"What is this, a Unicorn elitist group? I'm not into that stuff." Twilight said. Zero shook his head, flipping his hood back. He too was a Unicorn, a dull grey one with a fiery red mane.
"It's not like that. Come with me." he held out his hoof, seeming gentler than before. Twilight took it and she was lead to what appeared to be a makeshift stage.
"Everypony, gather round! Zero shouted. The Eleven ponies did as he commanded and gathered around the stone slab of a stage.
"This is Twilight Sparkle, Former Princess of Equestria and Student of Princess Celestia, now one of the Fallen." Zero said. The unicorns began to chatter amongst themselves, some seeming happy to see her, others not so happy, and then some who were somewhat impartial to her arrival.
"I still don't understand, Zero. What's this all about?" Twilight asked. Zero looked to her with a blank expression.
"As you know, Equestria is not the only land that houses ponies. These ponies have come from around the world to live here, in the safety of the Everfree Forest." Zero said.
"I've never heard the Everfree be called safe before." Twilight interrupted.
"As such, Celestia and Luna are not the only Alicorns in this world. There are others who control aspects of nature, space and time." he said.
"I still don't know why you brought me here." Twilight said. Another pony, around her height, male, long blonde mane with a white coat, rather suave answered.
"Like you, some of us became Alicorns, but were stripped of our power because of events in our lives that changed us. Others were on the brink of becoming Alicorns but became like us instead." he replied.
"Twilight, this is Pavonearse, founder and leader of this organisation." Zero said.
"A pleasure to meet you, Pavonearse." Twilight said, bowing slightly.
"The pleasure is mine, Twilight. I have heard of your successes. Riveting stuff indeed." Pavonearse had an accent to him that could only be described as... Sponysh. Pavonearse was a white pony with a bleach blonde mane and golden eyes. To Twilight he seemed a cross between her brother and Prince Blueblood.
"Thank you, but I still don't quite understand everything. This organisation is for those who failed to become Alicorns or succeeded but lost that status?" Twilight asked.
"Si, yes. We call ourselves 'The Fallen'. A formality of course. What we became afterward is something new. Twilight, you are no longer an Alicorn, but you are not a Unicorn either. You have become something just as powerful as an Alicorn." Pavonearse said.
"What have I become?" she asked. Pavonearse went to explain, but Zero cut him off.
"Think of your transformation from Unicorn to Alicorn as an evolutionary line." he began. Twilight nodded, confirming she understood where he was going with this. "Now, imagine that line actually lead to two possible stages of evolution. Alicorn, and Fallen. Like a Caterpillar can either turn into a Butterfly or a Moth. Alicorns are the Butterflies, and we are the Moths." he said. Twilight's eyes showed recognition.
"I understand. So what redeeming feats do we possess that make us different from Unicorns?" she asked.
"Our magic is more precise and we can expand it into many different fields. Zero, would you be so kind as to demonstrate, please?" Pavonearse asked. Zero nodded, stepping away from Twilight for a moment. The Fallen removed his cloak to reveal the number 'zero' on his flank. Without warning, his body lurched and a pair of metal, silver wings shot out from his back, glistening in the light. It looked painful. Where there would have been feathers, there were now sharp blades that looked like they could cut you just by looking at them. The wing joints were metalic domes around his shoulders that rolled around in every direction, giving the wings great mobility. For intents and purposes, those wings were sharp, metal and flexible.
"Th-that's... amazing!" Twilight said. Zero released the magic and the wings retracted back into his body. Oddly enough, there were no scars or cuts on his shoulder blades. Twilight then noticed another thing. Pavonearse had the letter 'I' for a Cutie Mark. Another pony had two 'I's and another had three. The rest were covered by their cloaks, but she definitely saw a pattern. "I'm curious though; what's with the strange lettering?" she asked, looking to Pavonearse.
"You're quick to catch on. Let me explain; the Fallen are powerful but few. What you see here is the extent of our kind. We know we are few because we have the rare ability to sense each other. I'd imagine you yourself felt something strange about Zero, other than his... shady presence." the white stallion said. Twilight recalled seeing him and she realised she had felt something akin to recognition towards Zero.
"Yes, I did." she replied. "But what does this have to do with the letters?" she asked.
"Because we are so few, we begin to feel lonely. Knowing what we are, we distance ourselves from our friends and descend into a maddening depression. No doubt you felt this too before Zero came along. This is why the Organisation was formed. We become a family to each other. You could say it's an orphanage where the orphans can adopt each other." he explained. Twilight waited for him to explain the significance of the letters.
"She wants you to get to the point, Pavonearse." Zero interrupted. Twilight hid a guilty blush from the ivory unicorn, dropping eye contact as well.
"I was just getting to that, Zero. You see Twilight, this isn't some community that was concocted willy-nilly. This is a kingdom in and of itself." Pavonearse began to trail off. Zero sighed and cut in.
"What he's working up to saying is this; Those in your predicament must choose whether or not to join us. However, joining has a price all must pay." he began. Twilight swallowed as she began to comprehend where he was getting at.
"What's the price?" she asked, feeling she already knew the answer.
"We sacrifice our cutie marks, exchange them for these numbers." he said. She was right, she did know the price already. So each and every one of these ponies had given up their cutie marks to join this organisation?
"Of course, that does not mean you sacrifice your special talent, just the mark that symbolises it. You would still be proficient at the arcane arts, and it will show in your wings." Pavonearse added. This got Twilight's curiosity peaked.
"My wings? I'll get them back?" she asked.
"In a sense. You'll be able to form wings of your very own. Pavonearse was a doctor where he came from before he became an Alicorn. When he fell, he gained the ability to make useable wings out of blood." Zero said.
"Yes, put it this way. A blacksmith can make his wings out of metal, a florist can make their wings out of flowers or vines. Your wings take on the aspects of your special talent. For example, you my dear would have wings made out of pure unaltered magic." Pavonearse added, smiling to the shocked lavender mare between them.
Twilight wondered what to ask next. So many impossibilities were being displayed and mentioned at once, she couldn't take it all in.
"Are you a threat to any of the kingdoms?" she asked, feeling rather exhausted.
"Not unless one of our own is pursued by them. You mess with one of us, you mess with all of us." Zero replied. That response sat well with Twilight. Aside from losing her cutie mark, she saw no reason not to join The Fallen. Why shouldn't I? she thought. I may lose my cutie mark, but not what it represents, that will be evident in my wings. This is a great opportunity for me to learn something that I doubt even the Princesses understand. Granted, my cutie mark is important to me. It's been with me since I met Princess Celestia. Twilight's mind turned dark for a moment. But that's all in the past. My association with her has run its course.
"I'll join." she said, looking at Pavonearse with determination in her eyes.
Princess Celestia landed unaccompanied at the front door to Twilight's Library. The night had grown old and nopony was in the streets. The lights inside the tree were on, indicating to Celestia that Twilight was home. She gave the door a couple gentle taps and began to rehearse what she was going to say to her old friend. The door opened.
"Twilight, I-." Celestia paused as she saw Fluttershy looking at her instead of the mare she came to see. "Fluttershy? Where's Twilight?" she asked.
"N-nopony knows. She was due home hours ago. Spike got worried and went to Rarity, we're all here. Personally, I'm at my wits' end." Fluttershy replied, opening the door wider for the princess to step through. Celestia accepted the invitation and walked in. She saw the familiar faces of Twilight's friends, and in extension, her own. Sad and worried expressions painted their faces.
"No sign of her?" Celestia asked. All the ponies, as well as the baby dragon sitting between Rarity's legs shook their heads.
"Why are you here, Princess?" Spike asked, all the energy taken out of him from worrying. Celestia faltered. Should she tell them she was here to try and make amends? Was it their business to know this?
"I wanted to see Twilight. We have some things to talk about." she replied, sitting in the circle with the others. "How long has she been missing?" she asked.
"Hours. Seven at least. Spike last saw her when she left to do her shopping." Rainbow Dash replied.
"You don't think she's abandoned us, do you?" Pinkie asked, her mane straighter than the postures of Celestia's royal guards.
"Don't even think that, Pinkie. Twilight would never abandon her friends, least of all Spike. He's like her little brother." Rarity replied.
There was an hour of dead silence among all of the ponies present. That hour was interrupted by the opening of the front door. All faces turned to see the calm and collected figure of Twilight Sparkle entering her Library with a new cloak and hood. As the lavender mare flipped her hood back, she was tackled by a multitude of ponies, save Celestia who stood awkwardly away from the group.
"Twilight, we were so worried! Where have you been?!" Rarity demanded, letting go of her friend first to let her breathe. The others did the same and Twilight just brushed herself off.
"Out." was all she said before walking further into her home. The girls were shell-shocked by the display of passivity from the tardy-allergic mare they'd come to know and love.
"Out? Out where?" Applejack asked, sensing something was very wrong with the unicorn.
"Out making life-changing decisions." Twilight replied. She removed her cloak and levitated it over to the coat hanger. That's when the girls gasped as they spotted her cutie mark. It wasn't the six-pointed star they remembered. It was now a quadrilogy of letters; 'XIII'.
"Twilight... what happened to your cutie mark?" Rarity asked, sounding mortified. Even Celestia who seemed to go unnoticed by Twilight was shocked by the change.
"Discarded it." Twilight said nonchalantly.
"Discarded... it?!" The white unicorn practically cried. She was on the verge of fainting.
"Why, Twilight? Why did you discard your cutie mark? More to the point, how did you?" Rainbow Dash asked.
"I told you already. I was making life-changing decisions. As for how... that's a secret." she replied. Twilight walked over to her fireplace, staring down at the fire burning away happily. "Speaking of discarding things..." she said, turning around to face her friends, Celestia and all. "I've decided I've had enough." she said. Confusion painted the faces of all in her line of sight.
"Twilight, Ah don't understand." Applejack said.
"Let me rephrase. I've had enough of all of you." Twilight said, earning hurt gasps from each and every pony in the tree.
"Twilight... you don't really mean that, do you?" Celestia finally spoke up.
"I do, Princess. You see, the decisions I've made today help me to eliminate the most painful moment of my life. I believe you know what that would be." she replied.
"Twilight... you promised me you wouldn't leave me!" Spike interrupted.
"I promised I wouldn't leave you alone. That's why I'm leaving you in the care of Rarity. You can devote your time fully to her now." she said. Spike had nothing left to say. "As of now, my friendship with you... is terminated."
With everypony, including Spike gone from the Library, that left Twilight alone with Celestia who looked mortified. Twilight turned to her former mentor and faced her expression with a calm and collected one.
"Twilight..." Celestia began, but couldn't think of what to say.
"You're disappointed in me." the Fallen said, looking at Celestia with dead and emotionless eyes.
"No... I'm confused. Why end your relationship with them, when you've clearly got a grudge against me?" she asked.
"What makes you think I have a grudge against you? A grudge requires hate or a general dislike. I hold neither. I'm simply moving on. I'm over you." Twilight said. Those words hurt Celestia more than she cared to admit.
"So why them?" she asked.
"My friendship with them was founded on a task you set me. You gave birth to the relationship I formed with them, including Spike, who's egg you provided me. I'm severing all ties. Simple as that." the coldness in Twilight's voice hurt Celestia's ears.
"Twilight, I came here tonight to try and make amends with you. I want to start over again." the alicorn said. Twilight observed the way in which Celestia crumbled in on herself every time she spoke to her.
"You want to be friends?" she asked, curiously. Celestia nodded.
"Yes, I want us to be friends again." Celestia said, feeling no coldness from Twilight's question.
Twilight thought about the request for a moment. "No, I don't think so. It would kind of defeat the purpose of why I'm doing all this. Maybe another time, when I've... done what needs to be done, then I'll come to you and offer the same opportunity. Until then... so long, Princess Celestia." With a flash of light, Twilight teleported out of the Library to where, not even Celestia could guess.
Owwww celestia burns doesn't it
Excuse me, I need a moment to compose my self... Ah right now where was I. Oh, right the story, ahem MOAR
Hmmm.
are the chapters always going to be this far apart? they're good in quality, don't get me wrong, but this interests me so much that i don't like having to wait for new chapters.
MOAR...... plz
When I read that Twilight was 13, I can't help but think she's going to be used as a puppet. And then get cloned, to make another puppet. Then make friends with that puppet, and then at the end the puppet dies, and no one remembers her. So she ditches the organization to try stop Xemnas from having Kingdom Hearts but gets in a fight wi-
I'm sure it's not like.
I'm curious about the process for joining now...
3172961 yeah I had the same thoughts...
The numbers keep making me think about kingdom hearts. And the name "The Fallen" makes me think about Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen
First time ever I felt this weird feeling in my stomach while reading a story.
Good job.
Also, wow, I completely forgot about this story. I hope updates are going to be more frequent from now on.
Not sure about spike and the mane 6 disbanding plus I'd of thought the others would've put up a bigger fight. But I can see the possibility of rivals fights etc
Looking forward to this story big potential!
Good story keep it coming!
Meh, not so much in the feels really. She pretty much showed up, said I'm ditching you, and left. Maybe if you had given a bit more dialogue with why she was abandoning her friends instead of just saying she was leaving them because of Celestia, maybe give a more personal reason on why she didn't want to be friends with them instead of 'Yeah, because of Celestia I'm became friends with you (and ignoring all the time spent together) and because of her I'm leaving you' maybe something more akin to 'I'm leaving you Applejack because of this reason, I'm leaving you Rarity because of this reason' and etc. Your way kind of makes her seem like a child having a fit and is just taking it out on the rest of the Mane Six. I recommend taking a look at the story 'Faith and Doubt by Defender2222'.
I would have done the same thing.
Im happy to hear that the Números aren´t a shady evil secret organization (that has been done to the grave) but rather a shady non-evil secret organization^^.
Im guessing the antagonist will be the exiled XII? Or are you pulling a cliched "they tricked Twilight and are Evil" plot?
3173067 I Completely agree with you bro!
no, actually it doesn't get me right in the feels, it strikes me as total author fiat and has no grounding in anything except it has to happen for the story to advance. It's not believable or deep and as Rathalos122 noted it has very easy potential to be extremely cliched. Considering the fact they're concerned with power when they're a threat to no one, supposedly, and Celestia's behavior indicates she has no grudge it's pretty obvious.
This seems to have a chance of going downhill really fast.
I guess I'll wait to see what happens
Hurts doesn't it Celestia? Maybe if you hadn't been sitting on your plot going 'Oh, woe is me.' and fixed this, you wouldn't be in this kind of mess. All I can say is... SUCKS TO BE YOU!!!!
3173183
I was thinking along the same lines. Twilight is acting like a petulant child and really isn't giving any believable reasons for abandoning her friends. If a person introduced me to people I kindled a friendship with, I'd try to keep those friends, even if I grew to despise that first person. It just doesn't seem like a natural way of thinking.
All in all, this story is seriously stretching it.
I'll begin with a simple word; MORE! This chapter was AWESOME, and your writng style is amazing, so, I can hardly wait for the next chapter.
honestly i hope celestia doesn't survive to get that offer from twilight, luna yes, cadence even. but celestia? she honestly doesn't deserve it. coming back to try to make amaends seems weak considering the scope of the hurt, humilation, public insult that celestia scoped upon her. it seems more percise. if she wanted to make amends maybe start by returning what she stole from twilight.
Celestia, would you like some water for that burn?
Duuuude that was total megz slap to all of their faces!!! Write moar!
That was quite intense.
Hmm, going to see how this plays out.
Nice, want more! =D
technically Twilight could have dark goals. She did just obliterate the Elements of Harmony by removing herself and the friendship, leaving Equestria vulnerable to thirteen alicorn tier ponies. who knows, maybe I'm paranoid.
MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I like this story. I like the idea, I somewhat like the execution, but I still see the need to tell you exactly where I feel you might have erred. Also, I really like the word erred.
1) Characterizations. In no specific order:
Applejack: She's so nice that she just happens to mention the princess when she knows the princess is why she's having trouble?
Luna: She's Twilight's friend, and she does next to nothing to stand up for her. She's also seemingly one of the two who agrees with banishing her, even after her own banishment.
Celestia: She banishes her prized pupil, and seemingly surrogate daughter. She does this despite everything in her life. She spends the next six months not trying to get in touch with her. That isn't even touching on the problem with the banishment in general, by the way, which I'm going to touch on later.
The worst offender, in my opinion?
TWILIGHT: I don't mean this in the way that she deserved to be banished. The way that she reacts to Celestia banishing her? Anger? We have been given a glance about how she would react to Celestia telling her to GTFO, and it's sadness. She doesn't seem to have any angry bone in her body. The worst she has gotten is frustrated.. So she yells, screams, and gets kicked out. Then she gets angrier and snaps when anyone so much as mentions her mentor.
What?
This is the mentor that she used to seemingly love like family
And then we get to her getting rid of her cutie mark. She seems pretty nonchalant about it. This mark that is the most important thing she ever got, the thing that she randomly started to bounce and say 'yes' about. This thing that she has no reason to believe doesn't have anything to do with who she is. She just sort of believes these strangers over everything she's been told by everyone else. Then she comes back and just cuts all ties with those around her because... no reason, she just does.
Heck, she doesn't even give them real reasons. She just basically says "Celestia gave me the friendships and even though I hold no grudge with her I'm going to throw the stuff she gave me away". Yep, no grudge there. So she comes in, complains to Celestia, and then leaves everyone else who had nothing to do with it. She leaves Spike, whose worst fear was that she would leave him. She knows this. She even said she wouldn't leave him in Crystal Empire. So now she is. And her friendships? Well, yeah, Celestia started them but she basically threw away years of friendships she created in a hissy-fit.
Grudge against Celestia? Nah. Right now, Twilight feels less like Twilight and more like a plot device.
2) Pacing: The first event is just dumped on us, the argument is over in the span of no time flat. Then six months pass, we don't know what happens then. And then she leaves, loses her mark, comes back and throws her hissy. There doesn't seem to be any sense of pacing. Each even seems to be there just long enough to be a plot point and then we move on. How are we supposed to care, or know, about her banishment? It just sort of happened. We barely know why she was banished. Something happened, but I'll go into that in a second.
3)Banishment: So we have her losing her alicorn status, but not her powers. Cool? But more important: why was she banished. Is this a continuation of some other story and I'm just not aware of it? And why is Celestia blaming Twilight? She essentially said: "See the Griffons whenever they want", but that paints a picture where the Griffons are the true masters and Celestia runs to them whenever they call. That isn't something that seems canon at all. And they attack, so Celestia naturally blames them.... or Twilight. I'll go with Twilight.
I more or less agree with the comment below me.
But apart from that, you take way too long to upload new chapters
I think that its all about to hit shit ville
Moar?
I WANT MOAR!!!!! um of that's all right with you
3356455
3357850 I'll bet you're guessing there's a member missing among the ranks.
Can you please release more chapters?
I think this story would work better if none of it was from Twilight's perspective. We're seeing things (such as the whole conversation on the fallen and their magic wings) which would work better if discovered by Celestia and co. at dramatic moments in the story, rather than elaborated upon at the first opportunity. This Twilight centric approach is also weakening the dramatic value of various confrontations, and seems to go hand in hand with having these confrontations occur too early within the fic's chronology. Twilight's rejection of her friends, for example, would have been more impactful had it come at the end of a long disappearance, and accompanied by active attempts at destroying them. The rejection occurring right after she gets home from joining this secret society is just odd, and while explainable by some sort of brainwashing or spiritual injury, it really sets the tone for an altogether different sort of narrative than the one being foreshadowed.
I like this story. But I feel that the scene of Twilight with her friends could have been handled a little better. It's to detached, Twilight may need some time to get through things, but even after all that happened she would not be that emotionally detached.
4562939 Don't even think about it. It's fine the way it is.
So Twilight's joined Organization XIII and basically become a Nobody.