The Doctor is in

A new pony named Seraph is sent to Ponyville by his teacher to make some friends, little does he know that He is in for an adventure

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 9 )

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TheRealShadowFoot

TheRealShadowFoot #1 · Apr 4th, 2012 · · ·

not a bad start for a fanfic. Favoriting cuz i wanna see where this goes

AimBot

AimBot #2 · Apr 5th, 2012 · · ·

Seraph?... That sounds familiar... Do you know of a little something called "The Herd"?

TheKageKitsune000

TheKageKitsune000 #3 · Apr 7th, 2012 · · ·

413702 You bet I do, stay with me and I'll be sure to mend your wounds

Feral

Feral #4 · Apr 7th, 2012 · · ·

@AimBot You're one of the herd... Iron Skull, right? Dude, Starlight Blaze.

@TheKageKitsune000 Turned out really well after all of that editing. Can't wait to see where you go from here, my friend.

AimBot

AimBot #5 · Apr 7th, 2012 · · ·

Alright bro... I finally read through it, and here's what I got for you...
“Yeah, what is it Twilight.” AppleJack said) That's the original.
Here's the corrected ( “Yeah, what is it Twilight?” Applejack asked)
And...
Once she was out of sight, Seraph turned to Nurse Redheart and said with a smile, I’m so glad she is all right. In no small part to you, Nurse Redheart responded in a kind voice.) Original -
Corrected ( Once she was out of sight, Seraph turned to Nurse Redheart and said with a smile, "I’m so glad she is all right."
"In no small part to you," Nurse Redheart responded in a kind voice.)
While Seraph pleaded, you misspelled "laundry" as "landry".
Here's something else... Original - (The next day Twilight brought the whole gang to see Seraph.Twilight introduced Seraph to Fluttershy, Rarity, and Spike; they even brought the rest of the Cutie Mark Crusaders to cheer up Scootaloo. Pinkie even brought Seraph a cake, despite the fact that she would’ve brought one regardless of his physical condition. They talked and swapped stories until visiting hours came near a close. Seraph said his goodbyes to everyone but asked Twilight if he could talk to her for a minute. “Yes, what is it Seraph?” Twilight asked with a puzzled look.
Corrected - (The next day Twilight brought the whole gang to see Seraph.Twilight introduced Seraph to Fluttershy, Rarity, and Spike; they even brought the rest of the Cutie Mark Crusaders to cheer up Scootaloo. Pinkie even brought Seraph a cake, despite the fact that she would’ve brought one regardless of his physical condition. They talked and swapped stories until visiting hours came near a close. Seraph said his goodbyes to everypony but asked Twilight if he could talk to her for a minute.
“Yes, what is it Seraph?” Twilight asked with a puzzled look.)
Another/ Original (“Allright, I’ll do you one better,” Twilight said with a grin.
Corrected -(“Alright, I’ll do you one better,” Twilight said with a grin.
Original-(“I’ve to get going now; after all, we don’t want to get on Nurse Redheart s bad side,”
Corrected -(“I’ve to get going now; after all, we don’t want to get on Nurse Redheart's bad side,”

Remember, instead of using "everyone" or "anyone" you should use "everypony" and "anypony". It's just how stuff works in Equestria (weird, huh?)

You also need to start using more contractions... like "I'm" "I'll" stuff like that. Using contractions makes it seem less formal.

Also, I think that Apple Bloom is TWO words... I don't know, I've seen it both ways, but Apple Bloom instead of "Applebloom" is more common...

Well man, I've done my best to help you. It's up to you to make the most of it. And... While I normally wouldn't do this, for a fellow member of The Herd... If you ever need any help with this story, or any other. Just send me shout; add me on steam, anything like that. I'm here for you bro. I eagerly await another chapter. (I'm not even sorry for the long review)