Fluttershy's Safari Adventure

by Goldencolt

Prologue

Deep in the dense thick sweltering jungle, giant bugs buzzed across the landscape, the monkey’s chattering and the occasional piercing cry of an eagle could be heard as it swooped down on it prey. The noisy jungle ambience was then interrupted by the crunching of hooves on the dense shrubbery on the ground. gibbons and spider monkey’s fled to surrounding trees and the jaguars began to shift back into the shadows, meanwhile the crocodiles began to rear their bumpy head in up to the surface of the nearby muddy river. Out of the bushes came a stallion armed with a net and a straw hat in jungle camouflage gear. The immense humidity causes large bead of sweat to fall off his head he peered around. There right by the the waters edge stood a monkey parched and lapping up water from the river a very unwise decision, the river can be home to many things especially crocodiles. Now this crocodile in particular was staring hard at the monkey for a while before slowly sinking down in the murky obscurity of the water. The pony had seen this many times before, he know what was going to happen, the crocodile would wait till the monkey feeling safe and secure would move closer to the water’s edge. It would then make a move grabbing a part of it’s body, preferably it’s neck and begin its death roll spinning to weaken joints so it is able to munch on it’s flesh, the stuff of nightmares for some but all part of nature to him.
Of course today was different this monkey was a grey speckled monkey, an extremely rare species. It had taken him a week to track down and he wasn’t going to let some croc waste his opportunity. Most Ponies wouldn’t dare to intervene with a crocodiles meal, but then again he wasn’t exactly any pony.
He thought quickly and grabby some ivy and a nearby rock which he hurled at the mo startling it and sending it running, the croc had managed to catch the leg of the monkey causing it to climb the nearest tree and limp away. Stunned its foiled hunt the crocodile looked over to the pony making a short dash at him. However the mysterious stallion was ready as he had already thrown the ivy at just the area so that it would catch some of the tough branches. He began a rapid climb but the crocodile wasn't going to give up just yet he he began to tear the ivy in the hopes of bringing it all down. It was all in vain as it swiftly received a kick to the sending back to the ground, finally giving chase the crocodile decided to return to the muddy water ready to ambush again.
Walking on the thick branches he called over the monkey using an very authentic grey speckled monkey call, at the sound of this the monkey came rushing back. That sound could only mean one thing food and sure enough it had arrived to an assortment of tropical fruits that if happily began to munch. Yet another animal saved he thought and then pondered on his next destination it was certainly a far cry from the rainforest of outer equestria but he had a job to do and with that he turned to the direction of a small town by the name of ponyville.

"There you Go Angel enjoy"
The rabbit nodded vigorously as it was already chomping down on his favourite salad a yellow pink maned pegasus than began to groom herself, having done the usual chores of cleaning out the chicken coop fed the animals and ensure that each one of them was present and accounted for
Fluttershy loved animals there were no two ways about them ever since the incident that gained her cutie mark she has had a near unhealthy passion for them. So you could imagine her joy when animal conservationist Leo Lupus was coming to ponyville on his year long tour.
Leo Lupus is one of the most recognised naturalist in equestria his ability to befriend even the most ferocious of beast, Fluttershy had idolised him since she moved to ponyville and found her an inspiration not only in treated other animals but also in treating other people. She even joined the Equestrian Society for the preservation of Rare creatures, or EPSRC for short and now finally she would be able to meet him Leo Lupus the man who helped shape her destiny.
Fluttershy had a huge menagerie of animals from the docile little rabbits to the ferocious yet sweet harry the bear. Of course she had also managed to help alot of rare animals too just like her idol. These included birds of paradise. Several species of snake and even some lemurs.
She remembered before she settled in Ponyville how she'd travel around equestria from Baltimare to Manehatten, listening to his soothing words. being Ponyville resident animal expert he’d be sure to pay her a visit, and well…
KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK
The sound sent an already flying Fluttershy to the ground. But she was just able to compose herself before she hit the ground. “ who is it she" called
"It’s me Twilight"
"Oh goodness twilight you're here already i'm not even prepared"
" well Leo's just arrived in Ponyville, you better hurry I really want to take notes on his talk"
"Aw man Did you really need to take notes Twilight, your already it's not like your Celestia's", came the voice of a disgruntled spike
" Taking notes is always important spike besides Animal conservation is an important issue in equestria, it's our responsibility to make sure that our actions affect animals as little as possible and as a princess it would be important to understand this, who knows what kind of situation could arise where I need this information"
"yeah but how are you suppose to take in what he's saying if your busy writing it down"

Fluttershy had never taken this long to get ready making sure her mane was groomed perfectly
"It's almost like I'm turning into Rarity she thought and then came a flashback of rarity in the young flyers competition " maybe not that much" she thought whilst giving a small giggle
"Coming Twilight" she called as she glided out the door.

Comments

[Lavenderheart]

Great so far!!

[fastnbulbous]

The concept and writing are good, but there are severe spelling and grammar errors everywhere. I would highly suggest finding an editor; I'd be willing to help if you like.

[Tits and shit]

I would read this but it just ain't grabbing my attention... Good luck!

[Jasmine Tea]

4851488 the idea is good but, the execution is kind of choppy. also, the transition to scenes is poorly handled, not to mention that it's missing a couple of words. Now, I can see shy idolizing this guy but,… well there's a reason why she's named flutter shy, emphasis on the shy part. she's way to forward in this story. another gripe of mine is that, this male protagonist reasoning to go PonyVille is lacking, it just basically says to the reader I want to go here and that's it. I hope this guy get a proofreader or something, because I don't want to see the story go down hill from here.

[Lavenderheart]

4852045 you made a few valid points. I liked the story so far, though

If you're not very enthusiastic about this fic, well, that's just, like, your opinion, man.

[Jasmine Tea]

4857686 ha, that's true but, I think the writer has an obligation to us to write good stories. or in this case get his story organized a bit. it's, kind of like me when I started writing. the idea was good but the execution was horribly put together. ( like reading it hurt your eyes kind of bad) and I had teachers proofread it for me and told me was good when it wasn't. I showed it to my brother and he told me was horrible. so yeah, there's a lesson here to be learned.

[Lavenderheart]

4857753 true.
I think all that's needed here is an editor or something like that to make it less cramped.
And I'll admit it, when I first started writing stories, I was AWFUL.
Don't worry, I've improved.

[Jasmine Tea]

4858092 exactly, a little criticism isn't bad and can help you to be a better writer later on. also the school system sucks balls.

[Lavenderheart]

4858143 I know right?!

And I agree, criticism can really help you be a better writer. Unless you're being too harsh with it. Or mean. I think that just giving a few pointers can help, instead of being mean with it

I've not seen any criticism that mean yet, though:)

[Jasmine Tea]

4858172 Ugh, I hate those guys. Those guys just bash on other people's works with out helping them first. lease I try to be constructive when I criticize.

[Lavenderheart]

4858260 I know...they're so rude.
If I'm to criticize, I'll do it in a constructed way, like you said.

After all, what's the point in hurting somepony's feelings?

[fastnbulbous]

4858334
A lot of the "rude" criticisms on stories are caused by people tired of seeing the same old obvious mistakes, like having a self-insert, Mary Sue OC as the main character. You can only see so many edgy shitfics written by angry 13 year olds until you start being rude out of frustration.

Not saying this fic is one of those, of course. Once the formatting and grammar are fixed up I'm sure this will be a nice story.

[Lavenderheart]

4868972 Yeah, I agree with you. I'm the kind of person who is really sensitive to mistakes, misspellings, and grammar. Not to mention I have OCD, as a doctor told me
Anyway, I only read OC fics if the OC has personality, instead of being a Mary Sue.(sorry it took me so long to reply, I've been pretty busy!!)