• Member Since 26th Jul, 2014
  • offline last seen Feb 9th, 2015

VanillaIceCreamSammich


T
Source

After Twilight's use of dark magic in the Crystal Empire, she quickly becomes intrigued by it. She decides to study it a little more, but what she doesn't know is that it has a long-term effect. It slowly begins to take over Twilight's mind over time. To when she first used it, to when she became princess. It finally corrupted Twilight when her castle appeared out of thin air. She then had the urge to completely take over all of Equestria. As this "disease" slowly takes Twilight's mind, driving her mad, she assembles an army of Unicorns and Pegasi. Twilight decides she needs her army to be better equipped. She needed more than swords, she needed something more....

Chapters (2)
Comments ( 2 )

Alright, so I read through your description and I gotta say, your description is pretty good; However, I read through your story and the way it was written made your characters remind of players on Moon Base Alpha.

fc00.deviantart.net/fs71/i/2013/112/5/6/kerbal_space_program_fanart__moonbase_alpha_by_mrfancy-d62p2p6.jpg The kerbals are this community.

I would highly advise to read Ezn's guide to writing fanfiction and then re-writing both chapters of your story. Other... the execution of the story so far is pretty bad.

Also, FYI, space out your paragraphs.

5126641 Thanks for the honest feedback, this is my first story so I don't really know what I'm doing. I'll be sure to check that out.

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