I found this story to be kinda choppy so I'm going to do it again, a scene inspired by my dream in A changeling's travels
Thanks to this user for the image http://www.fimfiction.net/user/Moheart7
Chapters (16)
DeadEcho
Joined 30th Nov, 2014 ·
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...Well good so far but could you please make the chapter's longer? Kinda sucks when i have to click the next chapter button when its getting interesting.
The character would probably become even more interesting the author hadn't work on it for quite a long time. Also are you being racist BestRFCPlayer? maybe you should check your username it doesn't have good grammar bro
The chapters are short, but I think you could pull it together with a bit more character depth.
...Sheeeooot.
Now Hiring Editors If Interested You Can Apply
There's a rule around needing a 1,000 word minimum for each chapter
5467346 No there isn't. There is a rule that you need 1000 words total to submit your story.
5486176 ...Well there is no rule against creating a self insert story about a red and black alicorn whom is the son of Celestia and Pinkamena. But that doesnt mean its good.
Plz More
The feels man the feels I almost cried at the end their.
Plz more
5335739 its just a fanfic calm dow
5486176
5634742
Yeah. Given how well it worked out for Twisting the Hellmouth, I'm actually in favour of such a 1000-words-per-chapter rule. (TtH is a Buffy the Vampire Slayer crossover site which, until I discovered fimfic, was the best-designed fanfic site I'd seen. It still beats out fimfic. In fact, that rule is one of two ways I think it still outdoes fimfic.)
5699839
Given your reaction, you really should have replied to both of us. As is, it feels as if I just walked into a store, said "Excuse me?", and had the clerk yell at me as a continuation of an argument someone else started.
Second, while I understand your viewpoint, as someone who's wasted most of the last eleven years reading quite literally gigabytes of fanfiction (I archive what I read) across at least a dozen fandoms, I can say with authority that a 1000 word minimum size on chapters would have improved your story.
Argument from structure:
Chapters serve a specific purpose in the overall structure of a story. Writing very short chapters is akin to using only short, primary school sentences. You spend extra skill fighting the implications of that structure.
As is, your writing feels jumpy/disjointed and more like summaries than actual chapters.
For example...
Really good authors would normally dedicate at least 1000 words just to that bit alone. (This is where that old "Show, Don't Tell" admonition applies. You're supposed to give enough detail to allow the reader to imagine the character's surroundings and their thoughts, emotions, and opinions. )
...or how about the very start?
No, you had decided that you needed to be fleshed out as a character. You'd already decided to run away from home and we don't even know what gender you are, which is a good start for helping the reader to form an impression of how a first-person narrative should sound.
A story is supposed to draw the reader in. That means it needs detail and the amount of detail should be determined by how fast subjective time is passing. This feels like the story is stuck on fast-forward.
If I weren't dead on my feet from chasing a still-ongoing GOG.com insomnia sale, I'd offer up some examples of how to improve it.
Argument from release timing:
Satisfaction is heavily affected by how much a reader can consume in a single sitting. That means that, when a reader is following along as you write, each "release unit" must be satisfying in itself. (If you release one chapter at once, that's your release unit. If you release two at once, then that is your release unit. It's all about how much reward exists between sitting down to get into "the zone" and having to get up and get out of "the zone" again.)
This means that, even if the choice is between 500 words a day or 30,000 words a year, the longer chapter will still be more satisfying. (Because, when the reader is busy distracting themself from the wait with other things, wait time doesn't matter much. It's having to wait itself that's the problem.)
Argument from rating:
Working around the weaknesses inherent in tiny chapters takes a lot of skill. Given that you've currently got 18.75% thumbs down (with my not yet having given you a vote), you clearly don't have enough skill to get away with it and write a really good story, so it would make more sense to refocus whatever skill you're applying to fighting that effect.
It's like I'm reading journal entries.
What a strange journal like story, I'm going to keep my eye on it. By the way are you going to put a human in this story? If not you should get rid of that tag.
5720015 I will eventually put a human more specifically 2 humans in the story but I haven't decided both of their names yet. One of their names will be Johnathan Greene and the other has no name currently. John is a brony while ? isn't. John likes movies and ? is a videogame fanatic. Johns powers will revolve around various movies and tv while ? will have game powers
5722087
Will they stay with the changeling?
5722958 I will have the changeling Azalea become friends with them and I will make 2 separate stories based on their point of view
5722999
Well Azalea made a couple of friends earlier but despite common sense she decided to keep on travelling alone. So you didn't exactly answer my question that they'll legitimately stay with her for the rest of the story.
5723089 Well according to this story she can't exactly stay in a town or she will be run out and it could endanger her friends. Since she was never taught how to transform she can't exactly fit in and everypony thinks that all changelings are evil due to queen pretty much brainwashing the changelings to do whatever she says.I might eventually add a section where azalea almost gets run out of ponyville but her friends will defend her.
5723379
So she'll be staying in Ponyville eventually, huah. Anyway, so they probably will stay with her and travel with her (which is what I meant by stay with her).
hi
the first chapter didn't have a coment so heres one lol
5335739 then tell the creator to tell you when they make it that way and if they don't just don't read it
calm down about the length as long as the story line reaches a decent length the chapters can stretch over an hour long
5442169 I would like to help at some point (or try to depending on what you need help with ) (do you need help with writing or story line or,what do you want help with?)
"YEAH! CUTIE MARK CRUSADER'S CHANGELING HUNTERS GO!"
Oh buck me.
HA! that's like in school "time to finish yesterdays assignment" whole class (but one) "oh noo uhh" ha I already did it" "AWNSERS?!" (teacher)"boy you beter run"
awesome
MOAR!!
I think both are good names
awesome story if you need any help going over writing (mostly spelling and punctuation or something) I would like to apply.
5726038 So tell me how was your very first story huh?
Man I really need to get an editor soon. It's kinda hard working on it completely by myself without any help.
5726579 Well guess what you were the one who was being a really harsh critic so I might as well do the same to you.
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh the irony......................................I know whos behind it! (
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
did the tea help?
doesn't the goo seem like it might be from your dreams and attempting to cause the death.
my assumption is that you weren't aloud to leave the hive beacause your dreams can become a reality and the sadness in your dreams could cause problembs that anything beyond the hive couldn't handle .
that gargleing noise was very suspitios ,wouldn't you agree.
finaly, are you still a buny or was that just a dream?
so.........many...........................QUESTIONS TO ASK!!!
How much do you not like twilight?
What do you think the greatest weapon is? I believe it's Hope. I believe this because it banishes fear, and fear cripples or corrupts the decisions of whoever falls to it. It's also partly because of the God of War video games, what with Pandora's Box and all. My suggestion is to use this weapon to pass any trials you may come across. Always look to the brighter future, and strive to make it real.
My other question is if you think Angel might wanna rape you anytime, since you're both bunnies, and you know what they say about bunnies...
Damn... looks like young Azalea's got the fate of the world on her shoulders... I hope she takes my comment from last chapter to heart. The Hope part, not the part about Angel.
5723531 Well I need a proof reader and potentially an idea giver
ok.......................................the mark......hes coming for you .......nightmare on elms street.........suprize I blow your cover beacause I want you dead....... entertain me by squirming......uuuhhh.........dear chief replacement. I just wanted to send you this friendly little nightmare to inform you of your imminent demise...........this mark is so none trust you.......so many references that I cant quote them properly..... quik make more references for my sake (theres a sht ton beacause of how good this story is ) (as in its got the good parts of all the good storys and ideas)
5851680 Thanks for the compliment, I was trying to make the villain freddy krueger esk but the others I wasn't even trying to reference
5863029 I just wish I could quote the references properly (the chief replacement one was helsing ultimate abridged)