Woke up confused, lost, and bearly a memory. This is a story about the journey an ex-human goes on to find love, happiness, and friendship. But no road is easy and there is always that looming shadow over head. Will he make it or fail? Lets find out.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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7219732 Sorry about the errors. That comes from the light case of dyslexia i have.
7219776 if you'd like i could come on as a spell checker as you work on chapters giving u details about where the errors are. Also great story man. I have to say for your first story it seems a hell of a lot better then mine.
7224218 That sounds like a possibility, but I would to talk to you more directly on that matter. Which I'm more on Skype than anything. I hope that won't be a probably.
Also, thank you. I've been worried about the story as I've written and posted them. Just what everyone will think and that sort. I'm glad to hear that you enjoyed it. I'm honestly curious on more your thoughts for each chapter. Especially chapters 27 to 29 as that was something rather big for me to try and do.
7225678 skype isnt a problem for me and aside from just general grammer issues all of your chapters were pretty great, aside from maybe the first couple but that's to be expected. Anyways if you want me as a spell checker just shoot me a pm and we can work something out.
Okay I've got issues and loves for this story. Keep in mind I'm like 60% of the way through chapter 14 at the moment and I'm still reading it so please don't take this personally. I've just noticed consistent things that kind of drive me nuts.
First let me tell you that I love the length of the chapters. It gives the reader something to look forward to when they are on your waiting list. The story itself is well developed to a point. I don't mind the alicorn OC thing but I do have issues with this one in particular but they aren't big. I'm enjoying the base to base family relations you built between the main character and the princesses but I feel that was a bit rushed. If that had happened closer to chapter 15-20 I'd have probably had a bit less issues with it but other than that it's fine.
My main issue with this story is the character's actual thought process. It drives me absolutely nuts that every chapter has SEVERAL attempts to calm this guys sanity. At chapter 14 I'm just sitting here wondering if this dude is going to give it up and go ape-shit crazy but i'm assuming it doesn't happen or there wouldn't be as many more chapters I haven't read yet (still looking forward to them by the way).
Another issue I'm having is that you have given this guy more blackout moments than most people with epilepsy. I'm seriously wondering how this guy isn't brain-dead. But then we get back to his emotional state and I begin to consider he might actually be brain-dead and just living in his brain or something? I have no idea.
That also gives me another good thing about this story though. At first when I read, alicorn is dragon/pony hybrid with magic equivalent to princesses+scales=superOPgodMODEalicorn but you surprised me by making this dude a wuss. In that regard I kind of wish you would have made him a bit stronger? Not stupid OP like most people's alicorn OC's but just not... knock the guy out every fight weak or something. If that makes any sense. Once again that may have been fixed at this point in the story I'm not sure. If not then I guess the point still stands.
In no way or shape was I trying to trash this story. For it's content if you can get past the guy spending more time in a hospital than most people see in their entire lives it's a great story. I'm actually enjoying it. I'm only offering this review for constructive criticism and to further the writing desire. Good luck sir/ma'am and I shall comment after I have caught back up. Keep up the writing.
7296902 First let me say thank you for commenting. I always look forwards to reading them when people decide to do it. As for my reply I will address some of what you said as if I address the whole thing it would fall under spoiler territory and I want you to enjoy the story to the fullest.
I'm glad you enjoy the chapter length, as I'm a firm believer that the story itself dictations when the chapter should end. It just feels right to me when it does that and as for the rushed nature of the beginning is more spawned from the first six chapter were originally written for personal enjoyment and a means to work through issues. The same goes for Firestorm's sanity.
This one I more having to question what you mean on this. If you mean when it's been struck and blacks out or had a spell cast on him. Than it makes sense unless your talking about “***---***” that's more a means to break up the events and allows me to jump ahead time wise without it being jarring in my opinion.
As for Firestorm's strength, I will say this. Things will change as you read, with reasons. With that I hope you enjoy the rest of the available chapters and I look forward to see another comment from you once you catch up. So once again thank you for commenting and taking the time to read my story.
Loving the story so far... halfway through chapter 1 but still. Anywho, i don't mind the constant rambling of narration as much as the next brony, but its the little things. However, as much as i love the first chapter, I have taken notice to the fact that while there are some... spelling errors... Your story telling skills are above adequate. And have thus earned a place on my watch list.
7375684 yes i do or i would not read it
7418828 here you go.
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/55531/school-of-hard-knocks
7462443 while I'm rather interested in hearing these conserns.
I'm an advent believer that a story should always tell itself, with little bits of guidance from the writer. It just feels right that way to me, you know?
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Ya, some minor things you just gotta look past. Plus as long as a story doesn't have broken sentences it's easier to look past. But if those are there i don't care how good the story is, broken sentences just kill the mood for me along with the flow.
100th like, keep up the good work /)
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Just decided to do this out of nowhere for those waiting for the next chapter and are feeling impatient for it. Got 3 words for ya: BLAME THE EDITOR!!!
In all seriousness tho, our lovable author does have stuff ready to go, he just needs his main editor to go through them for plot holes and stuff, (I'm the grammer natzi in this thing)
Just hang in there, author is still kicking and working. Once the Main Editor gets their shit together and can look over fatmans chaps we will get our new chaps!
"Random wtf o' meter comes flying" O_O OH SHIT!!!!
"Gets bowled over by the devious device"
7540860 -Comes flying past to try and catch the random wtf o' meter comes flying- Get back here I need you for like six more chapters. I promise I will give you a break soon! -Smacks into wall that the meter passed through with ease- ow...
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That fucking made my god damn night! Also man I'm chugging through the chapters correcting em. Just got passed the crossover with max.
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*Grammar Nazi
Personally I'm a spelling Nazi if you couldn't tell!