Well what do we have here?

but the flow is a little jercky

3358839 Maybe, I'll so some editing later. Know any pics with Spike and or Pinkie and Fluttershy? Turns out the pic that I'm using for this is a no go.

got nothin but why not and for some reason I can only find S X FS X R no sxfsxpp

"Y-Y-Yawn, yes."'
When I read that, I spent a few seconds in legitimate shock, stuttering and all. Someone could have mistaken it for a very unskilled beatbox attempt.
I'm sorry, but you don't stutter a yawn.

3358886 Eh, admin said it was inappropriate, though I don't see how considering the pic for Something Unexpected. And I'm not sure. Probably because no ever thought of doing this three way.

3358929 I can see that. Got any suggestions for the story? I want to make a set up for a simple clop but a part of me wanted to do something a bit more meaningful.

3358930 it is suggestive but not completely inaporpeit I have seen worse ever read lust of mares it is on my fave block on my page

3358943 Your past tenses and such need a little work. Other than that there were minor spelling problems.
I understand this is a story and conforms to your thoughts, but I must complain. Some things that Pinkie said just don't sound like things she would say.
Example: "Don't worry about that Fluttershy, of course he'll accept us. He's of legal age now and he finally got over Rarity's rejection. Plus we both know he has been sneaking looks at us when we think we aren't looking. He's kind, generous, and a true gentledrake. Spike is always helping us and the others with our problems no matter what. While he has gotten better at hiding it you and I both know that he's very interested in us."
The main problem, too long for the character. When does she say long winded words of wisdom like Celestia or Twilight?
I really do feel bad for being a bitch and saying this stuff. Overall I do like the story and I am probably being nit-picky.

3359008 True but than again Pinkie does have her moments of being serious and wise. Though there few and far between.

3359047 Ehh... I haven't noticed much of that, you may be more attentive than me though. I notice most of her dialogue through songs and her appearing at random to say one thing then leave.
And the problem is?
No, bad!
can I say more?
Later, in a fan made story I guess.

Not a bad start, though it looks like you desperately need an editor. Typos, there/their/they're agreement, missing words and inconsistent present/past tense makes it difficult to really get into the story. Still, it has promise.

This going to be good.

Go make Spike proud !!

interesting, lets see where this goes
any chance of Twilight walking in on them?

3364903 Maybe on the last day but nothing is set in stone.

I'd suggest doing something about the many yawns in the chapter. Perhaps outlining them with asterisks ** may help. As it is, they currently break up the flow of the sentences they appear in and feel somewhat clumsy.

Don't forget that dragons like Spike has two of them.

well, u caught my interest so far can't wait to see what happens next

Even though it's slowing looking like Sparity is becoming canon IRL, I can't help but wonder why people haven't tried to do a FlutterSpikePie ship more often, even if it's a clop. This does seem like a good way to start off one.

There are such things that has shown so far that Pinkie and Flutters do have feelings for Spike as good friends--the first mare that actually showed some a little feeling for Spike was Fluttershy right in the series premiere, and it was Pinkie, not Rarity, who started with the Spikey-Wikey nickname. Not to mention how Pinkie loved Spike's homemade cookies, and Fluttershy's appreciation for Spike taking care of Angel (though his reason was right selfish). I sense character development!!

Going completely out of context for this story, but I wonder which mares are gonna turn out to have an exclusive taste for mares, only mares? Obviously bi and hetero doesn't count. I sense a covert Rarilight here, as well as a implied AppleDash. (Like I said, I was going completely off-topic )

Anyway, I can't wait to see chapter 2!!

3393000 I'm glad you feel that way. As I have said before out of all the SpikeXMane 6 shipping Pinkie and Fluttershy are my favorite sense they have good chemistry. With Fluttershy Spike can help be braver and be more confident with herself. While Flutterhsy will give him a lot of love and help him keep calm and maybe be a bit less snaky. In Pinkie's case Spike has enough logic and sense to keep her in line with the big stuff while going with the flow with the small things. Pinkie will probably make Spike less of a worry wart and be more fun seeking and adventurous.

I've also seen a few two mane six and Spike shipping whether their fics or pics. Though most of them are DashXSpikeXApplejack, FluttershyXSpikeXDash, RarityXSpikeXApplejack, TwilightXSpikeXRarity, and TwilghtXSpikeXDash. Those are all the one's I've seen for the most part. So I decided to change that and put in what would my two favorite mane 6 and Spike shipping together.

"But you will only belong to us. You understand."

If Spike makes that mistake, Pinkamena and Butchershy will rise
anyway love this chapter and can't wait for... MOAR

The yawns are really annoying. You may want to fix that. I read it as him saying 'yawn'. Other than a few other minor mistakes, this is a good first chapter. Fave'd.

You should change the yawns. Here's an example:
"Oh, hi- *yawn* -Fluttershy."

Okay, I tried reading this, really, but I've gotta stop, it's just getting too weird for me. I don't dislike Anthro, it's the concept of the story itself that's creepin' me out. Good luck with your story, anyway.

3402118 How is it creepy?

So much yawning.

I'd change how you convey the yawning; it drives me to insanity!

P.S. moar plz

3402150 Maybe "creepy" isn't the most fitting adjective, but I'd be pretty dang uncomfortable living in Ponyville if I knew that every mare in town may suddenly get ridiculously horny, beyond all reason, for an entire week (only 14, but I'm pretty darn sure that doesn't happen to human women), I imagine the experience would be similar to trying to survive a zombie apocalypse for a week. Plus, I'm not normally much of a shipper but I've always been a sucker for "Sparity"

3402195 You haven't been here often have you. Heat clopfics are somewhat common here. At least in my story it's going to be between mutual lovers instead of a girl basically raping a guy like most of the one's your going to find here. As for shipping I can understand sticking with your favorite ships. I myself usually can't stand Spairty but if you like it than all the power to you.(And while a part of me whats know why a 14 year old is reading R rated stories I'm not going to waste my breathe.)

I want to see more, now...
I can't wait!

Either way, this is going to turn out well.
There are a bit of grammar issues in the chapter, but it's fine.

yay

a nice start

3402317 I don't know what qualifies as having been here often for you, but I've been here for over six months now and this is the first "heat" fic I've noticed-- oh hey, you're right, this ia Mature-rated! I actually hadn't noticed that. Anyway, yeah, it's actually kind of scary just how much kids my age are exposed to these days.

3403622 Yeah, if your not interested in clops stick to stories that are rated teen or below.

3404170 Good advice.

question
what do you use to type these up?

3409691 I normally use this site than copy and paste them to Microsoft word to get rid of any big mistakes.

A few tense shifts towards the end and a few wrong word instances, but overall good, and I'm looking forward to a week of sexy times and role play with Spike and those two.

Good story

3420376 Thanks.

If their breasts are as big as on the cover pic, you don't know your cup sizes man.

In other words their breasts should be small andmedium sized if they are C and D cups.

3420553 do you need some help editing this?
I coudl help you if you want.

3473632 If you want sure. Pm your gmail and I'll send you a copy.

3451568
Are you serious? D is NOT medium. I'll admit C is, but neither are small.

I will wait however long i need to for updates to this story. I feel it will be worth the wait.

Excellent beginning and looking forward to more.

"Oh on. I couldn't do that." <-- easy fix

Please continue this.... Is very good...... If you dont

Please continue this great story. It's taking a unique idea and bringing it to life

I read this a few days ago, and I love the story, the plot, the picture, and everything else too. Please continue.

Dis shall be interesting