• Member Since 2nd Apr, 2013
  • offline last seen Sep 18th, 2020

Disc Jockey Draco


T

This is the story of Applejack's heartbreaking tale about how she came to own one of her most recognizable features, her brown Stetson hat.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 9 )

Very nice so far! I like it! :ajsmug::eeyup:

I have no idea where the downvotes came from. It's not bad. I do have some suggestions, though. First, remove the italics from the dialogue. It's unneeded and distracting. Second, reread this thing yourself. You have a lot of typos that a spellchecker won't notice. Third, Apple Bloom's name is two words, not one. A few punctuation errors, too, but those can wait. Don't want to overwhelm you with grammatical info. I'm not a certain purple unicorn, after all. :twilightsmile:

3125784 Thank you, and when i write the next chapter I'll be sure to triple check my story. :twilightsmile:

This wad good keeps me wonderin what's happining next so ill give a good thumbs up

yeah I agree with 3125784, the italics on the dialogue are not even necessary. the only time italics need to be used is internal dialogue, i.e. when a character is thinking to themselves. there were some minor grammatical errors that I saw, but nothing that majorly took away from it. all in all, it was good. I enjoyed it.

if you'd like me to, I could try and edit this for you.

3155941 Thanks for the feedback. :scootangel: And If you would be so kind to do that that would be great! :pinkiehappy:

3155957
alrighty then. PM me your email address so I can send the finished link to you when I'm done. which should be by the end of the day.

I saw this being added to the group like 3 million times so I decided to look at it...because... I really don't have a reason.

Bro, ease up on those italics. It detracts the reader. -->"" these work just fine.

The story is fast paced. Like really fast. I'm going to assume this is your first fic, and give you some tips. First, write the part you like first.
The most exiting part is the part you'll write best, and so, if you write that first, you'll know how to build up to it. The story is about the plot and climax, BUT the build up HAS to be good, otherwise it will be a terrible story. Here's my second and most important tip. Write out your story, and once you've written it out, wait for something like three days, and read it again, out loud. As you read, you'll be thinking "Wow...did I really word it like that?" It happens to me all the time.

Also don't go overboard with the page breaks. I mean, this is just a nit-picky thing for me, so you can ignore this if you like, but you don't need to go insane with the hu-jazz solid line there.

You seem to do this thing where you indent some stuff and don't indent other stuff. You should pick: indent or no indent.

Capitalization, punctuation, and information. Remember to look at them. Basically edit your stuff. The most important thing, above all, is to follow your lore! Seriously. if you establish a cannon in the fic, STICK TO IT! (It sounds like common sense, but people ignore it.) I recommend Google Docs. It really simplifies things,

And one last thing. Go for longer chapters. 1,000 - 2,000 word chapters can be read in about two or three minutes. I recommend 3-4K word chapters. They're a bit longer, and take about five to ten minutes to read, depending on the complexity of the fic.

I like the idea, and if you pull this off right, then you'll be able to attract a decent audience

TL;DR: Essentially, the idea itself, though simple, is good. It has lots of potential. Just make sure you take care of basic stuff like spelling, sentence structure etc. I'mma drop a like on this, because this is defiantly readable, and fis pretty decent in terms of story. Oh yeah, re-read your previous chapter, before you start the next one. It'll help a lot.

Oh, and you are one of the only people I've seen who can pull off AJ's accent without butchering the writing to the point where I can't even read it.:twilightsmile:

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