Page generated in 0.022 seconds
Total duration
947 users online
1,401,105 hits today, 2,280,440 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
touching, but kinda anticlimactic.
MOAR NOW!!!!!!!!
Interesting story, wondering where this is going.
Nice work so far!
Great chapter. Aside from some minor spelling errors (like 'except' instead of 'accept'), there was solid work.
509920 ah but it is not over yet though... it is only a matter of time until equestria finds out about david and then quickly afterward david and luna. so no they still have chance of trouble still. plus their is discord and crysalis so they MAY be a factor.
Sweet! More please.
510444 i was just talking about this chapter. not th' whole story.
I had a feeling that Chapter 4 might seem anti-climatic to some. But sadly all stories have points where the rising action ebbs for a time. Though if I were you, I'd read the comments of my fellow readers. Their foreshadowing just might be onto something. After all there is an Adventure tag. Who knows?! Of course I won't tell, but I promise you this story is still only just getting warmed up!
And to those of you all ready asking for more! I can hardly wait to deliver the next chapter!!
Oh and DMDeck16 - Thank you for pointing out that mistake ('except' instead of 'accept'). I have corrected it. I try not to leave in any spelling errors, but sadly a few still find their way through. So you have my thanks!
Its nice to see that Celestia is kind and not evil and cruel.
il be looking forward to reading more of this Excellent Piece of Art
1577144
How I confer that is that they are merely acting.... down to earth because he treats them as such. With most other stories the royalty can never connect with anyone because of what they are and have to put on masks, so them acting casual makes sense at-least in private, in public their masks would most likely reappear (I haven't read ahead yet so I wouldn't know)
excellent story, however, I recommend no content gore hate those moments
s647.photobucket.com/user/lovekakumei/media/avatar-yay.gif.html
I like it
But thats not to say that I don't still have some grievances with it. Yes, some of them are due to the spelling and others due to the grammar, but the one and only issue I have with this story is that the character's dialog is just too flat; perhaps it is simply the way I'm reading it, yet it just seems that they're speaking too correctly and not in normal mannerisms. By too correctly I mean to say that they are very direct and very simplistic in expression. I also can't help but stare at one big plot hole (no pun intended): Luna is, by far, going to outlive David, yet she seems to not even care in the slightest. One could pose that Luna could have no idea how long Humans live, but she states that she has had contact with other Humans before and that she does indeed know about them. I also hate when authors use the term "falling in love" when love is an action (I'm not talking about love making), but since the general consensus is that "falling in love" is love I won't hold that against you. If you want any inclination as to what I'm talking about when I refer to love as an action a good book to read would be The Road Less Traveled by M. Scott Peck.
Maybe I'm just being too picky, or maybe I should stop reading this at 4:00Am.
My friend you need to do a re-write of this story, or at least the beginning chapters. Unlike your Celestia story, this story is far more rushed and disjointed. It doesn't feel natural and compared to what I've seen you capable of, this is quite the injustice. I hope you take this into consideration, because I know you are a talented writer.
Stay awesome my friend,
Lyruil
*They entered the dinning room*
Celestia: "Guards! Take this human to the kitchens immediately! Tell the chef to use the recipe from the Kanamit cookbook."
Luna: "Celie! What are you doing!?"
Celestia: "Luna! You wouldn't deprive your big sister her favorite dish! You know how long it's been since we've had any."
David: "Oh, fuck! Looks like that nightmare you told me about is coming true, after all!"
Luna: "Uh--actually, I hadn't dreamed of this particular outcome. But now that Celie brought it up, I am rather looking forward toward breakfast....Sorry about this, David. Just know I still love you! And I'll love you even more with a nice BĂ©arnaise sauce."
David: "oh, futa! help me!"