• Member Since 22nd Jan, 2015
  • offline last seen May 2nd

TwistedPretzel


My heart will always belong to Princess Luna

Comments ( 192 )

Interesting start. Looks promising. Of course, on more than a few occasions stories that start off well have then turned sour and unpleasant, so withhold my final judgement... but so far, so good. The reassuring line at the end gives me some confidence so far.

The description and storytelling is also very well done. Very vivid, very natural. The behavior of the other ponies - guarded and defensive, but still willing to forgive and give Trixie a chance - is just like how I think they should act. You're doing well.

I'm curious as to how Twilight found out what Trixie was up to, as I can't see her breaking into a locked home without some motivation. Was she spying, maybe? Maybe she thought a little breach of privacy was acceptable just to ascertain that Trixie wasn't actually plotting something. (Feeling Pinkie Keen showed that she's certainly not above a bit of stalking, after all.) Perhaps the next chapter can show events from Twilight's point of view and we see what drives her.

5565709

Thank you so much for the kind comments! I hope you find Chapter Two just as enjoyable!

Yes, the continuation works quite well. I love how Twilight is in an emotional upheaval over what she's doing, because it feels very much in character for her. Twilight is, in fact, deeply emotional. She is sometimes shown to be in control, but usually that is in regards to situations when she knows what she's doing, and/or have her friends backing her up. When she's undertaking something new that she can't get help with or find a book for, she tends to break down. (In fact, her control freak attitude with checklists and whatnot is a defense mechanism more than anything.) So her freaking out over doing something that could get her into a world of trouble (and thank you for not brushing that under the carpet with a "princesses can do whatever they want"), not to mention potentially making a pony hate her, is entirely in character. In fact, had she approached the whole ordeal with calm determination like it wasn't a big deal, I would have dropped the story right off. That's not Twilight, and there are limits to how much "alternate character interpretation" you can do before you've gone fully out of character.

This is also supported when Twilight's subsequent dialogue (well, technically monologue - Trixie doesn't get to say very much) makes it clear that she's deeply concerned for Trixie's well-being and happiness, well above her own satisfaction. Despite her social shortcomings, Twilight is a genuinely caring individual, and doesn't really think that her princess status makes her better than others (a fact sadly often ignored by some writers), so she wouldn't want to take advantage of Trixie beyond what Trixie would be okay with.

I'll be honest, I can't really see Twilight being dominant in a larger scope (she's always seemed more like an egalitarian), but it works in the scope of a temporary game, a little roleplaying with a partner who she is confident is enjoying it as well. Even then, I expect her to be deeply flustered and worried what others will think if they find out. (And possibly turned on by that.) I also hope they'll trade roles now and then. I've been told it's the healthy thing to do in these sorts of thing, and Twilight did admit to liking it as well. :raritywink:

All in all, it's interesting, in character, and executed well with consideration to the small but important issues. Unless it takes a drastically wrong turn later, I continue to approve.

5572074
I cannot begin to thank you enough for the wonderful reviews you've posted. For anybody to take the time to write such lengthy comments is, in itself, a statement, and although I like to think I'm good with words I'm afraid I can't find ones to express just how much your comments mean to me, both personally and as as a writer.

I hope that you continue to enjoy the story as it unfolds, and I also hope to continue being worthy of your praise.

There were a few places in this that could use a bit of touching up, IMO. Overall though, I really liked this story. Thanks for sharing it, and I look forward to more. :)

This chapter pushed me over into giving a like to this fic. I'm glad to see some emotional background development for the both of them and look forward to future chapters.

The only thing I can fault to any degree is that the instances of 'petrified' might have worked better if you had used 'terrified' instead ('petrified' is more specific in its expression of terror, and seems a little out of place when she's explaining it to Rainbow Dash). However, that's a minor quibble and not a breaking issue.

What makes this story excellent is the deeply emotional content. These ponies feel real, natural, complete. And it comes across naturally without feeling forced. I especially liked the notion that Trixie would object to having charity forced upon her due to her pride in self-reliance, because it's one of the defining character traits in my conception of her.

It's a bit of a shame that a lot of people are going to give this story a pass due to the mature/sexual content, because there's a lot to be learned about proper writing in here. (Not saying you should change that, mind you. Don't get me wrong.) Even though bondage isn't my kink, this story is well worth the read. (Also, deep emotional connection is my kink, so...)

So far, I am liking this story. I had concerns early on due to the sudden influx of bondage x sex stories the site has had, so I wasn't expecting much out of this. I was quite surprised, and glad, when the first bondage time between Trixie and Twi didn't turn sexual. Your story is looking to have alot more depth and character development than I was anticipating. Twilight's been shown to not be perfect, and the background of just how bad her personality disorder is was pretty amusing to see.

Of course, Trixie is clearly not perfect either in this. I find it funny how she just wanted a small place to live for awhile without being thrown out, how she wanted to be a fly on the wall and not attract attention, and winds up being involved with Twilight again. While not Twilight's fault at all, each encounter Trixie has had in Ponyville, and with Twilight, has always ended in her life getting worse. Admittedly, I'll never understand why Twi was always allright letting Trixie run off with nothing to her name and a ruined career on both occasions in the show, but I will not get into that rant here. :pinkiehappy:

Looking forward to more, and to seeing how these two continue to interact with eachother, quite curious on how this quasi-friendship and perhaps eventual love story unfolds.

5589538
I'm glad you like the story! Would you mind sharing where, and why, you feel it needs touching up? I always appreciate feedback. :twilightsmile:

5589996

Thank you for the kind compliment! I hope you continue to enjoy the story!


5590470

During my (frequent) re-read edits, I did notice the multiple uses of "petrified". Normally I take effort to keep from using the same word multiple times over a short period, and it often takes effort to keep from falling into "thesaurus-syndrome" when doing so.

In this particular instance, though, I did intentionally use "petrified" multiple times, for two reasons. One is that Twilight was in a sort of 'storytelling mode' and was speaking from her heart rather than for informational purposes, and the other is, well . . . it fits. Petrified means being so scared that someone (or somepony :pinkiehappy:) is so frightened that they are paralyzed with fear, and since she'd been exactly that --frozen in terror-- I used that because I felt it conveyed more that another word, such as terror.
Doesn't mean I was right, of course. :scootangel: But I did want to explain why I chose to use it that way.

These ponies feel real, natural, complete.

Honestly, I don't think any fic writer can be paid a higher compliment. It's terribly difficult to achieve that when it's one's own creations that an author is writing about; doing so when you have about five years of shows, comics and comic books, canon, etc. that have already fully-fleshed out a character(s) is even harder. Thank you so much!


5592601

Thank you for the review and your kind words!

I'm really not sure where things are going. I know; that probably sounds weird coming from a writer, but I've lost track of how many times I've started a story that had a definitive end I was aiming for, only to have tracks changed because of how the characters developed over the course of the story. If it helps any, two of my favorite ponies have always been Princess Luna and Trixie Lulamoon (I've always had a soft spot for her) so I think I can at least promise that, no matter what, Trixie isn't going to be run out of town on a rail a third time.

*****************************************************************

I'm guessing that due to the subject nature (i.e. self-bondage) there was no way a T(een) rating would ever be applicable. I debated about the [SEX] tag because I didn't really foresee things reaching anything graphic. However, I decided to include that because: 1) there was certainly enough innuendo and "suggestiveness" to most likely require that, and, 2) as I'd mentioned above, sometimes the characters take me off where I least expected.

Honestly, for one of the very few times in my life I've started a story with very little idea where it's going to go. Once I started it I'm letting it write itself, and see where those two take things. :trixieshiftright:

5593626 I should have written them down. I'll have to read it over again and find the spots in particular that I had been thinking about. :)

Having in mind Scene “A”, leading to Scene “B”, leading to Scene “C” . . . and discovering 15,000 words later that you're still trying to reach Scene “B”? And, not only haven't you, as yet, reached Scene “B” but you're even further away that you were to start with?

Yep, I more or less plan for that to be the case. I plan on major events and the order I want the story to unfold in, then just let whatever inspiration comes to me add itself in, its brought about many new and interesting things to my writing, but causes the length to go up dramatically and events I wanted to get to to have to wait another chapter or two. My first story Hopes and Follies, was planned out to be about 5-6 chapters and ended up being over double that.

What am I doing wrong? Based upon the number of views of both this story and my blog I don't seem to be attracting readers. Is it the story itself? Writing style? It seems it has to be something. It's a little discouraging when I see a foalcest clopfic between Twilight and Shining Armor rocket in popularity while mine languishes in the dark.

Or am I just being overly sensitive? Is my ego actually needing stroking and I don't realize it?

Yeah, believe me, I've seen plenty of writers blog about this and be frustrated with it. Readers can seem fickle, sex sells, but at the same time, you can't count on it. I did close to two years of editing for other writers before starting my own stories, so I had some recognition when my story first popped up, and a few writers who advertised it w/out me asking them to.

I'd say one thing you could/should do is add this story to other groups so it can be seen more. That was something I didn't do, and when I did, I snagged quite a few more readers. If you like, look at my story, and add it to those groups, I think most of them are along the same lines as this one.

As far as I'm concerned, this is a good story. Few errors if any, so either you have an editor, or do what I do, and go over it obsessively before release. :pinkiehappy:

I was not expecting much at all from this when I first saw it. When this released, a couple other writers had just done some bondage stories involving this subject that were 'meh', so It kinda felt like there was just a sudden surge in these kinda of fics copying eachother. Twi or Flutters or another of the mane six would do self-bondage, screw up, and get caught by somepony else. Clop things ensued.

But, your story is alot more developed, alot more detailed, and alot more interesting than those, at least to me. You have character development, interesting interactions, characters relatively IN character despite the subject matter. That's hard to do. I still agonize when I use Twilight, as I don't feel I connect well with her when writing.

So, I'd say you are doing well, you just need to advertise this story a bit more. The fact that there is the tag 'non-consensual' 'self-bondage' and 'caught' in your story description can be an issue, as again, those tags all sound very similar to the less interesting stories I mentioned before. And 'non-consensual' is a touchy subject for some people. I can believe most of your dislikes to just be due to the story description alone, and not from someone reading it. Happens alot more than you'd think.

I liked the chapter along with the new developments. Twilight was particularly amusing with her panic in this one, and the Rarity/Spike interactions were nicely done. I am now curious on why Trixie's family disowned her, specially since she was at Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns. Makes sense why she suddenly quit and disappeared, I can imagine she wandered for quite awhile before regaining her confidence and desire to do much with her life. Kinda sad that despite that, she was brought back to nothing again with the Ursa Minor and Amulet incident. Life is not kind to her, but then again, Trixie-sad background stories are something I enjoy, so long as they don't go to ridiculous levels to make you feel sad for her. And yours has a unique spin on it with the disowning that I don't recall seeing before.

I wonder if Trixie's luck will continue with Twilight, as every interaction has only 'intentionally or not' been a negative on Trixie's life and career, resulting in her finally living in a shoddy wagon on the outskirts of Ponyville. Of course, her decisions haven't made this any better, but ya can't help but feel for her a bit.

Okay, I've rambled enough. Looking forward to more of this, good luck!

I was going to make a few points, but 5623933 essentially covered them all.

While it's good to have the story outlined in an A-B-C manner, I find that writing takes on a life of its own when I get to it, and you never know where it'll end up. Really, that's part of the fun, so I don't mind.

As for the feeling of neglect while other, "less deserving", stories get the spotlight, I know it well. There's really no accounting for taste, is there? But you can't force people to like your stories. Unless you decide to sell out and write crap catering to their kinks. But as you say, you write for your own enjoyment, as well you should. Just do your best and have fun. It's generally more satisfying to have the attention and regard of the peers you want to associate with, than to catch the fickle interest of the unwashed masses.

Still loving the story. Mmm, pathos.

Awesome chapter, awesome story. Please continue

5623933

Yep, I more or less plan for that to be the case. I plan on major events and the order I want the story to unfold in, then just let whatever inspiration comes to me add itself in, its brought about many new and interesting things to my writing, but causes the length to go up dramatically and events I wanted to get to to have to wait another chapter or two.

5624152

While it's good to have the story outlined in an A-B-C manner, I find that writing takes on a life of its own when I get to it, and you never know where it'll end up. Really, that's part of the fun, so I don't mind.

I was hoping I wasn't the only one, and if both of you do the same, well, I feel in good company then. :twilightsmile:
5623933

I'd say one thing you could/should do is add this story to other groups so it can be seen more. That was something I didn't do, and when I did, I snagged quite a few more readers.

I have no idea how to add my story to other groups, to be honest. :facehoof:

As far as I'm concerned, this is a good story. Few errors if any, so either you have an editor, or do what I do, and go over it obsessively before release. :pinkiehappy:

As I "Twilight" over chapters before publishing them, it seems I do what you do. :raritywink:
As for the rest of your comments, I'm deeply touched and flattered. Thank you! I'm glad you like the new developments, and how the characters interact with each other. I know there are still some outstanding questions that you and 5624152 have --for instance, how Twilight discovered Trixie's "kink", why Trixie was disowned, and several other questions. The answers might not appear in the immediately following chapter, but I assure you answers will be provided at some point.

I want to thank both 5623933 and 5624152 for all your comments, advice and explanations. That means a lot to me.

I hope you've enjoyed the latest chapter!

Very nice chapter! Trixie's "alternate approach" was very novel (I expected something when Twilight had her little fit, but I was banking on an elaborate pact or possibly some kind of family power). It also brings up one of my favorite "deeper reasons why Twilight would be interested in Trixie": She has a different approach to how to do magic, unlike Twilight's bookish and scholarly ways. It's something I try to bring up myself in my stories, and enjoy seeing in others'. It complements them nicely, and helps Twilight avoid looking too Mary Sue-ish.

Interesting seeing Twilight jump to some hasty conclusions, although she seems to have rather low opinion of Trixie's skills (or at least her judgement, though that would make sense given Trixie's bad decisions in the past). Good thing she's got that tea to help wash down her plate of crow. :trollestia:

5627843

I have no idea how to add my story to other groups, to be honest. :facehoof:

You need to be a member of the group you want to add a story to. Then you just click on the "Add to group" button below the story (to the right of the portraits of Twilight and Trixie).

You can add stories that aren't your own, as well.

Twilight's realization is absolutely fascinating. And it casts a good light on the differences between the two girls: one logical and sticking to the rules, one intuitive and willing to think outside the box. And it reveals Twilight's openmindedness to new ideas, which a lot of writers tend to forget (or they fall back on the tired 'Twilight is always right' excuse). It could be interesting to balance it out with Twilight opening Trixie's eyes to something in return. (Of course, you may already be planning something like that.)

It's also interesting to consider that Trixie managed to befriend the salamander. A lot of writers assume that Trixie has no social skills and cannot even open her mouth without pissing other ponies off... which runs contrary to the fact that she's a performer and would have a lot of experience with social interaction, personality disregarded. (I hold that she's perfectly capable of getting along with others as long as they don't actively try to cross her.) So this is a very nice show of her social aspect.

5640331

I think you and I share a lot of the same understanding of both Twilight and Trixie. :twilightsmile: I hope you continue to enjoy my portayal of them both.

which runs contrary to the fact that she's a performer and would have a lot of experience with social interaction, personality disregarded.

This is just one of several instances of which I mean. It's taking me a lot longer to reach some of the "flashback-slash-background" info chapters than I'd planned (see several posts above :derpytongue2:) but, when I finally do reach them, I think you'll be pleased with the outcomes.

Slipped a (reasonably) subtle crossover reference in this one. Well, two, actually. First person who catches it wins a prize.

Granted, I'm not sure what prize, since I stink at art (so any sort of artwork is out) and there's not much else I can think of other than giving you lots of "squees". Perhaps a cameo appearance of your OC or favorite pony?

and yet trixie was able to maintain a illusion so perfect that twilight..the alicorn of magic/friendship didnt notice.. at least that we know. if thats what a fraud and a phoney can do trixie id love to see what u can do when she isnt trying to hide and lie

Interesting, very interesting.

PHSing

Oh the horse puns... :pinkiehappy:
Of course not necessary, because menstrual ultimately originates from same IE stem as month and moon (through Latin), but when in Manehattan... :rainbowlaugh:

Nice chapter, the interesting thing I find is that illusions usually don't mess with taste, so somehow, I have to assume Trixie actually managed to get that tea, or, knew a way to fake the taste enough with common ingredients. Although..I am still wondering how Trixie managed to afford the food they are eating as well, couldn't have been cheap for her to get. Or easy, if her reputation in Ponyville is still poor.

The tea set and other things did confuse me. At first, I thought it was keepsakes she had when her mother disowned her, so much for that. gah, wonder how valuable diamonds are, as that wasn't fake either, else that salamander would prolly be ticked off. Anyone else thinking this 'lunch date' just took the last of whatever bits Trixie had? :ajbemused:

I also find it a bit interesting that Twilight never gets an answer to why Trixie stood there in front of the Ursa Minor. Was it that deep down, she wanted to protect the town, and the foals? Was it perhaps, her idea to try to hold it off and die in the attempt, making her death mean something?

Trixie just sat there, eyes wide, feeling an odd icy chill inside her, utterly stunned and speechless.

Heh, makes me wonder if it was an illusion of her standing in front of it, based off that description. Or if becoming a martyr really was her plan.

The whole order of illusionists, makes me wonder if Twilight thought Trixie was part of them, it might make some sense. At least, until she sees how bad off Trixie is ACTUALLY doing.

Trixie describing herself as hollow and fake, like her magic, is pretty sad, but understandable. Her magic is flashy, showy, amazing to behold. But, For Trixie, who knows it all, its all fake, no substance behind it whatsoever. At least, I can see her feeling that way, when comparing herself to Twilight especially. And who knows if her family gave her this mind set growing up.

And now, onto a few little corrections/confusions I had:

“I've been wanting a chance to sit down with you and just talk,” she said. “Ever since that first day.” A flicker of irritation danced across her features. “But you ran off before I could even say anything. And, well, the second time . . . Hey!” she blurted. “Stop that!”

Trixie reared back a little startled at Twilight's outburst, and then feeling even more so at her glare.

Trixie doesn't have any reaction that we see that causes Twilight to ask her to stop, so kinda confusing. Was Trixie lowering her head in shame, no longer willing to make eye contact? Something along those lines?

And if my friends hadn't been acting like PHSing nags that first visit . . . what?” Twilight paused, seeing Trixie abrupt reaction. “Ah,” she nodded, catching on.

Again, no idea what reaction Trixie gave. Also:

Twilight paused, seeing Trixie abrupt reaction.

Twilight paused, seeing Trixie's abrupt reaction.

“You're a performer! You're supposed to act larger than life! It's part of the act! I've seen magical acts before, and I was really looking forward to seeing yours. I hadn't attended a performance like yours for several years, and I could sense you really were powerful and talented, so I was eager to see what sort of tricks and illusions you could do. And instead of just enjoying your act for what it was, my friends started heckling you.

Nothing major, just missed the " at the end.

The Illusionati were (allegedly) a secretive cabal of unicorn illusionists that lurked in the shadows, pulling the strings and levers of power to forward their ambitions.

As benefited a secret society there existed no clear proof —one way or the other— of their existence, or lack thereof. The most commonly accepted explanation ascribed to their disappearance in current times —again, assuming they had ever actually existed to begin with— was the unification of the Tribes followed by the ascension of Princesses Celestia and Luna to the throne of Equestria.

(The second most commonly accepted belief was that The Illusionati continued to live amongst ponykind and that, as the Masters of Illusion they were, how would anypony know?)

Again, no " to show she is telling any of this to Trixie.

There was a tight, singing tension centered in Trixie, and in the middle of that a hollow, yawning, all-devouring void.

I assume you meant 'stinging' ?

Think that's it for now, can't wait to see the fallout of this and Twilight's reaction.

5651096
You'll soon get to see just what Trixie is able to do, yes. :trixieshiftright:
5651337
I agree about the common root derivative, I just wanted to give it a more, erm, ponified slant. :pinkiehappy:
5651361
Wow! Lot's here!

I also find it a bit interesting that Twilight never gets an answer to why Trixie stood there in front of the Ursa Minor. Was it that deep down, she wanted to protect the town, and the foals? Was it perhaps, her idea to try to hold it off and die in the attempt, making her death mean something?
Heh, makes me wonder if it was an illusion of her standing in front of it, based off that description. Or if becoming a martyr really was her plan.

I was striving for a more "show than tell" here (and in other parts). I'm guessing I didn't do too well at that. :twilightblush:
Trixie's reaction was supposed to indicate Twilight's having hit the nail on the head, that Trixie had been acting bravely, even if she never looked at herself that way, and also that she never, ever expected anypony else to realize what she'd done, or why.
It really had been her standing there, and she had no intention of becoming a martyr. It was a matter of her subconsciously understanding that something terrible was about to happen and that she was the only pony in a position to do anything about that.

In the other instances, I again was "show-than-tell-ing"; The reaction to the Hey!” she blurted. “Stop that!” was left up to the reader to imagine the particulars, since the implication was that Trixie had, in some way, showed some sort of negative response. The same with the "Twilight paused, seeing Trixie abrupt reaction. “Ah,” she nodded, catching on. "; since the following indicated Trixie's shock at Twilight speaking so coarsely, I'd left it up to the reader to imagine how that look of shock might have been.
Perhaps I need to work more on that writing style. :derpytongue2:

Nothing major, just missed the " at the end.

My understanding is that if a quotation ends a paragraph and a new paragraph starts with the same character still speaking, the first paragraph drops the trailing " in order to show that the same character has continued to speak.

Again, no " to show she is telling any of this to Trixie.

That's actually supposed to be narrative, and not spoken.

I assume you meant 'stinging' ?

No, I'd meant singing; I've seen it used that way by other authors/writers.

Thank you again for the time and effort behind your comments!

I hope everyone continues enjoying the story!

5651460

My understanding is that if a quotation ends a paragraph and a new paragraph starts with the same character still speaking, the first paragraph drops the trailing " in order to show that the same character has continued to speak.

I'll believe you on that, English has enough rules that it's no surprise to me when I hear of a new one. :pinkiehappy:

In the other instances, I again was "show-than-tell-ing"; The reaction to the Hey!” she blurted. “Stop that!” was left up to the reader to imagine the particulars, since the implication was that Trixie had, in some way, showed some sort of negative response.

If that works for you, you can try it, but when reading, I've always felt most people want to read on the back and forth between the characters, and it is a bit jarring for someone to start reacting to something that seems 'off screen' for the reader. Whatever Trixie's reaction is on these two scenario's is fairly offscreen at the moment, so its a bit confusing and just feels like the writer forgot to add in that back and forth between the characters.

That's actually supposed to be narrative, and not spoken.

Yeah, from re-reading it makes more sense to me now. Its Twi explaining all of this to Trixie on the book and what not.

No, I'd meant singing; I've seen it used that way by other authors/writers.

Never seen this before myself. Sadly, trying to find a definition gives no useful results asides from the problems with singing when tense. I tend to avoid using words I can't find a definition for. :twilightsheepish:

5651564

If that works for you, you can try it, but when reading, I've always felt most people want to read on the back and forth between the characters, and it is a bit jarring for someone to start reacting to something that seems 'off screen' for the reader. Whatever Trixie's reaction is on these two scenario's is fairly offscreen at the moment, so its a bit confusing and just feels like the writer forgot to add in that back and forth between the characters.

I'll look it over and see about adding a bit to it so it doesn't come across that way. Besides, there's additional information I wanted to add after having considered things. :facehoof:

Semi-major editing done. Might be worth looking it back over to see the changes.

First allow me to say I really love your portrayal of characters and I'm truly enjoying this story, especially this chapter and it would earn you both fav and up vote on its own if I didn't gave them already.

I'm little surprised that no one mentioned the fact that Trixie wasn't included among things that weren't affected by her illusions (and yes Trixie is not a thing, but then again neither is the salamander).

5651864
Also may I ask if only this chapter was subjected to this semi-major editing or if it affected entire story?

5652300

Thank you for your kind words and wonderful compliments! :twilightsmile:

It was only this chapter, and only "semi-major" in that the editing wasn't a matter of fixing some punctuation and/or grammatical errors. I'd added several descriptions of Trixie's reactions to comments of Twilight's, and also expanded a bit more to some things Twilight had said to Trixie.

Wow . . . a downvote . . . with no explanation as to why.

Thank you for that!

So . . . did you even bother to read any of it, or did you just decide to flip it the bird because you could?

:twilightangry2:

This continues to be excellent.

My only disappointment is that Twilight passed up a perfect opportunity to hug Trixie reassuringly.

Too tired to make elaborate observations. And yes, that bit with quotation marks when having multiple paragraphs with the same speaker is a legit rule. Though it does look tacky to me...

5658015 Frustrating, isn't it?

Of course, there's some sense to it - a lot of writers tend to react badly to negative criticism. I know I've made some negative comments on less than stellar works and received a bunch of insults and vicious responses back. (Curiously, it seems that the worse a writer you are, the less equipped you are at dealing with the criticism you deserve. How surprising.)

Still annoying when you're actually mature enough to handle criticism but won't get any.

I've cast a glamer on

glamour

This is the least kinky kink story I have ever read on this site. Interesting though.

5668632

No, it's glamer. glamer

This is the least kinky kink story I have ever read on this site. Interesting though.

Umm . . . thanks? :unsuresweetie:
5667623

Frustrating, isn't it?

Very! I can understand if someone doesn't like a particular plot, characterization, etc., but it would be nice to get some feedback.

I'm also not overfond of commenters whose sole post(s) consists of pointing out every spelling and grammar mistake in your story, yet never, not once! actually says anything constructive, or even indicates at all whether or not they like the story itself.

5670408
Aah, going old school, neat. Learn something new everyday.

5670614

Aah, going old school, neat. Learn something new everyday.

I'm almost 56; everything is "old school" to me. :derpytongue2:

5671216
I'm only 53, you geezer

yay!:yay: more salamander shenanigans coming up.

5666391

This continues to be excellent.

Thanks again! :twilightsmile:

My only disappointment is that Twilight passed up a perfect opportunity to hug Trixie reassuringly.

I'd thought about having her do that, but because of the way the table and chairs were set up in the narrow wagon aisle, she really wouldn't have been able to do so without a lot of effort, and then that would have just felt awkward and forced.

Now I want to try a durian. Scratch that, I need to try a durian.

And I was wondering who the unexpected company would be. My initial bet was one or two of Twilight's friends, getting suspicious about why Twilight was spending so much time there. I did not expect those two.

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I did not expect those two.

I did title it "Unexpected Company" after all! :rainbowlaugh:

Heh, read the 'Initiation' story before, else I'd have had no idea what a Durian was before this.

A good chapter, I am happy that Twilight's speech was only moderately well received by Trixie. It didn't make her feel better at all, but perhaps that wasn't Twilight's intent. Twilight is the Princess of Friendship and all, but it looks like she is still kinda bad at figuring out how to reassure, or make somepony feel better. Like Moon said, I think contact like a hug would have worked out a bit better in the short run, though Twilight's explanation may help in the long run, when Trixie is in a better state of mind.

If she's ever in a better state of mind, sounds like she lost alot of herself over time as other ponies eroded her confidence.

The first part of this chapter really surprised me, just in the fact that she's apparently been here for...I guess two months or so? I kept thinking she'd only been in Ponyville, maybe two weeks. And the rain cloud always over her trailer? :rainbowlaugh: Dash is a bastard sometimes, though funny. At least, I shall assume it was her doing for now.

Man, everypony seems more interested in the salamander then Trixie, kinda funny. I wonder if the Princesses are here to send it back to its world, see if its dangerous, or try to understand if what Twilight probably told them is true. I guess Twi got home, wrote a letter to the princesses, and then this sudden visit is the result of it. Curious to see how/if Twilight will be able to get Trixie back to a state of living, as opposed to simply surviving.

The visit with the two Princesses may help, though I can't help but wonder more of what Twi has planned for their date at her palace. Heh, not sure how Trixie will be with coming face to face with the fact that the mare she seems to be crushing on has a palace. One thing to think it, and another to see it, or be in it, and then compare it to your own home. Eh, I'm rambling again.

One thing that bugs me:

"glamer" should be spelled as "glamour".

5675665 My bad, I was always told that it was spelled glamour. It just looks wrong like otherwise, I keep wanting to pronounce it glaymur.

Actually, looking further into it, glamour seems to be a more modern spelling of the same. So neither is wrong.

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A good chapter, I am happy that Twilight's speech was only moderately well received by Trixie. It didn't make her feel better at all, but perhaps that wasn't Twilight's intent. Twilight is the Princess of Friendship and all, but it looks like she is still kinda bad at figuring out how to reassure, or make somepony feel better. Like Moon said, I think contact like a hug would have worked out a bit better in the short run, though Twilight's explanation may help in the long run, when Trixie is in a better state of mind.

Yeah, Twilight still doesn't have the "figure out how to make a pony feel better" thing down pat yet. There really isn't any way to flowchart that out, after all. :twilightsheepish: But her heart sure is in the right place. And it did have an effect on Trixie; for the first time since she's arrived in Ponyville she actually felt like just sitting outside her wagon and relaxing with a cup of coffee. Foal steps maybe, but steps nonetheless.

The first part of this chapter really surprised me, just in the fact that she's apparently been here for...I guess two months or so? I kept thinking she'd only been in Ponyville, maybe two weeks. And the rain cloud always over her trailer? :rainbowlaugh: Dash is a bastard sometimes, though funny. At least, I shall assume it was her doing for now.

In the second chapter it states that Twilight had been, ah, watching Trixie "for several months". Although I haven't specifically stated times (yet,anyway; a situation might come up where that gets stated) Trixie arrived at Ponyville mid-summer, and it's now late fall, so a period of just over four months has elapsed.

As to the hovering raincloud, well . . . the truth will come out later, but, really . . . yes . . . it was RD. And yes, she can be a bit of a bastard at times can't she? Let's just say that, at some point in the future, she's going to feel like as real louse for having done that.

I guess Twi got home, wrote a letter to the princesses, and then this sudden visit is the result of it.

What? Twilight write a letter as soon as she got home about some sort of new magical discovery that potentially has major implications? Oh pshaw! :pinkiegasp: :pinkiehappy:

Eh, I'm rambling again.

Please, continue! :twilightsmile:

I never considered any of your posts as "rambling", not by any means, and comments help assure me I'm not confusing people, or getting the wrong point across, and they also help me become a better writer, as well. Speaking of wrong points . . .

I spent more time than I planned on Twilight's explanations about magics, various Disciplines, etc. Other than borrowing some terms, that's pretty much my own creation. Did it make sense? Was it believable (inasmuch as anything based on fantasy is believable :derpytongue2:)

Sooo, new magical discovery that may completely change understanding of summoning (and binding) magic/spells and founding/having new friendship with non-equine species, which sort/kind was never heard of before (friendship not species)....Does that mean that when princesses leave, Trixie will have new fancy wings?

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