddles in the center of Equestria.

This is the horrid sight Twilight saw as she skidded to a stop, gasping. "Rainbow! No! You're... it's..." She slumped back on her lavender hunches. Her face scrunched up as hot tears formed. "It's all my fault." She sniffled, hanging her head. "I... I-I just wanted to understand how you... I-I mean why I'm always..." She couldn't finish her words. The shivers ripping through her body were too intense. She hugged herself, fighting the urge to cry harder. "I should have stopped it while I had the chance..."

"Twilight! Heeeey! Twilight!"

Rubbing her puffy eyes, Twilight looked behind her. She gasped. "Spike!"

The dragon winced, carrying the steaming hot bottle in his grasp. The bright pink vial pulsed wildly, causing every structure in Ponyville to cast dark shadows outward in every direction as it lit up the middle of town.

"I think this is the cause, Twilight!" Spike said. "I think it's the cause of it all!"

Twilight blinked. She stared longingly at the jar, then at the big undulating pile of nuzzling ponies behind her.

"It's making every pony act crazy!" Spike exclaimed. His reptilian slits narrowed. "Everypony but you! Why's that?"

"Because..." Twilight took a deep breath, tears flowing. "Because I know what needs to be done." She turned towards the dragon. "Smash it, Spike."

"H-huh?!"

"You heard me!" Twilight clenched her eyes shut and shouted: "Dash it to pieces!"

"If you say so!" Spike nodded, shuddering. "Such much for Phase Five..." With a grunt, he slammed the thing into the ground as hard as he could.

CRACK!

Almost immediately, pink sparkles flew everywhere in a bright explosion of fuchsia energy.

"Gaah!" Spike flinched, batting away as if at invisible moths. "Ick ick ick... it tickles!"

Twilight braced herself as the wave of salmon light washed over her. She squinted one eye open, clenching her teeth as she watched the pile of ponies.

At last, once the energy had faded, the citizens of Ponyville froze in place. They rolled backwards, falling like fuzzy boulders in every direction. Soon, everyone stood on their hooves, blinking curiously at one another in dumb silence.

The crowd dissipated, murmuring in confusion, until—at last—Rainbow Dash was given a chance to breathe. She lay on her back, wheezing, while a tiny little filly remained by her side, nuzzling her chest.

"Heeeeeeeee! Cuddle-cuddle-cuddddddle!" Scootaloo cooed. "This is the best day of my—!!!" Suddenly, she stopped, freezing in place as she glanced at every other pony. "Uhhhhh... I-I mean..." She stood up in a jerk, straightening her mane while an inescapable blush crossed her muzzle. "Woohooooo! The... sp-spell has been lifted! Yeah! Praise Celestia!" Upon hearing dead silence, she whistled to herself and strategically side-stepped out of view.

That left Rainbow Dash lying alone on her back, blinking. "...unnnngh..." She slumped back, gazing numbly at the blue sky. "...I think I need a drink..."

"I... I-I don't know what even came over me!" Rarity exclaimed, fussing to straighten her frazzled mane. "Rainbow, darling, I... I-I don't know what to say!"

"I just can't believe I tried hugging another friend at the expense of her own comfort!" Fluttershy gasped.

"I can't believe I made such a fool of myself in public!" Applejack exclaimed.

Pinkie Pie stared down the big end of her French Horn. "I can't believe this isn't a trombone! I mean... who brings something one of these to an 'out-of-character-cuddle-orgy' party?!"

"Twilight?" Fluttershy looked across the sea of confuzzled equines. "The experiment—what happened? Do you know?"

Silence.

Wearily, Rainbow Dash tilted her head up and looked over. "Twi...?"

Spike shrugged. He stepped back in time for everypony to see a lavender shape swiftly making tracks for the library on the other end of town.

Comments

[Ausbrony]

Aw, poor Twiley.

[Fishberry]

Daaawww!

B-but... but... cuddles?

[Jake The Army Guy]

As Applejack, Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, and Rarity leapt in, the fuzzball grew taller and larger, gaining critical mass and threatening to form an inescapable singularity of fluffy cuddles in the center of Equestria.

It shall damn us all!
.
.
.
Welp, I can think of worse ways to go...

[Swashbucklist]

Her pupils shrank as she saw an entire herd of citizens galloping straight forward.

Are you sure they weren't galloping in a zigzag pattern?

Rubbing her puffy eyes, Rainbow looked behind her. She gasped. "Spike!"

I don't believe Rainbow Dash was doing any of those things.

[RoboRed]

"I am interfaced!" Thunderlane squee'd, hugging Rainbow from behind.

pfffffft

[OmniFox]

I'm wondering why it didn't affect Spike?

[Boop-Happy Lass]

6476820
Maybe because he has scales?

[Raine_Lionheart]

"Eat a boat, Lyra. I want the whole package!" The earth pony leapt. "Zoop!"

I can't even anymore. I hurt from laughter.