Looks like this is a side of cadence that twilight could have gone without seeing.

Tentative fave. D/S isn't really my thing, and i may stop reading in the future, but the concept itself is interesting.

This... this is just silly. Like, really silly.

"Twilight, we are going to teach you how to be a princess!"
"Oh, yay!"
"Yes! We are going to put you through a process that will teach you everything you need to know to lead a populace and be a wise leader."
"Oh, this is so exciting! How?"
"By abducting you in the middle of the night, restraining you, and forcing you to perform sexual acts against your will under threat of violence and removal of your title that is the culmination of your life's work so that we can completely break you down and make you a willing sex slave."
"... um... why?"
"To teach you how to rule, of course! After all, forced sexual acts translate directly into one's ability to provide keen insight and wisdom."
"..."
"What?"
"Check, please!"

Look, I get it. I get that this is just fetish fuel, and that's fine! For real, I am totally cool with people writing things that play into whatever their kinks are, but that's not an excuse for poor story-telling and blatant mischaracterization. I don't comment on stories I don't like except when I see things that are ridiculous, contrived, or just plain stupid... and this is kind of all three. If you want to write fetish fuel, by all means, do so, but again, "it's just clop" is not an excuse.

Don't misunderstand me, this is decently, dare I say well written. Grammar seems sharp, and your dialogue sounds natural. It's apparent you put a good amount of work into this. The issue is that the scenario makes no sense, for the characters AND for the world. Celestia wouldn't do this! She's like a mother to Twilight, she would not put her through this without consent. The very idea of sexual subjugation, even temporarily, in any way translating into ability to rule is beyond silly. I can think of a thousand different scenarios that would allow for the exact same actions that are to come and do not revolve around, "Have kinky lesbian sex with us, or you lose your crown."

Look, I'M a leader, so trust me when I say that I get it. Knowing when and how to shut up and follow IS a vital part of being a leader, but this... gah, it's just ... SILLY! Unless this ends with some kind of "Oh, we were just kidding, you were never in danger of losing your title." But even THAT would be pushing it. I don't care how badly Twilight may secretly love/lust after Celestia/Luna/Cadance, I d can not see her going along with this. And Celestia/Luna/Cadance would never be THAT cruel.

I apologize for being blunt, but I am a Drill Sergeant; it's kind of my job to be an asshole.

3159889 actually really do like this comment, so first off, thank you. Maybe I should have tagged it more as alternative universe, as it's not directly within the "canon" world. Consent is a huge part of the D/s scene but I think the trust that's already established is what fuels it. Also as for fetish fuel, in the M/s scene, the Master is just as dependent on the slave as the slave is on the Master. D/s isn't necessarily my field, but that will be a reoccurring theme later; that it's not necessarily rape, but trust building in the sense of being broken down and rebuilt stronger than before. I guess I should include that a little more clearly, eh?

Thanks. Keep kicking my butt by all means. That's not meant to be sarcasm either, all writers need someone to keep them in line C;

3159927 That is actually something I feel I skipped on or played on too lightly since I got uh, ahead of myself. A writer's job is never done! C:

3159930
Very true. In the M/S, the slave is the one holding the true power, because all they have to say is "stop"... or, "banana" in this case, I guess. (by the by, I lol'd at that. )

And therein lies the problem: what exactly is Twilight being taught here? How is this supposed to teach her to be a better leader? Being broken down and built back stronger is, in the most literal sense of the term, what I do. I know that you have to break someone's sense of self to make them a better soldier, but trying to coach it in terms of sex is, well... silly! Again, there are dozens of different scenarios and things that could lead to the sexiness that will follow. I really think you need to rethink this whole "Required part of being a Princess" aspect. Honestly, that is what is breaking everything down for me. It's not the actions, per se... well, no, it kind of is, as I still can't see these characters acting this way. Not the whole BSDM thing, but abducting her against her will with no prior knowledge, while at the same time leaving her friends in the dark. I halfway expect a scene where Shining Armor, Spike, and the girls break down the door mid-coitus because they think their sister/friend is being raped. I can't see any explanation that would codify them in this situation, especially Shining, RD, AJ, and Spike. But if you add an AU tag... eh, I guess. It's making it some contrived kind of requirement that tips it over into being, well... do I need to say it again?

Also, thank you SO much for being rational. You have NO idea how many times I have done something like this only to be flooded with hate mail and downvotes for stating my opinion.

faved

3159968 I couldn't help myself after seeing that, "I'm a banana" video with Celestia's face on it. Guilty reference? Check.

Thinking back over it, the "Princess Training" was meant to be something like...some secret underground organization deeply rooted in tradition that, at one point, made sense and now everyone carries on ridiculous tradition for the sake of tradition. Twilight could be the one to break the tradition; she may crumble under its weight. Again, something I didn't explain well in the beginning because I had gotten ah, ahead of myself (I'm an erotica writer by trade, so three guesses as to why I got ahead of myself, haha). Chapter two might have been released a bit too early, but with my usual writing pacing, this chapter wouldn't have been available for release for fifty years if I had kept refining and refining...but I guess there's something to be said about rushing :P

Also, was that last word you were think of, "Fetish fuel"? I rather like that phrase.

3159988

Hmm... You know, my big issue stems from the way these things usually end, with the subject becoming some kind of newborn fetishist, suddenly e snored with the process because, of course, they secretly always wanted it.

But, if Twilight ends up no being able to take it... Cracks under the pressure, ends up admitting that she can't do it, breaks out into tears, screams the safe word under the weight of being so thoroughly destroyed and broken, begs to be let out and stripped of her title and wings because she failed and is now certain that she can't be a true leader.

OR! She gets mad. Under the last step, when "Queen" Celestia is humiliating her, defiling her, constantly insulting and demeaning her, demanding her to do... Something. Some kind of humiliating thing to show she truly submits, she snaps. "Get you filthy I king hooves off of me! I will NOT submit! You can beat me, hurt me, rape me, I don't care! I will NOT back down, and if that's what it takes to be a princess, then you take these wings and shove hen up your fat ass, TIA!"

Then, Celestia smiles. The chains fall off. "Now, my faithful... no, your highness, NOW you are ready to ear the weight of rule. You know that before all else, you must be stronger for your subjects."

THAT would make this not just fetish fuel, but an extremely interesting character study.

Holy Hell this is interesting! BTW, you OC is fantastic! What do you use?

3160179 Thanks! I actually used the standard Pony Generator. v3 came out recently, someone posted a link in a local brony group I'm a part of and I went crazy with it C: I couldn't figure out how to add a cutie mark like the one I'd used before so I dropped her in Photoshop and added it myself, lol.
http://generalzoi.deviantart.com/art/Pony-Creator-v3-397808116

3160217 No kidding! Thanks!

3159889 I agree with everything said here except "like a mother to her".

Fuck sake, some times I just wished this story was full-on (That being complete.) so I could just row-read it, put it away in my trashcan and never open it again.

3159889

This is why I can't read beyond the first chapter and downvoted, although it isn't silly, it's disturbing (to me). Kidnapping, drugging, and eventual rape by a quasi-mother figure and her actual sister-in-law.

interesting, lets see where the story goes.

3160685

Well, let's be fair, it's not really rape. The author changed it a bit to make the consent part more clear.

I still have the issues listed, but the rapey bit is gone.

3160770

I'll take your word for it. I read the first chapter earlier this morning (I'm assuming prior to any revision)

Having said that, I chose not to say anything then because I couldn't put my finger on why exactly this fic creeped me out when so many others I've read like this didn't. Then I read your comment and a light bulb went off.

Still, I find kidnapping and drugging by what amounts to family a little too dark for my tastes, not to mention the other reasons you listed

3160685
Then I would suggest steering clear of stories with the "Dark" tag

3161028

Therein lies my problem: I used to avoid Dark tags like the plague. Then, on a whim, I decided to read one and it was REALLY good. Soon after, I read more. Not all of them were to my liking, but enough of them were amazing enough that avoiding the Dark tag would cause me to miss out on a lot of quality fiction. To borrow from Confucius - it's like using a cannon to kill a fly.

Instead I'm left reading fics until they cross a line with me that I don't even realize is there until it's been crossed

Queen Celestia has trained me to use banana

I see what you did there...

3160056
Interesting thoughts.

Your first scenario does sound like something she might do. The second one, not so much, I think.
Following the first thought: even if Twilight "successfully" manages her Princess Training, there's still the (likely) possibility that she'll be emotionally hurt- in a way that makes it impossible for her to look at the other three Princesses the same way ever again; because she feels she can no longer trust them. I think seeing Twilight afraid of her could be devastating to Celestia, even if it's only manifested in "little" things: like being uncomfortable when alone with her and the other princesses, and turning emotionally distant in her letters. That could be the thing showing her this training just might've run its course, and should be abolished.

I honestly have to say that the only reason I am tracking this is to see how far Twilight will allow this. Everything that has been said above coincides well with my idea of this but nonetheless it is an interesting story if only for the paths that can be taken. I will follow this for now due to my interest in Twiabuse stories but this could easily take it too far.

Time will only tell.

Also, everytime I see the title of this fic in the featured box, I hear this:

When I read "we do it out of love,"
thejerseycritic.files.wordpress.com/2012/05/samuel-l-jackson-nick-fury.jpg
I kinda think you mean the other thing.

This is just my possibly-insane thought process, and I understand its likelihood is all but nonexistent, but I'd like to see Twilight, having had two of her most trusting relationships (Cadence and Celestia) absolutely shredded, becomes psychotically desperate and throws herself off a castle ledge or something. Then the other Princesses have to explain how another Princess confirmed to be in Ponyville only days before managed to commit suicide in Canterlot, at the Royal Palace, and in full bondage gear.

Concluding, I'd like to warn you about an incoming potential plot hole: Twilight has simply disappeared from Ponyville. She didn't even say goodbye to Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie or Applejack, and Spike didn't really get one either. If they start wondering where she's gone, or why she just up and vanished. Celestia will be the first one they come to. And if they see Twilight in bondage gear...

Have fun!

I wasn't quite feeling the dialogue, somehow. First chapter dropped hooks left and right, but there's a hint of infodumping here. Possibly unavoidable, considering that this seems to be a story intended to Introduce Readers To New Concepts (so to speak ), but still, it feels . . . off.

Oh, and when I came to

banana

I was pulled promptly out of the story because Banana Is A Goofy Word. I know that safewords need to be unlikely-use-words, but understated comedy doesn't seem to be your goal. I'd suggest, well, something else. Not a goofy food, not even a food. The color system's always seemed less hilarious to me, but I'm presuming you've heard of it before, and perhaps rejected that option for other reasons (like no stoplights), but nothing says there couldn't be something else. (I make no suggestions here because I'm shit at coming up with safewords.)

Other than that, it sounds like it's going to be an interesting ride.

Okay, this comes off as basically a thinly veiled attempt to gain dominance over the new princess while simultaneously satisfying massive amounts of perversion.
I mean, if they really believed that princesses had to understand servitude, they would do it in a way much less likely to psychologically damage her. They also wouldn't be the ones doing it and might even be participating alongside her to make her understand that they actually mean what they say as opposed to being hypocrites.
Not to mention Cadence is cheating on her husband. And I doubt he knows about this because he would never approve.

Pretty much the only two ways in which this makes sense are if it is a thinly veiled attempt for sex, or if it is a desperate attempt for the other princesses to gain a partner that won't die of old age on them or shield Twilight from such a fate.

To say this is going in an interesting way would be rather kind. I applaud your use of Queen Celestia. To put her into the position she should have after 2000 + years of ruling over the land.

Now onto the actual story. The first chapter was shorter than I had thought it would be and for a moment that left me rather disappointed. But I decided to read on and see what awaits me. It was worth it. I can imagine that Cadence will do a lot of tests of love and such. I've got my own thoughts for Luna as well, but I'll keep my lips sealed. Queen Celestia could do anything and I'm actually afraid of that.

I wish you the best of luck and hope you continue this.

No. Just no. This is My Little Pony, not Fifty Shades of Grey.

Ba-banana, the safety word, if fucking "banana".

The pink princess of love wore four leather boots that stretched from the bottom of her hooves almost to her body. Glimmering silver horseshoes tipped the bottom of the boots, raising her height up. Her body had no leather wrapped around it, except for at the neck, where a leather collar prominently stood out, a metal ring dangling from the front.

Ha! They murdered a poor cow to make BDSM clothes.

“When I say hush, you will do just that,” Cadence her cut off, her voice as cold as Celestia's had been.

I am sure you meant cut her off.
The premise of this story intrigues me, I say this because we are two chapters in and the main part of this story has not yet started. However, the longer you draw it out, the more satisfying the finish is. ...If you know what I mean. This story combines BDSM, best pony (Twilight), and four way princest. (Twilight is related to them all by marriage.) It is always fun to see a bound, submissive Twilight. Sexy submissive slave Twily is best Twily. I shall up vote and favorite to see how my little Twily progresses in her princess training. Anyway, as Winston Churchill said, "KBO."

3161823 The safe word should have been "Heteronym."

3162693

I know you're kidding, but it'd have been better. No offense to people who use 'banana' as a safeword, or to banana growers, or banana-suit-wearing-people, or . . . bananas themselves, I guess?

Argh... Fking cliffhanger
Please continue
Can't wait to see what, ahem, discipline Twilight would receive

banana

Strangest safety word I've ever seen.

The safety word should have been pineapples.

3162255 Oi, would you rather read a red/black alicorn OC's stories? This story has PLOT images.wikia.com/elderscrolls/images/1/11/If_you_know_what_I_mean_.png

Hum, I'm going to follow this to see how things play out. It doesn't hurt that the writing is good.

I don't really like the fact that Twilight was coerced into giving consent without full knowledge of what she is getting into. You talk about how trust and consent are important parts of real life BDSM relationships; they are the most important things and often the things ignored or just plain wrong in fiction. She has said she would give this a go but in my view she has not given consent because she was not informed of what she would be doing.
Cadence has a good bit of built up trust from her foal sitter days and Celestia has a lot from being Twilight's teacher/mentor/idol for so long but it still rubs me the wrong way that Twi was given the ultimatum of "Tell me right now that you will go along with everything that happens to you in this room without complaint and without having any idea what it will be or you will never be allowed to advance any further as a princess." The part that really irks me though is that Cadence then goes and tells her a bit more after forceing this pusdo-consent from Twilight. If she had given some more ifnormation as to what was going to be going on before getting the OK it wouldn't be so bad but it's more like a "OK, now that you've said OK to it this is what you have agreed to do" and not "OK, here is a light nebulous description of what we may or may not being doing to you and why and it will help in the long run so do you want to give it a try?" At least she's given a safeword! If that hadn't happened I'd be really tiffed about this whole thing.
This really comes off more as Cadence wanting to just have naughty BDSM sex with her little sister figure and not teach her that to rule one must understand what it means to serve. Wording choice and order is very important and is hard to pull off right.

I don't have a problem with the kidnapping and the drugging. It's a bit odd but really does set the stage for it all and shows Twilight that maybe things aren't as clear cut as she thought they were. Those two acts are very drastic in and of them selves but can be overcome. As for her friends they already know she was going to be leaving early since Rarity speared the word around (and you know she did). Spike is a bit sticker, but I'm sure Celestia left a note or something for him to ease his fears a bit.

Moving past story structure and presentation I noticed two things.

The riding crop rose again

Again? It was never mentioned before this time. It's mentioned many times after but this is the first time it comes up in the narrative.

“Don't fret, my dear Princess. I had to go through the same exact training. Mistress Luna is much more demanding than I am. As your introduction to Princess Training, I should be much easier.”

Wouldn't Luna have been on/in the moon when Cadence became a princess? This makes it sound like Luna was there for her training and not something demonstrated afterward. This taking place in an AU could compensate for that but the whole Nightmare Moon thing was a very big plot point.

Keep up the good work, I'm waiting to see how this goes.

Now I should get back to my own story... . <_< >_> -_-&

3162255 If you say so. I guess the author should stop writing and deprive over 200 people's enjoyment.

Huge writing upgrade in this chapter and the plot is just fantastic. I'm all aboard now. Let's see where this goes...

Enjoying this so far, but I have a minor nitpick:

The riding crop rose again, nudging under Twilight's chin, forcing her head up.

I drove myself nuts trying to find where the crop was mentioned before this. I finally ran a Control-F search and found that this was the first time it showed up. Might want to tweak the text a little...

seriously why do I like this so much

I'll understand if this is overwhelming at first so I'm offering you a...safety word, if you will. Queen Celestia has trained me to use banana, so that is the word I'm giving you.

It's always banana...

4865729
Nah, I heard cucumber before in...another fanfic