Her Brown Stetson

by Disc Jockey Draco

The Beginning

It was like any other late summer day in Sweet Apple Acres; you could hear the rustling of leaves from small gusts, and blades of deep green grass rippled with the breeze. One could say you could smell the soft, sweet fragrance of apples drifting the open air. The serenity was interrupted with a slight "Thump!" "Thump!" of applebucking coming from deep within the south fields of the orchard. Applejack reached up and took hold of her brown Stetson cowboy hat and wiped away the sweat from her brow.

"We sure have had a lot of memories haven't we?" Applejack said, staring at the hat.

"Who ya talkin to sis?" Applebloom asked her sister, obviously startling her.

"Wha? Oh it's just you Applebloom; I was just recalling old memories." Applejack said as she fixed her hat into place.

"Well Granny Smith and Big Mac wanted to see ya."

"Tell em' that I'll be up there in a lil' while, I just have to finish up with a few more trees." Applejack said as her younger sister trotted towards the barn.

After Applejack finished up in the field she picked up a full basket of apples and hoisted them onto her back, then headed off to the barn to see what Granny Smith and Big Mac needed to see her about. As she walked she began to think about her past and all the things she's been through, like the time where she ran off to Manehatten to become a city pony, only to return home. And the time her and her friends braved the Everfree Forest and saved Equestria from Nightmare moon. One thing that she refused to remember is that eventful night where she lost the ones who cared for and loved her. After she snapped back to reality it was beginning to grow dark and she hurried to the barn.

"Well there ya are youngin', we were beginnin' to wonder if ya had forgot, ya know ya shouldn't work so hard."

"Aw shucks, sorry Granny Ah' got a little sidetracked on my way here. Applebloom said you an' Big Mac wanted to talk to me about somthin'?"

"Dang nabbit, I'd forget my mane if it wasn't attached to my head. I'll remember in the mornin'. Now ya should hit the hay, big day tomorrow." And with that Applejack trudged up stairs, exhausted from a hard days work. She laid down in her bed and began to drift into slumber, but she couldn't help to think about the last night she ever saw her parents.
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"Where am Ah'? How'd Ah' get here?" Applejack asked as she looked at her surroundings.

"What in tarnation?" Applejack said to herself, noticing she was standing in a void of some kind.

"Hey! Anypony out there? Applejack asked, but there was no reply. The only thing she could hear was the sound of a slight wind blowing past her ears.

"Wind?" She thought to herself. "How can there be wind? There ain't anything around!" Just then the scenery around her began to change. At first the darkness changed to to a brilliant color of green and then slowly darkened. Next blues began to show, appearing above her. Browns and tans began working to their way into the scene beneath her feet.

"What the hay is goin' on here? Applejack uttered still confused at her current situation

Slowly, one by on, more colors appeared and took shape. Applejack marveled at all the hues that seemed to materialized right before her. Soon she began to see what the the colors were forming. She knew something was wrong, as if her instincts were yelling at her to get away, but she stayed and continued to watch what was unfolding. After everything settled down she took a deep breath and looked around.

"Hm, Where am Ah' now? Applejack questioned after seeing she was on the edge of a forest.

Applejack! Come back! A male voice called from behind.

Applejack turned to face the pony calling her name, but she could've never prepared for what she saw.

"No that just can't be possible! It just can't be!"

"Applejack where are you? Please Applejack!"The male voice called again.

"No! no! no! This isn't real! I have to get away from here!" And with that Applejack turned and ran into the forest as fast as she could.

After running for several minutes Applejack stopped to see where she was. She looked around for any sign of home, but when she found none she became worried. After wondering around for about an a hour Applejack found a cave and since it was late she decided to take shelter for the night and maybe just maybe she could sleep and not think about what she just saw.
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When she awoke she was not in a cave or in the forest for that matter, but still at home in her bed, which was now soaked with sweat.

"Oh thank Celestia, it was just a dream." Applejack said relieved, still shaken up from her nightmare.

Applejack climbed out of bed and slowly walked over to her mirror.

"Heh, I my mane looks like a rooster's flank. Applejack joked to herself as she reached for her brush.

"everythin' okay in here sis? Applebloom asked. I heard some bumpin' comin' from your room and got worried.

"Yeah Ah'm fine, no need to worry your pretty little head off.

On her way downstairs she could smell breakfast cooking. A few moments later Applejack arrived in the kitchen to see Big Mac cooking Some bacon and eggs on the stove.

"Mornin' Big Mac.

"Mornin." Big Mac said with his typical one word response.

"Is Granny outside on her rockin' chair?" Applejack asked.

"Eeyup." Big Mac replied, again with his one word response.

Applejack quickly ate her breakfast consisting of, one egg over easy, three strips of bacon, and a tall glass of cold Orange Juice. Afterwards she headed out the front door to go and speak with Granny about what happened the day before.

Author's Note:

This is my first fic/chapter. Hope you enjoyed it, more to come. Feedback and constructive criticism is appreciated. Thanks!

Comments

[StarDustGemini2000]

Very nice so far! I like it!

[Disc Jockey Draco]

3125723 Thanks for the feedback!

[Jphyper]

I have no idea where the downvotes came from. It's not bad. I do have some suggestions, though. First, remove the italics from the dialogue. It's unneeded and distracting. Second, reread this thing yourself. You have a lot of typos that a spellchecker won't notice. Third, Apple Bloom's name is two words, not one. A few punctuation errors, too, but those can wait. Don't want to overwhelm you with grammatical info. I'm not a certain purple unicorn, after all.

[Disc Jockey Draco]

3125784 Thank you, and when i write the next chapter I'll be sure to triple check my story.

[Flippityfloppity]

This wad good keeps me wonderin what's happining next so ill give a good thumbs up

[CanterlotGuardian]

yeah I agree with 3125784, the italics on the dialogue are not even necessary. the only time italics need to be used is internal dialogue, i.e. when a character is thinking to themselves. there were some minor grammatical errors that I saw, but nothing that majorly took away from it. all in all, it was good. I enjoyed it.

if you'd like me to, I could try and edit this for you.

[Disc Jockey Draco]

3155941 Thanks for the feedback. And If you would be so kind to do that that would be great!

[CanterlotGuardian]

3155957
alrighty then. PM me your email address so I can send the finished link to you when I'm done. which should be by the end of the day.

[Corvo]

I saw this being added to the group like 3 million times so I decided to look at it...because... I really don't have a reason.

Bro, ease up on those italics. It detracts the reader. -->"" these work just fine.

The story is fast paced. Like really fast. I'm going to assume this is your first fic, and give you some tips. First, write the part you like first.
The most exiting part is the part you'll write best, and so, if you write that first, you'll know how to build up to it. The story is about the plot and climax, BUT the build up HAS to be good, otherwise it will be a terrible story. Here's my second and most important tip. Write out your story, and once you've written it out, wait for something like three days, and read it again, out loud. As you read, you'll be thinking "Wow...did I really word it like that?" It happens to me all the time.

Also don't go overboard with the page breaks. I mean, this is just a nit-picky thing for me, so you can ignore this if you like, but you don't need to go insane with the hu-jazz solid line there.

You seem to do this thing where you indent some stuff and don't indent other stuff. You should pick: indent or no indent.

Capitalization, punctuation, and information. Remember to look at them. Basically edit your stuff. The most important thing, above all, is to follow your lore! Seriously. if you establish a cannon in the fic, STICK TO IT! (It sounds like common sense, but people ignore it.) I recommend Google Docs. It really simplifies things,

And one last thing. Go for longer chapters. 1,000 - 2,000 word chapters can be read in about two or three minutes. I recommend 3-4K word chapters. They're a bit longer, and take about five to ten minutes to read, depending on the complexity of the fic.

I like the idea, and if you pull this off right, then you'll be able to attract a decent audience

TL;DR: Essentially, the idea itself, though simple, is good. It has lots of potential. Just make sure you take care of basic stuff like spelling, sentence structure etc. I'mma drop a like on this, because this is defiantly readable, and fis pretty decent in terms of story. Oh yeah, re-read your previous chapter, before you start the next one. It'll help a lot.

Oh, and you are one of the only people I've seen who can pull off AJ's accent without butchering the writing to the point where I can't even read it.