Many years have passed, the mane 6, except Twilight, have grown to be elders, and the CMC have acquired their cutie marks. Except Scootaloo. She's learned to fly, but has yet to got any sort of mark on her flank, except a few bruises here and there.
What if outlets, phones, and computers moaned everytime we plugged something in them
Many years have passed, the mane 6, except Twilight, have grown to be elders, and the CMC have acquired their cutie marks. Except Scootaloo. She's learned to fly, but has yet to got any sort of mark on her flank, except a few bruises here and there.
Why did the make such short chapters, it would be easier to just put it in one chapter
I'm going to put my comments on the story as a whole into one comment here, instead of keeping them on each chapter:
In general, your writing is very tight and tidy - but there are some areas that stumble. The tense in the third chapter seems wrong (to me). I would have used 'had' instead of 'has' to put it into a proper past tense.
I'm just using this as an example. You're being repetitive. We already know there's a front door - so you don't need to mention it each time.
I would word it like so:
Another example in Chapter 2:
These are just a few examples - but keep it up! We all started at some point and what you have here is far better than what I was doing when I first started writing.
The story...I'm not really a fan of the ending. Have Scootaloo earn her happy ending. maybe if she was hospitalized or something? I dunno - not my story xD
4703251 Hi! Thanks for the tips, the reason some parts of it weren't that well was because it was 2 in the morning XD But thanks for the compliments also! I'll make sure to remember these tips :)
4702520 I don't know honestly :/
4703251 Oh! And one more thing, if you want me too, like I put in the authors note in the last chapter.... I think anyways. BUT, if you want me too, I can write an alternate ending that's a happy ending. I meant for it to not be a happy ending, you know, kinda like my little dashie. Your choice bro :)
4704238 I'm not going to tell you how to write your story xD
The most I'll do is offer suggestions.
My personal preference is when all the characters earn their happy ending (usually through much suffering.
In some ways, Scootaloo did earn her happy ending here (not that it was very happy for the others).
I like the emding and how short it was . U didn't drag on.
I would enjoy an alternate end to this just to satisfy those feels.