I will try to make this short. As a fan of the Redwall Series made by Brain Jacques, I have decided to attempt to write a fanfic crossing over MLP:FIM and Redwall in Brain Jacques's memory. This is my very first Redwall story so those that also love the Redwall series please feel free to help me out in any corrections. I also know that Mr. Jacques originally said he would never put in real Dragons in Redwall mostly because he wanted the animals original and native to England. Because of such, the story will feature only Twilight Sparkle as her Alicorn form and Spike.
Anyway as the short description says, Spike is visited by the spirit of Martin the Warrior in a dream. Twilight Sparkle and Spike set off to find the answer to their Dreams which is Redwall Abbey. The two discover more about their destinies.
It should be "Improved" instead of "Approved".
3287926
Thanks, I can correct it.
3287952 To be honest I haven't thought about the Redwall series in years
at least you're doing a first of a kind story that I know no one has ever done.
3287974
As much as I like Mlp: Fim, I'm more of a Redwall type of fan better. The Redwall Series of books were the books of my childhood. I loved Brain Jacques's work, and I won't lie his death still hurts me.
3287991 As I've said I haven't thought about the series in years and this is the first I've heard of Brian Jacques's death. When did this happen?
3288002
Mr. Jacques died of a heart attack I think ether late Januray 2011 or early Feburay of 2011.
Interesting, however I would recommend going over the dialog. For example:
"Say no more!" Said Rainbow Dash.
Dash wouldn't talk like that.
3288085
Thanks. Actually she did say that in the last episode of season 3.
Easy target... Suuuurrre... They already faced off against Cluny, Chickenhound/Slagar, Malkariss, and Ironbeak. I think I Am That Is can take a changling queen.
The drones might be a slight issue though.
3288019 Damn, at least his legacy lives on in Redwall.
3288155
Yes, yes it does. And it's up to those that are fans of Redwall like myself to never forget his work.
3288145
That's true, but the Changeling Queen doesn't know it. I have no doubt that Martin the Warrior would slay the Changeling Queen if he wore alive.
Oh. My. God. If u successfully pull this off I will love you. Redwall was my favorite book series as a kid
3288457
It was my favorite book series as well. I will try to make it a success.
I just need those that know Redwall to give me corrections, that is when I start a Redwall Chapter which might be started in the first chapter briefly.
Holy crap some did finally did one for redwall this is going to be amazing.
I still read these series at my high school only book series that I spent most of my life reading.
3288851
That my friend, is what I had done when I was in Highschool back in 2007 well make that sense I was in Elementary School.
It's a shame he passed away but it's important to remember what he brought to us.
Not exactly a brony but this calls for a brohoof.
3288975
May that man rest in peace.
REDWAAAAL!!
3289047
Indeed
My he rest in piece
REDWAAAAL!!
I need to start off by saying, thank you for making this. Honestly, I'm surprised no one really attempted (someone probably has, but I haven't noticed any) a Redwall crossover until now. BECAUSE I want this fic to be a success, I'm going to critique this chapter a bit.
First off, the dialogue. More like the after-dialogue. It's a bit wooden, and the progression is reaaally weird due to the absence of commas
It would really help (plus it's to be grammatically correct) to put the commas after the speaking ends (before quote marks if no end mark is used) and when it begins (putting a comma after "friend"). Another thing, the dialogue breaks are a bit weird, I'm mainly talking about, "tells her friend". It wouldn't be a bother if this was done once or very sporadically, but you used it often, and too close to the next use. Not just, "tells her friend", you use the "her friend" in the dialogue breaks way too much. Sometimes these breaks you used can be cut out, but if not, it would be wise to use a different noun, or better yet, straight up use their names once they've been introduced.
Descriptions. I understand that this would be from a perspective to where the reader doesn't know what the characters look like, but it really isn't necessary sometimes because this IS fanfiction (meaning we should pretty much know what they look like). The only reason I'm complaining about this is because the descriptions really disrupt the flow of the story. ONE such example is Rarity's description in Spike's dream. It completely disrupted the train of thought and took focus away from the dream.
Punctuation. My biggest gripe is the lack of the all-important comma. The sentences just run together without the use of commas. Read back through this, and you will see where the commas should be placed. The commas will make this soooooo much better. Oh and if you are ending a dialogue without a period or any other end mark, use a comma. Also, you need to split some of the paragraphs where they need to be split. The very first paragraph needs to be split into two, where the topic ends and new one begins.
Dream Sequence. I feel this needs to be longer. Capitulate on the situation, but remain as vague as you need to be. The thing that struck me as odd is Martin the Warrior,
that is NOT how Martin would give a vision. He almost always speaks in riddles or gives a puzzle, but almost never directly gives the objective. It needs to sound more prophetic, as they usually are.
What I really feel that needs to be done, is to reread this chapter. You should notice most of the mistakes I've pointed out.
Thank you for attempting this, and I wish for you to continue to do so.
3301939
Thanks! And you are right Martin does speak in Riddles. But I kind of not know how he would speak to Spike like that. It is hard for me to think of such a riddle. But thanks for the advice!
3302085 Would you like some help with the riddle, or with any other grammar checks? (I'm sorta bored right now)
3302413
Riddle making could help.
3302489 Here's the tricky part with riddles: you need to know what you plan on doing with the plot. Use metaphors in relation to plot elements or characters. Example. For Spike, you could say: The Purple Salamander. That is ambiguous enough for it to be a number of things. An amphibian, a resident of Salamandastron, or a purple dragon. If you have a working riddle, PM it to me and we can discuss it there, b/c we don't wanna know spoil anything in the comment section.
3302711
Right, and I'll have to PM you for it, because there is a reason why Martin the Warrior came to Spike and I'm pretty sure you may know.
Dude I'm not trying to be nitpicky but this is soooo full of grammatical error and illogical moments. Celestia said it must be true because he dreamed of a beautiful place and someone asked for help? I can see what you were trying to do but that was really badly executed. You've left out the commas again, and the characters still aren't in character.
Do you need any prereaders or proofreaders? I can help you out with these errors, and it will be soo much better, trust me.
I know there's some erros in here butttt I JUST LOVE THIS STORY!
They have too run in with the long patrol some time they have too.
There also has to be a Skipper there is always a Skipper of otter there.
Also is there Vermin scum in this story
3340233
You guessed it! Skipper of Otters will be in it. There will be a hare in it.
3340245
There could be
But the Changelings will be Redwall's enemy, if there are vermin in there, then the Changelings will enroll those in their army as well.
3343162>>3343164
Yeaaaaa
If you would like me to help in any way possible such as proof read or help with plot ideas or any thing els let me know it would be a honor to help out in any way.
3343580
Alright. Thanks! Right now I'm trying to start the next chapter, you know how Mr. Jacques always starts off with a short introduction of the Season in Redwall.
3343630
Ya.
3343680
That is another thing that puzzles me but I'm managing. How does he do it? But I'm managing.
3343720
Have a character talking about how the wether is changing and the leafs are changing for different seasons. He does that a lot or how the birds are migrating to the south.
RIP Brian Jacques. I may be too old to really get into his stuff, but I had read at least like 15 of his novels, when I was in my early teens. When I was in Afghanistan is when I learned he passed away.
3345198
Indeed, Brain Jacques wrote quite good stories. And I'll hate to admit it but I will always be a fan of Redwall over MLP: FIM.
May Jacques RIP.
3348695 Nothing wrong with that. I'm sure the Bronies will forgive you. Brian Jacques had a very detailed and enthusiastic tale, and learning things like how he wrote it for blind children is how it's really impressive. I hold Animorphs, Redwall, Kingdom Hearts, Calvin and Hobbes, the Farside and some anime/manga over MLP...Actually, I hold most of the things I like that came before MLP over MLP. but, I may like jelly over peanut butter, but I like it combined better than one alone. MLP is a good established place to bounce other fandoms off of, at least in theory. Lately, it's like bread. It's going well with anything.
3349503
I won't like, MLP: FIM is good for exactly what you said it goes with pretty much anything. I just hope I don't screw up on this one.
On fanfiction. net I have made quite a good fanfic with MLP: FIM and Digimon Tamers. It's one of my best actually the third best fanfic I have wrote on it with currently 162 good reviews and not any that are bad. If you are interested I could provide a link to the fanfic because once it's done on Fanfiction.net if I'm allowed to I may also post it on here as well.
3352540 Aww, I'm honored. Maybe.
Ya wanna know a fanfic I wanna see? A crossover of Fallout and Elder Scrolls. I want to see how the Aldmeri Dominion tries to absorb the American Enclave and Ceaser's Legion, and how the Glorious Tamraelic Empire teams up with the Brotherhood of Steele to fight them off. Like, the Aldmeri dominion would want to absorb them as fighters, but the Legion is so fascist it would have tension with answering to a bunch of equal opportunity magic using non humans. Also, if the Aldmeri Dominion would try to pay off mercenaries like Redgaurd Pirates, Vaas Montenegro's Pirates, Hoyt's Privateers, Dunmer Slavers, Nord Raiders and Orcish Sellswords, not to mention tame the Falmer & Super Mutants/Nightkin/Feral Ghouls, but would the Thalmor be willing to enlist the aid of those they see as beneath them. What would be really scary is if said bad factions started being bad influences to our heroes. The Empire isn't abover corruption, nor the Stormcloaks above racism.
I could see Caeser
attracting a lot of Redgaurds and Imperials, but surprisingly only so many orcs and nords. Caeser's legion would be against the human trafficking organisation because it's illegal, but not totally against doing it themselves. Be an interesting story on how the bad guys would try to be united, but have a hard time because intellectuals are trying to lead fascists and private organisations....but, the Aldmeri dominion needs regular soldiers to compensate for thier society of mostly spellcasters, archers, and assassins, so they would get them anyway they can, even through pirate mercenaries and enslaved savages. Sadly, Caeser they may separate, take the side of the good guys as a lesser evil, and now we can't do anything to stop their corrupting influence and make us bad.
Caeser would attract the extremists in the Empire of Cyrodill, even if it is about rule of law.
I would also like to see a MLP/Narnia crossover. People keep making references to Spyro or Sonic and that's all fine and good, but what about Narnians and Equestrians making contact with each other? What would a battle be like between the two? Would certain narnians be divided, since they have horses, pegasi, unicorns, donkeys, and ponies of thier own? Would Narnians be easily seduced by some of the sex appeal the ponies can produce
(for members that are of the same or similar type). How would their tactics play out on the battlefield.
. Aslan pours her more wine, he understands. Half of his followers are basically of the same origin and use Narnia as a foster home. That's why they're good but have bad tempers at times.
I wouldn't want to see Aslan and Celestia fight, though. They would actually be watching from the sidelines, drinking tea and then wine, talking about how they teach their followers love and tolerance and they still find a way around it to fight anyway. Celestia would be real depressed, reveal she's Jewish and that like a lot of mythological creatures, she exists because Zues couldn't keep it in his pants
3353697
Well I haven't seen most of the ones you mentioned but I have seen some of Narnia and agree with you on Celestia and Aslan, I never see Celestia attacking Aslan.
Here is the attachment to my story on Fanfiction.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7908039/1/Digimon-Tamers-Equestria
Uh, if you like what you read, don't be afraid to review it. Fanfiction I accept Fanfiction.Net Signed reviewers and Anonymous Reviewers.
3352540 Only problem is, I was never into Digimon. I did hear that some of the seasons are good, though. Closest thing to Tron, Reboot, and Narnia coming together. I was never interested in the show that much, but I was interested in an gauntlet like hack and slash RPG where you could go about as Digimon with weapons and lvl up. I wanted to play it, even if it got so so reviews. Be neat if the Digimon were semi independant and could learn how to use various weapons to compliment their skills and compensate for their small size (at first). If a fight scene with the Digimon played out less like a video game and more like the Mines of Moria from Lord of the Rings (if it worked).
When it comes to Pokemon, I'd either like to see a PG13 live action movie or anime where Team Rocket isn't above murder, extortion, robbery and terrorism. Also I'd like to see hunters and then the national guard, then the army get in skirmishes with Poke'mon if they suddenly came into our world. Sad, but interesting.
3353840
Hmm, sorry then.
3353868 Didn't say I wouldn't read it. Or at least skim it. I'm open to new things.3288223 Martin the Warrior: "Strike for Redwall, and Equestria!" Oh wow, can you imagine the ponies' battle cry? "Equestriaaaaaa!!!"
3353903
Oh yeah. It would be Equestria for the two ponies and Spike for some time being.
Anyway the story link I gave you will have some story lines that go by the MLP: FIM show only improvised slightly.
3353938 Matthias: "Why am I not hearing the Ghost of Martin? I just keep getting these letters about friendship, it's like a soccer mom rewrote Dale Carnagie's books for kids....Princess Celestia, who's that?"
*meanwhile, halfway across Equestria*
Martin: "Spike. I am that is. Me and your princess have switched places. DON'T LET OWLICIOUS TAKE ME!...cuz, you know, Owls eat mice."
*nicewhile*
Basil: "I say Constance, that Rotten Rabbit is in for jolly old wallopin' if'n he doesn't shape up and act sharp to old Girl Fluttershy, hmm wot wot." *Angel Bunny Slaps Fluttershy* Constance(a Badger, half black and half white): "Oh HELL no! He did not just slap Fluttershy. If he did too much more of this at Salamandastron he'd be slain. Basil, take care of this, please."
Basil: "Righto Ma'arm. Me and the rest of the animals been talkin'. There's plenty what want to whoop his ASS. Heh heh in me Long Patrol days we had a little thing called Redwall to wall counselings wot wot."
*Meanwhile at Sweet Apple Acres, Nashville, Tennessee, Equestria*
AJ meets up with Cluny to hear the terms of surrender. AJ:"Now see here ya crazy varmint, just what's your yabbering about?"
King Cluny: "Dark Claw, give the order to Pukestain to retrieve the terms of surrender from Asswipe so Jackass can read it."
Cptn Jackass: "All property is hereby King Cluny's, all residents of Sweet Apple Acres are now Cluny's slaves, subject to Rule 34-" *AJ bucks him into next summer* "Ah human feathers, y'all varmints shouldn't have picked the Rebel Land to talk smack too. Southern by the Grace of Celestia. YEEE-HAWWW! The South is going to war again AND THIS TIME WE'RE WINNIN'!" *the Apples trample Cluny's horde in a technicolor stampede.* "This is for that poor horse we saw you beat at the beginning of the book."
AppleBloom: "Look Big Sis, I just got my cutie mark for stepping on Cluny!!"
AJ: "Aww, aww Big Mac get a camera. I have never been more proud."
Very Meanwhile
Slagar: "I'll go in and talk to the Fashionista. I'm voiced by Tim Curry, I can put on the charm."
Diamond Dogs and Weasels: "So what's the plan boss, we take over the botique?"
Slagar: "No you dumb dogs and witless weasels. We take her dresses! Mwa ha ha!"
Dogs and weasels: "Ok, then what?" Slagar: "Oh, I mean we take their children. Mwa ha ha! I hope they don't hear us noisily laugh about our evil plan. Mwa ha ha!...Now, we just got to get a hold of that Trixie Bimbo, put a knife to her throat, and goad her into performing a false magic show to lure the children out. I wanted Applebloom. Looks like we'll have to make do with the other so called crusaders. Remember, don't hurt them! We want slaves to sell, not dead meat! Nobody like's broken merchandise."
Father Abbot: "What? Again? That's the second time, I've been BUCKED by people posing as clowns!"
Foremole and Zecora, crying over spilled milk: Mole: "Oi Ma'arm Oi be gurt sorry about en' ee um' pouring your drink into yon pot, thar. I mean't ya know harm and I'd do what I can to fix er' up."
Zecora: "Arts thou mad? Pouring milk into the stew is going to smell very bad! For a mole with good smell, your senses are going to be in a living hell!"
Foremole: "Oi Ma'arm, I don't be understandin' a damn thing your sayin'."
Zecora: "Me neither....It's like we were meant for each other. Your Star shaped nose is so cute, and you remind me of a brother. Kiss me you fool, art thou a tool?"
Foremole: "Oi be mole, and don't you forget it. Me mum wouldn't have none of this, a kiss is just a kiss, but our youngin's be havin' a very hard toim in school alright. By germ, she's got me rhymin' loik some madbeast. Peace out, holla at ya boy, I'm out. B*tches be trippin' Oi reckon."
Yes a update
Hahaha Vermin scum deserved that but now the plot thickness.
Can't wait for the next update friend.
REDWAAALLL !
just because:
Please update, I really want to know what comes next!!
Please, please update. I really want to know what comes next