chapter 1
It was early in the morning, Celestia has barely risen the sun. Treble caster was still asleep, curled up in a small ball on her bed and huddled under her covers. Then a loud crash sounded through the room and a the sound of giggling echoed throughout the small house. Treble caster immediately knew who it was and she picked up her pillow and threw it at her friend. " Dash!!" Trebel shouted!
Rainbow dash blocked the pillow with ease and looked at her " well look who's miss grumpy today." she teased throwing the pillow back .
The pillow hit Treble Caster in the face and caused her to land on her back with an oomph. " hey, i stayed up all night helping Twilight and the crusaders...." Treble Caster snapped,she wasn't in a good mood. At all...
.
Dash giggled " you're such a good pony." she said flying upside down to look at Treble, Treble then gave her a corner smile and got out off bed to brush her mane and tail. She grabbed her brush and began to run it through her hair.
Dash clicked her tongue " that's not how you do it Treble." Rainbow Dash scolded and she grabbed the hairbrush and began to brush Trebles mane gently.
" thanks dash..."
" no problem you are my best friend."
After Dash was finally done grooming Treble they both walked out to the farms. Treble looked around at all of the seed planters and frowned " do they enjoy doing this? it looks so uninteresting." she asked Dash.
Dash shrugged " i really don't know. i don't do their job." Dash spoke as she shrugged carelessly.
Treble rolled her eyes " you could be a bit sympathetic." she muttered as they walked into town square.
Dash giggled in response and she looked confused for a second. " wait whats that sound?" she asked. Trebel shrugged and listened. it sounded like excited squealing.
Dash smiled at her " lets go investigate shall we?" she asked.
Treble smiled a bit " we shall." Treble joked. Dash laughed and walked towards sweet apple acres. the squealing got louder as Treble followed behind. ' yep definitely coming from applejack's." Treble thought to herself.
When Dash and Treble walked in a orange and tan flash flew right past their gaze, making Treble fall onto her back. Dash giggled and offered a hoof for her, which Treble gladly took. Treble gazed to the apple trees and she saw a muscular and handsome Pegasus picking apples off the tree and dropping them into a basket.
She rolled her eyes and looked around for Applejack, when her gaze interlocked onto applejack's yellow hide and treble marched over " are you going to let this show off ruin your apples?" she asked Applejack.
Applejack blinked and looked at her " huh? awe no, hes doing well. he just arrived yesterday and he offered to help me. I need the money for my family." Applejack said with her sweet southern accent.
Treble frowned " well, in that case anything i could help with?" Treble asked, tilting her head.
" no thanks. but ill see you later OK?" she said smiling. Treble sighed and nodded turning away.
" hey uni!!" She heard a unfamiliar voice call out to her.
She turned to see the Pegasus who was showing off a few moments ago. Treble glared at him and stomped her hoof
"i have a name show-off!" she snapped!
the Pegasus smirked and landed in front of her " I do too, but i would like to know yours." he stated, his blue eyes gazing into her green ones.
Treble rolled her eyes " like I would tell you...' she muttered and raised her chin slightly.
He smirked " don't be so uptight." he said, the smirk on his face growing.
She felt something in my heart. I wasn't ever uptight? was I that mean today? Treble thought to herself as she lowered her chin and kicked some dirt up " well...excuse me...i'm just going to Twilight's house." she said, before turning.
Some ponies snickered as Treble walked out of Applejack acres. " hey! stop!" Treble heard Dash snap before she burst into a sprint off to Twilight's home. Why would his words affect her?
Twilight laid a cup of water in front of Treble, who had dry tears showing on her face. " its OK Treble. I'm pretty sure everyone understands. You try so much to help as much as you can." she said, trying to reassure Treble.
Treble sniffed " yeah, but why did his three words affect me? and they weren't even mean!?" she cried, starting to get frustrated.
Spike jumped on the table " its because you were tired Treble." he said, smiling at her.
Treble gave a small smile " you think so? she asked in a quiet voice. spike nodded " absolutely. i know you. you don't act this way unless you're tired." spike said, with a caring look in his green eyes.
" thank-" Treble was cut off by the doorbell ringing.
Spike jumped off the table and walked over to the door and answered it " Treble! Someone is here for you!" spike yelled.
" OK!" she trotted over to the door to see the Pegasus again. Why was he here? He was so arrogant about everything anyways.
He looked at her and smiled " hey." he said, his mane going slightly into his eyes.
Treble looked at him and tilted her head " um hi." she said, awkwardly.
The Pegasus bit his lip and sighed " listen I'm sorry for earlier, so i got you this as an apology." he held up a box wrapped in green wrapping paper with a black bow. Treble's face gave off a confused expression as she took the box.
She looked at him guiltily " sorry i was so uptight earlier. i just stayed up late last night so I'm tired." Treble murmured, while studying his futures. ' He is handsome' Treble thought to herself.
He flashed a smile " It's fine. Oh, and Applejack said she wanted me and you to help her." he said, shrugging his shoulders
Treble nodded and looked at the sky, the moon began to rise " today was a quick day...i better get home to work on my music.." Treble murmured, as her eyes flickered around some more.
He titled his head " How about i give you a ride?" he asked. Treble raised an eyebrow " ride?" she asked, confused.
he smirked and turned " get on." he said, pointing to his back. Treble gulped and nodded climbing onto his back and holding on to his neck.
" I'm ready." she whispered then suddenly, she felt a blast of wind hit her face.
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Real good story so far, there are some punctuation errors for example:
Treble rolled her eyes " like I would tell you...' she muttered and raised her chin slightly.
It should be " Like I would tell you! " You put triple dot at the end of her sentence. Unless she was going to continue her sentence then you write it like that, but she didn't say anything else afterwards so it should be written like how I wrote it for you. And you put the wrong punctuation mark at the end it should be " not ' but I think it's an honest mistake. Lastly I think the beginning sentence sounds real familiar, it looks a lot like the beginning sentence from my story "Seasonal Love" no big deal but anyhow this story has a lot of potential but try doing what I do, make a complete bio for your OCs like I did with Teky, Ninroot and others that way you can get an idea of what their personalities are I don't know if you already did that or if you know what their personalities are but just a suggestion. But like I said this story has potential if you need any more help with this story or if you have a story idea that we could collaborate on then I'm all ears but keep up the good work
Absolutely amazing. A story about your two self-insert OCs hooking up, one of who is apparently Rainbow Dash's best friend, and the other who all the mares go crazy for, in a fic filled with spelling and grammar mistakes that obviously had no effort put into proofreading the text of the chapter, description, or title.
prayersandapples.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/09/I-see-no-way-this-could-ever-go-wrong.jpg
4789897
This is the first story I've seen on this site that has all downvotes and no upvotes.
4790103 Now it has the one upvote and ten downvotes. I want to say that your comment may have something to do with that, but I'm not too sure.
4790103
4790161
Yeah, it's pretty rare to find a story with no upvotes, since the author can upvote their own story.
I'm not even going to go into all of the problems with this. I just have one question: why did you put in a BLANK author's note?!
4789897
Sigh
Where to start--
Right from the very beginning I've seen several problems
, mostly in grammar and spelling. Missing several commas, not-capitalizing the first word in sentences, names, I's, ect. Another is your character being Dashie's best friend. No, she's not. 
It's okay if your oc is friends with Dash, most Ponies in Ponyville are, but her -best- friends are the main six.
The other main problem I have is the male oc, the one "every mare in town goes crazy for," this seems highly unnecessary. What you should do is make him rather Charismatic, a smooth-talker. That would give him -character-, which is something both him and the female oc need
My advice: Scrap the story and attempt a rewrite in the future, pay attention to spelling and grammar, and develop your oc's a bit more!
Draw out the story and give them some biography's, story, -character-
My rating: 0/10 Mustaches
4790161 I'm actually the one who liked it, I liked it because I see it has potential but it just needs a little work I mean when I made my first story I needed to fix it, and later on I did but still this story has potential, it just needs a little work
4793940 I admit you have a point but here's the thing, this story is her/his first story I'm sure it needs a little work but lets be honest who here didn't screw up hard on their first story here. I know I did but I did fix it later on the first story was "Seasonal Love" but anyways you should cut her/him some slack but you do have a point with punctuation errors and spelling errors that need looking at but still cut some slack
4794963 Yes, I do suppose I should cut them some slack on their first story, and you're right it does indeed show potential. I'm always glad to see new writers trying their hand at fanfiction
, and romance stories are a great start!
One point i'm trying to make is to start with the pre-existing characters in the show, and once you become familiar with character balancing and making their personalities interesting then make your oc's.
To author, if they're paying attention to comments: Try filling out an online character sheet, they're -very- helpful in making oc's, and even other things, like WoW Roleplay Personas.
4795014 I considered somewhat the same things she/he should make a character bio like I did with my two OCs Ninroot and Teky Hoof, in fact I have a journal filled with my OCs with there information like age, height, and personalities (I'm board a lot)
Anyhow she/he just needs to work on the characters and a the story line, and the relationship with some of the mane six. Like in my story I just have Twilight be an acquaintance to my OCs, like the Ned Flanders of my stories only without the christian thing.
I apologize for my poor grammar and spelling. I've always been awful at typing. I'm seriously trying my best and I really want people to like my story, even if it isn't as good as most. Again, I feel awful about my mistakes. I'm tying to find a person who could pre-read and help me with corrections. But those of you who gave me a compliment, thank you for the support. I'm sorry if you don't like his story, I will try harder. I promise.
I feel so awful hat I messed up everyone. I get that you guys definitely think I'm a major idiot right now. I apologize for not writing correctly, I was on an iPad at the time as well. I apologize once again.
4798483 Don't feel awful, just shrug off this story and try again!
4798483 You're not an idiot for doing this, besides it's only your first story, I bet if you keep practicing the story writing I'm sure the next story you write will be great! And besides we all make mistakes, especially on our first story. I know I did.