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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Well, Chapter 4 is out. I hope everyone enjoys it!
Aww the feels at the end
There were a few places in this that could use a bit of touching up, IMO. Overall though, I really liked this story. Thanks for sharing it, and I look forward to more. :)
This chapter pushed me over into giving a like to this fic. I'm glad to see some emotional background development for the both of them and look forward to future chapters.
The only thing I can fault to any degree is that the instances of 'petrified' might have worked better if you had used 'terrified' instead ('petrified' is more specific in its expression of terror, and seems a little out of place when she's explaining it to Rainbow Dash). However, that's a minor quibble and not a breaking issue.
What makes this story excellent is the deeply emotional content. These ponies feel real, natural, complete. And it comes across naturally without feeling forced. I especially liked the notion that Trixie would object to having charity forced upon her due to her pride in self-reliance, because it's one of the defining character traits in my conception of her.
It's a bit of a shame that a lot of people are going to give this story a pass due to the mature/sexual content, because there's a lot to be learned about proper writing in here. (Not saying you should change that, mind you. Don't get me wrong.) Even though bondage isn't my kink, this story is well worth the read. (Also, deep emotional connection is my kink, so...)
So far, I am liking this story. I had concerns early on due to the sudden influx of bondage x sex stories the site has had, so I wasn't expecting much out of this. I was quite surprised, and glad, when the first bondage time between Trixie and Twi didn't turn sexual. Your story is looking to have alot more depth and character development than I was anticipating. Twilight's been shown to not be perfect, and the background of just how bad her personality disorder is was pretty amusing to see.
Of course, Trixie is clearly not perfect either in this. I find it funny how she just wanted a small place to live for awhile without being thrown out, how she wanted to be a fly on the wall and not attract attention, and winds up being involved with Twilight again. While not Twilight's fault at all, each encounter Trixie has had in Ponyville, and with Twilight, has always ended in her life getting worse. Admittedly, I'll never understand why Twi was always allright letting Trixie run off with nothing to her name and a ruined career on both occasions in the show, but I will not get into that rant here.
Looking forward to more, and to seeing how these two continue to interact with eachother, quite curious on how this quasi-friendship and perhaps eventual love story unfolds.
5589538
I'm glad you like the story! Would you mind sharing where, and why, you feel it needs touching up? I always appreciate feedback.
5589996
Thank you for the kind compliment! I hope you continue to enjoy the story!
5590470
During my (frequent) re-read edits, I did notice the multiple uses of "petrified". Normally I take effort to keep from using the same word multiple times over a short period, and it often takes effort to keep from falling into "thesaurus-syndrome" when doing so.
In this particular instance, though, I did intentionally use "petrified" multiple times, for two reasons. One is that Twilight was in a sort of 'storytelling mode' and was speaking from her heart rather than for informational purposes, and the other is, well . . . it fits. Petrified means being so scared that someone (or somepony ) is so frightened that they are paralyzed with fear, and since she'd been exactly that --frozen in terror-- I used that because I felt it conveyed more that another word, such as terror.
Doesn't mean I was right, of course. But I did want to explain why I chose to use it that way.
Honestly, I don't think any fic writer can be paid a higher compliment. It's terribly difficult to achieve that when it's one's own creations that an author is writing about; doing so when you have about five years of shows, comics and comic books, canon, etc. that have already fully-fleshed out a character(s) is even harder. Thank you so much!
5592601
Thank you for the review and your kind words!
I'm really not sure where things are going. I know; that probably sounds weird coming from a writer, but I've lost track of how many times I've started a story that had a definitive end I was aiming for, only to have tracks changed because of how the characters developed over the course of the story. If it helps any, two of my favorite ponies have always been Princess Luna and Trixie Lulamoon (I've always had a soft spot for her) so I think I can at least promise that, no matter what, Trixie isn't going to be run out of town on a rail a third time.
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I'm guessing that due to the subject nature (i.e. self-bondage) there was no way a T(een) rating would ever be applicable. I debated about the [SEX] tag because I didn't really foresee things reaching anything graphic. However, I decided to include that because: 1) there was certainly enough innuendo and "suggestiveness" to most likely require that, and, 2) as I'd mentioned above, sometimes the characters take me off where I least expected.
Honestly, for one of the very few times in my life I've started a story with very little idea where it's going to go. Once I started it I'm letting it write itself, and see where those two take things.
5593626 I should have written them down. I'll have to read it over again and find the spots in particular that I had been thinking about. :)