No, no that was a lie. Pleasant Dreams could not believe her ears. Surely Twilight was simply joking. Friends do that to each other, friends play pranks like that on each other.
Right?
Twilight simply had to be joking. Dreams was sure that she wasn't even able to affect others in a way like that filly had. She had to make sure that Twilight would understand that. But as she opened her mouth nothing really came out.
The devastated look on Twilight's face had made sure of that.
It was a look that screamed distrust, it was a look that told Dreams in very clear words that nothing she would say would be believed.
The little brat had won after all. Within a few moments the future Dreams had been looking forward to was shattered. The small bond of trust gone. There was no doubt about that.
Seconds passed, yet there was no passing of judgement and no feeling of sealing magic touching her. Not even a single word had been uttered from Twilight.
The seconds turned into minutes of uncomfortable silence. When Dreams finally gained the courage to look Twilight in the face, she only saw confusion and determination. Almost too Twilight asked a question that seemed to have burned inside of her.
“Pleasant Dreams, answer me truthfully. Did Fluttershy also follow Brainwave's training?”
Dreams could only nod. Whisper, as Fluttershy had been called back then had been part of the training. And she had completed the training as well. But Dreams could not see how it was relevant.
Unless, well unless Twilight meant that she thinks the training/experimentation done way back then had some kind of influence. That the waves Twilight's spell detected was caused by what ever the unicorn had done to the prospects.
A scary thought, who knows what that magic had done to them.
Was who she was even who she was meant to be? Was she somehow being controlled like a puppet dancing on the strings of a spell placed in her mind years ago? Dreams was suddenly unsure about almost everything. Not even her own thoughts on the subject. She was so stuck in her thoughts that she never heard Twilight tell her that she was going to get Fluttershy and Redheart to be evaluated with the two of them by a professional.
A professional Twilight had already contacted a few hours ago when she had heard Dreams talking about sensing the manipulations of Diamond Tiara. But now that professional was going to come for Pleasant Dreams, Diamond Tiara AND Fluttershy.
For the first time since Twilight's reveal, Dreams had found her voice. A simple question. Something
“So, so what is going to happen to me now?”
Instantly, Twilight refocused upon the thestral, when she noticed a change in Dreams. She was getting scared of being in the same room as an alicorn, who just found out she was being influenced by said roommate. Disregarding the fact she didn't even know she was doing so in the first place.
“Well, you are going to remain here in the library for the time being while I go collect Fluttershy and her partner, to see whether or not they are affected or possess similair abilities you seem to posses. There will be a night guard over later tonight who is supposed to be an expert on these matters. When he gets here we will figure out from where to go to next”
The voice had been calm and there was an clear attempt to sooth Pleasant Dreams as it occurred to Twilight that the more scared Dreams seemed to become the more powerfull her output seemed to become.
Dreams on her part seemed to be a little confused. Twilight had outright sealed the magic of that filly without even consulting an 'expert' and yet she was going to be assesed?
Perhaps it was due her status now. Perhaps it would mean a cover-up or something? All of her instincts told her to run out the library, to flee. She had been amongst the nobles and their rumours for far to long to not know what a government cover-up meant.
Yet the rational part of her mind was screaming to stay. That running will only make things worse.
Gingerly she sat down, praying to whatever gods that would listen that it would not end like the way she thought it would end.
An hour passed before Twilight returned with an obviously worried Redheart and an absolutely terrified Fluttershy. Obviousely, they had been informed of the situation.
The chatter had been few, even the calming effects of Zecora's special teablend had the desired effect of keeping the elephant out of the room.
Fluttershy and Pleasant Dreams where simply terryfied about the possible consequences.
Redheart was simply confused; she had understood the fact that Twilight had learned that both Dreams and Fluttershy had been experimented on by some kind of mad unicorn. But what she did not get was the explaination that Fluttershy of all ponies might have a subcontious effect on those arround her.
She felt fine, no she felt better then ever now that she had moved in with her mare. But was that due to the fact that she was finally able to leave the dump of an appartment she had been living in. Or the fact that she had snagged and bagged what was reffered to, in the tabloids at least, as one of the most beautiful and graceful mares to have ever graced the modeling scene.
Twilight, on the other hoof, was nervous. She didn’t know how much of what she had seen of what she thought to be the 'real' Pleasant Dreams to be true. And of course how much was a blantant lie or possible illusion.
Spike had been sent out to stay with Rarity for the night. It had been decided that it would be best that he was not arround for this. He may be older then most, but he was still a baby dragon. Mature by law of age, but still he had the frail mindset of a foal at times.
The uncomfortable silence was broken when a knock on the door and the consequential entrance of an off white unicorn stallion, wearing the armor of a nightguard. There was something a little off about him. He seemed to be completely at ease, even with an confirmed manipulator in the room.
It was Twilight who responed first. A simple nod was all she got when she aproached him. Not a bow like the others. Twilight spoke,“This is captain Cleansweep. The current head of the shadow hunter division.”
Now that did cause a ripple in the small group of mares. Mostly to Fluttershy and Pleasant Dreams who were now deathly afraid.
Pleasant Dreams had only heard rumors about this specialized group in the nightguard. They where supposed to not even exist! Hunters of those who abused magic or were driven into the worship of demonic entities or spirits. Hunters who were supposed to be above the law itself, trained in forms of magic long since banned.
The unicorn simply smiled, though it never really convinced anypony in the room. It was the type of smile you see from a shrewd salesmen just before stripping a fool from everything he owns.
“No need for introductions princess. I am here merely on consultation base as an expert on mental magic. Now then let us get started.”
His horn glowed only for a moment before it dimmed. He hummed for a second before his smile returned.“Interesting selection you have her your highness.”
The four mares where about to speak up before he raised a hoof silencing them all.
“I would like to speak with lady Fluttershy and lady Pleasant Dreams in private if they would allow me. Do not worry, if I had harm in mind, the damage would already be done. I’m merely trying to establish that my first assumptions are correct for lady Dreams, and perhaps learn a thing or two about lady Fluttershy.”
Throughout his explanation, neither his expression nor the tone of his voice changed even a little bit. He did gain a more genuine smile as he spoke the last part.
“Though I would not be afraid, there is no risk from either for as far as I can tell from my initial scan. They simply are of the wrong typing for it.”
Twilight let out a small sigh of relief. But something did not add up, she was dying to know exactly why her spell had gone off if Dreams abilities where deemed to not be a threat. But she could not ask a question as she saw Dreams stirring.
Still a little hesitant Dreams stood up and walked off towards her still unused bedroom, closing the door when the stallion was inside.
The attitude of the guard-captain changed almost 180 degrees when they where alone. It caught Dreams a bit off guard, while he had been strict and business-like before, the stallion now seemed to be almost gentle and approachable.
“Now then m'lady, I would prefer to cast a more powerfull scrying spell while we do this. But the thing is, a reluctant mind interferes with the scrying. If you allow me to cast it out of your own free will it shall be a lot more accurate. Can I count on your cooperation?”
Dreams meekly nodded, wanting nothing more then to get this over with as swiftly as possible.
Cleansweep brought forth an impossibly big smile.“Perfect then. Please hold still, this might tingle a little bit at first. That is merely my magic channeling itself into your own wellspring. Dont worry its perfectly safe.”
The pain Pleasant Dreams felt was amongst the most escruciating she had ever felt. It felt as if she was being poked by millions of red hot needles, from the inside out. Bitting down and thinking about that it might all be for the better was the only way for her to stop from screaming in pain.
When the pain finally subsided, Dreams could still see the smile on Cleansweep's face.
“Well now, this is interesting indeed. You say you have been tutored by the rogue unicorn Brainwave right? Could you tell me what this entailed? Just tell me what you recall.”
With a sigh, Pleasant Dreams began to recall her tale. About being gathered into a small backroom of the orphanage. The spells, the feelings she had afterwards. Everything she could remember. She was not sure why she was doing it. She could feel no compulsions like she had before, it was just her mind screaming that it was allright. Telling her that it was time to simply talk.
When she was finally done with her story, Cleansweep looked at her with his head slightly sideways. His expression was stating several things. Disgust and confusion where amongst the most prominent and most clear to see.
“Right, this next question may sound odd but I will explain myself eventually. Does others touching you or vise versa affect you in any way? Like changing sleep patterns or cause anxiousness?”
To Dreams it felt like a stupid question. Of course having others, especially stallions, touch her makes her feel anxious! But it was best to anwser the questions truthfully as lies and omissions would only be of negative effect for a possible future.
This type of questioning lasted for nearly 30 minutes. Cleansweep asking questions or preforming spells of various kinds.When she came out Pleasant Dreams was exhausted, it had taken a lot out of her. Both physically as mentally. In his quest to learn about her, Cleansweep had just about opened nearly every scar on her mind.
She looked at Twilight.“Cleansweep wishes to speak to you now.”
Soundlessly, the two switched places. Fluttershy and Redheart had no time to ask how it had gone nor what the strange stallion had been asking. Pleasant Dreams had simply collapsed into her seat. Completely drained of nearly all of her energy.
As Twilight entered the room, she could see Cleansweep sitting on the bed. His eyes where focused on a small notebook he had before him. Most likely the notes from the interview with Dreams.
“So well then your highness, at first thank you for calling me here today. Learned a whole lot of new stuff from my conversation with lady Pleasant Dreams alone. I cannot wait to speak to you and the other couple. But let us get started. Please, please sit down. This should not take long.”
A new piece of parchment manifested in front of him along with a quill and ink. Something he had hidden during his intervieuw with Pleasant Dreams.
“Now then, like I asked lady Pleasant Dreams before I would like to start with a more invasive scanning spell. Do I have your premission to cast it?”
Twilight had already read up a little on these types of scans, no explaination on the effect of a hostile scan was needed. “Of course, I have nothing to hide.”
The spell was less invasive this time, Twilight barely felt a thing. But that could be because this one was developped after the changeling-invasion specificly to detect malicicous influence.
“Good news is, you`ve got a clean bill of health. I cannot detect any traces of direct control. Bad news is that I did find traces of Lady Pleasant Dreams' abilities.”
Twilight was about to say something before she got shushed by Cleansweep.
“No need to worry, I stick by my previous assesment. The influence is harmless. But I'd like to learn a little bit more about how it affects you. So could you anwser me a few questions?”
About ten minutes later and two similar interviews, Fluttershy followed the stallion out the small bedroom. Her face wary and just as exhausted as Dreams' had been when she came out.
Seating themselves, the good captain stood in front of them. A genuine smile graced his face, this time it even reached his eyes.
“I guess I owe a small explaination. I shall start with Lady Fluttershy as she is the most difficult one to explain.”
The attention of the room was now focused on the butter-yellow ball of fluff and feathers being comforted by a glaring Redheart. Not that it seemed to affect the stallion in any way.
“Well Lady Fluttershy is what in proper terms is called a violator.”
That was the cause of getting slapped at full force by the normally so well reserved nurse.
The strike was strong enough to force Cleansweep to the ground.
“You want to run that by me again?”
One could say that both Dreams and Twilight where more than amazed by the sheer strength behind the strike.
“You dare to accuse Fluttershy of all ponies to be something as vile as that!”
Slowly getting up Cleansweep had atleast the decency to look a bit sorry.
“My appologies ma'am, I believe that came out a bit wrong. A violator is merely a very powerfull sub-type of empath who possesses certain secondary abilities.”
With a bit more flair than before the guard captain called forth a large board with three words written on it.
Empath, Manipulator, Telepath.
“These are the three basic forms of any mental spells or abilities. Atleast these are the ones we class all others under. Like I said a violater is a sub-type of empath. A very rare and incredebly powerfull sub-type.”
His eyes became sympathetic when he looked at Fluttershy, something that did looked more then a little off on his usually non-expressive face. “She is also the first recorded one of her type to have survived long enough to even get her cutiemark and unlock the full potentiall of her gifts.”
Ignoring the shocked gasps Cleansweep went on. “You see, violaters are empaths meaning they can sense the emotions of others as if they where their own. Normally they need to focus to feel anything but her type is different. Think of it like flipping a switch to turn a machine on or off. Lady Fluttershy and her kind have no switch to turn on or off. To make it worse, they only feel the negative spectrum. Fear, anger, hatred and so on. Their constant exposure to these emotions of others makes them skittish, fearful and often more than a little paranoid. Many sucumb to the strain their abilities puts on their mind and simply keel over long before their 9th birthday.”
The shock was now even greater then before, Redheart was casually stroking Fluttershy's mane desperate to calm to shaking mare.
“Violaters often become secluded surrounding themselves with animals who lack the complex emotions that cause them harm. And if they are arround other sentient species they often try and make it as pleasant for the others as possible. To prevent them from feeling to many negative emotions. Now you may wonder why ponies with such a large interest in keeping others away or atleast peacefull have such a horrible name? Well its because of their second ability. Your highness, I asume its safe to asume that you are aware of what Lady Fluttershy calls 'the stare'?”
Twilight nodded, she had seen it in action herself. It was able to force a full grown dragon of all things to retreat.
“This is the second ability. Though none has ever been recorded as powerfull as the records of your adventures with the dragon and cockatrice, but that might be due that fact of maturity. This visual ability is something like a last line defence. They can trap those who intentionally seek to harm others in a state wherein they would feel all the pain and grief they have caused in the past. Every single bit of it, at the same time.”
Cleansweep shook his head a little, it was clear that he himself had been exposed to something like that in the past. “You can imagine that somepony would do anything in order to never feel it again. So please miss Redheart, remember what I said about feeling negative emotions. If you really care about her, then try and keep calm.”
A determend nod and a hug with a light kiss on the nose for Fluttershy was all the response the nurse gave.
Cleansweep then looked at Pleasant Dreams, who could not even respond to what she had just heard. It put all the pain and suffering from her years in the orphanage in a whole different light. Her only friend at the time had suffered not only her own pain, but that of many others at the same time. Had the matron known? It could not have been, it should not have been so.
Yet again, she was almost casual in her acceptance of the 'accidental' death.
But before any further thoughts went that way the second word on the board lid up. The word Manipulator.
“Lady Pleasant Dreams is a member of a very wide group known as an manipulator. They are called this because they can influence the state of mind of another being. Many are malevolent in nature, a trait carried through in the personality of their wielders. King Sombra and his enslavement magic is a clear cut example of these types. Though Lady Pleasant Dreams, you belong to basicly one of three good natured sub-types. The most common sub-type actually. Something we have come to call a soother.”
A wave of relief went through Pleasant Dreams, atleast an expert said that she was harmless. Well no, not harmless but good natured. Basicly the same thing right?
“Soothers come in many forms, those in healthcare, like miss Redheart, possess these abilities to a lesser effect. It is a side-effect of their own talents in medical care as it helps them to keep their patients calm. A real soother however is far more powerfull. A mere touch can send somepony into a calm and peacefull state of mind. With no real thought, just calm bliss. And this is where Lady Pleasant Dreams is different. I believe it’s due to Brainwave's tampering with her when she was still a foal.”
The stallion took a deep breath before continuing. “Her abilities are weaker than that of a normal soother, she seems to be unable to completely placete the mind. Instead she calms it to the point that it empowers clear thought and a general sence of peace. But what really sets her aside is that she emits this ability through an aura arround her.”
This caused a little bit of surprised gasp from the others.
“Normal soothers work through touch, they need to be in direct physical contact in order to affect somepony. What I also find very strange, her aura's strength seems to increase in strength the later it gets.”
That in and on its own made sence to Dreams, she had always been told that sleeping with her in the bed had been very restfull. So much so that it had been her special talent, the pillow on her flank specified it as so.
“What I also have learned is that Lady Pleasant Dreams and Lady Fluttershy share a common past. I believe that it was the near constant presence of a soother from a very young age that might have actually surpressed lady Fluttershy's own abilities.”
A smirk and a wink towards Redheart followed. “So keep up the good work m'lady. I am sure you have no problems with snuggling up to her at night am I right?”
That got a few giggles from Twilight and a flustered look from Redheart.
“If that was all, your highness, I would like to start on my secondary assignment. Good luck to you all.”
With those words said, and not even waiting for a reply, Cleansweep simply walked out of the library.
The atmosphere in the room was tense, two mares and their 'partners' had just been given a rather heavy bit of information to digest.
Dreams was both happy and sad at the same time, she had gotten the information she wanted. She was harmless to others. No, not harmless, helpful even. But at the same time she knew that nopony would ever be themselves around her. They would always feel the lingering effects of her abilities.
The explaination also gave some insights to her previous life. It explained why her old master had taken great care to have her arround when making deals or reading important documents, if what that captain Cleansweep had said was true at least.
Her sulking got worse and worse as scenario's started to form in her mind. Scenarios about her accidentally causing major distress, or even catastrophes. Far feched as they might be, they still haunted her. They kept growing in strength and disaster until a set of lavender legs and wings enveloped her. She could hear Twilight whispering. Though she had no idea why the alicorn would even want to be close to her right now.
“It will be alright, we'll figure something out. I promised you a normal life. And I will keep my promise to you.”
Meanwhile at Rarity's, over the past several months it had gotten clearer and clearer to Spike that his dream date with Rarity was never going to come. That didn't mean he didn't like working with her, on contrary he loved it. The white mare had shown herself to have a good sence of humor and an allround nice conversationalist. Far from the gossip queen she had to play for many of her snooty customers.
It also didn't help that she quite often treated him to a gem or two. Spike was far from it to complain. So over the course of months, their relationship changed into that more of a casual friendship and mutual businespartnership.
The partnership was cheap gems for Spike, and an allround assistent and shining dragon scales for Rarity. Spike had not been able to believe how much his old discarded scales where worth to a noble wanting to make a fashion-statement.
Tonight, like a few times before when Twilight needed some alonetime, Spike had stayed over at Rarity's for the night, in her spare bedroom.
This time was different from all the previous times, usually it was a cup of tea and some talking before Spike went to bed. Tonight however there was a third guest. Sweetie Belle had been staying with her sister for a few days. So tonight it was a night filled with boardgames and simple discussions about school. The last game of the night was a game for two, meaning it was Rarity against Spike and Sweetie Belle.
Throughout the games, Spike had not been aware that the filly had been scooting a bit closer until he could feel the soft fur brushing against him. Surprised he looked sideways only to see Sweetie Belle laying her head on his shoulder. Almost cutely snuggling up to him, closing her eyes with a barely audible sigh of content.
The look of utter confusion on Spike's face and the sheer adorableness of the display of her sister caused Rarity to snicker a little bit. She had known the true cause of her sisters' odd behavior for a while now.
“How about we pause the game while I go fix a little snack. I believe you two might have a thing or two to talk about.”
With a wink to her sister and a gentle smile to Spike, Rarity had left the two youngsters alone in favor for the kitchen.
Spike turned to the now almost crimson red filly. “So, what’s up with her all the sudden?”
All Sweetie Belle could do was mutter something incoherent, while blushing even harder. The poor filly tried nearly three times to get the point across to the confused Spike. Untill out of desperation, she closed the gap between them and gently but quickly gave Spike a small kiss on his cheek. This resulted in turning Spike into a gibbering mess of incoherence while his brain tried to figure out what in Cadence's name had just happened.
That was interesting. Great job with this chapter. I was great to read how Pleasant and Fluttershy were both used good manipulation magic. Good luck with the next chapter.
Yay! Swike (Sweetie Belle+Spike) is now in play!
finally an update. loved the chapter. ^_^ keep them coming! :D
5794476
Yeah took a while, see my blog of today for the reason behind it :P
5794510 i understand. i am not mad or upset. that it took so long. i would help but as you can tell i suck with grammar. ^_^
5794706
So do I, thats why I need an editor
So happy to see a update \o/, and yaay sweetie x spike
Honestly it sounds like Pleasant Dreams is exactly what Twilight needs in her life. Ponyville will be thankful for it.
Hmm, given what she does Pleasant Dreams could be a good part of Twilight's life. Though how things are gonna go from here I am rivited to know.
ISSUE. If Fluttershy is an empatth with no on off switch? THEN HOW DID SHE NOT SENSE CHRYSSY'S DECEPTION AT THE WEDDING!? You just cause a major plot hole and you should really reconsider Fluttershy's issue in this.
AH! NO! DAMN! I REACHED THE LAST CHAPTER! NOW WHAT AM I GONNA DO?!?!?!
I'm loving every bit of this story, please keep going!
5795876 Keep in mind that she is an empath that doesn't know she is an empath. All she could feel were negative feelings. She couldn't tell who they were coming from or even know they were coming from someone. On top of that, Twilight was being very much negative the entire time. So even if she had known of her ability and could've detected it - she would've defaulted to Twilight. Plot.Hole.Filled.
5796204 Still call bull on it. She wasn't seen cringing during that scene at all. This just doesn't work. The stare I can by but not the empath. because even if she only had a blanket feeling of negativity she should also feel the hurt Twilight had at the end and still walked out. EVEN if she couldn't tell who it was by the sense alone Twilight's look should have given it away.
5796263 Okay
1 how about lets not fill this comment section with bullshit hm?
2 Don't like the story - kindly leave
3 She was only just made aware that her timid nature was from an ability to FEEL the feelings of others. Its not some kind of radar for "this person is an asshole" or "this person is evil" - its more of a burden than anything else.
4 I end my comments on this topic here in reference back to #1 in this list
5796305 here's my final words on it.
1 i do like this story and this is THE first major gripe i have and it's for story reason that i gripe.
2 again Empathic Fluttershy just doesn't work with a cannon timeline to this point. Unless sepcifically said otherwise the wedding happened just like canon and i'm sorry if i can't see even an untrained empath not figuring out something was up. Maybe not the details but something was up. She's the element of Kindness and she didn't see Twilight hurting in that scene. It's bad enough in canon but adding Empathy in. It just makes it even worse and not fully buyable.
3 I say these not to be mean but to point out a flaw in the story that should be addressed.
So, that explains why she was given the name Pleasant Dreams. It wasn't so much for the... ah, bed-comfort use, but the fact that the closer to night it becomes the more restful and peaceful people become around her. Basically ensuring the ease of sleep and restful comfort so long as she's close by.
A lot of spelling errors still, but the story's gotten more coherent. Though I think the bit about "they're not supposed to exist!" could have been done without, that comes across as a bit too much. For one, if I lived in a magical world, I would want to know there's a department for handling magical abuse. Its existence should be public knowledge, but the identities of the agents otherwise sworn to secrecy.
He's lucky she didn't buck him in the nuts or bust his horn.
Ah, young love!
Very nice chapter, I hope Cleansweep goes and gives Diamond Tiara the harsh talking to she needs. I do think it would have been appropriate for Luna to accompany him, if only to reassure everypony that everything was on the level. Plus, her walks in the realm of dreams might add another useful viewpoint.
Now, what category does Cadence's magic fall under????
5795012 The question is can she prevent the Flower Sisters from freaking out over everything????
5795876 I'm going to argue that Changelings would know about Empathy and be skilled at projecting the appropriate feelings for their disguise. Chrysalis fooled EVERYPONY, so I think she was projecting, "YAY I'M GONNA GET MARRIED!" constantly to throw off any mental snoops.
Great chapter. I forgot about this story. I can't wait for the next chapter.
5796405 5796305
Admiral, that is how a normal empath would work. Shy issnt a normal one, her focus is on the negative spectrum. If you are succeeding in conquering a country how would you feel?
As for not cringing? A lifetime of expericience dealing with pain can cause you to become sufficiant with handling it. Fluttershy is the first recorded member of her sub-kind who has even survived long enough to get a cutiemark. You learn a whole lot in such a long time.
I would also call bull on the episode since I refuse to buy that no-one suspected anything exept for Twilight, who I might add had not seen Cadance for years.
The supposedly wise Celestia did not even suspect anything. Even the frigging element of honesty bought that crap.
and thirdly: For a race of emotionvampires I would believe they know a whole lot more about these things then the Equestrians do. And therefor have atleast a few defences against them to avoid detection. I mean come on? They hide in the form of a loved one to steal your love, how effective would it be if they could be found out by something as simple as an empath?
5796612
Her talent would be within the manipulationsphere as she can meddle with the mind, emotions or memories of others.
5796644 Even Twilight only suspected that she was up to something, not that she wasn't Cadance at all.
The thing that struck me as weird was that Cadance knew all about changelings, but nopony else seemed to even know that they were a thing.
5796692
-She's an Alicorn - her age is unknown and her well of knowledge is unknown as well.
-She is specifically the Princess of Love and things that fall under the spectrum of love would be her expertise
-Changelings feed on Love.
-It was never stated that no one else knew what a changeling was. It was just only stated by Cadence what it was.
The two parter still left a lot to the imagination though
5796692
Could be because she was kidnapped by one, and held captive for a few days. Cryssie seems to me like the type to be a gloater. You know talking endlessly about who they are and why the heroes will never defeat them.....
So I can look past that little plothole.
5796644 I would think she have that defense up only if she knew that Fluttershy had it. Empaths in this universe seem to be few and considering how botched her being Cadance was do you really think she was compentant enough to have that defense up? Even Fluttershy didn't know about it.
5797228
Yes, I do believe so. Especially seeing the location. The castle itself, surrounded by guards who would most likely have atleast a few of them arround.
Yay, we're finally rescued from that cliffhanger in the last chapter.
Cute&fuzzy Dreams and Twilight are what got me hooked on this one.
And the likes have begun!
But really it's a very engaging story that has had me hooked from the first latter to the last of every chapter keep it up
....it helps that you used my weakness....THE BATS! The bats. Best pony ever
anyone disagree?
5848158 no. they only have those riches because of the workers.
Again, maybe it;s time for a change. Again the nobles have forced a Princess to marry somepony she doesn't love because of a law that shouldn't exist.
5848338
The law was created to placate the nobles, many whose families have been in power looooong before Celestia and Luna even came to power.
Like I have said before: It is better to have a minor inconvinience (what is a decade or 2 of displeasure if you can life nearly 450 years as you please afterwards) and be able to get the really important things trough without much opposition.
5848158
Someone gets it
5848393 Again change. What happened to Twilight clearly proves that. For evil to thrive the good must do nothing. Forced marriage is evil.
5848428
no words more true have ever been spoken.
But it does give me a reason for several things:
1: Get Twilight to bash some nobles.
2: Ship Twilight with a cute batpony/thestral.
Win/Win in my book
5848448 as long as Twilight is working to REMOVE the law. While she might have found a good use of it for the bat pony not all of them will have that advantage.
Just re-read this. It's still nice, but it really needs some more work.
The biggest issue is that it's too much Tell and not enough Show. We're outright told everything a character is feeling, but we're never shown them actually feeling it. It barely feels like the characters are there at all sometimes, honestly. For instance, you spent ages telling us what the characters thought and felt during the honeymoon, but none of it had any impact because we didn't see the characters themselves. Just the description of what they felt. You said they were bonding, but it never felt like they were bonding.
You skip over a lot of stuff that could use more detail, or just sum everything in a conversation up instead of letting us see the actual conversation and the characters' reactions to each other. It's hard to feel anything about the characters because we don't get to see much of them interacting. It's like a couple of puppets and a narrator; they do a few token gestures, maybe say a line or two, then the narrator tells us what they're thinking or doing.
A good example of what I'm talking about is the dinner scene. It feels like it's meant to be important, especially with what's revealed, but it reads like an outline instead of a proper scene. There's no impact because, again, there's little to no interaction between characters, no setup or detail.
Outside of Twilight and Dreams, the other characters might as well not exist at all. They show up, say something, then they're gone. Or they're like Spike, and are so absent I might think you forgot about them entirely.
There's a lot of spelling and grammar issues, and a few sentences that are almost nonsensical thanks to extra or missing words, as well as the occasional tense shift. An extra editing pass or two wouldn't hurt.
Don't get me wrong, I do like the fic, and I'm gonna keep reading when it updates, it just feels really barebones.
*preparing sacrifice with a satanic star on floor*
Don't mind me, just trying to summon the next chapter
5991374
Sorry doesn't work. Though if you would ditch the blood and instead just go out and spread some fertilizer in the local forrest I am sure that Gaia would bless me with the inspiration I need for the last bit
5991387 hmmmm... fine! But only if Gaia makes it fluffy and cute, like the honeymoon.
5991422
I`ll try, I hope I can get it done by the end of the week. Been struck with a massive ammount of work and a period of writers block. Had to redo the whole chapter at one point cause I did not like it =[
6102665
Next chapter comming up real soon.
6102917
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO I can't wait to see it
I think this has something to do with dreams ability to make everyone feel calm whenever they are near her