Sweet Dreams
I nuzzled toward the yellow pegasus soaking in the warmth and love. I have never felt love like this before. I could tell it was real and it gave me a fluttery feeling in my stomach. For once in my life someone cared for me. Even if I was a rabbit now I still enjoyed being it around her. I am starting to think that not all ponies are bad. I nuzzled up to her soft warm tummy and slowly I slumbered of into a dream.
I started in a town named Ponyville. I looked at my body and I was a small unicorn filly with a coat that was the color of azaleas with a midnight blue mane and a striped black and white tail that was kinda pointed. I looked once more at my mane to find that it was somewhat spiky and had a hint of purple which I will admit I do like this look. I decided to explore this place and for the first time ponies didn't run from me. I was normal I could actually live my life. I continued past a library which I still dreaded but when I walked up a purple pony came to greet me.
"Hi my name is Twilight Sparkle what is your name?"
"Umm my name is Azalea."
I started to back away for I really didn't want a repeat of the last incident.
"Hey don't worry I'm not going to hurt you."
Yeah sure and she doesn't have a secret sex dungeon in her basement.
"Oh come on Azalea I can see your new here and I once was too but trust me this town is crazy at first but eventually you get used to it. When I first came to Ponyville I met Pinkie Pie and I thought everything was weird. At first I didn't think I needed any friends but as time went on they became my best friends."
"Oh ok Twilight so umm sorry about me being shy. I just have had some bad experiences with some other ponies."
I felt something strange. This Twilight didn't feel like she-demon from my previous nightmare. It felt... Genuine. She actually had kindness in her heart.
"Well good luck meeting new ponies in Ponyville Azalea!"
"Thank you Twilight."
I decided to go back to the cottage where I found something strange. I saw a rabbit that was lying down right next to Fluttershy where I was went to sleep. I turned it over and saw soulless eyes staring back at me. I jumped back a few feet and poked it again and it melted into black sludge which quickly disappeared under the bed. I walked over to Fluttershy and saw the the same thing happen. I ran out of the house to find that Ponyville was in ruins. Everywhere I looked I saw dead bodies everywhere. I ran back to Twilight Sparkle's Library and I opened the door. I saw her in a chair which I was relieved.
"Twilight everything is going wrong. There are dead bodies everywhere!"
"Of course everything is going wrong Azalea. This is all your fault. You should have never come here in the first place. You attracted the queen which now killed everyone. Face it you will never be a pony."
She lunged towards me and pinned me down. I tried to escape but nothing worked.
"And now you are going to pay for your crimes Azalea. You will become one with all the ponies you killed.
Just then the library opened up and a black sludge with many lost souls came up to me and started to consume me. I saw in the many eyes of the sludge all the pain and suffering caused of these trapped lifeless souls. I gently cried as it consumed me as I would soon become one of them.
"You should have never come here Azalea."
I woke up from that horrible nightmare and cried into Fluttershy. It was nice having someone there to comfort me. At least while there was still someone. Just that thought made me cry harder. Is this all my life will amount to? I don't want these dreams to become a reality.
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5486176
5634742
Yeah. Given how well it worked out for Twisting the Hellmouth, I'm actually in favour of such a 1000-words-per-chapter rule. (TtH is a Buffy the Vampire Slayer crossover site which, until I discovered fimfic, was the best-designed fanfic site I'd seen. It still beats out fimfic. In fact, that rule is one of two ways I think it still outdoes fimfic.)
5699839
Given your reaction, you really should have replied to both of us. As is, it feels as if I just walked into a store, said "Excuse me?", and had the clerk yell at me as a continuation of an argument someone else started.
Second, while I understand your viewpoint, as someone who's wasted most of the last eleven years reading quite literally gigabytes of fanfiction (I archive what I read) across at least a dozen fandoms, I can say with authority that a 1000 word minimum size on chapters would have improved your story.
Argument from structure:
Chapters serve a specific purpose in the overall structure of a story. Writing very short chapters is akin to using only short, primary school sentences. You spend extra skill fighting the implications of that structure.
As is, your writing feels jumpy/disjointed and more like summaries than actual chapters.
For example...
Really good authors would normally dedicate at least 1000 words just to that bit alone. (This is where that old "Show, Don't Tell" admonition applies. You're supposed to give enough detail to allow the reader to imagine the character's surroundings and their thoughts, emotions, and opinions. )
...or how about the very start?
No, you had decided that you needed to be fleshed out as a character. You'd already decided to run away from home and we don't even know what gender you are, which is a good start for helping the reader to form an impression of how a first-person narrative should sound.
A story is supposed to draw the reader in. That means it needs detail and the amount of detail should be determined by how fast subjective time is passing. This feels like the story is stuck on fast-forward.
If I weren't dead on my feet from chasing a still-ongoing GOG.com insomnia sale, I'd offer up some examples of how to improve it.
Argument from release timing:
Satisfaction is heavily affected by how much a reader can consume in a single sitting. That means that, when a reader is following along as you write, each "release unit" must be satisfying in itself. (If you release one chapter at once, that's your release unit. If you release two at once, then that is your release unit. It's all about how much reward exists between sitting down to get into "the zone" and having to get up and get out of "the zone" again.)
This means that, even if the choice is between 500 words a day or 30,000 words a year, the longer chapter will still be more satisfying. (Because, when the reader is busy distracting themself from the wait with other things, wait time doesn't matter much. It's having to wait itself that's the problem.)
Argument from rating:
Working around the weaknesses inherent in tiny chapters takes a lot of skill. Given that you've currently got 18.75% thumbs down (with my not yet having given you a vote), you clearly don't have enough skill to get away with it and write a really good story, so it would make more sense to refocus whatever skill you're applying to fighting that effect.
What a strange journal like story, I'm going to keep my eye on it. By the way are you going to put a human in this story? If not you should get rid of that tag.
5720015 I will eventually put a human more specifically 2 humans in the story but I haven't decided both of their names yet. One of their names will be Johnathan Greene and the other has no name currently. John is a brony while ? isn't. John likes movies and ? is a videogame fanatic. Johns powers will revolve around various movies and tv while ? will have game powers
5722087
Will they stay with the changeling?
5722958 I will have the changeling Azalea become friends with them and I will make 2 separate stories based on their point of view
5722999
Well Azalea made a couple of friends earlier but despite common sense she decided to keep on travelling alone. So you didn't exactly answer my question that they'll legitimately stay with her for the rest of the story.
5723089 Well according to this story she can't exactly stay in a town or she will be run out and it could endanger her friends. Since she was never taught how to transform she can't exactly fit in and everypony thinks that all changelings are evil due to queen pretty much brainwashing the changelings to do whatever she says.I might eventually add a section where azalea almost gets run out of ponyville but her friends will defend her.
5723379
So she'll be staying in Ponyville eventually, huah. Anyway, so they probably will stay with her and travel with her (which is what I meant by stay with her).
awesome story if you need any help going over writing (mostly spelling and punctuation or something) I would like to apply.
5726038 So tell me how was your very first story huh?
Man I really need to get an editor soon. It's kinda hard working on it completely by myself without any help.
5726579 Well guess what you were the one who was being a really harsh critic so I might as well do the same to you.