Chapter Three
Twilight walked around the city aimlessly, trying to figure out what to do. She wasn't going to get an opportunity to look at the mirror again without risking being caught by the guards, and she wasn't eager to chance being dragged off into a dungeon or worse.
Her sense of panic rose as no immediate solution came.
No, Twilight scolded herself, there has to be some other way out of here. I just need information.
Information... that was it! She needed information, and the one place where that was handed out in abundance was a library. Judging by the nineteenth century architecture around her, she doubted she was going to have access to a computer to Google 'ways to get out of here,' but she could still crack open a book and start reading.
She found a random stallion and asked for directions. After asking if she was a tourist, the stallion pointed her in the right direction: five blocks south, and then turn left and walk another five blocks.
It took Twilight a moment to realize that the stallion had a horn like hers, and it was glowing the same colour as a shopping bag that levitated right next to him.
"Um, why is that shopping bag glowing?" Twilight asked.
"What do you mean? It's just magic," the stallion answered like she'd asked him if the sky was blue.
"Never mind," Twilight squeaked, "thanks for the directions."
"No problem," the stallion said with genuine warmness.
Twilight walked hurriedly away.
Magic. There it was, hovering quite literally in front of her face. She wasn't sure whether to scream or to cry.
Never mind that, Twilight steeled herself, you have a goal: get to the library, read your brains out, and get the heck out of here!
Twilight Sparkle was pretty sure she had taken a wrong turn somewhere. She had walked five blocks south, and then turned right and walked another five blocks. The promised library was nowhere in sight.
Twilight sighed as she realized her mistake. She was so proccupied with her thoughts she forgot she was supposed to have turned left.
Twilight pouted and turned around.
"Twilight?" a voice called out.
Twilight lifted her head upwards to find another pony. Instead of a horn, however, she possessed a pair of butter yellow feathery wings and a furry coat, with a light pink mane to match. She had a trio of fluttering pink butterflies on her flank.
But when Twilight looked into her eyes, she started to get major déjà vu that she couldn't quite put her finger on. Or hoof, in her case.
"Hi," Twilight said, "um, how do you know my name?"
"Twilight? It's me, Fluttershy," Fluttershy said and then gasped. "Where are your wings? What happened?"
"I really don't know what you're talking about. I've never had wings in my life, and I think I would remember you if I really knew you. You must be confusing me with someone else."
Fluttershy looked throughly offended and hurt.
"Look, Fluttershy, I'm not pulling your leg here. I really don't know you."
"Twilight!" another voice called. The source came from another winged pony, this time with three non-winged friends in tow.
"Rainbow Dash!" Fluttershy called out to the other ponies in alarm, "something terrible has happened! She doesn't remember who we are, and she doesn't have her wings!"
"I don't know who you guys are, but you really do have me confused with someo- somepony else. No crazy, terrible things happening here," Twilight said.
An orange mare, who had no wings and no horn, examined Twilight closely. "She ain't the Twilight we know. She doesn't have that little pink streak in her mane, and besides, the Twilight we know is in the castle with Princess Cadence. Still, she looks pretty close to her, doesn't she? If you don't notice the wings at first, she looks just like her."
"Maybe she's her evil twin," a pink mare with a poofy mane said thoughtfully.
"I very much doubt that," a white mare with a horn coughed.
A cyan mare with wings and a mane that reminded Twilight of the rainbow tunnel raised her eyebrow. (As much as she could being completely furry.) "You know, this kind of reminds me of what Twilight was talking about. The whole thing about having a copy of yourself over on the other side."
Twilight blinked. "So... about this whole 'other world' thing. Would it involve a marble statue? Maybe a mirror? A rainbow vortex? Humans?"
"Uh, yeah, I think so," the orange mare said, "wait a minute, how do you know anything? No offense, but that stuff ain't exactly common knowledge."
Twilight couldn't think of a convincing lie, so she told the truth. "Well, I'm... a human. Or I was, until I got turned into this," Twilight said as she indicated her newly changed body.
"So you're a human," Fluttershy said in amazement, "what do you eat? How do you walk? I heard humans don't have a tail. How do you keep your balance on two legs?"
Twilight merely blinked again. "Um, we just learn to walk without a tail?"
"So if you look like Twilight, and you turned around when we said your name, then you must be the other Twilight that Twilight couldn't find!" the pink mare exclaimed in light of her new discovery.
"Pinkie Pie, what in Equestria do you mean?" the white mare asked.
"She's Twilight's copy from another world!"
The rest of the group suddenly had a much more keen interest in Twilight.
"My, I never expected to find this, out of all things just walking around the Crystal Empire," the white mare said, "what brings you here to our world, darling?"
"To be honest, I kind of fell into a statue and I've been trying to find a way to get home ever since," Twilight said.
"You fell into a statue?" the cyan mare asked, "what kind of egghead does that?"
Twilight decided to ignore the comment. "Look, I'm happy you've found your sort-of-a-friend-from-another-world, but I kind of need to get back home before my parents figure out I'm missing and call the police."
The mares all exchanged silent looks of agreement.
"Well, we can help ya with that. We'll get you to Twilight, maybe she'll have an idea how to get ya home," the orange mare said.
Twilight grit her teeth. Talking to her super-famous other self was the last thing she wanted to do, but going to the library and reading was a lame plan compared to a quick ticket home. "All right," she decided, "take me to Twilight."
"I don't mean to be a bother," Fluttershy said as they started to walk back in the direction the previously homo sapien Twilight had come from, "but I'd like to know about humans. Do you mind telling us about them?"
"What is there to say?" Twilight asked, "we have two legs and no tail. Not much else to talk about."
"But what do you eat? Are you herbivorous or are you omnivores?"
"Omnivores. Although we don't eat hay, if you're wondering."
"So does the Pinkie Pie in your world throw lots and lots of parties?" the pink mare asked, whom Twilight assumed was Pinkie Pie.
"Uh, well, I guess so," Twilight said, "not that I've ever been invited to one, but yeah."
"Why not?" Pinkie Pie asked.
"Well, it just never seemed like my idea of fun."
"Well, I think somepony needs to go to more parties," Pinkie Pie declared, "I mean, how could you not have fun at a party?"
If I answer, it'll only encourage her, Twilight realized.
"So tell me, what kinds of clothes do humans usually wear?" the white mare asked, saving Twilight from the overly hyper wrath of Pinkie Pie.
Twilight blinked. They were all completely naked, including Twilight herself. Not even her backpack or purse survived the trip through the statue. "You wear clothes?"
"Of course! Do humans not wear clothes?"
"No, we definitely do," Twilight said.
The questions continued as they walked at an infuriatingly slow pace.
Twilight gradually learned their names as the conversation continued. The white mare was named Rarity, the cyan one was Rainbow Dash, and the orange one was named Applejack.
And in the back of her mind, those names and faces all seemed familiar to her.
Eventually, they finally reached the castle. Several guards stood straighter as they passed, including the grey guard that had thought she was clueless. Twilight wondered if that was becasue they recognized Twilight's friends, or thought that it was Twilight herself.
She got her answer when the guard from earlier, Flash Sentry, had mistakenly greeted her as Princess Twilight.
Twilight sighed and stepped out of the middle of the group of mares to show that she had no wings. Flash Sentry stood there dumbfounded and gave a hasty apology before running off.
"Wait, Princess Twilight?" Twilight whispered to the other mares once she had rejoined them.
"Uh, did we not mention that part to you?" Rainbow Dash asked.
"No. You didn't."
"Whoops," Pinkie Pie said, "well, now you know!"
"Thanks for telling me," Twilight said.
"Ah' guess it was a little rude of us to be askin' all the questions," Applejack admitted.
Rarity turned towards the group as a pony dressed as a servant ran off. "I've arranged for a messenger to tell us we're looking for Twilight."
"What? We know she's with Princess Cadence! Can't we just go in?" Rainbow Dash protested.
"We have to have some standards, dear. We can't just walk in on a royal conversation between Princess Cadence and Princess Twilight," Rarity said.
"I wouldn't want to just barge in on them," Fluttershy added.
"Well," Twilight prompted, "this would be great time to explain to me about the other world and all the other important things you've forgot to tell me."
Princess Twilight sipped her tea as she kept an amiable silence with her old foalsitter and current ruler of the Crystal Empire, Princess Cadence.
"You know, I think you did very well for your first summit," Princess Cadence said, breaking the silence.
"Thanks," Princess Twilight said in a mixture of thankfulness and surprise.
"You were worried about it," Princess Cadence said as a statement rather than a guess, "I could tell just by looking at you whenever you spoke."
Princess Twilight winced. "Was it that obvious?"
Princess Cadence chuckled. "Yes, but I think the fact that you made your arguments and thoughts known in spite of your fear only increased Celestia's and Luna's opinion of you."
Princess Twilight smiled. "Thanks. But I was Celestia's student. I don't think she'd ever think badly of me."
"True," Princess Cadence admitted, "and speaking of which, if I know Celestia, she's going to be expecting you to take on a student of your own soon."
"Me?" Princess Twilight yelped, "but... I'd be a horrible teacher!"
"You underestimate yourself, Twilight," Princess Cadence said, "if you weren't there at my wedding, Equestria would be overrun with changelings. And that's not mentioning how you managed to go through a portal, retrieve your crown from a foreign land, and come back in three days only to be thrown headfirst into politics. You can do anything you set your mind to, Twilight. Never forget that."
"Thank you," Princess Twilight said, although her lips pursed slightly. The memory of being the only one in the room who seemed to not harbour a blind hatred for changelings when reports of various rumours of changeling sightings swam back unbidden to her.
In the end, Princess Twilight had made a compromise with the other princesses: wait until concrete proof of the changeling's return to act.
Still, Princess Twilight couldn't help but wonder if Princess Cadence was trying her best not to express her disagreement over the issue, in spite of mutual agreements to do otherwise.
A knock at the door sounded.
"Come in," Princess Cadence said.
A messenger trotted into the room nervously. "Erm, the ponies Rainbow Dash, Applejack, Pinkie Pie, Rarity, and Fluttershy say they have something urgent to show you. They've asked permission to come here."
Princess Twilight sighed. They were her best friends. She had told them to just knock on the door and walk in, but if she had to guess Rarity and Fluttershy had convinced the group to act otherwise. "Permission granted."
The messenger bowed and hurried out the door.
"Wonder what they found," Princess Cadence wondered.
"Probably something interesting," Princess Twilight said.
A few minutes later, her friends walked through the door with a visitor in tow. With a start, she realized the visitor looked almost exactly like her, minus an inch of height, a pink streak in her mane, and wings.
The visitor looked at Princess Twilight with a mixture of curiosity and annoyance, as if she was a celebrity that had been talked about to death but was still worth visiting.
"Hi," the visitor said flatly, "my name is Twilight Sparkle, and I'm your clone from an alternate universe. I heard you could point me in the right direction."
"That's an... interesting claim to make," Princess Cadence said.
"Well, it sure isn't something you hear every day," Princess Twilight joked.
"Nope!" Pinkie Pie agreed, "it sure isn't!"
"It sounds nutty," Rainbow Dash added, "but I think she's telling the truth. We found her wandering around lost in the Crystal Empire. We had to explain a lot of stuff to her. She said she got here by accident, so we thought you'd be able to help us get her back in the portal to the other world."
Princess Twilight arched an eyebrow. "Other world? Portal via a marble horse statue that rears up at you?"
"Yes," Twilight confirmed.
Princess Twilight and Princess Cadence exchanged glances and knew they were thinking the exact same thing.
"So," the lavender princess said, "mind explaining to me how you got here by accident?"
The Twilight from the other world obliged. She explained being gone from Canterlot High when Princess Twilight had visited, and coming back to find Canterlot High rather changed. She went on to say there had been a rumour about putting one's hand on the portal and focusing, which she had done after a week of mulling it over. In her attempt, she had had a reaction which caused her to put her hand through solid marble and had then fallen through to the other world.
It was a rather detailed story, Princess Twilight had to admit.
"Well, it's believable," Princess Cadence remarked.
"But there's a few things wrong with your story," Princess Twilight said.
Twilight looked at her other self with indignance. "Like what?"
"First off, there was no way you could have used the portal in the first place," Princess Twilight said, "there's a small time window that it's open, and the next one is about twenty-nine and a half moons away.
"Second, humans don't use magic.
"Third, even if humans did, your 'reaction' is highly improbable to happen. The closest proven case that has been scientifically documented is a unicorn's power surges, that begins when the unicorn is just a filly and dissipates fully by the time a unicorn reaches adolescence.
"In other words," Princess Twilight summarized, "it's not scientifically possible that your story is real."
"You live in a world shoved to the brim with magic spells, and you think I'm lying because it's not scientifically possible?" Twilight demanded.
"Magic is derived by science," Princess Twilight said as if she was talking to a child.
"But... but... argh! Fine! Try to scientifically explain why I'm here, and why I look almost exactly like you with the same name as you!" Twilight snapped.
"She has a point," Princess Cadence said, "I can tell just by looking at her face that she's either not lying, or insane. And madponies usually don't have such well put together stories. But, there is a third option..."
Princess Twilight knew what her equal was talking about. A lavender light washed over the room, averting everypony's eyes except for Twilight's, who was caught unawares.
When the glow subsided, the visitor blinked several times. "Ow. That was really bright. Could you warn me next time before you shove a purple flashlight in my face? I'm still seeing spots."
"Well, she's not a changeling," Princess Twilight remarked, "so I guess the only real logical option that's left is the first one."
"I'm not a change-whatever you called it. Now can you tell me why you thought it necessary to burn my eyes out of my sockets?"
"Wimp," Rainbow Dash muttered.
"It's a changeling reveal spell," Princess Twilight explained.
"As you can see, princesses, I don't really look that revealed, aside from the part where I'm still wearing no clothes," Twilight said dryly, "now, can we skip to the part where you use your phenomenal cosmic power to get me home?"
"We don't have phenomenal cosmic power," Cadence said, clearly amused by the sarcastic jest, "but we do have a portal."
"But I thought the portal was closed," Fluttershy reminded everypony in the room.
"Only one way to find out," Princess Twilight said.
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i love it and i hope the portal to the other world where the human Twilight live is closed so this can be a longer story not just 4 chapters to this story so
EQG Twilight really is a stick in the mud ain't she?
3404132
She's still effectively "episode 1, pre-NMM, no friends" Twilight.
maybe a delay like the portal will re open in a day making Human twilight stay a little longer.
3404132
yeah, but, remember, our Twilight is (mostly) only better because of the magic of friendship.
Chapter, why you so short?
Great job.
Get to suck both Twiligts in to the human world
3404090
I have a feeling Human!Twilight might be on the path to being Princess Twilight's student Cadence hinted toward...
3404273 yeah i have the same feeling as you
3404214
If there's going to be a delay, it's going to be long. And that will lead to...
3404273
...This.
3404229
And hopefully this. Maybe as a sequel?
You seem to have a nasty problem of bringing up conflicts that seem like they'll be crucial plot points for at least a few chapters, only to resolve them very quickly. Twilight only got to this world last chapter, and now all of the Mane Six and Princess Cadence know who she is. Why couldn't Cadence have just assumed the spell malfunctioned, then EQG-Twilight would be on the run for a few chapters? That would be interesting! But there's absolutely no conflict, just... Stuff happening.
3404132 Well, Human Twilight didn't grow up with Celestia raising her, eventually moving to Ponyville to unite with five other ponies to defeat a thousand year old evil that was strong enough to defeat Celestia and could easily kill them if it hadn't underestimated them and become friends through the process. She grew up on her own, staying inside her books.
Plus, Sunset Shimmer was there. She pretty much ruled the student body with an iron fist, making it difficult for the cliques to blend together like what happened at the beginning of the story.
Umm that escalated quickly? And whats with that whole changling thing. it showed up, which might have been an interesting little plot twist... Then it immediately resolved itself within like 3 paragraphs.
3404403
That's actually a good idea
I hate to nit-pick, Cadence, but HOW does this count as evidence that twilight is a good TEACHER?
Her magic is blue
iambrony.dget.cc/mlp/gif/171676%20-%20animated%20cadance%20Cadence%20chewing%20Chrysalis%20eating%20Magic%20princess_cadance.gif?1344079745
Very nice chapter update, my friend.^^ Eager to see more.^^ Not sure why the human Twilight lacks her pink streak though. Though, understandable if she lacks her cutie mark.
human-twi was just lucky cadence did not simply kill her though that would make for a rather short story
3404690 Teal, not blue. Same color as her cutie mark. (Yes, I'm nitpicking. Have a nice day/night anyhoof.)
Umm.. yeah, Princess Twilight and Princess Cadence seemed a bit too quick to judge and bit OOC here. Why would a changeling pretend to be a human turned pony who looks like Twilight and ask to be sent home.
There is incompetence then there is 'incompetence'. They seemed bit to eager on the trigger there. I'd expect that type of behavior from Rainbow Dash, but not Twilight, who knows the human world story is classified." There is no chance for the changelings to know about it.
Yes. Yes you do. you know a Fluttershy. You might not be besties with a Fluttershy but you are personally aware of a Fluttershy. She goes to your school. You had a protracted conversation, where you acknowledged her name, in Chapter One.
Dude, seriously, think about this. They all know about Twilight's trip through the mirror. Why isn't any of this clicking with anyone?
SOMEONE should come to the conclusion "Well shit, Mirror Twilight wandered in." OTHER than Pinkie Pie.
And why is Twilight not wanting to talk to Princess Twilight? She's in another world! She has literally traversed dimensions! She's learning shit! She's still Twilight Sparkle! Where is her curiosity!?
"What is there to say?" she says when asked about humans?! She's learned. She's SMART! She'd understand that the concept of a never-before-seen-species is fascinating. Why isn't she blabbing on like a crazy person to Fluttershy? She's got an opportunity to teach someone about a new thing and learn about new things herself. Is she really so myopic in the human world that her desire to disbelieve all of this will eclipse her natural tendency to want to know all the things?
Edit: Later on Flash addressed her as Princess Twilight? Did you forget that you used Flash at the beginning to escort her out, and he didn't seem to know her?
Edit 2: Okay, just got to the Twilight and Cadence thing. No. No no no no no no no no no no no. Weak. Very weak. Easily proven by going and looking at the damned mirror. Changeling? What? What the hell? They could'a just cast the spell immediately without being jackasses about it.
Also Cadence is like the world's biggest sweetheart. She's not a huge judgmental asshole who goes off the handle at the assumption of changeling. That's silly.
Everything is happening because the plot says so, not because it makes sense.
"homo sapien" should be "homo sapiens". It's not plural. It just ends with an 's'.
How? Did they capture a bunch of changeling prisoners to develop the spell on? How do they know that the changelings haven't developed a counter since then? Or that they didn't already have a counter that they just didn't use during the tests?
I'll start with the good news: that was fun.
"That's stupid. You're stupid. Stop being stupid!"
Now for the bad news...
A message to all the characters you've portrayed in this story:
Seriously, with all of these out-of-character moments and inconsistencies of past events described in previous chapters of your own story, it's becoming close to impossible to suspend my disbelief that far.
...
In an unrelated note:
That's one too many "think"s, pal.
This story is honestly turning into the equivalent of a drive through.
- H!Twilight angry, Twilight falls into statue
- H!Twilight leaves statue, gets sent on her way
- H!Twilight bumps into Fluttershy, the rest arrive
- H!Twilight pesters Mane 5, they wait to take her to see Twilight
- H!Twilight meets Twilight, believed to be changeling
- H!Twilight fails changeling test, lets check out the statue
Twilight and Cadence seem OOC seeing as H!Twilight says she's a human and how would any changeling know about her experience there.
They all seem to be going through stuff at running speed
H!Twilight seems uninterested and overly disconnected from her present situation; almost to the point she seems like a different character in nature than Twilight.
I feel as if so much potential is being tossed aside or sent through a cheese grater and all we get are the first swipe's shreds.
"Hey, the changeling reveal spell only works on changelings!" Twilight said, "imagine that!"
most amusing line of the chapter lol
Here to propose the portal to be in an extremely delicate state and randomly opens and closes because some outside force, say, Discord was having fun. I mean he can do some time manipulation spells and it makes the situation all that more crazy. But to be an interesting story, I would say the portal opened because H!Twilight wanted to proof of said P!Twilight and now here they are.
Cadence tried to blame Human Twi of being a Changeling.
gifrific.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/06/Boy-That-Escalated-Quickly-Anchorman.gif
And then finished just as fast.
There are two possibilities here. Firstly, Sunset was wrong about the portal (unlikely as she was once Celestia's student and I wouldn't expect her to make mistakes like that). Secondly, human!Twilight does have magic (which implies that all the EqGs have their own equivalent of their pony selves' skills) and she somehow activated the portal by her need to find the truth about the rumours.
Either the portal is going to be open when they check it out or, more likely, it will be closed and our heroes will have to work out how to re-open it. Cue Twilight hysterics as she is having to deal with being trapped on an alien world, an alien civilisation and in an alien body.
My guess? Magic Itself has decreed that human!Twilight be restricted to Equestria until she opens her heart to the Magic of Friendship. Could be an interesting challenge; I think that pony!Twilight is going to be very, very disturbed at having this reflection of what she was like before she met the other Mane Six rubbed in her face. There is nothing better perfected to annoy and upset you than your own worst attributes rubbed in your face after all!
Huh. That was....interesting. A bit odd in execution, but at least now we seem to be moving towards a more coherent storyline past getting the other twilight to see the others. Hmm, though did they really need to do the whole changeling angle? Just as a question. Also, totally calling that twilight's gonna become the apprentice of princess twilight. And to excuse her, she'll be on narnia time when dealing with equestria the land.
3405502
This seems the most likely explanation. Princess Twilight's adventure through the mirror improved the lives of virtually everyone there through the Magic of Friendship, but there was one who wasn't there & therefore hasn't gotten better, her Human Counterpart.
Whatever remnants of Magic exist in the Equestria Girls world, The portal, or Human Twilight herself must have recognised this imbalance & allowed her through, & won't allow her back until she learns something about the Magic of Friendship.
Or at least, that's my theory. I'm always interested in Stories about the EQG characters coming to Equestria as we can get to explore just how different they are from there Pony counterparts, even when they are Ponies themselves in a Pony world. Human Twilight certainly seems to have the 'I don't need friends' attitude her Pony self had at the start of the show, but how will things be different? Will she have trouble adapting to a Magical Pony society? Will she accept being taught about Magic, Friendship & the relationship between them, or or will she resent having an ideal of herself constantly shoved in her face? And on the other hoof, if Human Twilight's attitude is indeed poor, how will Princess Twilight react to that?
These are all questions I hope we see addressed.
3405510 I have to agree on the Narnia time idea when human twilight is sent back in her world only to find she was gone for an hour and maybie she finds the Maine 5 waiting for her on the other side.
Nice explanation on how nopony recognized 'human' Twilight as Twilight, I was a bit concerned about that...
Well, these events seem to be progressing very very rapidly.
is it possible to rewrite chapter 3 to make them a little less mean.
Hmmm... I've got to agree with a lot of the other comments. This is moving too fast, and characters are being much too quick to judge things here.
Well... this....uhm.... this is.... very.... ehm.... it has... alot of.... simplicity?
Don't get me wrong, I love the idea of Human Twi going to Equestria and become a pony and learn about the magic of friendship and return to her world and become friends with the other humane6 plus Sunset Shimmer, but this... this isn't it. The human versions are unkind and actually quite mean to Twi, Twi herself isn't even close to antisocial like pony Twi was in S1EP1, she's a downright jerk. Shy, RD, AJ, Pinkie, Rare are quick to judge, speak before they think, act before they think and take everything for the golden truth without even a sense of hesitation or own will. Princess Cadance and Twilight are quick triggers who seriously think that a changeling would come up with this kinda cover-up story? Really? Plus Cadance and Twi who are known for being the princesses of love and friendship are damn quick to go all "TO TARTARUS WITH YOU; BIATCH!!!"....
And then it has almost no conflict 'cause every conflict gets introduced and solved in three sentences or less. Its tension is low, very low, due that and for now I see no sense in why HTwi got to the pony world or how she got there or why she didn't freaked out about it like PTwi did when she came to the humanworld. Come to think of it, it would have been glorious if Twi had taken her pet Spike with her who either would become a speaking Spike too, just more childish and love-needing 'cause puppy or a dog acting Spike which the real Spike would find insulting. XDDD
Too bad we didn't had that.^^
Next to the OC moments, the no-conflict-no-tension-flow, the faster than lightspeed pacing and the somehow still covered in mystery plot, there's the dialogue. It's well, it's a bit too much "tell" and now "show", though that's only my taste, so others probably find it okay. But in terms of a very simple example, it feels like this.
"Hello."
"Hello too."
"I feel great."
"I don't."
"Aw, I give you a hug."
"Thanks, i feel better now."
"Okay."
And I'm sitting there thinking "....what?". Not that that happened this way in your story, that's an extreme example, but there were a couple scenes in the past chapters and this one which kind of felt like that and came pretty close to it. :/
It would be better to slow down a bit, to show not only Twi's inner emotional world but also those around her. To show that she's unused to walk on four legs, just like Twi was on two. That she dislikes being "nude". That she dislikes her tail and finds it freaky. How the others think about her and what differences they see between the two Twis and why. How HTwi sees PTwi and vice versa, how HTwi sees the pony versions of the humans she know and so on. I think this is in dire need of a bit slowed down pacing, a layout of what is supposed to actually happen in this story aka what's the whole deal/reason with HTwi being send to Equestria and more insight of the characters.
I hope I wasn't too harsh with this.
3405155
100% Agree with you there.
3404132 She ain't learned friendship yet, mayn. Give it time.
this chapter needs to be fixed and proofread
3405393 You know, the funny thing is, I don't see why they couldn't just use the spell on her in the first place. That brief, pointless interlude of almost uncharacteristic hostility could have been cut entirely. Now I'm not sure I really like this story's Cadance, even with her understandable dislike for changelings. Definite points off here.
3406986 I have to agree on the Doing the spell first. I just hope the author is listening. this error could be fixed with a little editing.
3406986 Well don't forget, she WAS imprisoned and everything else that she said had happened to her. Just like how in a few fics that I've read where Shining Armor is the same way, there were bound to be a few Cadence's like that. Though I have to agree with how it seems a bit out of character since I don't think that she would harbor a blind hatred of the Changelings....though that's just my opinion.
3407404 My problem with the chapter isn't Cadance's hatred of changelings (and reason behind it) so much as her reason for using the spell: it was out of anger, a desire to expose Human Twilight for the changeling she thought she was, rather than a need to make sure she actually was a changeling. These are characters who, by this point, have learned not to judge the innocent until they're proven guilty. If anything, Cadance should be the one apologizing with the others, if not more so. And if the reason Cadance didn't apologize is because her deep-seated prejudice and mistrust of Human Twilight is going to be a vehicle to move the plot along, or else a recurring theme throughout the story, then I will not be enjoying this story as much as I thought I would.
3407645 Well, there's still chapters that haven't been written yet, so who knows maybe Cadence will apologize and or something bigger will happen that will help change her. Either way I'm still going to read this to find out what happens next.
3405393
Just like in Equestria Girls! Maybe it's just a thing with people from the EqG world.
Gotta chime in with the others, Twilight and Cadance at the end handled the situation terribly, and not in a way that's believable to their characters.
Could you fix up the third chapter before you progress any further it was unbearable to read.
arqure
well this should get interesting
I can sort of understand Cadence's wariness after what happened, but I'd like to believe she'd be a little more subtle about checking whether or not a Changeling has gotten into the palace. Maybe covertly cast the spell as part of a 'routine check-up'?