I Killed Fiddy Men, Not Ponies

by LtMajorDude

Return of a Bandit

Author's Note:

So so so sorry for the long wait. School's a bitch. To be honest, I think I rushed this chapter a bit.

It's been two days since Cotton tortured the Mane 6.

Thankfully, for Mark, Twilight didn't ask him why he took the book in the first place.

Boomhauer was recovering from his wounds from the stallions who beat up Boomhauer.

Cotton avoided the Mane 6 for a while before things cooled down.

---

Bobby sighed as he took a walk around town.

"This place is great and all, but I'd love it if something interesting happening." He said. "I wonder what Pinkie's doing?"

He walked over to the Sugar Cube Corner when he suddenly heard a noise.

"Huh." He said to himself. "Sounds like it's from that dumpster next to that bakery place."

He walked over there and heard some rumbling.

"OK..." Bobby said as he stared at the dumpster.

"Wait. Why am I staring at a dumpster?"

Bobby shook his head and turned around.

Just then, he heard a noise in the dumpster.

"Huh." Bobby said. "Just a raccoon."

He turned around and saw a raccoon.

The raccoon started sniffing Bobby and then stared at him.

Bobby smiled and patted the raccoon's head.

"Hey there little fella." He said. "Huh. You look familiar."

He put a hoof on his chin. He dropped his jaw when he realized who this raccoon really was.

"Bandit?"

---

The next day

Sweet Apple Acres

Hank, Dale, Bill, Boomhauer, and Ben were standing near a fence, drinking beer.

"This is nice." Ben said with a smile.

"You think Big Macintosh would like beer?" Dale asked. "I'm not sure. Man, I seen Fluttershy become a vampire but I've never seen Big Mac get drunk."

"Hey y'all." A glum Applejack said.

The guys turned to Applejack, who wasn't wearing her hat.

"Where's your hat, Miss Applejack?" Ben asked.

Applejack couldn't help but let out a smile. "Please. Ya don't have to call me Miss." She said as her frown returned. "Anyway, it's Cotton."

Ben nodded. "Ah yes. I heard about that." He turned to Hank. "Is your dad always like this?"

Hank sighed. "You don't know."

"Speak of the dang ol' devil man." Boomhauer said as his friends saw Cotton and Bobby walking by.

"Morning gentlemen." Cotton greeted "Hey Apples."

Applejack just rolled her eyes.

"Ah don't worry about it." Cotton said with a small smile. "You'll get used to not wearing a hat. Ask Four-Eyes there. He was got a hat from a woman who turned out to be a hooker. Be lucky that I didn't burn yer hat like I did with Little Miss New York."

Applejack and Hank gritted their teeth.

"Stop calling me that dad." Hank muttered.

Bill smiled as he reached for his cooler. "Alright. Who wants a cold-AHHHH!-!-!-!"

Bill screamed as he saw a raccoon inside the cooler. He fell down to the ground.

Everypony had shocked faces and backed up a bit when they saw the rodent.

"BANDIT!" Bobby shouted.

Hank was about to throw his beer can at the raccoon but then stopped himself from doing that. He would never thrown out beer. Even for a grass fire.

"Get outta here, you furry bastard!" Hank shouted as he threw some small rocks at the raccoon.

The raccoon dodged the rocks and ran up to Dale, biting him in the leg.

Dale screamed as the raccoon ran to the forest.

Bobby bit his lip. "Oh. So that's where Bandit was."

Hank blinked. "Bandit? You mean that raccoon of yours back on earth?"

Dale widen his eyes. "Bandit...that name...Of course! That raccoon with..."

Dale twitched. "R...a...b...i...e...s..."

Hank bit his lip. "Oh God. Not this again..."

"YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE!-!-!"

Dale immediately ran to the Everfree Forest.

Applejack was shocked. "What the hay was that about?-!"

Hank sighed. "Dale thinks he has rabies. One time, when he thought he had them, he became paranoid from the rabies shots."

Cotton looked at the Everfree Forest.

"Man. This story's taking place more in that forest." Cotton muttered to himself.

Ben sighed. "So we have to find Mr. Gribble, huh?"

Hank sighed. "I guess so. Four of us has to go there."

He glared at Bill and Boomhauer. "And you can't come because last time we searched for Dale, you were at the GODDAMN WATERHOLE."

Bill and Boomhauer smiled nervously.

Bobby let out a scared face. "Don't tell me you're gonna...kill Bandit...?"

Hank just stared at Bobby. "We're just gonna find Gribble. That's all."

Ben walked up. "I'll volunteer. But I won't kill the raccoon."

Cotton sighed. "I guess I could help too. Maybe Mark would like to help too."

---

Eventually, Hank, Cotton, Mark, and Ben all stood in front of the Everfree Forest. They had backpacks on them, which were filled with supplies. Ben brought his pole just in case.

The Mane Six, Bill, Dale, Boomhauer, and Bobby stood next to them.

"Please make sure you don't hurt Dale." Rainbow Dash said.

"Or Bandit." Bobby and Fluttershy added.

Hank sighed. "I'll do my best not to kill Bandit. I'm more concerned about Dale."

"Reminds me of old times, huh Cotton?" Mark said with a smile.

Cotton smirked. "You may have killed those Tojos like it was nothing, but it's nothing compared to me."

Ben chuckled. "I finally get to see Mark in combat."

"Alright." Hank said. "Let's go find Dale."

Hank, Cotton, Mark, and Ben walked in the heart of the forest.

Cotton gritted his teeth. "Things are gonna get really awkward if Mark's 'friends' show up." He said to himself.

"I wonder if I'll meet Hunter again..." Mark said to himself.

"Let's split up." Hank suggested. "Dad, you come with me."

Everypony nodded. Hank and Cotton walked away.

Now, it was just Ben and Mark.

As they walked, Mark coughed lighty.

"So..." Mark said, wanting to start a conversation. "You have a sister, right?"

Ben nodded. "Yeah. Her name's Melia Long. Sweet thing. Ever since my parents got divorced, I always took care of her. And then Dylan Sawyer came to the picture."

Mark raised an eyebrow. "Her boyfriend?"

"Her husband. I met him and, in my opinion, I think she could do better. Nevertheless, if she's happy, then I'm happy. And being around Dylan is making her happy."

"So, what's it like being an uncle, now that your sister has a child?"

"It feels...good." Ben replied as he put out a prideful smile.

Mark smiled. "You had someone to love. Unlike me..."

Ben frowned. "What do you mean?"

Mark sighed. "I dunno if you wanna hear it..."

Ben put a hoof on Mark's shoulder. "I've heard worse." He said with a smile smile.

Mark let out a small smile. As his smile faded away, he explained about his friends and what happened in the past.

Ben's eyes widen, but he smiled and patted Mark's back.

"Don't worry. I'm sure they forgive you."

Mark let out a relieved smile and hugged Ben. "Thanks Ben."

Ben smirked as he hugged back Mark. "No problem. By the way, you like Luna, do you?"

Mark widen his eyes and took a big step away from Ben.

"How the hell did you...?-!"

Ben laughed. "I have my ways Mark. Besides, Twilight told me about that time you stole that book and Cotton told me about you and Luna."

"BORROW." Mark said with a frown. "Not stole."

Ben shook his head.

All of a sudden, they both heard a jungle cry.

---

Hank and Cotton widen their eyes.

"Gribble." They said at the same time.

They ran to the source of the cry and found all these messages written on the trees.

GO BACK

TURN BACK

NO HOPE

GOVERNMENT WILL KILL YOU

DAMN DIAMOND TIARA AND SILVER SPOON

EAT ME SURI POLOMARE

ROCK ON COCO POMMEL

CHEESE SANDWICH IS BEST PONY

DISCORD IS BEST VILLIAN

KKMAN57 FOREVER

RARITY AND RAINBOW DASH RULES

WHAT ARE THE KEYS FOR THAT BOX?-!

WOW. SO MUCH SUSPENSE. MUCH DANGER. (SORRY. COULD NOT RESIST)

"What the..." Cotton said with a raised eyebrow.

All of a sudden, Dale kicked Cotton in the head, knocking him out.

Dale let out a roar as Hank had a shocked face.

---

Cotton then woke up.

He noticed that he and Hank are all tied up to a tree.

Dale was pointing a sharpened staff at Hank.

"Remember on earth, how I wanted to take your blood and combined it with mine in order to obtain your propane skills? Oh hey...Cotton's awake." Dale said with a disturbed smile.

Dale was covered in mud and dirt. He had scratches over his body.

"Don't worry Dad!" Hank shouted. "Mark and Ben will find us!"

Dale smirked and walked over to a tent.

He dragged Mark's and Ben's unconscious bodies and laid them next to Hank.

"We're screwed, aren't we?" Cotton said with a completely blank face.

Dale took out an electric hand mixer.

He then turned it on and shoved it in Cotton's mane.

Cotton gritted his teeth as he tried to control the pain.

After a few minutes, Dale decided to use other things, such as chocolate cake mix, a vacuum cleaner, 20 cupcakes, 20 muffins, and a scepter.

Eventually, fifteen minutes passed by.

"Well. That was fun." Dale said with a smile.

"Ya are gonna regret the day youse were born Gribble." Cotton whispered.

"Oh and by the way." Dale said with a grin. "You girls can come out now."

Cotton dropped his jaw as the Mane 6 appeared. All of them had smirks on their faces.

Mark and Ben started laughing as Hank was being untied by Bill and Boomhauer.

"What the hell...?" Cotton said with raised eyebrows.

Rainbow Dash smirked. "That's for my Daring Do books.

"And my dress." Rarity added.

"And my hat, Big Mac's doll, and Bloom's bow." Applejack added.

"And for Angel." Fluttershy added.

"And for goddang being a dang ol' bad cop. Whatcha gonna do when they come for ya." Boomhauer muttered.

Cotton stared at Boomhauer. "Hey, next time, keep your wee-wee away from the ladies, OK?"

Boomhauer just walked over and kicked Cotton in the shins.

Mark and Ben started to untie Cotton.

"Sorry Cotton." Mark said. "Couldn't resist."

Cotton shook his head. "What about that raccoon thing?"

"You mean Bandit?" Bobby said as he appeared with Bandit on his back.

"You see." Twilight explained. "The girls wanted payback for what you did to them. So we got an idea. Bobby found this raccoon he used to had back on earth. It turns out he's also in Equestria. Fluttershy found out that Bandit doesn't have rabies. Dale and Hank also told us about that rabies incident. So we decided to recreate that and end up torturing YOU."

Cotton just dropped his jaw. "They gots me." He thought to himself. "Well...I guess I deserves it."

Cotton chuckled for a bit. "Touché girls. Touché everypony.

---

As everypony laughed, two ponies hidden in the shadows of the trees blinked.

"Wow." An adult stallion muttered.

"That was unexpected." A young colt said with a smile.

The adult stallion smirked and shook his head. "Come on. We should tell Hunter about this."

The colt nodded. "Good idea."

The ponies soon disappeared.

Comments

[LtMajorDude]

Tee hee. 69 likes

[Lag Incarnate]

I'm... not sure what to think about this chapter.

[Procrastinating Sidewalk]

BANDIT'S BACK!

[LtMajorDude]

3834536
Amen brother.