Three words. Three words that I have come to despise more than anything else in this moment. Three words spoken from my precious jewel that irked me beyond comprehension. It didn’t help that she was smirking.
“You liked her,” Celestia teased.
I could have wiped that smirk away with a lash of my tail. I should. If she were not my property, I would delight in her suffering. I would feast upon her carcass and rid myself of such irritation. Now however, I could not. She was mine and nothing of mine was ever damaged. I’m just thankful that the humans were gone and I was again the mighty dragon of my birth. Again, the ground quaked under the weight of my scaled hide. The animals of the forest reeked of fear and ran for their pathetic lives. That at least gave me some comfort.
“You are deluding yourself, my precious jewel.” I scoffed. “I cared not for her or her race. I merely tolerated her very existence and even that was a chore.”
“Are you sure about that?” Celestia’s smile never left her face. “You could have easily flown away from us. No one was stopping you.”
Yes, no one could have stopped me. No one could have stopped me from burning her to a crisp either. I didn’t. That puzzled me. That was what a true dragon should do. Those humans were trespassing. They were touching my precious jewel! Talking with her. She was mine! Why did I let that little girl ride my jewel? Why couldn’t I say no to that little girl? This was frustrating. Of all things, it was a little girl to give me pause. Of course, it was the first time that I’ve seen a human hatchling up close. Perhaps they had some sort of innate magic that aided in their deception.
Yes, that was it. It was a feat of trickery. Ha! Did that hatchling think she could keep her secret? I am Smaug, the great and powerful. I see and know all that is within my lands. I will not fall for this sorcery again. However, I still didn’t have much of an answer for Celestia. This was getting repetitive.
“I will not leave my precious jewel,” I growled. “You belong at my side, not as the mount for the race of man. You are far too elegant for such a purpose. A being like you should be admired and treated with respect, not degraded in such manners.”
“I didn’t find it degrading,” I noticed Celestia’s cheeks were tinted slightly red. “I found it to be a wonderful experience, but I thank you for thinking of me so highly. Not many dragons have done so in my land.”
“Then they are foolish dragons,” I quipped. It was strange to think of other lands where dragons were common, or at least common enough that Celestia herself would talk of them so plainly. As if they were just a natural part of the world. I know we aren’t. We are beings bred for war and that is what I excelled at. “If they can’t see a jewel to covet, then they are blind to the world. Perhaps, if I were to ever find your land, I would take their fortune.” My grin turned deadly. Battle lust took its hold and I once more wished to fight another drake. “They certainly have no need for it.”
“There is no need for violence,” Celestia frowned ever so slightly. “Equestria has dealt with dragons well enough for centuries, with few casualties on both sides. I wish to keep the peace for a war would benefit no one.”
“Such childish thinking,” I chuckled. “Dragons always wish for more. They will not sit idly. They were hound your country day after day, burning your cities to the ground. They will devour your people and render your nation naught but an after thought.”
“You have such a low opinion of your race.”
My grin turned sinister as I remember the burning of Dale and the dwarvish keep. Their screams were like music to my ears and their efforts to stop me were hilarious. Well, except for that arrow. “I talk from personal experience.”
Celestia stared me dead in the eyes for a moment. It’s tricky to ponder what goes on through her mind. Although, I could guess. She was playing some sort of game and was now setting up the next peace. “Just remember to keep such thoughts to yourself at the festival.”
I scowled when I remembered the event. “I will try, Celestia. I make no promises, but...I will try.”
Celestia nodded. “Good, now we just need to think about ‘how’ we’re going to attend. I have just the thing in mind.”
________________________________________________________________
They are going to a festival? Why? A dragon can’t attend a festival. They are idiots. Of course they are. I am the greatest being in existence. My shadows will claim them both soon enough. I just have to wait. Wait for something….
HAHAHAHA! Festival? Those foals are playing right into my hooves. Yes, they are. Oh, how foalish they are. I am clever. Yes, so very clever. Festival? This is my opportunity. My chance. Celestia is mine. I am going to be free! My destiny is assured.
THE NIGHT WILL LAST FOREVER!
I must move quickly. There is much to plan. Much to think. It’s hard to think. It’s hard to be, or am I just imagining that? Yes, I am. I am meant to be. I am no figment. I am Nightmare Moon. I am the goddess of the night. The terror that which no mortal can behold. Those foalish Element bearers must lie in their beds screaming each night with my face burned into their minds. I am scary, but I will be loved. Yes, when everyone will love my night!
But I have to move quickly. The shadow mocks me. It claims to be the dark. I am the dark! I will defeat this shadow. I will win...I will win. I must think. Think. Think. The dark is coming. I want it to stay away. I am the dark. It’s...I want it to stay away. The eye is growing near. That eye. That hate. It hurts. I must win. I will win. It’s armies will be crushed with my hooves. I just need to plan………………
There will be a lot of people. People have fear. They are mortals, so fear is easy to stir. Yes, that is it. I will stir it. Celestia will fall soon. The sun will die. Better that I rule over them all. Yes, oh so very clever I am. One goddess! Victory is mine!
_________________________________________________________________________
There is no place quite like home. Well, as close as a home can be in Laketown. As close as someone who was descended from the Lord of Dale could scrounge up. It was dirty, rat infested, and stunk day in and out. This was the best I could offer my family. It was our little sanctum from all the hate and misery outside. Honestly, I doubted they could.
Usually, I feel a bit better with myself after some time in the forests. It was somewhere I could be myself. Where I didn’t have to worry about the mayor or any of the troubles that plagued this town. This isn’t to say I would forget about my children. I love them more than life itself. It’s just I have to get away from this town. To smell the fresh air and clear my head. A break from this decrepit life.
I didn’t feel all that better this time, however. No, I was pacing in the main room. If you can call it a main room. Sigrid was sitting on a chair, while Bain kept little Tilda occupied. I knew now why so many of the men in the village moaned about their daughters. They were mischievous and many a headache’s worth. Though, I doubt they had ever invited Smaug to a party.
My mind briefly clouded itself in my fury. I hated that dragon. He ruined the city of Dale, drove my family to this state. My children would be living normal, happy lives if it wasn’t for him. Though, perhaps I never would have been born...I don’t want to think about this. I shouldn’t be thinking about my hate for the beast. He was coming and there was nothing I could do about it. Yes, I had the last Black Arrow in my possession. That gave me comfort, but I sincerely doubted I would ever get a chance to use it. Perhaps I could have shot him as he held that raven form. No, that probably wouldn’t work either.
For now, I was going to have to let go of my hate. Maybe Smaug had changed. He mayhaps had, for what calamity would keep a beautiful, talking horse with the heart of an angel so happy? Those two seemed quite taken with each other. No, shouldn’t ponder about that. None of my business. My business was my family.
“Do you know what you’ve done?” I tried to keep my voice calm and still as I spoke to her.
“Yes father,” Sigrid answered.
“Do you really?” I walked up to her, looking down at her in a way to garner some respect. Again, I am reminded of my wife when I look into my children’s faces. My agitation ever so slightly lessened. “Do you not remember the legend?”
“No one’s disturbed the dragon, father.” Sigrid said. “With Celestia there with him, he seemed nice enough. Maybe he’s changed.”
I had similar thoughts, but I opted to keep those to myself. “He is a dragon. No matter how much he changes, he will always seek to destroy and conquer. It’s what happened to Dale and the dwarves. I don’t want the same thing to happen here.”
“Why?” Sigrid stood up, narrowing her eyes. “Laketown is sick. It’s dying. I know it. You know it. Why should we care if something happens to it? They hate us. No one talks to us and that weasel and the fat oaf mayor drain us dry. Why should we care if Smaug burns this place to ashes?” Her voice carried such venom that I was taken aback by it. I knew my children suffered, but to say that? Again I cursed this place.
“Because they’re people like us,” I answered truthfully. “They are just as poor and tired as us. They aren’t villains. They aren’t cruel. They are people. People can be mean and think of themselves in lean times, but it will get better.” I put a comforting hand on her shoulder. “I promise. One day, things will change and I’ll do my damndest to make sure it’s for the greater good.”
Sigrid smiled. It wasn’t a full smile, but it was enough. “I know,” she sighed and leaned into my chest. I put my arms around her and kept her close. She was safe here. Safe in my arms and no one would ever hurt her. This I swore. “It’s just...I’m tired of Laketown. Tired of the mayor and his weasel.”
“I know,” I whispered to her. “I’m tired to, but we just have to manage.” What more I had to say was cut off when there was a loud knock at the door. I quickly turned to it and excused myself from my daughter’s embrace. Whoever it was better have a good reason for interrupting. As I opened the door, I almost shut it closed on reflex.
Alfrid Lickspittle. He certainly lived up to that name, the weasel. Maybe I should call him rat. It would fit him just as well with the way he scurries about. There were two heavily armed soldiers in front of him. He was a coward. He couldn’t even try to talk to me without some soldiers nearby. The rat opened his mouth, grinning. “Bard, back from your little frolic in the woods I see.”
“What do you want?” I glared at the man, but stilled my tongue lest I say something to upset him and his guards.
“Why the harsh tone?” Alfrid asked. “I just wanted to see how you’re doing?” One of the guards pushed me out of the way and the three of them stormed into my home. I hated how helpless I was here. The rat looked around my home with a sneer, before his gaze fell on Sigrid.
The way his eyes roamed over her body made me want to jab my arrow through his heart. I would die a happy man, but I didn’t listen to that dark thought. That wasn’t how it should be done, no matter how disgusting the man. Still, I didn’t want him near my daughter. “Sigrid, go check on the others.”
Sigrid nodded and hurried off.
Alfrid’s smile was ever present as he turned to me. “Such a beautiful daughter, Bard. Why do you keep her inside so much?”
“What do you want?”
He could see my anger rising and that brought him to chuckling. “To talk. You’ve been visiting the forest around the mountain a lot lately.”
“Yes I have,” I answered, growing suspicious of where this conversation was going. “The fish are scarce these days.”
“Like there’s something hunting them,” Alfrid said, cutting me off. “Or scaring them off. What kind of a creature could do that, Bard?”
“I don’t know.”
Alfrid narrowed his eyes. “Something’s going on with the mountain. We’ve been getting reports for a while now. People are fleeing other towns and coming here. Orcs and the like roaming about and now there are even rumors of Smaug coming out of the mountain. You had to have seen something.”
“I didn’t see anything other than a bear on my trip,” I glared down at the small man. If I couldn’t berate him, I could at least intimidate him.
“Well,” Alfrid pursed his lip. “The master wants you to keep an eye out for anything out of the ordinary.”
"Why me?" I asked, hoping there was some way out of this.
“Because you know those woods better than anyone here,” he poked me in the chest. “You know every nook and cranny around the mountain.”
“I know most of them,” I told him. What was he getting at?
“Good,” Alfrid nodded to himself as if patting himself on the back. “That’ll make things easier than. If the stories about Smaug are true, than maybe we have an opportunity on our hands. Play your cards right and maybe we’ll forget about your family’s shame for a bit when we’re counting the gold.”
My eyes widened and I nearly lost my breath. “You wish to steal from Smaug? Are you mad? He’ll kill us all.” The master had lost his mind to his greed. I knew he was stupid, but this? This was something beyond mere stupidity.
Alfrid chuckled. “He may be a dragon but he can’t keep track of every single coin in his treasury. We’ll just steal a little bit here and there. The dragon won’t notice.”
“Yes he will,” I snarled. My hands were balled up into fists. The guards kept their hands on the pummel of their swords in case I tried something. “He will know and he will track us back here. No one will be spared. You’re bringing death to our doorstep.” Ironic as my daughter had just done that very thing.
Alfrid rolled his eyes. “The decision’s been made, Bard. Just do your duty to the master.” I opened my mouth to say something, but he lifted a finger. “Just remember, you’re expendable. We can always find another hunter or bowman. I doubt your little family could do well on their own without you.”
He had me right where he wanted me. They always did. I was clever, but they were underhanded. They would bleed my family dry after I died, or worse. “Very well.” My shoulders sagged as I accepted my fate. “I’ll keep an eye out for the dragon, but I tell you that you shouldn’t trust those rumors.”
“We’re willing to gamble,” Alfrid shrugged. “Thank you for your cooperation.” He walked away, stopping at the doorway. He turned his head. “Oh and I hope to see that beautiful daughter at the festival. I’d like to be her first dance.”
I just stared at the man, trying to bore holes in his head with just my gaze. All of my hate for this town, all of my hate for the dragon, was directed towards him. Let Smaug come. Let him do what he likes. If he would just burn this filth to ashes, the dragon could do whatever he wanted for all I cared.
Well, Alfrid's thoroughly slimy and smug. Just as he should be.
Is it wrong for me to hope he gets comeuppance? I doubt you'll make him a comic figure here.
I grin every time I see a new chapter of this
6206384
I'm convinced that he's the ancestor of Grima Wormtounge, and I feel truly sorry for whatever women ended up a part of that ugly tree.
Betcha most of these people can't pronounce Smaug correctly.
Are these people idiots?
Of course he would know if even a single coin goes missing. That's how dragon magic works, you fools!
Loving the story so far. Keep up the good work pal
I l lo ve dis story!!!!!
Yeah I'm with the daughter on this one, Laketown needs a good ole baptism by fire! And I'm kinda wondering if Bard will tip off Smaug to what the village is planning? Be one heck of a way to thumb his nose at the pricks, heck maybe he could beg a boon of the Great Terror and get a safe haven for his children.
I wonder who is stronger, Sauron or Nightmare Moon?
6206867 Yeah, but something like this… (Paraphrasing of course)
… I've been watching Vine too much.
And honestly, Alfrid's level of sliminess is on par with what I remember of him. Bravo, good sir. Bravo.
There are a lot of grammar errors, and I didn't like the premise very much at first, but your writing skills are formidable. You have formed very solid characters with their own personalities, thoughts, and perspectives through tools such as dialogue, appearance, and portrayal through another character's perspective. Then you tied all of these elements together in such a way as to set up a familiar scene to us Tolkien fans based on the movies and the books. Well done, sir. I officially like this story.
6206448
Ew
6207173
At the moment, I'd say Sauron. First, based on his previous dialogue in chapters past when he called the "seed of darkness" a "miniature me." There is also the fact that in the previous chapter, Nightmare Moon sounded rather scared and distracted, almost as if she were fading. I think the stronger Celestia is getting, the weaker Nightmare Moon is becoming. If she doesn't get negative emotion/energy to feed on soon, she'll be gone.
I haven't read the Hobbit in a while, so I might have this wrong, but Isn't the spring festival when Bilbo and company arrive? If so, this will get very, very... interesting
Imagine if Smaug was present during Thorins declaration to take back the mountain, what would he do? Would he slink back to the mountain and prepare, take it as a challenge and delare himself to the people of lake-town and dare them to try, or would he just burn them all on the spot as pre-emptive punishment for their impudence.
My money would be on the second option, Smaug being to prideful to 'slink' anywhere, and Celestia at least has a very tenuous hold on his leash.
Also, Bard only has to say: That he went to look, but Smaug did not leave the entire time he was there, it would be a lie, but Its better than stealing from a Dragon.
A note on the previous chapter, it is interesting to see Saruman before he was corrupted out of greed for the ring, to see the individual that Gandalf, for countless centuries, called friend.
6207204 I apologize for the grammar errors. I usually write these chapters after work and up into the night, so my mind tends to get a bit hazy sometimes. I'm glad you gave this story a chance though. I kind of wrote it in the first place to challenge myself, because yeah, this premise is really out there and would have to take some skill to work. I'm fortunate to have just enough to do so.
6207398 Hmm, that little bit slipped my mind. Well, a town can always have a couple more festivals as well, not sure if I can get the dwarves in town quick enough. I'd say, Gandalf and Sarumon have been riding with them for a time. I was thinking of writing a couple of scene with Sarumon and the bunch, but not sure if they'd feel like almost copies of the movies. Lastly, I'm not sure exactly how long it took them to reach the Lonely Mountain. I'd say it's been up to three weeks since Gandalf left for the shire, so I'm not sure if they could make it in time.
6207653 Well like I said, I could be wrong, I know they arrive during some festivity or other (A feast was involved, that much I remember), no way of knowing without finding my copy of the book and giving it a good dust off.
But still the scene is still morbidly amusing to imagine, after Thorins Declaration to reclaim his throne, Smaug's harsh laughter ringing over the feast, before shouting, eyes burning with Draconic rage and pride, his bitter amusement that such pathetic creatures wish to dethrone him, and, stopping short of destroying him on the spot, after some short intervention from Celestia or Tilda (Celestia might insist that they are not worth the trouble and that mercy/restraint is a greater sign of strength, as it shows that you do not consider them a threat. Tilda might just invoke some feeling in his cold heart). He instead Declares that if they wish to take his treasure, they are welcome to try, but threating that if anyone were to set foot in his mountain would find nothing but fiery death, He would then launch himself into the sky, talking on his full glory before soaring back to his mountain, most likely setting fire to a nearby forest for effect, and Celestia, having most likely associated herself with Smaug, would have no choice but to roll her eyes take on her own form and take wing after him.
Wow I I have way too much time on my hands if I could come up with all that.But unfortunately Thorin won't arrive in time, so Unless Smaug and Celestia make a regular thing out of coming to festivals, this probably won't ever happen, but still IMAGINE IT
So if Nightmare actually manages to kill Sauron, what will happen to this storyline?
6207208 Ahem... aren't you forgetting about you know, the BIG WAR that is approching? If Nightmare can hold out until then... She might actually manage to take over the world.
6207710 Well, Celestia does want Smaug to interact with others more often, so she might try and get him to go to more festivals.
I loved how Bard changed his opinion on Smaug coming to the village after talking with Alfrid. I am a little worried about how Nightmare Moon will work into the this whole thing. Hopefully she doesn't rune things with Smaug.
6207710
I just checked, they arrive during a feast, but it doesn't say what the feast is for.
So that keeps there from being a timing problem, just a different feast.
Wow, Sigrid got dark fast. I like it, I just hope in her plans for the town she's made sure to stash a rowboat covered in wet hides nearby at all times so her family can make a break for it.
This does make me wonder, why the heck hasn't Bran left with his family? Surely he's not staying for all the valuable fishing opportunities, he should just move.
Also good to see Alfred. I admit I have a bit of a soft spot for him, but I still hope he is forced to wear a corset by the end of this.
I have to hand it to you, it takes a special kind of style to screw up the second to last word in the chapter (you used "he" instead of "I").
6207653 I'm not sure because I do not have a copy of the book on hand, but I am fairly sure the dwarves spent about a year as prisoners of the elves which would mean they arrived at the next festival.
6208250 I was worried about Nightmare Moon as well, but she is starting to look more like comic relief than a serious threat with her ridiculous posturing and total impotence in this chapter.
6207746 If lake-towns half as bad as Bard and Tilda make it out to be, then nightmare will probably be fine.
6209483 *grumbles internally*
But I am following more of the movie's style, given Smaug's appearance and such. Of course, the movie doesn't give us means to gauge how long they are in, if they were in there for a day or so. {Of course, a year's time would make the romance more believable.}
6207740 Word of note. Even if Nightmare were to defeat the dark lord, she couldn't kill him. He would still return, just a little later. The only way to destroy Sauron is by destroying the one ring in Mt. Doom.
6209536 Hm, I hadn't thought of it before you mentioned it, but the romance might have been intended to imply a long stay which could not be adequately portrayed in the movie without a cheap "one year later" line.
6209665 True, but it was a tad bit poorly handled if that were the case. Something to clue the viewers in like some injokes or something between them would have been nice. So I might try my hand at stuff like that.
6206867 That's a bit harsh. But I do wonder if Bard might not take a moment at the festival to say something like, "Hey Smaug, there's a guy I know who thinks he can steal from you. Yes, he's wrong, I know. But could you please burn only his house instead of the whole town? It's that bigger one over there. Actually, a targeted strike like that would make people even more afraid of crossing you, instead of just generally dreading random death." If Smaug decides to go apeshit on Laketown anyway, knowing when it's going to happen will still help him save lives by telling people to evacuate.
Nitpicks (Starting with the title)
I don't understand why the hyphen is there. It doesn't seem to be part of a phrase being inserted where it wouldn't normally go like "it was an ill-thought-out plan" instead of "the plan was ill thought out", and that's the only thing I can think of that seems even remotely likely.
Its
... (an ellipsis only has three periods)
...
This seems to be missing Bard's response: "Why me?" or something like that. If Alfrid is simpy continuing to speak, there's little reason to have it in separate paragraphs and certainly no reason for the extra space in between them.
then
I propose the following scene:
Bard walks into the clearing with a wrapped up object.
Bard: I have an offer for you Smaug, I need you to hit a certain piece of filth whose been eyeing my eldest across the length of Long Lake with your tail.
Smaug: and why should I do this?
Bard Unrolls the wrapped object: I'll give you the last Black Arrow and tell you about a bunch of idiots in the town who think they can steal from you!
Alfred takes a flight via Dragon Tail airways, the mayor gets blinded by Celestia, and Smaug gets a new mantle piece, plus the admiration of Lake Town for getting rid of two people they all despise.
Gonna be honest... Nightmare's segment has me picturing her slowly turning into a foal Celestia should rescue as he thoughts seem to be becoming less intelligent.
6206384 In all honesty, I was begging for the orcs/trolls/goblins/wargs to kill him but he just kept on living!!!! KILL THE BASTARD!!!
6206448 I'd lay even odds they're related somehow.
6206671 Dragon gold invokes greed, not just in dwarves. We see enough evidence the Master is greedy with his taxes and saving the treasury first over peoples' lives. I hope he either gets blinded by Celestia's magic or Smaug steps on him by accident
6206867 Thirteen Dwarves and a Hobbit arrive to find Lake Town has moved to Dale and Smaug has a small girl sitting on his nose scratching an itch he can't quite get with his wyvern like wings.
6207653 It would be ironic if Saruman and Bilbo got along well since they're both not to fond of the Dwarves' habits and Bilbo managed to keep Saruman evil by being his imaginary conscience.
6209917 Even better, if he loots the treasury and the people basically start sending him their taxes instead of the mayor, everyone wins! Smaug has a reason to protect the town and the Mayor is strung up for almost getting the town incinerated.
6209550 Well, we know that Frodo and the Fellowship are going to Mt.Doom anyways, but if Nightmare kills him, hmmm...
So
a.) Nightmare cannot be killed, being a spirit of hate and darkness
b.) Where else is she going to go other then Mordor, LAND OF HATE AND DARKNESS?
c.) What ultimately happens if Sauron wins? Story goes on as normal. If Nightmare wins? Middle Earth has a new Dark Lord, WITHOUT A TANGIBLE MEANS OF KILLING!
nah, I'm sure we'll all be fine.
6211376 They can't send him their taxes, because taxes pay for stuff, and gold that goes into Smaug's possession doesn't come out.
Although, if Smaug could be convinced to run the town on a separate purse and only keep the profit at an agreed upon rate, his straight skimming (or "salary", but don't tell Smaug) would probably be no more than what the current guy and his cronies no doubt embezzle; and he might well run the town more efficiently, too.
I doubt the story will go that particular direction, but it's a fun thought.
6211736
Smaug, the Great Civil Administrator?
....Nah. Doesn't roll off the tongue like his other names.
6211736 It buys the protection for the town. I'd rather Smaug has the gold than the mayor.
6207653How about we just have him tell Smaug what's going on with Celestia being a mediator?
I'm not sure who's a bigger moron, Nightmare Moon or Alfrid and his boss.
6211736 I'd vote for him.
Yay, festival!
This sentence is out of context.
6212656 Bribing him to protect the town is one thing (although I think his dignity would be offended and he would refuse if it was done too transparently), but I had thought you meant they would pay all their municipal taxes to him. If it was simply added to his hoard, he wouldn't give any of it back to pay for the town's expenses, and he also wouldn't personally do all the work those expenses are paying for.
6207746
Good point.
6207653
Don't worry about it. I still think it's a pretty good story. I especially loved when Celestia was far from elegant with the OH BUCK MY CURIOSITY! XD Priceless.
6214355 And what good was it doing sitting in the mayor's money hoard???? At least giving it to Smaug buys protection for Lake Town since he'll want to keep the income.
6215082 No matter how lazy and corrupt the current mayor is, he must be doing something related to his job with the money, or the townsfolk, no matter how lazy and complacent they are, would have thrown him out on his ass by now—or stopped paying taxes.
6215446 He's paying the guards to be his enforcers, not like the common folk have access to the weapons necessary to throw him out.
I propose, in humor, the following scene.
"And that, my dear Frodo, is the story of 'There & Back Again'!"
"You went to a land of talking ponies, got turned into a donkey, and brought back some apples?"
"Why yes!"
"Uncle Bilbo... Pass me another pint of cider."
As for how Celestia & Smaug attend the festival, my guess is...
Idea One: Arrive as a pair of absolutely squeaky-clean gorgeous/handsome humans! They make nobility look like gutter-snipes!
Idea Two: Smaug is the most handsome of alicorn stallions! Also, the only alicorn stallion!
Idea Three: No one expects the Breezies!
Idea Four: Nopony expects the Thranish Inquisition! (See Eberron for details)
Idea Five: A pair of bouncy balls bouncing their way through the festival.
Idea Six: A pair of talking birds.
Idea Seven: Celestia belts out 'Flight of the Valkryies' while riding atop a very definitively dragon Smaug. Additionally, Celestia wears a dwarven helmet. Because, reasons!
6207653
If only Gandalf could, in theory, get Shadowfax to pull a cart of dwarves. Or better yet....
We have a team of sled-dwarves pulling Shadowfax! MUSH DWARVES! MUSH!
I hope Alfrid tries something with Celestia in front of Smaug. Then he'll be torched like the obese, lecherous scum he is, and everyone will be better off except the corrupt people. And let's face it, anything bad that happens to them is well-deserved, and often their fault.