when tears won't bring you back

by Silverronin86

pony bone yard

When tears wont bring you back
By:silverronin86

Twilight Sparkle didn't usually spend her time in the pony grave-yard,for one reason she was to busy. With the Princesses retired on foal mountain to meditate ,she was passed on the duties of Equestria. They still raise the Moon and Sun,but the rest was up too her. She was over 150 Years old since becoming an Alicorn. She didn't say anything at first against it, but she knew deep down it was the worst thing that ever happened to her. This was frankly because she didn't realize every-pony she knew would die, or at least didn't realize it at the time.

Spike grew older and more greedy, leaving the land before he destroyed it,but the Equestrian Armada hunted him down and killed him. They believed him to be a savage beast ready to kill every-pony. The equestrian law has always banned dragons from there land with the exception of Spike because he was an experiment to see if a dragon growing up with a pony mother would change anything about their behavior, unfortunately it didn't. Though Spikes death had deeply hurt her, he wasn't ever buried, he burned to dust. No, the true reason she was there was to say "hi" to old Friends. Her journey stopped when she reached the first gravestone. It was simple and plain, the only thing unique about it was the brown western at that laid in front and the 3 apples engraved in the stone.

"Here lies the element of honesty", Twilight read as her voice cracked with a mix of bitterness ,mournful regret, and sorrow. Twilight sat in front, letting the cold Autumn wind blow through her purple main. " this was your favorite season, Apple-bucking season. *heh* I remember you wanted to do it buy yourself , but reluctantly agreed for our help. You were always stubborn but that was a minor flaw because you proved to be the best friend ever."

Twilight hesitated for a moment pondering if Applejack was listening from upon the dead and if her next words would hurt the deceased farmer. " You once told me that we will be friends forever, with the elements bound to us we will always be connected. When we gave them to the tree we all pretended nothing changed, but we all grew apart from each other and drove each other away, and you were proved wrong. " She looked around the grave at the other apple family stones. "You had an amazing family, but your all gone now, apples bloom is barren and can't expand your family name, its sad really."

Running out of words, she decided to say what she wanted to say but didn't know how to say it so many years ago "Aj, I miss you and I need you here with me more than ever, all of you. I'm alone in a new world, and you girls are somewhere beyond. Maybe I'll meet you there someday, I hope."

With her words said she laid a rose on the worn out hat and continued her quest. The next grave was a 3 colored grave; blue, gold, and red. In front sat an older orange pony with a fading purple mane and small wings. Twilight sat next to the ageing pony.

" haven't seen you in years, Scootaloo." Twilight greeted with a smile, honestly embracing the company of one of the few friends she had left.

" yea, I have been busy." Scootaloo said with little to no emotion at all.

"Learning to fly?" Twilight asked.

"Slowly." Scootaloo said this time with a crack in her voice.

Twilight knew exactly what she was thinking about,

"look, there was nothing you could have done, Rainbow's death wasn't your fault. She just..."

Twilight was cut off.

"IT WAS MY FAULT,SHE DIED BECAUSE OF ME!" Scootaloo screamed back

Twilight was in shock. She could tell her basically anything to prove it wasn't her fault, but Twilight knew Scootaloo was right.

" You weren't there, I watched the worlds greatest flyer,my hero, fall to her death." Scootaloo explained

Twilight soon remembered a filly Scootaloo crying about how she jumped off a cliff to try to fly but Rainbow went to save her, breaking a wing and falling to her death.

"The only reason I'm here today is because Applejack caught me with her lasso and pulled me up, unable to catch Rainbow in time." Scootaloo said with a hint of regret.

Twilight was running out of time, She only had a few hours left of her day off, plus things were getting a little to intense between her a Scootaloo. She said her things to Rainbows grave

"you were as loyal as they come, though just as cocky and brash. Even though all of us separated after I became a full time princess in canterlot, I know someday we will reunite and be friends once again." Twilight finished, placing a "wonder bolts academy" medal on the grave and leaving.

Once again Twilight continued her journey and walked through the pony bone yard. As she passed the grave sites, she noticed one she did particularly care for, Trixie.

"Here lies Trixie the great and powerful." she read will rolling her eyes and saying the sentence sarcastically

Twilight didn't know what she expected the grave to say. Trixie was once claimed to perform age spells, if true she could theoretically live forever...IF this was true. During this time however, Trixie also banished Twilight from Ponyville. Twilight had no words to say to her grave and continued walking. Its not that she hated Trixie, its just she caused to much trouble for Twilight to mourn for her. as Twilight continued she noticed other names on the graves she knew and loved; Bonbon, Lyra Heartstrings, Derpy Hooves, Colgate, Vinyl Scratch, Octavia Philharmonica, the cakes, and many more everyday ponies.

Before Twilight could think to much of it, she arrived at the 3rd grave site, one she didn't know what to say too. the grave of coarse was made of gems, she had a thing for going all out like that.

"The element of generosity, Rarity" Twilight said with a sigh soon after.

After their huge fight about Fancy Pants wanting to marry Twilight and not Rarity because Twilight was a princess, Rarity got jealous and she never spoke with Twilight again. The last time she ever saw Rarity alive was when Spike accidentally crushed her in his hand during his second and final thieving rampage. After that Twilight's relationship with Rarity was left broken, Rarity died hating Twilight Sparkle.

" Rarity, I have nothing to say but I'm so sorry for every thing, I never liked Fancy Pants, you had it all wrong. And as for Spike, I only wish you knew how much he loved you and he never, ever meant to hurt you. Wherever you are, I only hope these words reach you and you understand how I feel, you were my best friend and nothing will change that."

With those words she continued her journey, leaving a custom made necklace with a heart shaped blood ruby in the middle.

Twilight didn't have to walk far until she got to the final grave. This death was probably the biggest, leaving a huge impact on ponyville. She sat down in front of it, tired and heavy hearted from the long day. She examined the grave. Like the first grave, it wasn't unique besides the balloons engraved in it.

Twilight read " the element of laughter, Pinkamena Diane pie AKA Pinkie Pie."

Unlike the others there was a quote.

"Even without me, always smile."

Twilight could barely remember the last time she was at a real Pinkie Pie party. The one she remembered the most was the last, not because it was most recent, but because of the events. Pinkie was partying " hardcore" as she called it. She was eating loads of sugar and didn't show any sign of slowing down. Then Twilight heard a heavy thud and Pinkie collapsed. When Twilight brought her to the hospital, they told her she was in a coma due to over exhaustion and access sugar. Months of Pinkie on life support went by and not one single vital spike. They were forced to pull the plug and Pinkie left her that night.

"Pinkie, you truly were something else. You were an earth pony with her own powers."

Twilight pondered for a bit on what to say

"there's not much to say, you lived a great life. Even when we separated, you still made us smile. In time you could have probably brought us back...maybe even preventing all of your deaths."Twilight hesitated," but we can't always worry of what could have been, you lived life to the fullest, making it your sworn duty to make sure no pony was friendless*heh* I could have learned a lot from you pinkie, you made ponyville a better place and we thank you."

Twilight said her final words and headed back to Canterlot castle. When traveling back she saw her old tree castle, to depressed she vowed to never return to it. It was were she would rule with her friends, but they left her alone to rule."that adventure is for another day." As she continued towards Canterlot she had one last thing to say.

" I only wish I knew where you are Fluttershy, I don't know if your alive or dead. Just to see you again will lighten things up for me. Hopefully your somewhere in a pasture with your animals, probably on the edge of Equestria."

After all the deaths, Fluttershy couldn't take being in this town anymore and ran away, by time Twilight got the message she was long gone. years past and Twilight received no confirmation of her death or life concerning Fluttershy.

" I know she out there I can feel it."

Twilight walked the rest of the way in hope that one friend is still alive and maybe she isn't so alone in this world.

Author's Note:

I made this story for fun but also because I want to see if I could have a future in writing, so please like, comment, or whatever ;).

Also if you are a youtuber and would like to do a reading (not trying to get cocky just would be awsome) please contact me to let me know if its OK thanks alot (probably sound cocky ugg sorry if I do, I just always wanted a youtuber to read my stuff.)

Comments

[Simple Static]

When tears wont won't bring you back

pony grave-yard, (space) for one reason she was to too busy.

With the Princesses retired on foal mountain to meditate ,she was passed on the duties of Equestria. This sentence does not make sense.They still raise the Moon and Sun,(space)but the rest was up too her.

leaving the land before he destroyed it, (space) but

The Equestrian law has always banned dragons from there land with the exception of Spike. because He was an experiment to see if a dragon growing up with a pony

[Simple Static]

She was over 150 years

brown western hat that laid in front and the 3 three apples engraved in the stone.

element of honesty," Twilight read as her voice cracked with a mix of bitterness (<),mournful regret, no need for the comma since you have an "and". and sorrow. Twilight sat in front of the gravestone, letting the cold Autumn wind blow through her purple main. (<)" this was your favorite season, Apple-bucking season. *heh* I remember you wanted to do it buy by yourself (<), but reluctantly agreed for our help.

[Simple Static]

"(<) You once told me that we will be friends forever. With the elements bound to us we will always be connected. When we gave them to the tree we all pretended nothing changed, but we all grew apart from each other and drove each other away, and you were proved wrong. (<)" She looked around the grave at the other Apple family stones. "You had an amazing family, but your they're? all gone now. Applebloom is barren and can't expand your family name, its it's 'its' is possessive pronoun. 'it's' is short "it is" sad really."

[Simple Static]

The next grave was a 3 tri-colored grave; blue, gold, and red. In front sat an older orange pony with a fading (implies the age) purple mane and small wings. Twilight sat next to the ageing pony.

"(>) haven't seen you in years

"(>) yea, I have been busy." Scootaloo said with little to no it would be better to pick one or the other emotion at all.

"Look, there was nothing you could have done; Rainbow's death wasn't your fault. She just-"

Twilight was cut off.

"IT WAS MY FAULT,space SHE DIED BECAUSE OF ME!" Scootaloo screamed back

[Simple Static]

"(>) You weren't there, I watched the worlds world's greatest flyer, space my hero, fall to her death." Scootaloo explained.

Scootaloo crying about how she jumped off a cliff to try to fly. but Rainbow trying to save her. Breaking a wing and falling to her death. The short sentences built suspense and drama. Exactly what you want for these situations.

[Simple Static]

Twilight was running out of time . She only had a few hours left of her day off left, plus things were getting a little to intense between her a Scootaloo. She said her things Just things? Maybe a more emotive word? Wishes? Goodbyes? to Rainbows grave

"You were as loyal as they come, though just as cocky and brash. Even though all of us separated after I became a full-time princess in Canterlot. I know someday we will reunite and be friends once again." Twilight finished, placing a "Wonderbolt's Academy" medal on the grave and leaving.

"Here lies Trixie the Great and Powerful." she read will rolling her eyes and saying the sentence sarcastically she read sarcastically, rolling her eyes in the process.

Its It's not that she hated Trixie. its just She just wasn't worth the trouble to mourn over. As Twilight continued she noticed other names on the graves she knew and loved; the names of other ponies she knew and loved dearly.

[Simple Static]

The Cakes

Before Twilight could think to much of it, she arrived at the 3rd third grave site, one she didn't know what to say too. one she was lost for words over. The grave of coarse course was made of gems, she had a thing for going all out like that.

[Simple Static]

"The Element of Generosity: Rarity" Twilight said with a sigh soon after.

and not Rarity because Twilight was a princess. Rarity got jealous and she never spoke with Twilight again

relationship with Rarity was left destroyed. Rarity died loathing Twilight Sparkle.

" (>)Rarity, I have nothing to say but I'm so sorry for everything. I never liked Fancy Pants, you had it all wrong. And as for Spike, I only wish you knew how much he loved you and he never, ever meant to hurt you. Wherever you are, I only hope these words reach you and that you understand how I feel; you were my best friend and nothing will change that."

probably the biggest; leaving a huge impact on Ponyville.

Twilight read " (>) the Element of Laughter, Pinkamena Diane Pie AKA Pinkie Pie."

[Simple Static]

partying "(>) hardcore" as she called it. She was eating loads

You were an earth pony with her your own powers."

"There's not much to say, you lived a great life. Even when we separated, you still made us smile. In time you could have probably brought us back...maybe even preventing all of your our? deaths." space Twilight hesitated, space " (>) but we can't always worry of what could have been. You lived life to the fullest, making it your sworn duty to make sure no-pony was friendless space *heh* I could have learned a lot from you Pinkie, you made Ponyville a better place and we thank you."

When traveling back she saw her old tree castle, too depressed she vowed to never return to it. It was were she would rule with her friends, but they left her alone to rule. that needs rewording." space that adventure is for another day." As she continued towards Canterlot she had one last thing to say.

[Simple Static]

"(>) I only wish I knew where you are Fluttershy, I don't know

away. By time Twilight got the message she was long gone. Years past and Twilight received no confirmation of her death or life concerning Fluttershy.

Seriously? You have an entire government at your disposal and you can't find one pony?

But then again it took us like three years to get Malcolm Naden

[Simple Static]

"(>) I know she's out there I can feel it."

Twilight walked the rest of the way in hope that at least one friend is still alive and maybe she isn't so alone in this world.

probably sound cocky ugg sorry if I do, I just always wanted a youtuber to read my stuff.

Never be sorry.

[Simple Static]

Well. That's a productive two and half hours.
If you haven't already. Go to the menu bar> FAQs > Writing Guide. It's got everything you need from grammar to plot development and other useful hints and tips.

Overall the story was pretty good. Minus the grammar the only other thing you can do better is "show don't tell". I was kinda like "pony did this". Try to flesh out your sentences. Try to make it 'realistically descrpitive'. Don't write what they're doing; write how they're doing it and how they're interacting with the environment and other ponies and vice versa.
Just another thing: Break up your descriptive paragraphs. There was one that was just descriptions followed by commas and so forth. Makes it a tad hard to read.

Overall: well done, you'll get better as you toot along. Same with anything; you can only get better.

[Silverronin86]

Thank you simple spark for all you advice and input. I guess I could've really worked better on the story but I was trying to get it out faster. Plus I don't get a lot of time on a real labtop so I gotta do it off my phone, very hard if you never tried it. But with my new found info next fanfic will be a lot better, promise

[Simple Static]

5337164
Not a problem. I actually did all that editing on my phone. Ouch.
I enjoy helping people out with grammar, mainly because I can't offer anything else. Maybe plot ideas. Maybe.
My advice: read the writer's guide here on FIMfiction. Then read it again. It will help a lot more then anything I can offer you.
Any ideas for your second story?
By the way: there's a little arrow up on the top right of my comment which will link my comment when you reply. That gives the person a notification when you reply to their stuff.

[Silverronin86]

5344176
Well I was thinking about making one about Lyra or the origins of Trixie. Seeing how I relate very well to those characters I thought I could write them well. Other than that I'm still working on a new story.

You helped immensely, seeing how I'm new I know what to write and how the structure should be to better my writing. Thanks again

[Simple Static]

5344187
Well I got you watched (don't tell the police) so when a new story comes out I'll be there.

[Silverronin86]

5344193
Lol OK we will keep this on the down-low. Planning to have it done around Christmas or newyears

[Arkenfalls]