I Killed Fiddy Men, Not Ponies

by LtMajorDude

...Oh God, It IS Them...

"DAD?!" the light brown unicorn, Hank Hill, shouted.

"Dang o' yo man damn he's alive like dang o' Batman in that movie yo man?!" the tan pegasus, Boomhauer, shouted.

"Sir? YOU'RE ALIVE?!" the fat dark pony, Bill Dauterive, shouted.

"I thought he was dead?!" the other brown unicorn, Kahn Souphanousinphone, shouted.

The orange pegasus, Dale Gribble, shouted, "Maybe the government cloned him before their shutdown, or he faked his death, or he's a robot, or he's an alien, or he's a Changling, or a Magic Mirror clone, or, according to the Sunset Shimmer theories, a pony counterpart of him while the human counterpart died of old age back on earth, or...!"

"WILL YA'LL SHUT THE HELL UP?!" Cotton shouted.

Immediately, everypony kept their mouths closed.

Cotton cleared his throat. "Yeah guys it's me. Apparently, when I died, I didn't go to hell. Instead God sent me here in order for me to (ugh) redeem myself."

Hank looked surprised. "Then we are we here?"

Cotton sighed. "Your world ended"

Everyone except Dale looked surprised.

Dale jumped in the air with a large grin. "YESS!-!-! I KNEW THE WORLD WAS GONNA END!-!-!-!-!" he shouted.

Mark glared and raised an eyebrow at Hank. "So YOU'RE the one Cotton was talking about..."

Hank raised an eyebrow. "And you're?"

"Mark Walsh." Mark said calmly. "Friend of your dad."

"How come you never told me of this guy, dad?" Hank asked Cotton.

Cotton laughed. "There's a lot of crap I never told ya"

Mark smirked evilly. "Your dad didn't tell me much about you, but he had enough time to tell me you have a narrow urethra."

Kahn chuckled lightly as Hank let out a growl at Cotton.

Hank looked around. "Where's Peggy and Bobby?"

Cotton shrugged "Don't know. When your world ended, I guess they went to Heaven or something"

Dale laughed. "I prefer this place than heaven anytime."

"COTTON!" Cotton recognized Applejack's voice.

Dale suddenly smiled. "Oh my God! It's Applejack!-!-!"

"I'm guessing she's an acquaintance of yours" Kahn guessed.

Cotton sighed. "Don't mention it"

---

"Hey Applejack!" Applebloom shouted. "Cotton's back! And look! He brought some new friends!"

Applejack, Big Macintosh, Granny Smith, and Applebloom saw Cotton along with Mark and 5 other ponies.

The orange pegasus smiled at the sight of Applejack.

"Oh my God" Dale thought, "It's Applejack, Granny Smith, Big Macintosh and Applejack! Oh God I wish Braeburn was here along with Babs Seeds..."

Dale was lost in his mind while Applejack came up to Hank.

"Howdy y'all!" Applejack said to Hank, raising her hoof for Hank to shake, "Ah'm Applejack. And this here's mah family!"

Big Macintosh smiled. "Eeyup."

Hank, Bill, and Boomhauer smiled widely. They were glad to find someone who said 'Yup'.

Kahn just rolled his eyes. He smelled a hillbilly.

Bill spoke up. "Nice to meet you guys...I mean horses...I mean..."

Hank shoved his hoof on Bill's mouth.

"What he's saying is that we're pleased to meet you" Hank said with a smile.

Kahn frowned. "Almost everyone" he thought.

Hank continued. "I'm Hank Hill."

Bill smiled. "I'm Bill Dauterive."

Boomhauer said, "Dang ol' I go by many names dang ol' Jeff man is what dang ol' Canadian family called me man damnit lost that dang ol' grill I tell you what man yo didn't say sorry, man assholes yo..."

Applejack blinked. Hank chuckled. "His name's Boomhauer" Hank said.

Kahn rolled his eyes. "Kahn Souphanousinphone." he grunted.

Granny Smith smiled. "Greetings, Con SuperPhone!" she said.

Kahn just rolled his eyes and sighed angrily.

Applejack smiled at Mark. "Long time no see, Midway."

Instead of using his real name, Mark Walsh often used a new nickname, Midway.

Mark smirked. "Sup AJ?"

Applejack walked up to Dale, who was daydreaming. "And you?" she asked.

Dale ignored her, still lost in his mind.

Applejack poked him in his face, surprising him.

"RAISE THIS BARN, RAISE THIS BA-Oops, sorry. I'm Dale Gribble" he said with a clumsy look.

Applejack raised an eyebrow, but said, "Nice friends, Cotton!"

Cotton scratched his head. "Yea..."

Applejack smiled and pointed to her house. "Why don't ya invite yer friends for some breakfast?" she asked Cotton.

Cotton looked at his friends. Dale nodded rapidly while the guys just shrugged.

Cotton sighed. "Fine" he said as he and his friends followed the Apples to their home.

Comments

[Lag Incarnate]

Hank, Bill, and Boomhauer smiled widely. They were glad to find someone who said 'Yup'.

Yes, but do they have Alamo?
I find it hilarious that Dale is totally fangasming right now.

[Mother3Forever]

Wait until they find out Hank's his son.

[Shadow Bolt]

I have to point out a HUGE contradiction. Two chapters ago you said the date was October 30th 2009.

MLP didn't premiere until 2010. So there is no way Dale can be a Brony, let alone be caught up to date with the series.

[Cash Flow]

3358953 wouldn't you fangasm I know I would

[LtMajorDude]

3359361
Yes, I am aware about that.
But to quote a Dang O' Ponies quote:
Note: I am aware that MLP: FIM was released in 2010. This is my story OK?

[Lightoller]

Granny Smith smiled. "Greetings, Con SuperPhone!" she said.

Thank God I wasn't drinking anything when I read that.