Baking with Rainbow Dash

Walking around with Pinkie Pie now, listening to her brain cogs turn as she thinks about rainbow dash, there marefriendship and how she feels about the whole thing.

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Starlitomega

Starlitomega #1 · Nov 30th, 2014 · 1 · ·

Okay, I want you to read what I have to say at the end of this message very carefully as I have something special to say after all of this.

Grammar errors. They are infesting this story. From the very top to the very bottom they are ALL OVER!

"Its hard to let go" said Pinkie Pie with one hoof on the door.

Its in this case needs to be It's. Capitalized as it's the first word in the sentence, and an apostrophe because it is NOT possessive.
In other words, if the "its" is a possessive "its", it does NOT get the '. Basically the opposite of how it normally works.

Secondly, if a comment from a character ends with "he said, she said, she spoke", etc, it needs to have an apostrophe. So, corrected, this sentence would be:

"It's hard to let go," said Pinkie Pie with one hoof on the door.

"buuut if Twilight had a description,

If you do any words that need emphasis, you need Italics such as this: "buuut if Twilight had a description,

It let's audiences know that the word you have italicized needs extra emphasis.

"TWILIGHT what does it make me feel?"

If you need emphasis, don't use all caps. Use italics. If the TWILIGHT is being shouted, it needs an exclamation point. So it would look like this:
"Twilight! What does it make me feel?"

Another problem this story has in spades is whether or not Pinkie is talking to herself, or out loud. Anytime a pony is talking to themselves, it should really be in italics and doesn't need quotation marks as they are not speaking it. if a word is in italics and needs emphasis it needs to be bolded, like so:

but I didn't care I had my Dashie back!

there are plenty more that I just don't have time to point out, but you'll get the hang of as you go.

Now that special thing I wanted to tell you about.

This is, by far, the best characterization and writing of Pinkie Pie I have EVER read. Her thoughts and comments read perfectly, her actions make as little sense as the real Pinkie's would, it's just so freaking spot on. Normally, I could never give a story with this many errors a thumbs up, but your characterization simply overcame it all and kept me hooked despite the grammar. Please, spend some time, get an editor to help with the errors, and DON'T STOP WRITING!

Comment posted by Forderly deleted Nov 30th, 2014

Forderly

Forderly #3 · Nov 30th, 2014 · · ·

Gosh I don't know what to say, I am rather tongue tied.
Thank you so very much!
I'm currently rereading your points just so they sink in, I'll make some notes later and stick them about so I can remember properly.
you've brought up grammar truth's I honestly has no Idea about, I know they are rookie mistakes but my knowledge on the matter is truly limited. I am so grateful.
as for the special thing you wanted to tell me.
GOSH you are so very very kind! Thank you! I'm glad, no, I'm ecstatic to hear that my Pinkie felt right for you, she is near and dear to my heart and making her as pinkerific and flooglebobbly as possible was important to me. not to mention I wanted her to be more than the sum of her pink fur, she's a very thoughtful mare don't you agree?
Once again, thank you so very much! but more than anything I am beyond happy to know that you enjoyed the story.
I hope you have an amazing and fun filled rest of your day.
Ford.

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