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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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and yet trixie was able to maintain a illusion so perfect that twilight..the alicorn of magic/friendship didnt notice.. at least that we know. if thats what a fraud and a phoney can do trixie id love to see what u can do when she isnt trying to hide and lie
Interesting, very interesting.
Oh the horse puns...
Of course not necessary, because menstrual ultimately originates from same IE stem as month and moon (through Latin), but when in Manehattan...
Nice chapter, the interesting thing I find is that illusions usually don't mess with taste, so somehow, I have to assume Trixie actually managed to get that tea, or, knew a way to fake the taste enough with common ingredients. Although..I am still wondering how Trixie managed to afford the food they are eating as well, couldn't have been cheap for her to get. Or easy, if her reputation in Ponyville is still poor.
The tea set and other things did confuse me. At first, I thought it was keepsakes she had when her mother disowned her, so much for that. gah, wonder how valuable diamonds are, as that wasn't fake either, else that salamander would prolly be ticked off. Anyone else thinking this 'lunch date' just took the last of whatever bits Trixie had?
I also find it a bit interesting that Twilight never gets an answer to why Trixie stood there in front of the Ursa Minor. Was it that deep down, she wanted to protect the town, and the foals? Was it perhaps, her idea to try to hold it off and die in the attempt, making her death mean something?
Heh, makes me wonder if it was an illusion of her standing in front of it, based off that description. Or if becoming a martyr really was her plan.
The whole order of illusionists, makes me wonder if Twilight thought Trixie was part of them, it might make some sense. At least, until she sees how bad off Trixie is ACTUALLY doing.
Trixie describing herself as hollow and fake, like her magic, is pretty sad, but understandable. Her magic is flashy, showy, amazing to behold. But, For Trixie, who knows it all, its all fake, no substance behind it whatsoever. At least, I can see her feeling that way, when comparing herself to Twilight especially. And who knows if her family gave her this mind set growing up.
And now, onto a few little corrections/confusions I had:
Trixie doesn't have any reaction that we see that causes Twilight to ask her to stop, so kinda confusing. Was Trixie lowering her head in shame, no longer willing to make eye contact? Something along those lines?
Again, no idea what reaction Trixie gave. Also:
Twilight paused, seeing Trixie's abrupt reaction.
Nothing major, just missed the " at the end.
Again, no " to show she is telling any of this to Trixie.
I assume you meant 'stinging' ?
Think that's it for now, can't wait to see the fallout of this and Twilight's reaction.
5651096
You'll soon get to see just what Trixie is able to do, yes.
5651337
I agree about the common root derivative, I just wanted to give it a more, erm, ponified slant.
5651361
Wow! Lot's here!
I was striving for a more "show than tell" here (and in other parts). I'm guessing I didn't do too well at that.
Trixie's reaction was supposed to indicate Twilight's having hit the nail on the head, that Trixie had been acting bravely, even if she never looked at herself that way, and also that she never, ever expected anypony else to realize what she'd done, or why.
It really had been her standing there, and she had no intention of becoming a martyr. It was a matter of her subconsciously understanding that something terrible was about to happen and that she was the only pony in a position to do anything about that.
In the other instances, I again was "show-than-tell-ing"; The reaction to the Hey!” she blurted. “Stop that!” was left up to the reader to imagine the particulars, since the implication was that Trixie had, in some way, showed some sort of negative response. The same with the "Twilight paused, seeing Trixie abrupt reaction. “Ah,” she nodded, catching on. "; since the following indicated Trixie's shock at Twilight speaking so coarsely, I'd left it up to the reader to imagine how that look of shock might have been.
Perhaps I need to work more on that writing style.
My understanding is that if a quotation ends a paragraph and a new paragraph starts with the same character still speaking, the first paragraph drops the trailing " in order to show that the same character has continued to speak.
That's actually supposed to be narrative, and not spoken.
No, I'd meant singing; I've seen it used that way by other authors/writers.
Thank you again for the time and effort behind your comments!
I hope everyone continues enjoying the story!
5651460
I'll believe you on that, English has enough rules that it's no surprise to me when I hear of a new one.
If that works for you, you can try it, but when reading, I've always felt most people want to read on the back and forth between the characters, and it is a bit jarring for someone to start reacting to something that seems 'off screen' for the reader. Whatever Trixie's reaction is on these two scenario's is fairly offscreen at the moment, so its a bit confusing and just feels like the writer forgot to add in that back and forth between the characters.
Yeah, from re-reading it makes more sense to me now. Its Twi explaining all of this to Trixie on the book and what not.
Never seen this before myself. Sadly, trying to find a definition gives no useful results asides from the problems with singing when tense. I tend to avoid using words I can't find a definition for.
5651564
I'll look it over and see about adding a bit to it so it doesn't come across that way. Besides, there's additional information I wanted to add after having considered things.
Semi-major editing done. Might be worth looking it back over to see the changes.
First allow me to say I really love your portrayal of characters and I'm truly enjoying this story, especially this chapter and it would earn you both fav and up vote on its own if I didn't gave them already.
I'm little surprised that no one mentioned the fact that Trixie wasn't included among things that weren't affected by her illusions (and yes Trixie is not a thing, but then again neither is the salamander).
5651864
Also may I ask if only this chapter was subjected to this semi-major editing or if it affected entire story?
5652300
Thank you for your kind words and wonderful compliments!
It was only this chapter, and only "semi-major" in that the editing wasn't a matter of fixing some punctuation and/or grammatical errors. I'd added several descriptions of Trixie's reactions to comments of Twilight's, and also expanded a bit more to some things Twilight had said to Trixie.
Wow . . . a downvote . . . with no explanation as to why.
Thank you for that!
So . . . did you even bother to read any of it, or did you just decide to flip it the bird because you could?
5651096
Based Trixie