Woke up confused, lost, and bearly a memory. This is a story about the journey an ex-human goes on to find love, happiness, and friendship. But no road is easy and there is always that looming shadow over head. Will he make it or fail? Lets find out.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Oh Celestia the feels
6974251 Yes... all of the feels.
Ahahahah, no.
Firestorm has a special talent for making everything about him. If what Luna's saying were true he'd be more stoic and less of a pushover when it came to his problems. Only so much can be excused by the camera's selective gaze.
While the qaulity has improved greatly. I honestly have to agree with Firestorm here, he has been pretty much useless since the beginning of the story. He has a habit of makeing a little problem all about himself, and the the thing with Twilight was kinda pathetic he has only known this girl for how long and he's suddenly surprised when she pretty much says that they don't know each other that well. While i think it would be a nice pairing I think so more time has to pass before anything serious between them could be beleiveable.
Honestly the only thing holding this story back is the noodle of a main charcter and the randomness in which a villian appears. We need down time to get to know the charcters, give us a reason to care about the well-being of the charcters and it'll make scenes where they get hurt all the more impact full.
The last thing is the main 6 pressuring Firestorm so much, Rainbow blatantly ignores his protest and basically strong arms him into flying with her instead of doing the right thing and easieing him into it. A more minor part of this is when Twi keeps levitating him around, the MC is a scarred soul someone who is supposed to have gone through traumatic experiences and they turn around and pretty much ignore his protest to things instead of being considerate. It feels like the MC doesn't like these things but is to emotionally damaged to risk upsetting his new friends, a sort of stock home sydrome.
I do like that the qaulity of the spelling and grammar has improved, the story is much cleaner and more understandable and over all everything seems to be improving qaulity wise. I just hope some of these things are ironed out because this is turning out to be a pretty decent story all things considered.
9655690
Part of the issues come on the first six chapters were more written for myself to enjoy but at this point is when the story began to take a life of itself own. Even looking back on it I agree with how the girls tend to make him uncomfortable like the whole levitating. I will stand by on Dash as this was within character as she tends to be very pushy for things she wants.
As for down time, there is some coming soon. And thank you for the feed back.
Yay FM or firestorm is getting stronger physically and mentally! And romance! And he admitted that that thing in arias form was some thing in arias form!
And it really is jumping in quality now too
Its cool to see storm taking charge of himself and getting stronger
9655882
I agree with you on it being in dash's character with the flight stuff. And frankly storm does need to get over his fear, and theres a couple ways to do that. Therapy, or facing it till you get desensitized. If its an all consuming fear that has roots in trauma, he may need therapy to get over it, but if its just a natural fear he developed, like the fear I had of spiders, which used to be pretty bad, facing it long enough to get desenitized can work quite well, speaking from experience.
Nuuu! Well I know theyll get together soon enough, and honestly its nice to see storm and twilight figuring out their feelings instead of just instant love and boning like a lot of other fics. Also it really does get better ch 6 onwards
Also in terms of rewriting or touching up ch 1-5 I do get why you left them how they are, honestly I think just touching em up, fixing some spelling and sentence stuff, wpuld be good enough rather than rewriting the whole thing. It doesnt need a rewrite, just a touch up
Oof hope the girls can increase storms self confidence and self worth. Hes making progress but still needs a lot of work
I haven't commented as much as I usually do on stories, but that's a good thing. I'm just so engrossed in reading this that I have a hard time stopping hahaha I am absolutely loving this so far!