I Killed Fiddy Men, Not Ponies

by LtMajorDude

Off to that Crystal Place!

Arlen House

Cotton laid in his bed.

"OK, there's me, Hank, his friends, his families, my family, Mark, Ben, I think, Mark's friends, their friends, Kenny...Goddamn. How many Earthlings are there?"

"Hey Grandpa!" Bobby shouted. "Get ready!"

"For what?" Cotton said with a raised eyebrow.

"You, Dad, his friends, Mark, and those six mares have been invited to stay over somewhere called, Crystal Empire?"

Cotton shook his head. "Crystal? Really? Well, I have nothing to do. Alrighty, I'll go."

---

Train Station

Cotton, Hank, Bill, Dale, Boomhauer, Kahn, Mark, and the Mane 6 were standing, waiting for the train.

Ben wanted to come along. He wanted to protect Mark and to visit the Crystal Empire.

"Zecora told me about the Empire." Ben said. "The more she told me, the more I wanted to go."

"It's been a while since we visited the Empire, right girls?" Rainbow Dash said. The other girls nodded.

"I hope we see Shining Armor and Cadance!" Dale said to Cotton with a wide grin.

Cotton just shook his head.

Eventually the train arrived and everypony entered it.

---

Crystal Empire

"Well, we're hear!" Rainbow Dash shouted as the rest of the Mane 6 exited out of the train.

The guys stared at the Empire.

"Wow. Not bad." Kahn muttered.

Dale let out a tear.

Cotton yawned.

Eventually, they went into town.

To Kahn's surprise, the ponies were friendly.

"Wow. I thought this was a place with rich, rude ponies. Looks like I brought this three-hole-puncher for nothing." He said as he took out a three-hole-puncher.

"Three-hole-punch rich ponies' faces?" Cotton said with a grin.

Kahn nodded. Cotton chuckled.

"Hey! Twi!" A voice shouted.

Both Twilight and Dale smiled.

"Shining Armor!" Twilight shouted.

Dale grin grew larger. Cotton rolled his eyes.

Twilight ran towards the pony named Shining Armor and gave him a hug.

"Long time no see sis." Shining Armor said with a smile.

Shining Armor looked at Hank and his friends. "Are these your friends?"

Hank nodded. "Yup." He said. Cotton cringed. "Twilight told me about you."

Bill saluted. "Sargeant Bill Dauterive sir!"

Shining Armor chuckled and saluted.

Boomhauer shook Shining Armor's hoof. "Hey man good to goddang see ya man. You don't know me, likewise with me I tell you what, but this dang ol' Twi told me about you, yo. Canterlot Wedding, King Sombra, Equestria Games, man why in goddang ol' yo Twilight princess man dang ol' yo. Oh, and I'm Boomhauer, yo."

Shining Armor blinked. "I'm sorry. You lost me."

"Man, dang ol' listen man yo."

Shining Armor shrugged. "Well, nice to me you...Boomhauer."

Dale immediately shook Shining Armor's hand. "So good to meet you!-!"

Shining Armor chuckled.

He looked at Kahn. Kahn just rolled his eyes.

Shining Armor walked up to Cotton.

Cotton raised an eyebrow. "So you're a Royal Guard?"

Shining Armor nodded.

"You know Ke...I mean...Blue Fang?"

Shining Armor smiled. "He's one of the best Royal Guards and a personal friend of mine."

"He's my uncle." Mark said with a smile.

Shining Armor raised an eyebrow. "I didn't know that."

Cotton chuckled. "Well now ya do."

"Come on Twily." Shining Armor said. "Cadance wants to see you and your friends."

---

The guys dropped their jaws when they saw the palace.

Cotton just muttered. "Meh."

"Twilight!" A voice shouted.

Both Dale and Twilight smiled.

"Cadance!' Twilight shouted.

She ran to Cadance and began a small dance.

"Sunshine, sunshine, ladybugs awake! Clap your hooves and do a little shake!"

Cotton just slammed his hoof on his forehead.

"So good to see you." Cadance said as she hugged Twilight.

She looked at the guys. "Are they your friends?"

Twilight nodded.

Cadance walked up to Shining Armor.

"You think they're..." She whispered.

"Wouldn't doubt it." He whispered back.

"Um...Twilight? Can I talk to your friends privately please?" Cadance asked Twilight.

Twilight nodded. "Sure thing. Come on girls. Let's go she what the Crystal Ponies are selling."

As the Mane 6 left, it was just the guys, Cotton, Mark, Ben, Shining Armor, and Princess Cadance.

"You're from Earth, aren't you?" Shining Armor asked.

The guys gasped and had shocked faces.

"How did ya?" Cotton asked.

Cadance giggled. "You're not the only ones. You can come out now!"

Everypony turned around and saw 6 Crystal Ponies, all of them were unicorns.

One was red with a brown mane and tail. He had a shopping cart Cutie Mark.

The other was orange with a dark brown mane and tail. He had a trumpet Cutie Mark. He also had a small beard and was holding a trumpet.

The oldest of the six was dark green with a white mane and tail. He had a bayonet Cutie Mark.

One of them, who looked relaxed, was light green with a grey mane and tail. He had an apple Cutie Mark.

One of them, who had a long brown beard, was black with a brown mane and tail. He had a guitar Cutie Mark and was holding a guitar.

Finally, the last one, who looked Japanese, was brown with a black mane and tail. He had a wrench Cutie Mark.

The red unicorn waved. "Hey."

Hank gasped. "BUCKLEY!-?"

The orange unicorn waved his trumpet in the air. "What about me?"

It didn't take Dale a while to figure out who it was. "CHUCK MANGIONE?-!"

The old dark green unicorn saluted. "At ease!"

"TOPSY?-!" Cotton shouted.

The light green unicorn waved. "Hey Hank." He said in a relaxed voice.

"APPLESEED?-!" Hank shouted.

"Hey there Hank!" The black bearded unicorn said.

"DUSTY?-!" Kahn shouted with a smile.

Finally, the brown Japanese unicorn walked to Hank and and bowed his head.

"It's been a while...brother."

"JUNICHIRO?-!-?-!" Hank and Cotton shouted at the same time.

Junichiro smiled. "So good to see you father."

Cotton stared at him before letting out a giant smile. "WHO-WEE! So good to see you Junty-Joe!"

Junichiro glared at Cotton.

Cotton smiled. "Just kidding...Junichiro."

Hank turned to Cadance. "You know them?"

She nodded. "Before your world ended, Topsy and Buckley came to Equestria as Crystal Ponies, since they both died before the end of your world. Eventually, Chuck, Appleseed, Dusty, and Junichiro came to this world. They told us about 'Earth' and we accepted them and let them stay in the Crystal Empire. Me and my husband, Shining Armor, knew that you were from Earth, since all of you act differently."

"Like him." Shining Armor said as he pointed at Boomhauer.

Boomhauer shook his head. "Hey man yo, it's how I talk, I tell you what. I don't judge you, man."

"We're also aware of...'bronies.'" Shining Armor said with an amused smile.

Junichiro, Dusty, Topsy, and Chuck stared at Buckley and Appleseed.

Buckley shrugged. "What? I like that show."

Appleseed nodded. "It's a good, relaxing show."

Dale came up to Buckley and Appleseed and gave them both a "brohoof."

Cotton sighed. "So ya know who we are? Oh great."

"Does Twilight or her friends know?" Shining Armor asked.

Hank and his friends (and Kahn) shook their heads.

"Nope." Mark said.

"Zecora knows." Ben said.

Everypony looked at Ben.

"You told her?" Mark asked Ben.

"She knew. My body looked unusual and she noticed how I acted more like a human than a horse."

"I always wanted to ask." Dale asked. "What's with your body?"

Ben shrugged. "I asked God to make me 'look cool.' In my opinion, I think this is good enough."

Everypony dropped their jaws in disbelief.

"What? Cotton has blood red eyes." Ben said.

Cotton nodded. "He has a good point."

"So what now?" Hank asked.

"Can we stay over?" Dale asked.

"Sure thing." Cadance said with a smile. "We'll show you to your rooms."

"Oh and in my opinion, I think Twilight and her friends should know where you guys really are from." Shining Armor told the guys.

Cotton chuckled. "Good one Shiny."

As the guys left, it was just the six Crystal Ponies.

"So what do you think, now that more Hills live in Equestria?" Dusty asked Junichiro as he nudged his shoulder.

"Pretty good. Though Hank and I have some things in common, I respect my father, and I enjoy having Bobby around." Junichiro replied.

"And me?" Dusty asked Junichiro.

"Never heard of this ZZ Top." Junichiro said with an evil smile.

Dusty stammered. "What about this?-!" He said as he took out his guitar and started playing "Tush."

"Please stop." Junichiro muttered as he covered his ears with his hooves.

Topsy shook his head. "Ya young'uns should be ashamed of yerself. Youse would never make it in the army." He said. "Especially...YOU!" He said as he pointed to Buckley.

"What?" Buckley said as he shrugged. "Is this because of that Mega-Lo-Mart explosion? Hank distracted me!"

"I was almost killed!" Chuck shouted.

"Well it's not my fault you lived in that store anyway!" Buckley shouted.

Eventually, Topsy, Chuck, and Buckley started fighting. Dusty and Junichiro soon argued about Rock n' Roll.

Appleseed just stood there. "You guys should, like, relax or something."

---

Nighttime

Cotton chuckled as he laid down in his bed.

"Tell them that I'm human...like that'll ever happe-"

He was interrupted by a mare screaming in horror.

He got out of bed and went outside.

He noticed Shining Armor, Princess Cadance, Hank and his friends, Mark, Ben, and the six Crystal unicorns.

To their horror, they saw green zombie-like creatures walking in the streets.

To the guys surprise, they not only looked human, but they also looked Japanese.

"Wait a minute..." Cotton said with narrow eyes.

He carefully walked up to one creature.

"I KNOW YA! I KILLED YA!-!"

Twilight blinked. "Killed him?"

Cotton ran to one who had a big hole in his stomach.

"I BAZOOKA'D YA!-!"

Applejack looked confused. "Bazooka?"

Cotton saw one creature with bandages wrapped around his chest.

"YA! I SHOT YA THRU THE HEART!-!"

"The heart?" Pinkie said in a scared tone.

Cotton noticed a creature with multiple knife wounds.

"I GUTTED YA TIL I GOT BORED!-!"

"Gutted?" Rainbow Dash stammered.

Cotton saw a creature with burnt skin.

"I TORCHED YA TIL MY FLAMETHROWER RAN OUT OF FUEL!-!"

"Torched?" Rarity said with a scared look.

Cotton saw another creature with missing teeth.

"YOU! GOT YER TEETH IN A JAR BACK ON EARTH!-!"

Fluttershy cringed. "Teeth?-!"

Twilight raised an eyebrow. "Earth?"

"YOU! YER ALL...!-!-!" Cotton said as he backed away from the creatures.

He turned to Shining Armor. "HOW MANY ARE THERE?-!-?-!"

Shining Armor gulped. "The townspeople think there are...50 of them."

Cotton lowered his ears.

"Crap."

Author's Note:

I am aware that the show was aired in 2010 and KOTH got cancelled before that. This is my story, mmkay?

Comments

[Linkonpark100]

Yes. Crap indeed. XD

[Lag Incarnate]

FIDDY MEN! DIS GON B GUD!

[Procrastinating Sidewalk]

Fiddy men!