I Killed Fiddy Men, Not Ponies

by LtMajorDude

Marshmallow meets Boomhauer and Shy Girl meets Mr. Kahn

"I tell you what sir, man, where in goddang we going, man?" Boomhauer blurted out.

Cotton sighed. "I ask myself the same question, Boomhauer..."

"Hello Cotton!" Rarity shouted.

Cotton looked at Rarity and waved, "Hey."

Rarity walked up and smiled. "Oh. Are these your friends?" she asked, looking at Boomhauer and Kahn.

Cotton nodded. "Yeah...they need a place to stay. Wanna take one in?"

Rarity looked at Kahn and Boomhauer.

Kahn just stared back with a blank face.

Boomhauer, however, just nodded and smiled. "Yo."

Rarity let out a tiny blush and asked him, "Oh...um...and you are?"

"Dang old Jeff man. Canadians called me that, I tell you what. But, um, Boomhauer is what they dang old call me, just dang don't call me egghead or something yo." Boomhauer replied.

Rarity just stood there with a confused look.

Cotton chuckled. "He's Boomhauer."

Rarity slowly tilted her head. "Oh...um...nice to meet you."

Cotton smirked. "C'mon Mr. Kahn. Let's leave these two lovebirds alone."

As Cotton and Kahn left, Boomhauer and Rarity blushed as Cotton said that statement.

Boomhauer just scratched his head. "Yo." he muttered.

---

"So what now, Cotton?" Kahn asked.

Cotton smirked. "I'm taking you to yer new roommate, Mr. Kahn." he said as he took Kahn to Fluttershy's cottage.

When they arrived, Cotton knocked on the door. Fluttershy came to the front door and opened it.

She smiled weakly. "Oh. Um. Hi Cotton." she whispered.

She looked at Kahn. "Oh. Um. Hello."

Kahn looked at Fluttershy and raised an eyebrow. "Hi." He said in a friendly tone.

Cotton chuckled. "Hey Flutters. Ya mind taking my friend Kahn Souphanousinphone?"

Fluttershy looked surprised. "Um...well...uh..."

Cotton smiled. "Great! Have a nice day you two!"

As Cotton left, it was just Fluttershy and Kahn.

Kahn scratched his head. Fluttershy just stood there.

A small white bunny came and poked Fluttershy's leg and pointed at Kahn.

Fluttershy smiled. "Oh, Angel. This is my friend Kahn Super-Phone."

"Souphanousinphone" Kahn corrected.

Angel just glared at Kahn and shook his head.

Kahn glared at Angel. "I just met this bunny" Kahn thought. "And already I hate it."

---

Hank was sweating profusely as he installed the propane heater in Twilight's house.

"I never thought it would be so different than it was on Earth. It feels so wierd." he said to himself. "If I can just...get it...to...ugh...argh...BWAAH!-!-!"

Hank shouted, while sweating large beads of sweat, as he finished the final touches on the heater.

Hank smiled as it worked perfectly. "Yes! Yes, I did it!" he said while laughing like a madman.

---

Dale was grinning as Rainbow Dash introduced him to her home.

"And yeah, this's my home. Any questions?" She asked Dale.

Dale shook his head. "Nope!"

Rainbow Dash smiled. "Oh...OK. Cool. Oh by the way, you didn't ask my question earlier. What's a cigarette?"

Dale's smile quickly turned into a small frown.

"Oh it's something...you know what? Forget about it." he said as he let out a nervous smile.

Rainbow Dash let out a raised eyebrow but decided to forget about it.

---

Bill happily shoves cupcakes in his face.

Pinkie Pie giggled as he ate cupcakes like a pig.

"Oh my gosh! You're so funny!" she said with a smile.

Bill just shrugged while eating. "Thanks. I guess."

"So you're a barber?" Pinkie asked Bill. "That's cool! Can you demostrate?"

Bill froze. Cutting hair for humans was one thing. But can he cut pony hair?

He grinned nervously. "Um...I'm gonna need some scissors. But I don't have any, so maybe another tim..."

"Here you go!" Pinkie said as she handed a pair of scissors to Bill.

Bill started to sweat a bit. "Ah damn." he whispered.

---

Mark formed two clouds and shaped them both to look like two of his friends, Alexander Dean and Andrew Devin.

Andrew was a kind teenager. However whenever he is insulted, most of the time he will get too defensive. Alexander was the same thing, however, sometimes he can be a little mean. Despite that, both Andrew and Alexander were good teenagers.

Mark started to shake and rocked back and forth. He tried to forget the memories as hard as he could.

DUDE PLEASE STOP!-!-!-!-! STOP STOP STOP...

OH GOD! PLEASE NO!-!-!-!-! NO NO NO NO...

NO!-!-!-! STOP!-!-!-!-! PLEASE!-!-!-!-!-!-! I'M YOUR FRIEND!-!-!-!-!-!-! FRIEND FRIEND FRIEND FRIEND FRIEND FRIEND FRIEND...

He closed his eyes as hard as he could. Tears forming from his eyes.

STOP STOP STOP...

NO NO NO NO...

FRIEND FRIEND FRIEND FRIEND FRIEND FRIEND FRIEND...

He gritted his teeth as hard as he could. Small whimpers came out of his mouth.

STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP...

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO...

FRIEND FRIEND FRIEND FRIEND FRIEND FRIEND FRIEND FRIEND FRIEND FRIEND FRIEND FRIEND FRIEND FRIEND FRIE...

All of a sudden, he stopped. He opened his eyes and relaxed his face. He slowly got up with a completely blank face and flew to home.

---

"What!-? He's alive?"

"You know him?"

"It's a long story..."

"So what now?"

"Something I've always wanted to do..."

Comments

[the Hellsing brony]

i do not trust those voices

[Lag Incarnate]

I have a guess as to who these voices belong to, but it's too obvious.

[LtMajorDude]

3431865
PM it for me

[JohnIsOffline]

Check wiki

Romantic life
Boomhauer's typical romantic life included one-night stands with several young women. Peggy Hill once mentions (likely in jest) his longest relationship was a three-day weekend. Occasionally, he had girlfriends that he dated for more than sex. When a woman breaks up with him, he is notably devastated. In the episode "Uh-Oh, Canada", Boomhauer moves to Guelph, Ontario and has a 3 month relationship with a French-Canadian woman.

WTF!