Hodgepodge In Being Hodgepodge
Hello all! Now you’re probably asking why a story, which has always been in third person, has suddenly gone into first person? Well that’s because our dear author Shagohad isn’t writing this chapter. I, everyone’s favorite draconequus, Hodgepodge, will be writing this chapter. Hell, Shag doesn’t even know I’m writing it, he’s off completing his pokedex in AS or something. Anyway, our little chapter will start off right after Ormagoden, that's the angry new guy that came with the new lizard form, came into being and-
Hodge! Why didn’t you tell me you were writing a chapter?!
Because this is my thing Discord! Get your own!
Oh come on. Can’t we share? Please?
I said no! This is my chapter and you’re not stealing it from me!
Fine, we’ll do this the hard way! dhh;ldhsn.sspniwohs_@429582727220282025a gon hrhrjh;nflhndh[heiwnhrhrfhn;fnjflnf;f;jnkf@$252^$$*5CBRhrffweteonhrhnuhehhownh4hhonrhrlshnl!$@%#&&
And stay out! OK, sorry about that everyone, Dissy and I had a bit of a... disagreement. Now anyway, where were we? Oh yes, the story. So, Orm showed up and Jason and Hughes decided to see if they could reason with him. They of course kicked me out of the room and so here we are, with me dicking around Valhalla, annoying the nobles.
“Give me back my sweater!” Jet Set seethes, jumping up as I dangle it in front of her, only to pull it away before she could grab it. I play keep away for a few more minutes before tossing it to her.
“Boring!” I shout, floating away, leaving her to fume over her humiliation. Serves her right really, she called me shmorgishborg. My name is Hodgepodge damnit! Get it right!
“Do you really have to do that?” Twilight asks, looking up at me with a pout. I assume she took it upon herself to be my handler for the day. At first she tried to rein me in, as it were, but once she saw that I just ignored her, she gave up and took to following me around and trying to placate the people I annoyed.
“Do I have to? No. Do I feel like it? Yes.” I look back at her, doing the backstroke. “Unless of course, you have a better idea?” Of course, I know what she’s going to ask, I am the author after all.
“Well, how about a game?” she asks so innocently, not even noticing the smirk growing across my face.
“What kind of game Twilight? Connect Four? Sorry? Trouble? Clue perhaps?” I ask, pulling out said games from my mane, tossing them away, where they all set themselves up upon touching the ground. “Maybe Mouse Trap?”
Twilight just stares as my copy of Mouse Trap assembles itself. “What in the world is this thing?”
“That’s Mouse Trap my dear,” I say, leaning down. “The goal of the game is to catch the mouse, like so.” I set off the machine, and Twilight watches as it moves about, ending with the trap coming down.
“That seems like it's severely overcomplicated,” she comments, looking up at me.
“Most people just set it up to watch the machine go off,” I reply before snapping my talons. “You know what? How about a game of Dungeons and Dragons?” I ask, grabbing Twilight up before she can answer and teleporting away. We reappear in a black void, with all the other players in our little game: Pinkie, Dash, Gilda, AJ, Shiny, Sunbutt, Lulu, Cady, Megan and Rarity.
“Uh, what just happened?” Dash asks, looking absolutely confused, just like the others.
“Hello friends!” I shout, getting their attention. “Welcome to the first, and hopefully not last, session of Hodgepodge’s mind!”
“What,” AJ deadpans, staring at at me like I grew a second head.
“Well, I got bored and decided to drag you all into a D&D game so yeah, lets get started!” I vanish from their sight as the world goes white. “Okay, now I shall be the DM and omnipresent narrator.”
“We do not have time for games Hodgepodge,” Luna snorts, looking annoyed. “Release us at once!”
“Hush you!” I snap my talons then clear my throat. “Welcome fair adventurers, to the fight of your lives! You have just entered a land most strange, where the odd and the weird gather in droves and the people move to the beat of their own drum! Why I’m talking about... New Jersey! More specifically Weird New Jersey.”
“Are we really doing this?” Shiny asks with a pout, “We were in the middle of something important.”
“Yes, making a Mane-iac cosplay is sssooo important,” I snort, “Now let’s begin shall we?” The world goes white again and the merry band of adventurers find themselves in a rather empty tavern, all dressed up for their parts.
“Hodgepodge!” Celly snaps, looking herself over, “Why are Luna and I filles?!”
“Because you’re the apprentices of Magus Twilight,” I answer. “Let’s see how you two do as the students, hm?”
“Hodge, what the hay did ya turn me into?” AJ asks, noticing her new lizard-like tail.
“Well, I couldn’t exactly turn you into a dwarf, so I made you into a Tatzlpony!”
“A what now?”
“You know, like the tatzlwurm, only with less wurm and more pone.”
“You can’t just go around changing ponies!” Twilight protests, looking rather adorable in her little Magus outfit. I was tempted to make her into something like Gandalf but I don’t think she’d appreciate a sex change.
“Oh relax Twilight, it’s just a game, it’s not like I won’t turn you all back when we’re done.” Let’s just list off the heroes of this tale shall we? Pinkie Pie the bard, Gleaming Shield the paladin-
What’s a paladin?
I said out!
Anyway, Rainbow Dash the barbarian, Gilda the archer, Cadance the cleric of Arkvoodle, lord of the sacred crotch, Rarity the sorceress, and dear old mom is a badass dragoon. What, playing favorites? Why, I would never do that.
“Why am I a mare?!” Gleaming shouts, obviously upset over her loss of manly bits. Dash and Gilda just stare at each other, realising they had swapped bodies.
“The whole point of Dungeons and Dragons is to role play, relax and enjoy yourself, just not too much, this story is rated teen after all and I’m not writing about clopping pone damnit.”
“‘Dungeons and Dragons’ huh?” Twilight asks, glaring up at the ceiling, “You're just ripping off Oubliettes and Ogres, aren’t you?”
“You did not just call D&D a ripoff! Just for that, you all get mad cow disease!”
“You can’t just do that!” Twilight barks, pointing her hoof at the sky.
“I can do whatever I want! I’m the DM!”
“That doesn’t mean you can break the rules!”
“Mom! Tell her I can do whatever I want!”
Megan, much to her credit, just sighs and shakes her head. “OK, everyone just calm down.” She pauses, looking the group over. “I know this is a bit strange and rather sudden, but this could be fun, so why don’t we give it a try? As long as Hodge doesn’t break the rules.” She gives the ceiling a rather stern look.
“Oh fine, I Pinkie Promise not to do any bending or breaking of the rules. Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye,” I mutter, which seems to please them. “Anyway, welcome to the wonderfully strange land of Weird New Jersey! You are all gathered here at the request of Magus Twilight, who herself was sent here by the rulers of the land, the Marks, to investigate the disappearance of Sir Spike the Gallant. Now, what’s your first order of business?”
“Do we know anything about the town?” Twilight asks, quickly taking control of the situation, or as much control as she thinks she has.
“Yes, you are currently in the town of Wild Wood, a coastal town. Nearby is a forest known as the Pine Barrens, a nasty and terrifying place said to be home to a ferocious monster. Sir Spike came here several weeks ago to investigate local disappearances and now he too is missing.”
“Hmm...” Twilight rubs her chin, looking around, “I think our first course of action is to find out what Sir Spike was doing before he disappeared?”
“Yeah, and how do we do that?” Dash asks, flexing her talons, noting how different the real thing was from her usual prosthetic talons.
“Ask around, duh,” Gilda replies, crossing her arms, “I can’t believe I got dragged into this stupid game...”
“Oh it’s not so bad,” Cady says, checking her equipment. “It can get really intense if the DM plays it right.”
“I used to have so much fun playing tabletop games,” Megan comments, watching as Twilight took initiative and trotted over to the lonely looking barkeep.
“You used to play this stuff?” Gleaming asked, trying to ignore her rather nice sounding voice, which, by the by, is the voice of Scarlett Johansson, not that any of these clowns know who that is.
“Yeah, I played mostly during my late teens after the bridge disappeared,” Megan explains, leaning on her spear wistfully. “I tried a lot of things to keep, well... the fantasy alive...”
Well, let’s skip past all the boring stuff. Ummm... what was the dividing line thing again? Ah, yes.
“So what did you find out, Twilight?” Rarity asks as they regrouped in the town square, the group having split up gather more information.
“Well, Sir Spike was here, but he didn’t stay in town long. He went to the local baron, somepony named... Coop.” She points to the nearby castle, situated on a cliff overlooking the ocean.
“Then what are we waiting for? Let’s go!” Dash proclaims, zipping into the air, heading straight for the castle.
“Here we go again...” Applejack says with a roll of her eyes. She lunges forward as though to hold Dash back, only for her lower jaw to split open and three green tentacles shoot out of her mouth and quickly coil around Dash. “What the hay!?” Applejack shouts, somehow still able to speak normally.
“Like I said, Tatzlpony,” I reiterate, taking glee in the varying degrees of ‘want’ (mostly of the ‘do not’ variety) the others had on their faces. “Now, you all run along, you have a baron to meet.”
Now Baron Coop is sitting on his throne, munching on a chicken leg as our merry band walks into his dining hall. He is a rather plump man, with blond hair and a blond goatee. Sitting on his right is his right hand man Jamie, a rather squirrelly looking man with black hair. Opposite of him is Kiva, the Baron’s... Knight-commander? Yeah, let’s go with that, I don’t know how the feudal system works.
“Oh hey,” Coop starts, not bothering to swallow his food, “You must be those guys the Marks sent down here to find that lizard guy.”
“Um... yes, we’re uh... looking for Sir Spike...” Twilight states, unable to look away from the horrid display of table manners.
“Whoa Twi, he eats as badly as you do,” Dash points out, much to her friend’s annoyance.
“Yeah, he was here,” Coop nods, tossing his now finished chicken bone over his shoulder. “He was looking for uh... what was it again?”
Kiva sighs, rolling her eyes. “He was looking for the old Leeds homestead.”
“Leeds homestead? That some sorta farm?” Applejack asks, tilting her head to the side like an adorable puppy.
“It was the home of the Leeds family,” Kiva starts, clearing her throat, “Legend has it, she and her husband where among the first settlers here. He was a drunk and barely took care of his family, which had ballooned out into twelve children. When she found out she was pregnant with a thirteenth child, she screamed to the heavens, ‘Let this one be a devil!’ and so it was. One stormy night, she gave birth and while it started as a normal child, within several minutes, it grew into a hideous beast. It slaughtered its siblings and escaped through the chimney, and to this day it haunts the Pine Barrens, known only as the Jersey Devil.”
“That doesn’t explain why Sir Spike was looking for it,” Celly points out, a frown on her muzzle.
“Perhaps he was looking for a way to slay the beast?” Woona says, “It does sound rather dangerous.”
“Oh yeah, that jerk is a real problem,” Jamie says, crossing his arms and nodding his head. “Only thing is, no one can kill it, it just keeps coming back.”
“Well, we’ll just have to find a way to keep it from coming back!” Dash exclaims, cracking her borrowed talons with a loud pop.
“Yeah, good luck with that,” Coop says with a laugh, shaking his head. “You really want to try, be my guest but I’m not wasting any of my guys on a stupid idea like this.”
“I think we have this covered,” Cadance says, nodding her head. “I mean, we have a pretty diverse group here, I’m sure we can do it.”
“Whatever you say, pretty pink pony,” Jamie says, giving a shrug. “You guys go get yourself killed, we’ll be here in this nice safe castle, eating this awesome feast,” he said, grabbing a piece of chicken and taking a bite out of it.
“Let’s just get this over with, I really want to get back to normal.” Gleaming quickly trots out of the castle, marching out into the woods, not waiting for the others.
So, our merry little band has been wandering around the Pine Barrens for a while, having encountered several hopkinsville goblins, a goatman, and Bunnyman.
“You're just throwing cryptids and myths at us aren’t you?” Megan asks, hefting her spear over her shoulder as she looks down at the corpse of Bunnyman, who still looks ridiculous. I mean, he’s a guy in a pink bunny suit wielding an axe.
“Maybe~” I say, making a jackalope scurry by just for the lols.
“Whats a cryptid?” Twilight inquires, panting a bit. I may have nerfed her a bit, her Alicorn magic is kinda OP for this kinda thing.
“Ask Jason later, he can explain it better than I can,” Megan replies, leaning on her spear.
“Wait... do you hear that?” Cady asks, swiveling her ears around. A horrific shriek fills the air and the group looks around, weapons and magic at the ready. From out of the trees it came, a terrifying mix of man, horse, bat, and dragon, its eyes aflame and flame shooting out of its nostrils with every breath.
“I-Is that... the J-Jersey Devil?” Celly asks, looking up at it like a terrified foal.
“Why yes, yes it is,” I confirm. “What do?” I pause for a moment before clearing my throat, “But that will have to wait until next session, as we’ve run out of time.” With that, I take us out of our little make believe world and to the Crystal Empire. Of course, I sent Celestia and Luna home, along with Megan, as they don’t really have any bearing on the plot of the next chapter. Oh, but I did drag Flutters and Chrissy along, just ‘cause.
“Um... Hodgepodge dear,” Rarity starts, looking around, very confused, “Why are we here?”
“Well, you need to do some shopping for the foal and Shiny and Cady need a little help,” I say, looking at said couple. “Tell them about those weird dark pulses you’ve been getting.” The Omnitrix starts to beep, flashing red. “Welp, looks like our time is up. Same time next week? Great! Seeya then!”
Jason blinked, shaking his head. “Okay, my head hurts more than usual... why are we in the Empire?” he asked, raising an eyebrow as he looked around.
“We’re not entirely sure but um... since Hodge already seems to know...” Rarity pawed at the ground a bit and hesitated. “Well... we’re going to have a foal...”
Jason stared at her before scooping her up and letting out a hoot. “We’re having a kid!” He spun around, holding her close. “Best news I’ve had all day!”
“Oh yes, can’t wait to see what this one looks like,” Chrysalis said, a grin on her face.
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if that is a quote from the Spoony experiment's Ultima reviews I love you so much
also you have a double post of the last section
Nicely done with all the cryptid references, but did you mean to repeat the end?
You've put your ending twice
sigh...I miss Megas XLR.
I hope Hodgepodge conveniently forgot to change them back, especially Gleaming. XD
Hodgepodge ftw!
Christopher Wal- err i mean Hodgepodge FTW! Absolutily love that character. Also love the references, humor and randomness of it all.
Still can't help but imagine CWs voice when i read hodgepodge
Heh, chicks dig giant robot cars.
Chicks dig giant robots!
That Spoony reference.
ARKVOOOOODOOOOOOOOLOOOODOOOLOOO!!!!