Join Fluttershy and her friends on a journey of social, psychological, and emotional exploration in a harrowing tale of self discovery and clandestine relationships. You may never feel the same way about illicit love.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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4989785 Yes. Fluttershy's Elysium and Tartarus poem is intended as a song (that doesn't rhyme). The story describes her as singing it. It was intended to sound haunting. I drew inspiration from this:
Don't know the right word to put there, but one's a mare though.
_____________
I saw this story updated and I couldn't go to sleep until I read it.
4989946 ah yeah. "Filly" is one of those words they throw around in the show ambiguously, like when Flim or Flam addresses Applejack as "young filly" in the super speedy coder squeezy episode. For my purposes in that instance, "filly" is meant to include the mare as well, like the word "girl" is sometimes used to mean "gal" which, in turn, can mean a female of any age.
No matter what, we will never forget this day... In other news, another sweet chapter, but i wish the plot would continue.
4989976 Religion is going to be a tricky thing to handle if I ever need to delve into it, mostly because I don't want to treat it lightly, but treating it with reverence in a foalcon fic may be difficult without alienating some readers, and I'm not sure I'll treat it well enough for the other readers to make that a worthwhile sacrifice.
I was kinda hoping to hear what rarity wanted to say about spike, but as usual great work. (This is officially in my top ten, I'm not sure if I told you that before)
4989970
While ambiguous, it is a contextual thing. Like calling a human female "girl". In which case you'd be right [Flim or Flam essentially calling AJ a "young lady"]. But in the context of that sentence where you're talking about an actual filly, and a mare in a romantic fashion towards one another where age actually comes into question. Is not grammatically appropriate.
what great timing, i had just earlier decided to read the previous chapter, not noticing this one was no longer a sneak-peak.
this chapter brought tears to my eyes (a first, might I add).. the part emphasising how fluttershy had felt over the past week, and how her and sweetie's embrace flushed away all the negativity that accumulated.
also yay, rarity and twilight gon' talk about spike, I was hoping it'd weigh in, as I believe I had mentioned before.
Ah, finally some catharsis after the week of separation The story may not be moving forward much, but it's moving up, out of Fluttershy's pit of despair.
And about Sweetie's line there at the end, my sister and I were just talking the other day about how interesting it is the way different people respond to stories. She mentioned wanting to watch the movie Seven, and then our mom said that it was traumatic. But for my sister and myself, that sort of thing is no problem because we know it's going to be gruesome and are ready for it. For my sister, the worst thing is when a story looks cute on the outside, but is horrible when you really think about it. Especially stories about kids dealing with the death of their parents (Disney in particular has a dead mom fetish). And for me, it's death by heartbreak, or continuing to live despite being unable to ever really recover. And judging by the impact the Merryweather story has had on Sweetie, she's the same type
I hope she talks to Fluttershy about it sometime.
Last night I was wondering why my updated chapter count went down by one, and then I noticed that this fic was no longer in the updated count. Was starting to wonder then it occurred to me; I'll have a new chapter to read when I wake up!
4990516 If it distracts from the moment too much, I suppose I should just tweak it. Thanks for the advice.
Ah, thanks for the heads up, I'll be sure to read them.
4991056
You're welcome. And this was still a cute chapter, well worth the wait. Although now I can't wait to see the next chapter.
4990349 I don't mind if you repeat yourself. Too much admiration can't hurt, can it?
images4.fanpop.com/image/photos/22100000/Rarity-With-Wings-rarity-the-unicorn-22124994-850-930.jpg
4990590 You caught me. I'm totes Twilight.
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4990653
If I had a nickel for every feel I get while writing this stuff ...
4990838 As a writer, I'm really pleased with how that story impacted Sweetie in retrospect. Maybe Sweetie was just triggered by Twilight's reminder during the lecture, and it wasn't all that traumatic. I guess we might see later.
4990004 4991205 Thanks!
4990933 I'm the type who loves anticipation, like staring at wrapped presents and wondering what they could be.
Way to twist that knife, my friend... Still, it was sweet to see these two finally feeling better after a week in each's personal hell.
Ohhhh I do love a good joke.
And the one you provided is lovely ~
wonderful chapter as usual. i like that u set up the precursor to twilight time episode, and the character interactions r all great (spike is always such a awesome dude), and sweetie's concerna bout fluttershy withering is beautiful, even if fluttershy doesnt know the significance to her, really nice job with that. looking forward to next chapter as always!
4991943 Maybe I am a bit sadistic. As I write, in any case, I continue to hope for their happiness. Hopefully they won't be separated again.
4992253 I should start writing comedy, maybe.
4993781 Thank you. You hit the nail on the head about Spike. Poor Sweetie! I felt bad for her there, but I also couldn't help but d'aww a little.
made me smile.=
5048600 Thank you! It's been a harrowing journey for me as a writer, and one I've loved more than I can say in just a comment. I have high hopes for these ponies.
5048757 I ... Happy to please!
I always get excited when a reader finds my work enjoyable!
My biggest challenge is remaining honest with myself as I write, I think, which means not letting compliments go to my head.
5051734 Your reactions to the story are completely intended. Thank you for reading and letting me know its impact! I keep wishing I could do more with my writing to inspire change and understanding. I have to be patient with myself, I suppose. ... And also, keep focused. I've had rather dubious focus lately.
The dreaded day has come... I am caught up with this fic!
Also: Jar-jar Binks reference FTW!!!!!!!!
5053424 Imagine how it must feel to be eager to see it continue yet also be the one writing it.
Welcome to the club.
5106156 Thanks for the comment and suggestion. Actually, you and I are both right. Applejack's sister, Apple Blooms's friend, Sweetie Belle is what I meant by "Her sister’s friend." I could also say, Applejack's friend, Rarity's sister, Sweetie Belle, or "Her friend's sister," but I'm thinking that AJ might think in terms of her own family before thinking in terms of friends's family, you know? To make it less ambiguous, however, I'll change that part to "Her sister’s young friend was really truly in love with a pony." If that's still ambiguous, lemme know and I'll try to rephrase it more in my original document. (It will probably be updated online when I've gotten through revising the previous chapters, just in case you're curious.)
5108854 Nevermind, I got on a roll with revising. It's done, although I still need to do the previous chapters. I'm so easily distracted from finishing the latest chapter.
5111117 I get that it's not for everybody, and I'm grateful you've given it a shot and shared your opinion regardless. I agree that those chapters feel rushed. I'm not sure how, yet, but I know I need to do something to fix that feeling. There's a certain design behind the continuity, however (not sure if 'continuity' is the word I want). It is deliberate on my part and, though I think my execution as a new author has a lot of problems, I took this huge leap with a purpose in mind.
Since some readers can't move past those extraordinary circumstances and immersion is left so broken that they lose interest, I certainly need help. As a new author, I'm afraid I've been ill-equipped to set up such a big jump forward. Part of it was that I was over-eager, and I've since thought very seriously about inserting a chapter or more before the confession and/or their first sexual encounter, but, due to certain goals I have for the characters, I can't change the order of events much. I can only hope to make the leap seem more realistic through character exposition, flashbacks that would explain their (mostly Sweetie's) behavior, or some other way, maybe. Your suggestions for how I might do this (without changing the timing too much) would be greatly appreciated, but I understand if you're too busy.
For what it's worth, should you continue to read, I don't think the rest of the story goes too fast after Chapter 4, and there are some important bits and pieces revealed about why Sweetie was so eager that I hope will un-disappoint a stalwart reader. I know I shouldn't expect readers to be so forgiving, of course, which is why I agree something needs to change in the beginning chapters.
Thanks for your comments and interest!
5111117
im sorry, but i have to very strongly disagree. generally speaking, younger ppl (and presumably ponies) form their early romantic attachments very very fast, and feel them very very deeply. they dont have the experience in social emotion to really put any brakes on their emotion's increase, because it's usually the emotional disappointments of these first loves that teach them not to plunge headlong into heavy attachment in the first place. they might know logically what they should do, but knowing in your head is different than feeling the truth of that logic. shakespeare's romeo and juliet is as true now as it ever was: teenagers experiencing love just dive right into it at full speed, and theres no reason to think the same wouldnt be true for sweetie belle, whose not even that old yet. if anything, her fast increase in emotional bonding is even more expected because she has even less experience from life to go by. and fluttershy is really in the same boat....shes never been able to have someone for herself that we know of, so shes essentially at the same level of inexperience as a teen would be. this is rushed because the most emotionally believable eventuality in this scenario IS that they would rush into it.
5128856 Excellent point! I was secretly hoping you might comment about the speed of Sweetie's attachment. Ideally, I think Fluttershy would have wanted things to go slow despite her loneliness and sexual compulsivity. Sweetie wanted differently, and Fluttershy was too weak-willed to put the brakes on for her. She undoubtedly blames herself for that, though Sweetie probably still doesn't see anything wrong with the suddenness except that she unwittingly triggered Fluttershy, and that led to others getting involved, upsetting them.
Their slip up was practically inevitable, and it fits (in my mind at least) that foalish enthusiasm got the better of Sweetie which, in turn, overrode what little self-control Fluttershy had with her. I think I'll probably still revise the first chapters, more thoroughly describing that tendency of Sweetie's to jump into romance, among other things.
I'm also thinking seriously about un-publishing each chapter (not removing them entirely, keeping the comments), and then, as I revise them and proofread for old errors, I'd like to republish them each, a week apart to give old readers a chance to re-read with the revisions and draw in new readers, hopefully, from the story updates feed (I'm not sure if republishing works that way, though). Would that bother you as a reader much? (Anyone please feel free to answer.) I'd do this starting just a couple weeks after I've published the latest chapter (I anticipate doing so within the next week to week and a half).
5129017
if u did that id really like to know about any major revisions without having to reread the chapter each time.....its not that ur writing isnt great, i love this story, but ur over 120,000 words, thats not the kind of thing i really wanna have to go back and reread u know?
5129519 That's fair. I was thinking I would make a blog post on fimfiction about it, noting which chapters had changed significantly and, for those who really don't feel like re-reading the first 4 chapters, I'd simply explain what sort of new or changed content they hold.
Also, maybe a week between releases is too long. Maybe just 3 days would be better. that would give me 7-8 weeks to revise while getting ahead again with the latest couple chapters.
Well, Spike is not that young. I mean, Twilight got him when she was 4 or 5 years old. So If the mane six are in a 18-20 range, Spike would be 14-16. Still very young but... more possible.
5143854 Very very VERY young, a baby to be exact, considering he's a dragon, and dragons can live Milleniums (Idk if that's the way you write it)
5164554
Yeah, thats right... But anyway, I like that ship
And considering this is a story about foalcon... I can see it happening.
What does idk mean by the way?
5164604 IDk = I don't know
5165481
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5164634 Good feedback, thanks! I'm still a new writer, so I tend to make a lot of mistakes, even after editing. Could you explain what what you mean by "ex-machina?" I'm only familiar with the term "deus ex machina."
The prologue is a big rule-breaking I'm-a-new-writer test. I've cleaned it up a lot, but it still makes those mistakes, of course. I'm not sure I'll pare it down or not. As far as grammatical errors go, what you pointed out appear only to be stylistic aberrations. I think my phrasing is sometimes prozaic, and I try to avoid that more later on, but yeah... Anyway, I like getting second opinions, especially when they can help me improve.
Also, as you get past chapter 2 or 3, you'll see I didn't have quite as much editing help until half-way through. I went back and revised the first couple chapters, so you won't see the worst of my mistakes until you're hopefully already hooked. Then again, Chapter 4 has made a couple readers rage quit.
5165871
I, for one prefer long summaries. It means I get a vague idea of the writer’s style, genre, and attitude.