Why Can't I Find a Darn BACON PLANT?!

by Wolf Rancher

The Feast

I stretched out under the my favorite apple tree, resting my head on my hooves and pulling my hat over my face. My orange pelt was covered in dirt and sweat and I was tired and hungry. It had been a long day. Big Mac and i had just harvested the last of the apples for this year. It had been tough but it was finally done and over with. Now it was time for some rest. I closed my eyes only to feel something wet move across my face. "What in tarnation?" I opened my eyes. Winona was licking my face. She dropped a small envelope on my chest. "What's this?" On the front it said: Winona, please deliver to Applejack. "Some of yer friends?" I asked my dog. Expectedly, she didn't answer. I opened up the
Envelope.

The letter inside of it read: Dear Applejack, my name is Howl. I am in an adventurous eating group along with ten or so other gray wolves. Wolves? I thought. "That's mighty strange. What do wolves want with me?" i continued to read the note. We have heard of how delicious they are and would like to have some of your apples. However, we do not have any money and would like to offer up a trade instead. We would like to invite you to a feast that contains mny types of food that we have had on our group trips. In return we would only like about two bushels of your famous apples. If you would like to take up our offer, please meet us tonight in the evergreen forest. We will have a few wolves waiting to escort you to where we are staying so you will not come to any harm. We will be leaving equestria the day after the feast. Sincerely, Howl of the canines club of adventurous eaters.

I looked over at Winona. "Ya know em'? Are they trustworthy?" She hopped up and down and wagged her tail in reply. "I take that as a yes." I thought for a while. "Well, I don't know, they are wolves." I heard my stomach growl, although from how loud it was I'd say it was more of a roar. I looked around in embarrassment and put my hoof on my stomach. As I thought about food I suddenly had a change of heart. "Well, a feast doesn't sound too bad. I can take my chances."

I walked up to where the trees of the evergreen forest started. It was night now and two guard wolves were supposed to be here. I looked up at the menacing trees in the dark, dangerous forest and shuddered. I was certainly not going in alone. All of a sudden two sets of glowing yellow eyes blinked open in a nearby bush and something gray came hurdling at me. To my embarrassment I nearly shrieked but found they were two gray wolves, most likely the guards to escort me to the feast.

"Come along miss," Said one. A guard stood at both of my sides as we walked through the dark forest. I was grateful for this but at the same time it put me a bit on edge to be flanked by two carnivourous varmints. as we got deeper into the forest I began to worry. We're they going to eat me? Was that letter just a lie? Just as I began to worry I was brought back into the real world by the sound of one of the wolf guard's voice. "Here we are."

I looked around in awe. The dark, ominous forest had transformed into a bright, cheerfully dining hall. Candles were attached to the trees nearby and there was a huge dinning table set where a small clearing was. My mouth started to water as I saw many different foods laid out on the table. Some were familiar like mashed potatoes, french fries, carrots, ice cream, and various cakes. Some of it however was completely new. There was some sort of spiky looking fruit and strange mushrooms. There was also much more than that. The foods were basically unlimited.

It was surprisng that after trying all this weird food they had never tried apples, of all things. A huge black wolf came over to me and shook my hoof. "Welcome applejack, I am the founder of this club, my name is Howl." "Please, sit down." He showed me to a seat at the end of the table and I plopped myself down onto it. Soon the feast began.

As plates passed by I put many things on my plate. Right now it was about as full as it could get. I had mashed potatoes, French fries, some mushrooms and some sort of weird Japanese fruit thingy that I was Desperately hoping wasn't poisonous. All of a sudden the white wolf to my right passed me a plate that was filled with something that I had never seen before. I mean, alot of these things I had never seen before but I'd seen something close to them. But this...I wasnt sure. The wooden bowl was filled with juicy looking red and white strips.

"Miss apple jack?" I looked up. It was howl. "Why so confused?" I looked down at the plate. "Well, I was wonderin what this was." He looked down at it and laughed. "Why, you've never tried it before?" I shook my head. "Sure as sugar havn't." howl looked at me in surprise. "Well go ahead, have one! They're delicious." I took one out and ate it. My mouth was filled with sweet and salty bursts of flavor as I bit into it the tender food. I could've fainted. It was like heaven in my mouth. I was left speechless as I sat at the dinner table with my jaw hanging wide open. I quickly scooped another hoof full of whatever this was onto my plate.

"What is it? Its great! I've never had anything like it!" He smiled. "It's bacon." Barkin?" I asked through my mouthful of bacon. "Well," he said," it's called bacon, not barkin, But close enough." All throughout the feast I ate many foods but none were as good as the bacon. I wonder what type of plant that's anyway? As i left I dropped the two Bushels of apples I had brought with me in front of howl. "Mighty Thanks fer' the dinner!" I was escorted out of the evergreen forest and started to walk home. Gee, I sure would like some more bacon, I thought even though I'm completely stuffed. I might as well pick some up at the store.

I trotted into the nearby shop. I looked around in the food section for a while. There were potatoes, carrots, celery, and other plants, but no bacon. I shrugged it off and went to the next store. They didn't have it either. I needed that BACON! I galloped to the last store in town. Instead of wasting my time looking I walked up to a worker. "Excuse me, do you sell bacon here?" She looked at me strangely. "No, we don't. I've never heard of that in my life." Inodded and smiled potiely and walked back outside. Once out the door I let my rage flood out. Why can't I find a friggen bacon plant? I walked home angrily.

I burst through the door to see apple bloom writing on a small peice of paper. She turned and smiled when she saw me. "Hey apple jack, we're learning about foods eaten by all the types of animals! Did you know there's something called a cumquat?" Food from around the world? I thought. "Hey apple bloom, have ya ever heard of a bacon plant? Do you know where I can buy one?" She looked at me in surprise. "I've heard of bacon but... " I cut her off. "Yeah, yeah bacon! That's it! So, where can I buy one?"

She looked concerned. Big sis, bacon isn't a plant. I tilted my head. What is it then? She came up to me looking quite worried. "Well, bacon comes from a..." She trailed off. She put her mouth to my ear and whispered the rest of her scentence. I put my hoof to my lips and all of a sudden I felt like I was going to barf. I collapsed on the floor and blacked out. Even after I fainted, I remembered the smell and taste of the juicy, salty bacon, but now it tasted more like guilt. I remembered the wonderful sensation on my toungue and the salty, juicy blasts of flavor. I thought to myself, "Is it bad that I would still eat it?"

Author's Note:

Hey everyone, i just wanted to say thanks for reading my story. It's probably the most random, pointless story Ive written! XD If there are any grammar problems, please let me know. Again, thanks you for reading, I hope you enjoyed my story!

Comments

[Follow Focus]

the canines club of adventurous eaters

Now that is the kind of club that I want to join! Nice fic by the way! :D

[Wolf Rancher]

4320120 Lol,thanks!

[Arxsys]

HERESY! BACON IS NEVER GUILT!

stevelaube.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/bacon.gif

[Arxsys]

This story is Rainbow Dash approved.

derpicdn.net/img/2013/8/13/398944/full.jpeg

[bigthink]

Despite having quite a few spelling and grammar errors, I still found it enjoyable. Keep up the good work!

[Wolf Rancher]

Thanks!

[Mysterious Wind]

Yes, it is bad Aj. who cares?

Bacon..

[Arch_Magos_Boog_Trad]

It is lit

[Dreadnought]

Need some cleanup for grammar and spelling, but I thoroughly enjoyed it. Damn! Now I'm hungry for some bacon.

Dreadnought

[verypeeved]

4320753
it is when you burn it.

[Shadowshame]

She looked concerned. Big sis, bacon isn't a plant. I tilted my head. What is it then? She came up to me looking quite worried. "Well, bacon comes from a..." She trailed off. She put her mouth to my ear and whispered the rest of her scentence. I put my hoof to my lips and all of a sudden I felt like I was going to barf. I collapsed on the floor and blacked out. Even after I fainted, I remembered the smell and taste of the juicy, salty bacon, but now it tasted more like guilt. I remembered the wonderful sensation on my toungue and the salty, juicy blasts of flavor. I thought to myself, "Is it bad that I would still eat it?"

This talking section is missing it's talking marks that is the only typo I have found and other than that good story

[Okie Brony]

Mmmm, bacon. This story is like porn to a bacon lover.

Bacon doesn't grow on trees, you know. IT COMES FROM MURDERED PIGS!!
🥓 🥓 🥓 🥓 🥓 🥓

I'd point out typos, but the author hasn't been online in almost a decade.