Ditzy sighed as she sat back on her bed. Nothing would be the same now that she had met that pony. She could clearly picture his dark curly locks and his long black coat. She knew she wouldn't be sleeping tonight.
Chapters (2)
- Member Since 14th Dec, 2013
- offline last seen Dec 25th, 2013
Pen and Quill
Umm, hi? Right, what should I put here, hmm? I really like Doctor Whooves and Assistant and that's kinda what got me into both MLP FIM, and also the Fanfiction. So sy thanks to those cool people, ok?
Pen and Quill
Joined 14th Dec, 2013 ·
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Why is the "Epilogue" at the beginning? Prologues come before the beginning of a story, not Epilogues. Epilogues come after the chronological end of a story.
3642452
moment, is it not? 
I believe this is a
3642632
It is. Although, that was only one of your many mistakes.
I feel like this chapter was rushed. To make sure if I'm going to fav it I'm wighting for the next chapter. Sorry for my spelling.
3643071
That's okay, you don't have to like everything!
3642806
Do share.
3646225
Alright then, I will. Brace yourself.
--Commas:
You need to learn when and how to use them.
Example:
Correction:
Screaming, Ditzy jumped back.
One of many errors involving commas.
--Wall of text:
You need to make paragraphs. Start off by making each character have their own paragraph for speech then divide it further as necessary.
--Word confusion:
You confused "off" and "of" multiple times, as well as some other words that didn't quite fit the sentence you put them in.
--Pacing:
This feels incredibly rushed. Not much else I can say here. Just rushed.
--Lack of detail:
It was okay-ish... but there is still a lot of room for improvement.
--Short chapters:
Short chapters can mean many things. Most of them bad. You can have short chapters, but it is not recommended for most stories. Generally it is advisable to keep every chapter over 1k words.
Overall I thought the story was quite poor.
Read this and some popular/highly rated stories to help you improve.
3646607
Your insight is valued, why else would I have posted the story if not to get feed back. I'll go through it again, thanks for pointing that out!