A soldier has arrived in Equestria after being betrayed by his own military. He harbors much hatred after knowing his own comrades and friends have betrayed him. He begins to slowly let go of his hatred as he spends time with the peaceful ponies.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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you know tia will find out about what happened at the club right and she (will) be pissed.
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I know that is what it is going to make it great.
3422417 I'm sure once Celestia hears Jame's and Vinyl's side of the story, that he was just defending a friend she'll.... OH who am I kidding, that bitch will use the fight as an excuse to throw him in the dungeon again
Filthy Rich you jackass!
Considering the level of raw tolerance in equestria, I'd say on equestria's tolerance scale this version is pony hitler with fewer minions.
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3422417 Yes it will
still think its stupid to just say your a demon because of red eyes
4239507 Think what would happen back in the middle ages when a child was born with red eyes, what do you think the church would do?
3424783 He ASSAULTED A MONARCH, he would've gotten exiled out of Equestria or even put for execution. What he got was a SLAP ON THE WRIST, main point that he got exactly that? He was RELEASED.
Wow Tia racists much here? You guys dont seem to like Tia but i really dont see Why....?
Filthy Rich? more like Filthy Bitch
http://i1.sndcdn.com/artworks-000045876915-ubqlzp-crop.jpg?30a2558
(it has probably been made before but I needed to make it )
I'm surprised you used filthy rich here and not everyones favorite punching bag blue balls
3422417 James comes across as pretty Gary Stu-ish. I say this, because the mares are all falling in 'love' with him, and yet not a whole lot is shown with James doing a lot of little nice things, and not just to them. It's comes across as a 'slam, bam, thank you ma'am' story, as there isn't a sense of a 'weight' of history between him and the mare he chooses to woo. There isn't a sense of a lot of time having been spent between James and the mare being wooed. Great for getting your rocks off (if that), but as for story content, it leaves one (me at least) dissatisfied. It's like being given cardboard to eat, when the menu could have had a succulent sirloin steak with a beef gravy sauce and sauteed mushrooms on top.
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Yeah, even I, who usually doesn't have that big expectations, am having to force myself to read these 12 chapters only in the case they may add something that can come back in future chapters, they feel so... bland in comparison to what they should represent, which is the love between the characters finally consummating itself. Not gonna lie, while this story isn't bad, I expected a bit more from it, though there are still a good amount of chapters to read through, so lets see what will happen.
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You might still not like what you read further in. This is some of my weakest work as I tried to learn and improve my writing. My much later stories I would say are more entertaining than this. I just like keeping this the way it is because it makes me happy to see how I improved.